Bad Kitty Oscar the Cat Burglar

Naughty Oscar.jpg

The owners of a Cat called Oscar have reported him to the police because he has developed a bit of a bad habit.

Oscar has stolen dozens of knickers and other unusual items of clothing from his neighbour’s gardens. Unfortunately where Oscar went wrong and his crime was discovered was that he obviously hadn’t thought his crime through properly and arranged for a fence to buy the haul of over 70 items of mainly ladies underwear. All of which meant that as Oscar’s habit grew so did the pile of washing in outside the back door of his home in Gordon Avenue, Southampton, England.

For a while it seems Oscar attempted in vain to control his larcenous underwear habit and concentrated on stealing Gardening Gloves, but as his massive collection of ladies ‘frillies’ demonstrates underwear was his first and only love and he soon went back to ‘collecting’ whatever lacy little numbers he could find, some 55 items from his colourful collection no less.

Frightened that their neighbour’s might start to think that there was a pervert, at worst or a petty thief at best, lurking in their shrubbery Oscar’s humans Mr. and Mrs. Weismantel decided that enough was enough and alerted the local police.

Happily Oscar wasn’t taken down to the police station because as usual the police were at a loss as to what to do about this clever Cat Burglar and were unable to help, but then they aren’t all that good as solving crimes.

It is clear that Oscar’s run in with the law has had absolutely no effect upon his little hobby and he happily and brazenly has stepped up his campaign to ‘own’ all of the underwear in his neighbourhood and it is understood from a local loose mouthed Tabby that Oscar is on the look out for a couple of thongs to add to his collection of smalls and of course ‘bigs’ – the area is a number of pensioners who have also fallen prey to Oscar’s ‘indulgences.’

The Cat thinks that this hero should watch out though because it is understood that Vets have been contacted from the local Cat’s Protection League – a charity and not a Mafia style crime operation – and they have stated that “though it is unusual for a Cat to bring underwear back to his or her humans it is not uncommon for Cat’s to offer presents as a token of appreciation to their humans and indeed as a means of paying their way for their food and a roof over their head.”

Obviously this is drivel the notion that Cats would want to reward humans for looking after them is very distasteful to this Cat and I am sure all Cats in the world who of course consider themselves to be ornamental and by their very existence allow the humans who care for them to be rewarded with the satisfaction of knowing that they are doing a difficult job extremely well.

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2 thoughts on “Bad Kitty Oscar the Cat Burglar”

  1. Funny story, I enjoyed it. I do wish you hadn’t insulted the police, no real need for it in this article. The police are doing a job that I wouldn’t want to do and that needs to be done.
    Perhaps you had reference to Qwillian’s cat detectives. Find them IRL and the police might be glad to have help.

  2. Thanks for the compliment on the story, I do like compliments. The police in the UK are a nice enough bunch but they have been too cosseted over the years and while enormous sums of money have gone into new buildings, pay and pensions and ever more vehicles the crime detection rate has plummeted unfortunately. Now when everyone has to tighten their belts the chief police officers (we have one for most counties) are saying that they won’t be able to do their job and crime will rise.

    That comment annoyed me and may have led to the critisms in the article – oops!

    Still if they spent less time in their cars and more time out on the beat as in the old days where the crime happens and where the intel is collected then maybe the UK and in particular London the crime capital of Europe would be a safer, cleaner place. My translator John lives in a flat in EC1 with his daughter and he continually has to clear drug users from the stairwells and once recently a lady of the night, during the day if you see what I mean, to say nothing of the pickpockets, dangerous and unregulated cyclists who roam the pavements, while the police whip this way and that way in their cars occasionally stopping to book a motorist who can afford to pay the daily congestion charge.

    Apart from the pollution crime and the lack of something being done about it is why the translator has a place in Prague where the police patrol the streets and crime is low, it is also a beautiful place and much less crowded.

    Well I hope that you will forgive my little verbal prod at the police, like all humans there are some really nice police officers, in fact all the ones I have ever met have been like that.

    Finally thanks for the information on Qwillian’s cat detectives I haven’t heard of them and will check them out. Please keep reading and if you haven’t bought my book do – you will love it.

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