Good News for Toads

Well I think that this is good news for Toads – it appears that they are the only vehicle owners allowed to park in this car park who aren’t customers.

Good News for Toads

But then it is such a good idea to have a few ground rules isn’t it – you wouldn’t want drivers in your car park who do this sort of thing, whatever it is – would you?

Not Nice


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Just A Dog And His Master

Sometimes you hear of a story that touches you, not because it is anything grand, global or sadly particularly newsworthy in these days of 30 second news briefings, newspapers that have more naked flesh and gossip than hard news and you – yes that’s right you readers and viewers with short attention spans and shorter memories.

In your defence it is not your fault, now more than ever we are told that we have the largest amount of news (most of which is puerile gossip of course) and other information being pumped out at us from what surely is the largest collection of incontinent gossips in history – everyone is at it aren’t they? From the Huffington Post to the most lowly Cat blogger and it seems as though there is no escape from the news flow.

So unashamedly this Cat offers you a simple story of companionship, love, duty and something so much more, from two of the most admirable souls he has heard of in a long time and who like the war that they fought in will be forgotten.

It might not be forgotten today but too it will be all too soon. While people like the princely awful duke of York consorts with child sex offenders, Libyan gangsters and Kazakh fraudsters hoping first to sell his house for millions above the asking price and then to pay off his ex-wife’s debts while his elder brother talks to plants and makes vain attempts to coerce the British government into making policy the British people don’t want.

So enough of fops and fools for one moment, what I am about to tell you are just the facts, there is no embroidery, no fact-ion and that’s because I believe that this pair of heros need no gilding just remembering – so please remember them!

Lance Corporal Liam Tasker, and his Dog Theo worked in the British Army. Lance Corporal Liam Tasker was 26 and Theo just 22 months old, probably their youth helped them not only create a strong friendship but also gave them the ability to work tireless saving the lives of countless British soldiers and Afghans in the latest war that the British government can’t afford to participate in.

This dedicated pair of youngsters uncovered 14 home-made bombs and enormous quantities of weapons in just five months – a record for a dog and his handler.

Theo and His Master

They had trained together for most of Theo’s short adult life and it was said of Lance Corporal Liam Tasker that his Dog handling skills were exemplary, as they trained the pair formed an inseparable bond, which was probably why they were such a successful team, it was Theo’s very dangerous job to be the ‘front man,’ where he would sniff out any hidden IEDs, weapons and bomb-making equipment.

Recently they took part in a mission in the Nahr-e Saraj district in Helmand, a hotbed of the insurgency and one of the most dangerous places in the war at the moment.

After a firefight broke out with the Taliban and L/Cpl Tasker was shot dead. Later though uninjured sadly Lance Corporal Liam Tasker beloved Dog Theo had a seizure and died of what is believed to be a broken heart.

This humble Cat would like to thank the brave souls of the Armed Forces for taking risks with their lives, which means that he doesn’t have to.

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NASA Face In Space Update

I just thought that I would remind all of my wonderful cuddly readers who, like me, chose to be a face in space aboard the last NASA Space Shuttle Discovery Flight.

As you can see on wonderful NASA’s website here NASA Face In Space Mission STS-133 is in progress and your Face in Space file as well as mine and 194,181 other images and names has has been uplinked and are now safely onboard the Space Shuttle Discovery ins’t that just too wonderful for words – we Cats call that “purrful.”

As you can see from the NASA Face in Space website here NASA Face In Space if you return to their website on March 7, 2011 you will be able to print your commemorative flight certificate.

If you don’t have time to check out NASA’s website I have taken the liberty of adding a screen capture of it below – sorry it is a bit small, but if it was bigger you would wait for ages for it to load – “can’t have it both ways” as my Mum used to say can you?

NASA Face in Space update

I hope that you were one of the lucky 194,181 people who accepted NASA’s invitation to put your Face in Space because you will never have the chance again to do something so special! Not only that it is so much better than say facebook because you won’t get any idiots trying to annoy you – tee hee – yes I dislike facebook now!

My dislike started when the idiot spell checker that facebook uses couldn’t ‘spell’ or is that recognise the word ‘facebook’ probably because it is a daft word that by all rights should be capitalised I suppose.

