As the title of this blog says it is funny what you find in the kitchen! Obviously a lot of what I ‘find’ in the kitchen has never actually been lost in the first place, but then again I have to say in my defence that I am not looking for most of what I find in the kitchen, if you follow my logic.

Personally when I am looking for something in the kitchen it is almost always Prawns, and sadly you don’t find them in the kitchen everyday in fact I usually find things that are inedible like vegetables or worse Cat food!

Can you imagine my surprise last night when I was having a stroll around the kitchen work surfaces looking for a lost, stray, forlorn, forgotten Prawn when I can across something truly unusual.

The something was actually a collection of somethings and all of them looked the same, and the only way to describe what they looked like was odd!

I suppose the best way to describe the pile of somethings is that they looked like a collection of inside out Strawberries with white albino skin and red seeds dotted over them.

Of course I thought that I should taste these odd looking berries and I have to report that they all tasted rather peculiar and I know that because I nibbled on each one, well I took a bite out of the first couple and then ever smaller bites out of the next few until I was definitely nibbling because disappointingly none of them tasted of Prawn.

Sadly to a Cat’s taste which has been fine tuned to Prawns these ugly berries tasted ugh! Almost like Pineapple in fact and I only know what Pineapple tastes like because once in a quick raid on a table laden with hors d’œuvres I thought I had kicked a plate of Prawns to the floor and when I dived off the table to eat as many as I could before being discovered, I was faced with a collection of Pineapple and Ham as a punishment for not pushing the right plate of the table in the first place.

Once I had given up the search for Prawns or Prawn flavoured or related snacks on the kitchen work surface I thought I would find out a little more about the odd fruits that I had encountered but all I can add to the facts above is that they ‘are’ called Pineberries, they are desperately expensive and shouts of “who has nibbled the Pineberries” carrys all the way from the kitchen to the upstairs study where I use the internet.

Just to show you what a Pineberry looks like I did manage to find a picture before I went into hiding for a few hours to allow the ‘situation’ that had developed to calm down.

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People are surprised when I say that I read, but frankly it isn’t anything special is it? ‘Reading’ that is, not being ‘surprised!’ In fact being surprised is a little boring if like some people you are surprised all the time, because it means that you haven’t got much in the way of an imagination.

People are also surprised when I talk to them, a Cat that talks “what did they put in my coffee?” People usually ask, then they ask if I am a ‘special’ Cat and of course as well as being clever and a good looking Cat I am special, but not in the sense that has been used to denigrate people (and this Cat once) I hasten to add.

It is odd what some people think is normal and other people think is ‘unusual’ isn’t it? But when all is said, read and done I am mostly just a regular Cat who happens to read, talk and of course write wonderful books what make people split stitches – literally and literary if you see what I mean.

Just read one of the lovely reviews on Amazon.com if you chose to disbelieve me, which by the way is a great insult to Cats because we can’t, as I have said before, ‘lie’ which is a terrible shame if you want to know, and has hampered my career I am sure.

So to prove I am just a regular ordinary Joe type of Cat I thought I would talk about Prawns again, I was reading the other day that scientists have discovered that Prawns have feelings, no honestly they have!

I must say I thought it was a bit daft when I read it and imagined all of the Prawns who’s feelings I had obviously hurt in the past, poor little fellows.

Then I started to think about the scientists. What an odd bunch they must be to actually be interested in Prawns’ feelings in the first place, then as my mind burrowed deeper in to the whole Prawn feeling thing I started to wonder just what the research goals of the scientists was.

Did they think that Prawns’ feeling might be easier to research and study than humans? Did they think that by discovering if Prawns had feelings then they could use that information in say space, or industry? I wonder and of course doubt that they could.

Then I thought what a load of nonsense humans get up to. Then I decided that I would like to offer a nice home to anyone who has either very delighted or depressed Prawns, I know a great way to make them happy and of course become so much happier myself.

Lastly, though of course with me you don’t know that this paragraph will in fact be the last one of course, I must apologise for mentioning Prawns again, it is I have to say a bit of a habit with me, but I suppose it proves that I am just a Cat after all!

Finally tee hee and oops! I thought there was another paragraph in me – you can learn all about Prawns in my ‘un-put-down-able’ book I suggest that if you haven’t bought it Amazon.com is as good a place as any to get it, your eyes will love you and if you don’t laugh a lot then I will eat my words – so long as they are ‘Prawns, Prawns, Prawns…’ yes I am sure you get the picture!

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This good looking Cat would like to thank everyone who came to the ‘Bring A Prawn Dance!’ last Saturday/Sunday and for some hardened party goers Monday too!

All in all we had a wonderful time in general and as you can see from the picture it got just a little wild.

Actually I do wish that I had used a picture on the invitations because some people and I won’t mention any names here brought err, how can I put this – oh yes – complete idiots, instead of Prawns.

Apparently a ‘Prawn’ in the human language can also mean a person who is not only not quite the ticket and has bought a bus ticket when they should have got one for a train, what can I say?

Well I suppose I could say that we had a right royal time with the idiots, but I won’t because a lot of people have accused me recently of being a bit of a royal basher and those who know me will agree that isn’t true, give me a choice between a Prawn and a royal and I will always eat the Prawn!

Actually I heard from a ‘reliable’ source that a well known royal had bought my best selling book and loved it, apparently it props the drawing room door open perfectly!

I wonder if they bought it here at Amazon.com that would have been nice.

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You know something really sad just occurred to me and that is that some poor souls out there in humanland might just not know what a Prawn is!

Or worse they might have for all of their lives miss out on the beauty, elegance and crunchiness of Prawns, which are for those of you who don’t know less crunchy when they are shelled.

In fact I have to say that I really only recommend eating Prawns when they are shelled, but if an unshelled prawns slips out of a human’s hand and then slithers across the floor at you what do you do, you crunch don’t you obviously.

In America the land of the big, they call Prawns Shrimp, I don’t really know why but I do know that Shrimp are, how can I put this err – ‘built.’ They are an enormous dream come true, well for this Cat at least!

So I hope that I have cleared up any confusion and that everyone, because that is the number of people who read my blog, knows what a Prawn is, but remember one Prawn is all very well but they are better when they come by the gross then they are 144 little packages of pink delight.

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It is true! Not all fat Cats are Bankers, according to those nice people at Purina a third of all pets in the UK are overweight,* so if that is the case what about the numbers in the states? It doesn’t bear thinking about does it?

So what are we going to do? I know, you could feed us Cats Prawns! Prawns are the perfect food they are full of energy, protein and not at all fattening. And of course some vegetarians eat Prawns, you know the ones I mean who don’t understand the word ‘vegetarian.’

Still I would happily live just on a diet of Prawns. So if you want to send me buckets or lorry loads I will happily munch my way to fitness.

Editors note:
As you will know from his book “Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary,” available here Amazon.com,The Cat is sadly addicted to Prawns and although he is allowed them once in a while as a treat to send lorry loads to him as he suggested would be impractical, so please if you have followed his instructions and the lorries are on their way to The Cat Headquarters do please stop them and turn them around now.

The image used in this blog is deliberately distorted to preserve anonimity of this poor flabby feline, but we know who you are chubby chops don’t we!

* Source http://www.purina.co.uk

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