Apr 262012
 

In all honesty I have left the poor old Greeks alone because I rather think that they are being unfairly and squarely duffed up by the Germans for now and don’t need even my small sized Jackboot at their throat, but and maybe today that little word should be spelt with two ‘t’s,’frankly I couldn’t resist showing all on my lovely cuddly readers this Greek Yoghurt carton top that, how can I put it, came to my attention as a collector of human nonsense.

I hope that you enjoy a bit of Greek bottom pleasure!

Bottom Pleasure



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 252012
 

The latest craze to flood Oman is ‘drowning,’ yes you read it right! But I know what you are thinking this daft Cat has got it all wrong, no one in the world would be daft enough to want to drown themselves and worse the sport of ‘drowning’ would never catch on, sadly this is not the case as you can see from the picture below which comes “with compliments of Muscat Municipality.”

Oman where drowning accidents are now popular

Still when you think about it you can understand that Arabs might enjoy the odd and rather final sport of drowning, after all they were the ones who, if the didn’t invent suicide bombing definitely went some way to perfecting it.

I have to say that the bits of this sign I like best of all are at the top, the small icon style drawings, first the smiley skull, although it does frighten me a bit and second the strict instructions from the other two icon style drawings which definitely make it clear that you should, once you are in the water, get on with the business of drowning yourself and not do any waving!

Which all goes to show that Oman is a tough country doesn’t it!



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 242012
 

As regular readers of my marvellous and extremely beautiful blog will know I am something of a collector of drivel, the largest part of my collection of drivel is drivel translated from the original Chinese and proudly mounted as a sign.

Chinese drivel is, in my expert opinion the best type of drivel because it offers the west a brief insight into what, in just a few years if the Chinese have their way, will be the minds of the west’s overlords.

Chinese nonsense a sign

Imagine just how easy it is going to be to subvert overlords who insist that for our “family happiness,” we “keep yellow. gambling. poison.” Wise words from an hotel lobby in Shanghai!

You know even Cat’s speaking to humans in our own language and without a translator make more sense than the world’s future over lords, not that I am suggesting that Cats should become the world’s overlords, not that is not for me to suggest as Shakespeare wrote somewhere I will leave that to someone else but it does remind me that I must have a look for some more signs from another nation who also have world domination on their collective little minds – India.



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 232012
 

As the title says, for anyone who is interested, I am back from Moscow.

It was a long and tiring week, full of book ‘pawings’ in over elaborate Muscovite shops, partying at over ormolued penthouses with vast overdress, heavily be-blinged Russians, who clearly had no idea who I was, but had never heard of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” children’s story and so when I was introduced as the star of the party or ‘show’ as I like to think of these affairs, people were falling over themselves to meet me and tell me through a series of translators, Russian to English, English to what they described as ‘Cat’ (but wasn’t, but then Russians lie), and back again through this incompetent chain of inadequate humans.

Before I go to far with this little blog I thought you, my dear cuddly readers, might like a quick gawp at one of the aforementioned over ormolued penthouses. Sadly I can only offer a snap of the outside because I was told in no uncertain terms by a bear of a bodyguard “Nyet!” when I tried to point my little lens at the interior of this monument to glaring bad taste. Well actually thinking about it; his ‘terms’ were certain, he didn’t say anything but leaned over and glared at me, as the room went dark, in his shadow, I thought I was going to follow if you see what I am on about!

Ormolued Penthouses

Still the good news is that as the overly blinged airheads who for some wonderful reason had decided I was so much more than just a writer, and in that of course they were quite correct, fought to get copies of my masterpiece of feline literature “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” I have sold thousands of copies of the ‘wondertome’ as it has been described.

Best of all is that this sharp eyed business Cat noticed that he was becoming a bit of a celeb and rushed several crates of his own private stock of “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” over to Moscow and sold the lot at an enormous profit even taking into account the titanic bribes paid to Russian airline, customs, and internal security officials and to the Police and still made a fortune selling my special edition dump bin packs of 100 copies of “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” where the buyer gets 100 pristine copies of my book to treasure.

What a week! Until now I have always thought that people who wanted things like expensive watches, designer label clothes, bling and Apple ‘ianythings’ were simply stupid and acted like sheep who flock to buy something because it has a ‘label’ on it or lots of other likeminded sheep have said that the ‘something’ “is just so cool and your very existence would end if you didn’t possess at least one” – if you see what I mean.

By the way I am not suggesting that behaviour is actually the behaviour of sheep, I am insulting humans in a subtle way that the sheep I am talking about won’t realise I am insulting them, even after they read this last sentence.

