It Is Amazing What A Little Sun Can Do!

As a clever Cat I find it is really quite incredible just what a few days of sunshine can do to the human mind.

Here in the middle of Europe people are back in shorts as I said a few blogs ago, the tops of cars are down if they are soft, and that is before the last frosts of the year have finished doing what frosts do.

But it is not only the mad central Europeans who have displayed phototropic responses, happily more and more people have obviously decided to grab a good book, namely mine and sales at places such as Amazon.com and my wickedly wonderful website or www www.thecatsdiary.com have just exploded. What excellent taste you humans have, well the ones who’ve bought my masterpiece of feline literature.

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It seems the sun has also had a wonderful effect on my Prize Giveaway because the donations are rolling in and someone even donated more than a dollar har ha, if you haven’t had an opportunity to look closely at my Prize Giveaway why not pop along to this page on my wickedly wonderful website or www www.thecatsdiary.com here the giveaway and join in the fun.

Even Dave the Cat seems to have caught the Sun and changed his hat for a more summery one although between you and me I am a little worried about Dave the Cat and that is because he seems to be leaning the other way if you see what I mean and that is only the start of it, what about his choice of hat? The only thing you can really say is that it is “consistent” isn’t it!

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Great News

The reaction to my latest brilliant idea has been amazing and so what was going to be a very quiet Easter weekend turned into a sort of email fest, where I was replying to fans taking advantage of my amazingly clever idea and of course brilliant scheme – The Great Giveaway

What am I talking about? Well my fantastic giveaway of course (check the link here or my last blog for more information.

The Great Giveaway has been so successful that I am already thinking of expanding it and will probably look at getting some Apple iPads for prizes when they come over here to Europe if they turn out to be more popular than iPod Touches, although what am I saying? That is like John Lennon saying that the Beatles were more famous than the son of God and look who fills more venues now? So what sort of idiot would say that?

One thing I am going to change though is this – I will have to reluctantly change the system a little and send an automated reply and that is because sending all of those email replies by paw over the Easter weekend meant that I couldn’t write any blogs or more importantly put on a few pounds by eating Easter Eggs followed by large numbers of Hot Cross Buns!

Well I hope that you had a very Happy Easter, I am off to cuddle up against a large Chocolate Easter Egg in the window and eat until I pop. Oh don’t worry about the Chocolate melting I am looking forward to cleaning that off my fur, you know how we Cats get clean, it will be like a second helping of Chocolate Egg won’t it?

As you can see from a picture taken on Easter Sunday, Peter the Chocolate Hand Crafted Bunny didn’t really put up much of a fight especially after a quick munch on the Creme Egg, wow the sugar rush you get from one of those babies could power the Space Shuttle if it wasn’t being retired this year. After one bite I was quite ready to wrestle control of the world and not just bite the head off a Bunny.

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Fancy Your Luck To Chance Your Arm?

Great news from Cat Central we have just launched a Prize Giveaway designed to reward my fans for either buying my book or clicking that cute little ‘Donate’ button which appears on a couple of pages on my wickedly wonderful website or www www.thecatsdiary.com.

By either buying my book or donating as little as a dollar (yes just a dollar although who would be that mean to a Cat?) you can win one of a number of wonderful prizes, the first ‘biggee’ is an iPod touch.

Yes you read that correctly this master of philanthropy is giving away an iPod touch – “Wow,” yes you took the words right out of my mouth!

So what are you waiting for click over to be part of the giveaway now and join in.

The Cat's Prize Giveaway

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Scientists Tut Tut Can You Believe Them?

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Recently I have heard that scientists have decided, after conducting new research, that Black Tea is as good for you as Green Tea if you want to stay away from cancer even though scientific studies said that it wasn’t.

I also heard that apparently Eggs are good for you, in fact scientists now call Eggs a “superfood” although until now they were labelled by them as “dangerous” if you ate more than one a week.

