Apple Computers Make Writing Difficult

Ok so my Apple Mini Mac is very close to being three months old and if it was human I am pretty certain that we would be baptising it or something, but as it is an Apple Computer we aren’t going to be doing that because that would be stupid wouldn’t it.

Of course there is another reason why we can’t baptise the bloody Apple Mini Mac and that is because the DVD drive has stopped working and that means that the Mini Mac is currently with a bunch of idiots at a service centre in Prague.

Sadly these repair centre idiots are fully Apple trained and know all about the latest Apple Computers and so they gladly accepted the Mini Mac for repair with the customer service case number which I had thoughtfully obtained for them from Apple in advance when Apple Customer Service agreed that the Mini Mac’s DVD drive needed replacing because it had been badly made in… where was it badly made campers? Oh yes! CHINA of course!

“So what is wrong with that?” I hear you ask, followed by, “and why call the poor devils at the Apple repair centre idiots, you are being an unkind Cat?” Well firstly I have to say that your obvious concern and compassion for the repair centre idiots is one of the reasons I like my readers, they are nice, kind people who have big hearts and don’t like to see nice defenceless if not clueless Czech service repair people called “idiots” by a nasty Cat.

Well this nasty Cat has a point, and that point is that the idiots at the Czech service place phoned several hours after they accepted the Mini Mac for repair to say that the reason why nothing worked was that the RAM was incompatible with the computer and the DVD drive was just fine and worked perfectly – in a tone that suggested that only they really ‘know’ about computers including Mini Macs and indeed they said that they had conducted all sorts of tests to arrive at their findings. They also said that I could come and collect my Mini Mac as soon as I liked!

Very soon after that call they phoned again saying that the DVD drive was err… actually… err… um… broken and not to collect it, they would repair it under warranty and it should to be collected on Thursday or Friday – although I think it is odd that they couldn’t actually decide on a ‘day’ to collect the repaired computer when they were on the phone I ignored the rather ‘fluid’ timescale.

And of course they also said that the RAM was still incompatible even though the DVD drive was broken, although of course they really should have said “that the DVD drive had recently become defective/broken,” but surely if they had used that more accurate term then it might suggest that they had broken the DVD drive when it was in their care, and that’s because they told us that the DVD drive wasn’t broken just a few minutes before. Makes your headache doesn’t it, well think about having that conversation in Czech! Happily I don’t speak Czech, (to my way of thinking it’s a very confused sub dialect of English spoken by an ever decreasing number of people, like err Russian and therefore not only pretty irrelevant but also difficult to learn and English was hard enough to learn) so someone else suffered that one.

Well, dear readers back to the RAM, I have exhaustively checked out the specification etc., of the RAM with the very reputable manufacturer and it is ‘very’ compatible with the Mini Mac and not only that the Mini Mac had been working away quite happily and at lightening speed (courtesy of the new improved RAM) for a long while before the DVD drive packed up. Of course the fact that it was working so well might be because the RAM was made in Taiwan and they are less careless and ham fisted, or should we just say less ‘Chinese’ there than their counterparts and indeed brothers and sisters on the mainland.

Of course the reason why the RAM is ‘considered’ incompatible by the ‘idiots’ (they have worked hard to earn that title don’t you think) at the Czech service centre is that the RAM is value RAM and apparently Apple Computers, the company, not the machine you understand, don’t like value ram?

I have no idea why these idiots thought that the RAM might be causing the problem, value RAM is the same as ordinary RAM and using it doesn’t void warranty, it is made by one of the industry leaders or anything, the only thing I can think of is that value RAM is what it says it is ‘good value for money.’

Apple have always been a bit snobbish but this is just plain stupid isn’t it. Oh by the way RAM stands for random access memory and it is the brain of the computer for anyone still using a slate to write on and an Abacus to help do sums – like err… the Chinese tee hee!

Now, I have to decide what picture to put here, because to my way of thinking a blog needs a picture, but then I don’t see why I should put a picture of a Mini Mac here because currently I am annoyed with Apple and of course the Chinese (I like to pick a fight that is going to be a challenge as you can tell tee hee), all of which means that you nice people should be treated to a picture of me.

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Don’t forget that you can get a copy of my wonderful and very popular book here at Amazon.com or of course at my www.wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com, you’ll love it I promise, and because it is not made in China it won’t fall apart after a few weeks.

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Look What I Found!

I was trawling the internet yesterday trying to discover why the DVD drive on my, less than three month old, Mac Mini had decided to growl at me in a really not very nice way, not bother to load a DVD and then either spit the DVD out or hog it until I had to use a software eject.

Honestly what have I been saying about things made in China? Yes, you’re right, nothing good what so ever and guess where the faulty DVD drive was made – China yes well done – gold stars all round!

Surely it is time to get the Chinese to give up on the idea that they can ‘make’ (and I use that word in the broadest sense here of course) goods for the rest of the world and do something important like feed their people, I read that millions are starving because of drought in China and also down a bit on the map in North Korea poor devils.

So what was it I found while I was trawling the internet fuming at yet another Apple product – with a made in China label – had gone down the toilet? I found these photographs of someone’s hand turned into ‘art.’

Actually I don’t know how I found these pictures but you know Google.com even if it can’t find exactly what you are looking for they will still try to sell you some load of crap or the other – oops I said crap didn’t I, and not an asterisk in sight, but then I am annoyed – well sort of pretend annoyed tee hee.

My blood pressure wasn’t helped by the fact that it is so difficult to use Google.com in the Czech republic and that’s because when you have a Czech IP address and type Google.com into a browser Google will automatically redirect you to Google.cz even though you may not speak Czech but you do live in Prague and they do this so that they can say that their search engine which is not the most popular here gets more hits – wallies!