But the above was what I thought until now. Now I think that these sheep are wonderful, because of all of those wonderful sheep I can see out of the window when I sit on the pile of hard currency (of course) that I brought back with me, so all I have to say is thanks Moscow and don’t worry this Cat like Madonna, the Rolling Stones and Bruce Springsteen will be back on tour all too often, even when I am, again like the aforementioned rock and pop stars (well I did say Madonna so they aren’t all rock stars), almost too old to use my little finger to move my electric wheelchair.



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 192012
 

I am sorry if the title of this blog causes any alarm or confusion, the reason for the alarm is obvious but the confusion might come from the title itself “Look what I saw crossing Red Square last night.” I was in fact crossing Red Square as well as the Rocket on the transporter and the title may suggest that only one of us, the bigger one was!

Rocket 1

Now you have to agree, unless you are like Saddam Hussein, George Bush, Tony Blair and Colin Powell very impressed by Weapons of Mass Destruction or WMD (which oddly enough like the names of the people mentioned here we don’t hear much about these days), you have to feel just a touch of panic when a beast carrying enough explosives to ruin breakfast in half of anyone’s continent comes trundling towards you in what is I thought a tourist spot.Especially when the driver of the behemoth can’t see where he is going because the Russians spent all of their money on the rocket and almost nothing on the headlights!

I did panicking proud as I raced between the wheels of this trundling monster and headed back towards my hotel at approximately the same speed as the rocket the transporter was um… transporting could do if some idiot in a concrete silo somewhere pressed the red button.

After I dived into the hotel and the fuss of me being ‘missing’ was over, to take my mind off the episode my hosts asked me if there was anything I would like to see while I was in “Mother Russia?” I was probably still thinking about my earlier encounter with the big beast crossing Red Square and so I asked, quite reasonably I thought, to have a look at the Plesetsk Cosmodrome and that I have to say caused quite a storm.

Apparently and this is between me, and the hundreds of thousands of people who read my blog of course, and so confidentially ‘safe’ as MI5 call it, my ‘minders’ as they liked to call themselves when they thought I wasn’t listening didn’t like that little cracker of an idea one bit and seemed more miffed than they usually were.

Later I worked out that mentioning the Plesetsk Cosmodrome was not good form because just a month ago a former chief test engineer called Lieutenant Colonel Vladimir Nesterets from the Plesetsk Cosmodrome had admitted selling top secret data on Russian intercontinental ballistic missiles to America… whoops! And had been sentenced to 13 years in a Russian clink.

Rocket 2

Well all I can say is I hope that the Americans paid him a lot of money for his secrets because let’s face it the hotels in Russia are like prisons so what, you have to ask, are the prisons like?

Sadly my request was turned down. The official reason being that the Rocket Base was just too far North and the unofficial reason was that my FSB (exKGB) (I never realised that letters could be so dangerous) minders thought that I was a rotten furry capitalist pig spy working for any number of imperialists governments.

I have always thought that it was strange that the Russians back in the old cold days thought of us westerners as ‘imperialists’ and not themselves as their empire stretched farther than even Gary Power’s spy plane could see from the ‘stans to Poland and everything in-between. The ‘stand’ are of course Uzbekistan, Kazakstan and the rest which are all really rather Stinkystans if you ask me!

So I have a feeling based on last night that my visit to Russia is going to be truncated which is probably best for both parties though the seafood is excellent it doesn’t compensate for either the weather or the lack of jolly company I even miss that great oaf John Woodcock my translator believe it or not and I thought a trip away from that fool would be wonderful, it just goes to show that even Cats can be wrong.

Mind you and as always I have found the people who have attended my book ‘pawings’ (or signings if you prefer) to be wonderful, happy and smiley and all of them to any Olga or any Vlad have patted me on the head, bashed me with their designer watches or gold bracelets the size of a small cars and thanked me for a book that I have recently realised they won’t be able to read.

Between you and me rather too many have been moved to kiss me on the cheeks in spite of my fishy breath which is probably more fishy than usual as I keep a pot of Caviar next to me while squeezing the flesh and glad pawing the punters.

Amazingly I have become a fashion icon and my book “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” a ‘must have’ for the rich and stupid. Just like Hugo Boss, Giorgio Armani and all of the great confidence trickiest of the age I have become iconic in my case a literary icon, but still one an icon that can move vast amounts of ‘product.’