Scientists seem to be a little confused about food don’t you think? Then there is what they have said about out planets climate, it seems the biggest danger to our planet and environment comes from climate scientists who seem to have go themselves in a right pickle and don’t seem to be able to tell their posterior from their anterior or their depleted ozone layers from a slowing Gulf Stream. Silly scientists!

Now they, the scientists seem to have struck again and it turns out according to new research that a Full English Breakfast is a healthier breakfast than Muesli! Why? Because a Full English Breakfast contains such a lot of fat.

The scientific reasoning behind this new discovery is that if you eat Muesli for breakfast your body will keep telling you that it wants some fat because it didn’t get any for breakfast and quite frankly it likes fat and in fact your body will whine all day until you go into a MacDonalds and fill up on grease. Where as if you eat a Full English Breakfast your body will be happy it got a bit of fat and will then contentedly keep its mouth shut for the rest of the day.

This is great news for people and Cats who like Full English Breakfasts and of course bad news for the slimmers and joggers out there! But then it seems that the slimmers and the joggers are the ones who suffer the most heart attacks any way, at least we now know why, they have been slipping into MacDonalds while they are out jogging to fill up on more fat than their bodies can take, and who can blame them, their bodies told them to do that and fitness fanatics always ‘listen’ to their bodies!

So I know what this clever Cat will be stealing from a plate near me soon, yes a Full English Breakfast. Until of course scientists decide that a Full English Breakfast is bad for Cats and Humans alike again or maybe this time we all should do what makes sense and eat what we like and stop listening to people who tell us such a lot of scientific nonsense.

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April Fools Day

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In England we have a sense of humour which is rather funny but not understood completely by the rest of the world, and of course in this case I mean England and not the other bits that are tagged on to the end of England where they don’t have a sense of humour (examples Billy Connolly, Bono, Gerry Adams).

Our sense of humour even extends to making one day special, well half a day actually as I will explain.

Today is that special day, April the first and on April 1st we can tell funny, tall stories until noon and anyone who believes them is an ‘April Fool’ but anyone who tells an April Fools joke after noon is an ‘April Fool’ themselves.

There is a tradition to have an April Fools day (usually on April 1st) in most countries and so you probably know what I am talking about, which makes a nice change!

Anyway I don’t know if April Fools jokes in other countries extend to the ‘media’ as they do in England and even if they do I still wanted to share this story from the Independent with you all, not only for the nonsense article itself which I think is funny, but also for the wonderful comments that the general public have added to the article.

So here is the article!

Hadron Collider II planned for circle line

I am sure that you will enjoy it for the nonsense it is and please do have a look at the comments if you get time some are as funny as the article itself.

I won’t spoil it by telling you what the article says, except to say that the mad scientists at the Cern laboratory are ‘reported’ saying that the 23km Tunnel which currently serves the London Underground’s Circle Line could house a successor to the Large Hadron Collider and if building work started soon it would be ready by 2020, tee hee.

Few people know the origins of April Fools day and so I thought this clever Cat would shed a little light on it for you!

In the 9th Century the Church in England wanted to take control of running the country and after putting their case to one of the madder of the current Queen of England’s relatives Edward 1st the Confessor both parties struck a deal to take over the administration of England and more importantly the collection of taxes.

The deal was a surprisingly good one for both parties, the Monarch for the first time had a marvellous network of administrators who administered laws and collected taxes efficiently and he didn’t have to lift a finger to do anything and the Church skimmed enough of the top to build Cathedrals, and become the second richest institution in England.

The arrangement was announced on April 1st in the year 878, the news took almost 11 months to travel the length and breath of England but that time scale was nothing in comparison to the length of time it took for the ruling class to adopt the new legislation and that is because no one with any sense could believe what had happened and thought that the whole thing was some sort of terrible not funny joke.

For this reason it took years for the country to completely come to terms with the new Church administration and adopt it fully because everyone believed that the demented King wasn’t serious.

So that is the reason why April 1st became known as the day to tell ‘tall’ stories although of course the first one wasn’t either ‘tall’ or funny and England suffered from the Church’s mis-administration, corruption and embezzlement for centuries.

