There are a number of things worrying me at the moment and the main one of those irksome little worries is that I am about to go to the states to have a chat with some Hollywood types about turning me in to an animated cartoon.
No don’t worry it isn’t the fact that I will be turned into an animated cartoon that worries me, I know that they will draw me rather than use some sort of machine to ‘process’ me, I am not that dumb thanks.
Although having said I am not that worried about becoming an animated cartoon character however the bods in H/wood are always a little vague on exactly when they will actually make the movie and of course that applies to everyone who has written a blockbusting work of genius such as my book “Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary.”
Even if the H/wood guys buy the rights to a book they do seem to drag their brogues when if comes to actually making the movie – just ask Terry Pratchett about that sort of thing and listen to him go on about that b***dy Spielberg fella and how he has had the rights to three of his books for nearly a decade and done sod all.
Of course the reason why H/wood producers and Spielberg types buy the rights to a best selling work of genius like my book or indeed any best selling book by lesser authors than yours truly is so that other H/wood types can’t have them – hence the trip, there are no flies on this Pussy I can tell you.
And don’t worry, I am not worried about the fact that I may end up with an American at worst, or a Transatlantic accent at best in the movie I can live with that is the pay day is good.
So this is what I am worried about!
They tell you when you are going through American Immigration these days not to be funny, and I am naturally funny, I can’t help it I am just like that as you know, and it gets worse, they ask you what you do for a living don’t they? And all I can say to that is either, “I am a Cat or I am funny,” either way I think that I am going to end up behind a bar and I don’t mean one where Sam might just play it again!
So dear readers you have to help me, please give this poor funny Cat a few suggestions, mentor him, advise him, if you want to see him on the silver screen.
If you do of course you will be able to say, “I helped his career you know!” Well it might be truer to say “I got the idiot through American Immigration,” then someone will ask “how did you do that?”
And you’ll answer proudly. “I lent him my personality, I wish he would give it back!”