Outside the shops I have been to in Moscow my personally ‘pawed’ books have been changing hands for hundreds of thousands in hard currency, footballer style Bentleys, Lamborghinis and other Richmobiles turn up at the kerb and flunkies who have queued all night hand over my book wearing gloves to excited Oligarchs and their trophy wives.

It’s incredible, though I am not complaining, what people will do when they are told or there is some sort of viral rumour that something is “wonderful” even though they might not see it themselves. But then that’s how fashion works isn’t it, a couture house gives one or more fools some of their frocks and the next thing you know everyone wants one, and it works even better if those fools happen to have found themselves (by accident surely) on the Time Magazine 100 most influential people in the world just because one of them married a British Royal and the other is her sister. I ask you what is the world coming to when out of all the influential people in the world who actually have meaning and influence their are two such airheads on a list like that?

Mmh I wonder who it was who posted this picture on a lot of Russian website of Middletons with a copy of my book in the hand of the newly wed? It seems as though someone has perpetrated a terrible ruse – or should that read terribly successful ruse still fools are easily parted with their money and no one said that Russians Oligarchs are intelligent did they? They are just friends with the more than dreadful Pres Put…

Middletons Can read

Of course I wouldn’t want to use President Putin’s name in full here use in case their are reprisals I don’t fancy being prodded up the bum with a poisoned umbrella by one of his ex-KGB pals as I mind my own business being wonderful and famous do I?



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 182012
 

икра is good! Mmh should I add ‘comrade’ there or should I first explain what ‘икра’ this strange collection of back to front letters is for those of my readers who are just a little hard of understanding and or can’t read Russian!

Well’икра’ is this (in the picture below) and the ‘икра’ or ‘Caviar’ I am currently up to my eyes in is ‘red’ as you can see.

Caviar

Don’t get me wrong though just because currently my snout is more than covered in икра doesn’t mean I haven’t forgotten about my first love, Prawns and what could be better than the bowl I am about to move onto now (also pictured below). Ok yes I agree what could be better is at least a dozen bowls of what I am about to move onto now of course.

Prawns for me

Have you guessed where I am yet or what I am going to do today? Well I’m in Moscow (that is the easy part to guess) at the moment and as it is a rather chilly 6 degrees ‘C’ and rather cloudy I thought I would sneak into a little restaurant and treat myself. I’ll tell you the harder bit to guess in a moment bout first a bit about Moscow.

Moscow is rather nice but frankly they should turn the heaters on because six degrees of anything is cold especially at around 10 in the morning, but the restaurant is open and they seem to have an endless supply of fishy things and so I don’t really dislike Moscow especially as the Russians are treating this little comrade and doing something Russians find almost as difficult as putting the cap back on a bottle of Vodka – they are ‘paying.’

But then if anyone wants a legendary feline author to visit their city and its shops to pawtograph copies of (what is to them) my latest book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ in their ‘книжный магазин’ or book shops then they have to expect to shell out on mountains of seafood especially Prawns don’t they!

Apparently I am already a giant in the Russian literary world and people are saying that I should write my book in the same place that Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn wrote one of his blockbusters the Gulag Archipelago! Now frankly I have never heard of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn or ever been tempted to read any Russian joke books (I presume that he writes comedy like me) but I rather fancy the idea of spending a few weeks on a sunny chain of islands don’t you? Well so long as the archipelago in question isn’t around Scotland which has over 700 islands offshore!



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 162012
 

You have to feel sorry for all of the Chocolate Bunnies around the world who gave their ‘everything’ to make this Easter and of course for the one that came a week or so later, if your religion disagrees with the one that has just celebrated Easter!

My Bum Hurts

As I watched so many Chocolate Bunnies get eaten I started to wonder just how many Chocolate Bunnies have been eaten this Easter and so I asked that ever ‘reliable’ source of information on the internet (Truthful Sarcasm Alert) – Google. And as Google has no idea about anything except advertising I was directed to one of their most successful customers an ‘august’ body, who’s advice, along with anything suggested by Google, I wouldn’t use to save a life – Huffington Post.

According to Huff Huffington Post “‘approximately’ (a lovely vague word don’t you think?) 90 million Chocolate Bunnies eaten this Easter,” it has to be said that this figure of munched Bunnies obviously accounts for the number of Chocolate Bunnies devoured by the folk who believe that Easter comes at least a week before the other bunch of Christians, who in turn prefer their Easter and indeed all of their religious holidays to come sometime later in the year.

While dawdling on the internet I also noticed that 74% of American children believe chocolate bunnies should be eaten ears first! Although another source said that figure was actually 76% but then again that website was one of those awful sites that offers ‘answers’ together with ‘Phosphate for sale’ on the page I was reading.