Sort of reminds you of Putin’s Russia doesn’t it? With the Church’s part being played by the oligarchs this time. Anyway England became so desperately weak and discontented that it was easily conquered in 1066 by the Normans or the French if you like and the English don’t like so we call the French the Normans.

After Willy the Conk’s successful invasion, some say with the help of the Church who thought that they would get a better deal from the French, the Church managed to do a deal with the new King and so continued to collect taxes for hundreds of years thereby managing to keep their fingers in the England’s till for centuries.

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I hope that you have a very happy April Fools day.

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It’s Funny What You Find In The Kitchen

As the title of this blog says it is funny what you find in the kitchen! Obviously a lot of what I ‘find’ in the kitchen has never actually been lost in the first place, but then again I have to say in my defence that I am not looking for most of what I find in the kitchen, if you follow my logic.

Personally when I am looking for something in the kitchen it is almost always Prawns, and sadly you don’t find them in the kitchen everyday in fact I usually find things that are inedible like vegetables or worse Cat food!

Can you imagine my surprise last night when I was having a stroll around the kitchen work surfaces looking for a lost, stray, forlorn, forgotten Prawn when I can across something truly unusual.

The something was actually a collection of somethings and all of them looked the same, and the only way to describe what they looked like was odd!

I suppose the best way to describe the pile of somethings is that they looked like a collection of inside out Strawberries with white albino skin and red seeds dotted over them.

Of course I thought that I should taste these odd looking berries and I have to report that they all tasted rather peculiar and I know that because I nibbled on each one, well I took a bite out of the first couple and then ever smaller bites out of the next few until I was definitely nibbling because disappointingly none of them tasted of Prawn.

Sadly to a Cat’s taste which has been fine tuned to Prawns these ugly berries tasted ugh! Almost like Pineapple in fact and I only know what Pineapple tastes like because once in a quick raid on a table laden with hors d’œuvres I thought I had kicked a plate of Prawns to the floor and when I dived off the table to eat as many as I could before being discovered, I was faced with a collection of Pineapple and Ham as a punishment for not pushing the right plate of the table in the first place.

Once I had given up the search for Prawns or Prawn flavoured or related snacks on the kitchen work surface I thought I would find out a little more about the odd fruits that I had encountered but all I can add to the facts above is that they ‘are’ called Pineberries, they are desperately expensive and shouts of “who has nibbled the Pineberries” carrys all the way from the kitchen to the upstairs study where I use the internet.

Just to show you what a Pineberry looks like I did manage to find a picture before I went into hiding for a few hours to allow the ‘situation’ that had developed to calm down.

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Clever Elephants Better Watch Out!

I read today in a newspaper, yes I do that sometimes mainly on aeroplanes to look intelligent and to ensure the person next to me doesn’t talk too much, that Elephants’ legs work like wheels of 4x4s.

Now I am no expert, and I have to say that has never stopped me having an opinion like the everyone else from Prince Charles to… oh I don’t know some other busybody, but I think that these clever Elephants had better watch out or they could be in trouble.

First they will get taxed for resembling a 4×4 and secondly they will have the environmental lobby on their tails telling them that they are choking the planet.

Personally I quite like the idea of 4×4 Elephants although they would be a nightmare to park and would definitely make the school run even more arduous, but on the plus side they would be roomy and the probably gas mileage would be good, well when I say ‘good’ it would probably be around 6 mpg. But hey, at least a 4×4 Elephant won’t have any sticky gas pedal problems.

But and it is a big one unlike a Toyota Land Cruiser if your 4×4 Elephant sees a Mouse you had better hang on tight I think that the ride might get a little bumpy.

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Sometimes You Read Something In A Foreign Language And You Know What It Says

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Would you believe what a loyal fan sent me over the weekend? The above, yes that is right and I was impressed to say the least with our German cousins’ taste! No wonder Angela Merkel has had a bit of a smile on her face recently in the depths of the Euro crisis, she must have been reading my book!