I as you what sort of idiot puts a spell checker on their site and then doesn’t make sure that the damn thing spells its trade name correctly, not Disney nor Coca Cola those words don’t even get flagged in the software I am using to write this blog – although I have to say that the word capitalised does because of course it is American and thinks – wrongly – that the word capitalised requires a ‘z’ poor thing!

Ok I am calm – so calm that I will tell you something that you might not know and then again might not be interested in discovering.

Did you know that the name for the upper case letter at the beginning of a capitalised word is ‘majuscule!’ “Not many people know that!” As Michael Caine used to say allegedly. And the distinction of a word having a majuscule didn’t become popular until the 1300’s. I could go on but even my eyes are heavy.

I would say it is amazing what one remembers from one’s Art School days – I had to laugh they turned mine into a University! I wonder if they managed to get rid of all of the down and outs who used to be there – oops sorry I mean lecturers!

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Now You Can Say I’ve Got An iPad2

As the title says now you can say that you have an iPad2 – or you will be able to on March 11th and unfortunately although the iPad1 was not very reliable which meant it was constantly receiving ‘attention’ at the Apple Genius Bar and then being replaced – this one has two cameras and so I for one will be dumb enough to get one, but not until my latest iPad1 gives up processing and so far, touch wood or should that be ‘touch screen,’ it has been doing a sterling job for two weeks – I feel privileged!

Here is a picture of more than one iPad2 so that if you have been living in a cave for a couple of days and not seen the news you can get your first glimpse. I have to say that I am looking forward to getting my paws on it, for us creatures that lack opposable thumbs and find typing difficult the touch screen is a boon.

IPad2

What was nice, was to see Mr Jobs, who is every bit the genius that I am, give the presentation, it sort of makes the people who have been prophesying his imminent doom look more than a little stupid – tee hee. The Cat wishes Mr Jobs well and hopes that he outlives the prophets of his doom. It goes without saying that prophets should be ignored frequently and completely doesn’t it!

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Catliens – They’re Here – Well They’re In The Cold Bit Of Russia

Ok so Russia is fabled for its high level of Vodka consumption but very sober air traffic controllers in the cold east of Russia recently claimed that they were ‘buzzed’ by a UFO travelling at 6000 mph – yes ‘6000 mph.’

And (it gets worse) when they spoke to the pilot she replied “with a female sounding alien voice in a language that was unintelligible but sounded Cat-like,” said one air traffic controller who probably needed at least a double Vodka or five to calm his nerves.

The Cat has decided to call out latest extra terrestrial visitors ‘Catliens’ and hopes that they are just a little more interesting and indeed ‘real’ than ET, who made one great movie but was never heard of ever again! Makes you wonder what Steven Spielberg did with the poor little guy doesn’t it?

The speed of the craft is almost as exceptional as the language of the pilot – what a shame I wasn’t there to translate, maybe I will be called into act as a consultant now that would be a nice little earner wouldn’t it – because it was travelling so fast. If you earthlings look here on Wikipedia you’ll see that the fastest manmade aircraft, the rather terrifying looking, Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird #61-7958 set the fastest time every by a man made jet on 28th July 1976 of 2,193.2 mph while being flown by Capt. Eldon W. Joersz and Maj. George T. Morgan.

Lockheed SR 71 Blackbird

The UFO was assigned a numerical code on the Russian radar of 00000 because the air traffic control system could not identify the aircraft and it can be seen clearly in the picture below flying straight towards the capital of the region Yakutsk. On the picture below I have circled the ‘object’ in red so that you can see it easily!

Radar Image of UFO

The air traffic controller told a passing Aeroflot pilot “I kept hearing some female voice, as if a woman was saying mioaw-mioaw all the time.” Unfortunately as you will hear on the video, which I have
posted on my www.wickedly wonderful website’s new video page my new Video page the air traffic controller’s contact with the Aeroflot pilot was disrupted by interference from the UFO as though it was jamming it – ‘da dah da’ sorry that is not a lot of russian ‘yes’s’ it is obviously a musical accompaniment to a significant fact!