After a short while of reading so many ‘interesting’ web pages I dozed off and woke up to discover that I had arrived at a web page owned by Newport Television LLC or more to the point Local 12 which is WKRC Cincinnati and we all know who they are right? You know it’s amazing what a sleepy Cat’s paw can do for a boring web search.

Now Local 12 was running a little competition where bored viewers tired of watching dreadful television programmes (and I am not suggesting here that those programmes are anything to do with Local 12 of course which I think might be a TV station in Cincinnati) can read ‘interesting’ facts and something called a “Freeze Warning” which rather disappointedly said that the “”Freeze warning” was going to expire at 9.00 am.”

Bunnie

Anyway I digress and if you read my books you will be used to that sort of thing. Back to Chocolate Bunnies but actually staying with Local 12 or their website at least. As I said above there was a competition running to see if viewers either knew or cared about the answer to the question “Approximately how many chocolate bunnies are made each year?”

Oddly enough the rest of the website after the title which was in normal sensible and most of all readable mixture of upper and lowercase letters was from there on all written in capitals, as it first of all told anyone who didn’t know that “this Sunday was Easter Sunday” and then asked a repeat of the title or more to the point – “Approximately how many chocolate bunnies are made each year?”

Excited readers or is it viewers? No it must be visitors were given a choice of three possible answers neatly arranged in a column as answers 1,2,3 like so:-

1- 22.5 MILLION

2- 45 MILLION

3- 90 MILLION

Then just below without a hint of mystery and to ensure that the question wasn’t too difficult for anyone who might be viewing the page was the answer and happily for us a credit as to where Local 12 got the information.

“According to the website for the National Confectioners Association, candyusa.com, 90 million chocolate Easter bunnies are made for Easter each year.” I have out of courtesy to my readers changed the text from all capitals to something more readable and sensible.

Actually there was more information from those obviously good people at National Confectioners Association after the obvious answer and as it’s mildly informative I though I would share it with you:-

“Here are some other sweet facts about the holiday: 16 billion Jelly Beans are made for Easter, red is the favorite Jelly Bean color for children, and 76% of people eat the ears on Chocolate Bunnies first.”

Again I have changed the capitals to something more readable but I have left the misspelt words like ‘colour’ and ‘favourite’ because sometimes it’s quite nice not to see the French influence in our shared language. Although of course I would usually moan about the American mangling of my beautiful language but at the moment a thought has just struck me and that is if the really useful information above came from the National Confectioners Association, and their web address is www.candyusa.org then maybe the information about eating Easter Bunnies is not very accurate as it probably only applies to the country that sometimes thinks that it’s the whole of the world namely the good ‘olde’ US of A.

All of which means that the true number of Easter Bunnies eaten at Easter probably will never be known and I for one have decided that I don’t really care because I have become rather bored with the whole Easter Bunny project and frankly am glad that not being an Orthodox anything I can have almost a whole year off between now and Easter.

Incidentally I checked out the website www.candyusa.com and it didn’t load in my browser which is odd but when I did a little checking I discovered that the good people at Local 12 had used .com and not .org which is the correct address tisk tisk! But sadly even when I used the correct web address – www.candyusa.org the site still didn’t load!

Easter Bunnies



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 132012
 

Kitten

This unlike most of my writing in books and blogs is not a work of comic genius but (I hope) an informative article that will save the lives of more than one Kitten because I have noticed that the vast global conglomerates who make Flea spray are advertising their products so Flea time has come around again and we are all about to get sprayed with pesticides most of which would be banned if they were used on humans.

What my rather eye catching headline means is this. Ok we all get Fleas because we have fur coats, or are like Hedgehogs and live outside, but that is no reason for you humans to reach for a can of Flea spray without first thinking and definitely reading this article for some helpful hints and tips before you start to mist up every Kitty in sight.

Why you may ask is this Cat getting all serious, well the answer is pretty simple, if you use Flea spray or Flea powder on a Kitten there is a good chance that you will kill it, because kittens are really very fragile.

Ok call me a “daft Cat, Fleas have to be got rid of!” I hear you mumble. Well you are right and there are ways to get rid of Fleas in young Kittens without getting rid of the Kitten permanently.

As you humans may or may not know Fleas can actually do young Kittens a lot of harm, they can cause death by Anaemia and of course that means that Fleas have to be dealt with quickly and efficiently.