Aren’t the Germans clever as well, the translation from English into German seems to have gone well and none of the meaning (as far as I can see) of what I said in my book has been lost in translation – well if the title “Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” is anything to go by that is.

Mind you I don’t think that they have got everything right if you look closely, six lines beneath the title of the book and printed in orange they describe me as an “Englische Bucher,” does that mean “English Butcher?”

Mmh sounds like the Mice have been talking!

So now it is accurate to say that you can buy my wonderful book at Amazon.com or indeed at Amazon.de.

I wonder what the Germans reading my wonderful masterpiece thought about the escape tunnels, as the idea for digging them was based on a World War II film I saw called “The Great Escape?”

Actually I think I know the answer to that question and it is “oh we see now, so that is how they did it!” – But said with a German accent tee hee.

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I Am A Polite Cat – I Promise

I got a fan email the other day and after I replied wondered why I was labelled as “rude!”

The fan email I received was amazingly brief and I thought I would acknowledge that fact. Here let me show you what the correspondent said and what my reply was and let you my wonderful fans decide if I am not as polite a Cat as I though I was and therefore if I am not entirely rude that I am on the borders of being rude.

The fan wrote – “Just wanted to say hi!”

I answered – “Well thank you very much, I look forward to your next sentence with bated breath har ha.”

Now I don’t think that was rude do you, but then one Cat’s humour is another Cat’s rudeness I suppose.

The picture? Well I thought we should have something different today, they say a “change is as good as a rest” don’t they! Not only that this will really annoy Dave the Cat who thought that all of the copies of this picture had been destroyed hee hee!

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So this is a picture of my friend Dave the Cat, doing his impression (or so he says) of The Cat in the Hat – impressed? I wasn’t!

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No Bodies In The Bin Today

Happily there weren’t any bodies in the bins today (see yesterday’s post for more gruesome details) just lots of sun shining out over Prague. Looking out of the window today you could actually see silvery traces of spider’s webs trailing down to the Spruce trees (the original Christmas trees).

Spruce trees are interesting because before hops was used to add flavour to beer they used to use the young shoots of the Spruce tree and it gives a very aromatic flavour apparently – there don’t say you don’t learn anything while reading this Cat’s blog, not that beer is of particular interest to this or other Cats I have to say which just goes to show hoe ‘giving’ I am just like Bono – the climate clown.

Speaking of Bono and climate clowns, I have to say sadly that when I looked out of the window today I did see a bluish grey haze which I imagine is pollution, not a good sign.

But in the defence of the cloud of pollution it was a sort of lyrical hazy blue pollution cloud and not the same as the one that sweats over London, is a sort of sulphurous yellow and is intent on giving children asthma and cutting up to nine years off the life span of the residents.

Did you see that the UK is going to be fined for the over pollution of their bit of planet, the problem is Bus and Taxi exhaust – well they got rid of the cars in London.

Don’t you agree that it is a shame that no one fines India and China as well because they can teach the world a thing or two about pollution, if nothing else.

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Above is a picture of the pollution (on a good day – there are no floating dead cows/humans) at India’s most sacred river, the Ganges, goodness knows what the not so sacred rivers look like or are full of!

Well this didn’t turn out to be a very funny blog which is a shame I like to make my readers smile a little even if they don’t laugh out loud, which by the way is never a good thing to do in public especially if you are alone because people around you will think that you are a little mad.

Tomorrow I plan to add a blog that will make you laugh and so I will not look out of the window before I write it I promise and hopefully then I won’t be tempted to get on to the subject of pollution.

So tomorrow I think we should talk about fish, yes what fun, we haven’t talked about fish for a long time have we?

By the way does anyone know what U2’s ‘Bono the Climate Clown’s’ real name is? I bet it is Jeff but spelt Geoff don’t you? Do let me know if you know what his real name is and indeed if you like U2, not that I care of course I just like to hear from my readers.

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