Last night there was no comment from airport officials on the Catlien UFO contact, the video or indeed anything but then we were talking to Russians, which is odd because although the video has only recently come to light it was made some time ago (and surely they would have had time to get their story straight wouldn’t they?) because you can’t see any snow outside the control tower windows and currently Yakutsk is covered in the stuff with an air temperature of minus 30C and that is how it will be for eight months of the year.

Of course some experts, and frankly some people who are totally the opposite, claim that it is widely known that UFOs have made contact and landed on Earth but details have never been made public, is this the first time we, the more general public have made ‘contact?’ Actually that would be nice because ‘Contact’ was a great movie and little what’s her name who starred in it hasn’t really worked since, no let me correct that she hasn’t done anything as good since ‘Contact!’

Oh by the way I thought that I would mention that when I do chat to the other super intelligent Catlike beings I will put in a good word for most humans, but of course a Cat has to live (preferably in luxury) and if anyone feels like chipping in with the expenses then now, I strongly recommend, is ‘the’ time because you’ll go to the top of my list.

If you want to know the things I like you could do some research by reading my book Getting Out – Excerpts Cat’s Diary and you can get it here Amazon.com or you could read my www.wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com and of course it should go without saying that you must make sure that you get my next book which should be in the shops very soon it’s a brilliantly written ‘Travelogue.’

One thing I can assure you earthlings of is that, as yet, I haven’t travelled away from our planet, that is the planet that will belong to Catkind very soon of course it used to be called Earth though as yet we Cats haven’t actually agreed on a new name for our planet.

I can assure you it definitely won’t be called ‘Planet Fish’ as Dave the Cat suggested. He is more annoying than usual after eventually grasping the fact that the new overlords of the earth will be err… us and now keeps making buzzing noises and has stuck a wire coat hanger and two knitting needles into the top of his woolly hat and keeps repeating “I am an alien give me your fish earthling!” Then he throws his wonderful toy Space Rocket, which he got here from my friends at Mad Cat Toys, into the air and whistles like a Pig – or is it more like a Banker – I can never tell the difference.

If you want to do the same as Dave the Cat or just own one of these wonderful toy Space Rockets then do please click the little link that rather convenient says “Mad Cat Toys” on my blog and you will be whizzed there to choose your Space Rocket and more and I’ll get a very small ‘consideration’ for sending you there which is nice isn’t it?

Or if you can’t see the nice little logo of a Mad Cat then click here blog.thecatsdiary.com and you will be taken to my blog’s main page and “hey presto!” As magicians say when they are annoying Rabbits – you will see it!

If you want to see the whole Catlien experience do click here and watch the video on my www.wickedly wonderful website my new Video page where you can actually see that the UFO is travelling at a much faster speed than any of the aircraft nearby.

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A Happy Ending – For A Change

Workers at a British supermarket recently opened a sealed crate from Malaysia and just couldn’t believe what was inside. From the warm darkness a pair of shining eyes looked up at them and they heard a little squeak.

The eyes and the squeak belonged to a brave little kitten who had survived a journey of several thousand miles for over a month by licking condensation off the walls of the crate.

It goes without saying that the kitten was tired, hungry and very thin, but when the staff of the supermarket picked her up and gave her a hug she started to purr and meow for food. This lucky kitten couldn’t have turned up, or is that have been unpacked in a better place, and the supermarket workers were soon offering small amounts of the best cat food and some water.

The sensible supermarkets workers also called in the RSPCA – which is the UK version of the ASPCA – who checked her over and declared that although she was hungry she was healthy, probably about 8 weeks old and after staying in quarantine for six months will be given a new home in the UK. Of course offers to home the well travelled kitten have been pouring in.

It is thought that the kitten most likely crawled into the crate when it was awaiting loading in the port of Penang. The crate with the kitten inside would have been first placed inside a container and sealed so that it can’t be tampered with or of course be used by people wanting to illegally enter the UK, then the container would have been loaded into the hold of the ship for the three week voyage to the UK.

At Southampton the container would have been loaded onto a lorry to complete the final part of its journey and as they say – you know the rest – there was quite a surprise for the people unpacking one particular crate.

Isn’t it nice to have a happy ending for a change?

Cat in Box

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