If your Kitten or Kittens are with their Mum and nursing it’s more than likely that Mum has a Flea problem so the first thing you need to do is to treat her, when she is taking a break from looking after her Kittens if you can. If there are other cats or dogs in the household you need to treat all pets and also your house.

Not many people know that the safest way to treat a Kitten under 6 weeks of age for Fleas is simply to give them a bath in warm water and a very mild shampoo like a baby one, then just pick off the Fleas that don’t jump ship so to speak.

Most mild shampoos can be effective against Fleas and will kill them quickly which just water won’t. When you wash a Kitten or indeed a Cat the best way to do it is in the kitchen sink, gently dip the Kitten in the water and then using your hand pour water over their fur then gently rub in the shampoo around the neck, face, head, ears, and under the chin.

I can’t stress this enough do please be careful not to get soap in the Kitten’s eyes. You may notice that Fleas are not daft and as your Kitten gets wet they will scurry up the Kitten’s body heading for the high dry ground of the head area you can stop this by carefully washing the head but don’t forget what I said about the eyes.

Web Design Kittens

While you change the water to rinse your Kitten wrap your Kitten in a blanket change the water and then carefully and gently put your Kitten back into the water with most of the Kitten’s body underwater and leave the Kitten like that for a few minutes to drown as many Fleas as you can.

It almost goes without saying, but I know you humans are a little hard of understanding so I will say it having two people wash a Kitten makes life a lot easier, one to hold the Kitten and the other to wash, and of course two humans almost equal a Kitten in Brainpower – well that is what I have found tee hee.

The things to remember when washing a Kitten are.

1. Don’t let the Kitten get cold

2. Don’t let the Kitten’s head go underwater

3. Don’t get shampoo in the Kitten’s eyes

4. Kittens can break so be gentle

After you have given your Kitten a bath use a flea comb. If you don’t own a Flea comb then the good news is that they are cheap to buy and very effective and will get all of the Fleas that have been clever enough to stay in the Kittens fur in spite of the bath.

The best time to comb your Kitten is it’s still damp. Just comb over his body with a flea comb and then pick off the last of the Fleas while they are struggling to get away through the damp hair.

It’s a good idea to have a container of boiling water handy so that you can drop the fleas into it as you catch the little blighter.

I promise that hot water is best because I remember as a Kitten watching Fleas actually jump out of cold water. Another idea is to have some sticky tape placed sticky side up and put the captured fleas on this. Combing may be easier on a shorthair kitten than a longhair one.

The things to make this easier.

1. You can put some Vaseline at the bottom of the comb’s teeth. It will stop the Fleas escaping the comb

2. Put a little Vaseline on the tip of your fingers that is you see a Flea on your kitten you can dab it quickly with a blob. I know it sounds as though I am pulling both of your legs but I assure you that it will stop the Flea from running away and so make it much easier for you to catch the Flea.

Kittens 3



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 112012
 

If I was writing about America, or Sweden or Spain or indeed most civilised countries in the world where offering a service or selling something means backing the sale up with hard work, dedication and an attitude dedicated to delighting the customer then I wouldn’t be using the picture below which was taken outside a small business in Devon in the UK and sums up the attitude of UK businesses to their customers.

The English Are So Dedicate Customer Service

The idea of providing customer service in the UK sadly is one that seems to have been dropped by all businesses just as the UK’s general public have dropped the idea of community, caring for the elderly, and so many more values that define a modern caring society this is one of the major reasons why the UK is slipping in all of the tables that identify great places in the world to live.

On the other paw the lack of a need to provide decent customer service or to hold any civic responsibility whatsoever in the UK means that the number of banks, (insurance companies and other financial institutions who cause so much harm in the world) who locate their headquarters in the UK and in particular dreadfully polluted London has increased year on year .

But then banks, insurance companies and other financial institutions pride themselves in not providing any form of customer service or support for the money that they are trusted with and so they fit right in.

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Apr 102012
 

Around the world saving money to even ‘attempt’ to balance the family budget is difficult these days and sadly so many people fail because of the banker’s balls ups and politicians inept attempts to make life better.

Recently in Spain I saw a perfect example of people like you and um… you, well not me because I am a Cat remember, trying so very hard to make a delicious meal (or in this case dessert) out of, um what on Earth do you call the ingredient they used, oh yes an ‘uncommon’ ingredient!

As The Recession Bites People Turn

How yummy Scum Ice Cream, where do you think the ‘scum’ comes from the London rioters? Politicians? Or Bankers? Or, as I think for what my thoughts are worth a coulis blended of all of them.

Can you imagine what that tastes like? No neither can I!



About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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