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I do have one question about these photographs and that of course is why didn’t the chap who created the nice Eagle and Elephant ‘paint’ (if that is the right word) ME! Aren’t I just the best looking Cat in the world, to say nothing of my talent, generosity, humility and… well you get the picture.

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Although I like these photographs I do think it’s a little odd what you humans do with your opposable, posable thumbs and a bit of spare time! Mind you I wonder just how much spare time you need to be so bored that you start drawing on your hand.

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On The Run

Today is shaping up to be one of the busiest days of the year so far which is nice in one way. But unfortunately the sun has come out and it is drenching the room and warming the windowsill.

It was -4C last night and so the windowsill needs a lot of warming and honestly sun is just the thing to do that sort of thing I assure you, soon the windowsill will be perfect to slump down on and act as a bed for 20 or so hours which is a shame because I will be out and about.

I have so much to do today and it is all rather important and what a shame there’s no gullible human to do it all for me which is terrible and of course why I am on my way to the centre of Prague on my own and being the nice generous Cat that you know, love and buy books from I thought that you might like a picture of my view on the way, taken electronically on the run and then up loaded to you on from my Apple iPad – yes at long last I have one that works.

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Yesterday I noticed that Apple Computers and the idiot Chinese who ham-fistedly assemble iPads announced that they are building the iPad2 just my luck to get one that works at long last only to see it replaced with an upgraded model – sometimes I hate technology don’t you?

I hope that you have as good a day as the one that I want to have. If it all goes the way I want it too then of course I will tell you all about it, if on the other paw it doesn’t please don’t ask har ha.

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‘English Royal’ – Looking Daft Again

It is very hard to be ‘royal’ just ask Camellia Parker Whatsit – the Cat’s ‘Queen of Pies’ and prince Charles’ ‘consort’ and I am using the word ‘consort’ as a polite way of describing someone who has been having an affair with a married man for years, here! I believe in days gone by the courts would have described her as a “co-respondent.”

The main reason it is very hard to be a royal is that you really don’t need a lot of intelligence to be a royal family member and never have it is sort of an English tradition that their monarchs and their families are very stupid – for more information do take a close look at prince Charles and what he has said and done over the years.

Here, the future queen, if Charles gets his way and there’ll be trouble if he doesn’t (yes he is ‘that’ spoilt), is demonstrating the art of being a member of the English royal family perfectly and offering you an insight into that age old question. “How many fools does it take to put up an umbrella?”

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Personally this Cat thinks that the old girl fits into the ‘firm,’ as the royals like to call their enterprise, perfectly and proves that it is time for a republic, at least then after a ‘term’ the English could boot out any losers and not have them hanging around embarrassing most of the nation for decades.

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Sunny Prague And A Bit Of Art

To celebrate a bit of a Prague Spring I thought I would show you all a bit of art! I took the picture yesterday and since then I have been playing around with it in with Photoshop – it is a lot of fun and doesn’t only have to be used to add and remove people from photographs, and cleanse models skin!

Hope you all like the picture.

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A Prague Spring is a wonderful thing, but as I said in twitter earlier let’s hope that what happened last time doesn’t happen again – that is a “Prague Spring” joke for all of you who are old enough to remember the last one!

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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King Of The Jungle – Yeah Right!

Sometimes being King of the Jungle is hard because it is such a challenge to live up to the title, and of course the title ‘King of the Jungle’ is of course is a dreadful way to describe a Lion because they tend to live on the plain but I digress I do that just read my wonderful book if you don’t believe me, because you have to look regal, in control and definitely not under the Dew Claw.

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Mmh looks like this ‘King of the Jungle’ is having a few problems with his spouse, really, and in public too! You ladies definitely know how to show a chap up don’t you? Still there is hope yet at least if a chap stands upright and tries to look in control he can still pull the regal look off can’t he? Even if we all know different.

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Yes that’ll work, until of course some little pest comes along and bites your tail! Just how does a chap look as though he rules the jungle when all around he is challenged?

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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When Is A Replica A Fake?

I’m traveling at the moment, doing research for my latest book a ‘Travelogue’ and I am currently in Turkey a land of fate watches, fake drugs, fake rugs, fake smiles, fake handbags and fake promise.

The odd thing about Turkey is that everything or more or less is fake, the Turks proudly sell fake this and fake that even the name is fake, its a bird they don’t eat!

The Turks are so proud of the fakes that they sell that they go just a bit over the top with the advertising on their shops like the one below for instance!

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I tell you what though I was interested to know what the next shops good were like – what is a “Pashmina Silk Sunglasses Hat?” beats me as does a Cashmere Shawl Battery!

In an idle moment I wondered whether the Taxi which even though it is spelt Taksi is instantly recognised was fake and then I looked again saw that it was a ‘Dacia’ and realised that no one in their right mind would fake a ‘Dacia’ would they – let alone own one!

Of course I would like to immediately apologise to all Dacia owners out there if they have bought my latest book or are planning to buy it, if not the insult stays.

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A Small Joke

I thought I would tell you a little ‘jokette,’ which though quite distasteful for two reasons, it has a dead Cat in it and a banker, is still rather funny, and funny enough for me to slip it into my forthcoming book ‘The Travelogue’ so here it is!

How do you tell the difference between a dead Cat on the motorway and a dead banker? The answer is simple, there are skid marks around the Cat!

As for a picture to go with the joke sadly I could find a lot of pictures of Cats that had been knocked down on all sorts of roads but none of any bankers really you humans should do better! All of which means I though I would show you a picture of one of my favourite roads from America.

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“The road goes on forever.” As J. R. R. Tolkien said.

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