Penguins – they really are evil aren’t they?
You know sometimes we think in stereotypes, we think it even if we don’t say that – The Palestinians are warlike and don’t want peace, we shouldn’t trust Israelis when they are negotiating at the peace talks, and worst of all we say that all North Koreans want to do is to use their A-Bombs, I know we do that and I admit I am one of the worst for doing so probably and in doing so I hope that I don’t lead too many of my dear fans astray.
It is for that reason that I have added this lovely innocent picture of children in North Korean dancing, they are like all children all over the world, innocent, kind and not one of them is wielding an A-Bomb or indeed hiding one behind their backs.
If only politicians, guerrillas and all of the other people who can ruin our lives at the stroke of a pen or the pulling of a trigger would look at this picture and the hundreds of billions of little ones all over the world they might draw a breath and try things a different way for a change – wouldn’t that be nice?
It only takes one picture, one gesture, one smile to start that sort of thing going I am pretty sure of that although of course Cats don’t smile because it makes us look sinister for some unknown reason.
But then again maybe it won’t because humans are not all that nice. I remember my translator saying that he had his laptop open and it uses a picture of his niece and nephew (who are Korean-looking) as a desktop picture and as a Czech woman who worked in the Human Resources Department of a large English speaking call centre here in Prague she asked “what have you got those on your desktop for!” Prejudice and hatred crop up when you least expect it don’t they?
This very week marks the anniversary of a very brave attempt to cross the Atlantic Ocean by Airship. On
October 15 1910, the airship America slipped silently out of its hangar in Atlantic City and headed out to sea.
The ‘jaunt’ across the Atlantic Ocean in an airship was the idea of wealthy journalist and adventurer Walter Wellman who previously had failed to reach the North Pole and other undiscovered destinations in the same airship America.
The America’s 6 man expedition into what was the complete unknown aeronautically speaking was led by a Cat of course and sadly some still point their fingers at the innocent but rather good looking tabby Cat even to this day, but in his defence it has to be said that Kiddo the Cat hadn’t been asked to be put in charge of the expedition.
And of course it was rather odd for a Cat to lead such a difficult expedition of exploration and to complicate matter further this particular Cat had only signed on for the project just before departure and had received no formal training in not only sailing in an airship, but like most Cats in anything what so ever. Cats of course in normal life don’t really need qualifications and training, they simply rely on their good looks and charm and their ability to cuddle almost anyone affectionately.
In fact Kiddo the Cat was what humans call a “Stray Cat” and had been sleeping rather comfortably in the America’s substantial hangar and was initially picked up by Murray Simon the navigator who like many sailors was a little superstitious and knew that a Cat on board – no matter how unqualified – would bring them luck indeed wrote in his journal ‘We can never have luck without a Cat on board.’
Unfortunately not all of the crew agreed with Simon about Cats and the luck they can bring not only at sea and so as the airship was being towed from the coast by a tug boat, the not all that nice, Melvin Vaniman, who was the airship’s the chief engineer (and indeed probably the reason the expedition failed), secretly stuffed the poor unsuspecting Cat into a bag and attempted to lower the Cat in the bag into the tug boat or the sea which ever was the closer.
However Vaniman’s attempt to jettison Kiddo the Cat failed but not before the poor Kiddo the Cat was unceremoniously dunked into the sea and then pulled back onto the America – what a way to treat a Cat!
It is probably because of this behaviour that the crew decided to not only give the Cat a name “Kiddo the Cat” but also to make him Captain and let him lead the expedition, something that the rest of the crew later came to regret probably as the expedition lurched from one misadventure to the next.
After 38 hours of flying the engines failed and the unfortunate America began to drift. In a moment or two of panic the crew decided to jettisoned all excess weight which in their opinion included one of the broken engines, though happily deciding not to dump the Cat or any food, both decisions the Cat heartily welcomed.
To make matters worse Melvin Vaniman, the airship’s the chief engineer, mixed up the gas release tap with the tea urn handle or something similar and the crew were treated to a rapid rise upwards to over three and a half thousand feet where the temperature has been described as a “bit nippy.” This major loss of Hydrogen meant that the Airship eventually lost buoyancy and started to get alarmingly close to the surface of the ocean where if the crew were dumped in the drink they would have been not only a lot colder but a lot wetter than they wanted to be.
After six days of aimless drifting to and fro over the Atlantic, and having travelled a total distance of 1,370 miles (2,200 km) from the launch site in Atlantic City (a world record distance as it turned out), the Cat and crew spotted the Royal Mail Steamship Trent not far from Bermuda and reluctantly decided to abandon the America and were picked up by one of the RMS Trent’s lifeboats.
Sadly the America drifted off out of sight and was never seen again although rumours abound that to this day it haunts the Atlantic disturbing Seagulls when it creeps up on them silently.
It is not known whether there was much in the way of Cat food on board the RMS Trent but the Cat became a minor celebrity with the crew and then later a much larger celebrity upon his triumphant return to the states.
As is the way with these things especially when they involve Cats Melvin Vaniman the crew-mate who had at the start of their journey tried to dump the Kiddo the Cat into the Atlantic became the firmest of friends with the Cat, which just goes to show that if you take time to get to know someone or indeed ‘somecat’ before your try to drop them overboard in a bag; life could be so much easier and of course less frightening for any aforementioned felines.
When Kiddo and the rest of the crew of the ill-inflated and ill-fated airship America eventually got home they were all treated like heroes especially Kiddo the Cat who was put on display in a gilded cage in the famous Gimbels department store. Fortunately Kiddo the Cat’s life became more sedate later when he went to live with Walter Wellman’s daughter, Edith and entered a dry and peaceful retirement.
If any readers have any more information on this brave and well travelled “Kiddo the Cat” as he was called (especially) pictures this Cat would be delighted to upload them in his honour because no matter where we live in the world we should always honour our heroes whether they are in civilian or military life.
When writing that I remembered – if you haven’t seen the marvellous movie “Taking Chance” do. It is not only a very well made movie which will make you, rightly, extremely emotional it is great and fitting tribute to the military and their sacrifices in Iraq and by association in other conflicts.
My loyal fans might remember that back in July I mentioned on my wonderful blog here http://blog.thecatsdiary.com the NASA Face In Space Program which those amazing people at NASA and this peerless genius of a Cat had created so that you can send a picture of your extremely good self (and or a friend) into Earth orbit on board that wonderful thing called the Space Shuttle.
Well just to give you an up date the https://faceinspace.nasa.gov/index.aspx launch dates have been updated and can be viewed either below or by clicking this pretty blue link which will whisk you at the speed of either sound or light (depending upon your internet connection) or looking at the copy of the page that you will be whisked to below.
Of course this means that you still have time to join in and get your https://faceinspace.nasa.gov/index.aspx place if you see what I mean!
I really do recommend that you join in because this is probably the last opportunity to get into space safely for us ordinary folk, you could always take a chance on the Virgin Space Plane if you have hundreds of thousands of dollars spare and any faith what so ever in the blond Richard Branson’s efforts. But frankly you only have to look at his F1 Team Virgin Racing to see just how well Virgin build anything that is supposed to be beautifully designed sleek and fast.
Mind you the poor 3-legged Virgin Racing team came into the F1 Racing series like a lion, with press releases, TV appearances, trumpets, fireworks, dozens of partly clad young ladies (who may or may not have lived up to the brand name) and so much more, with the blond beardy fella shouting his mouth off on radio and TV about how he was going take the established teams on and beat them at their own game but at the same time spend less money (billionaires don’t tend to like dipping into their pockets of course).
If finishing last or nearly last if they finish at all in F1 races is what the ‘established’ teams have been doing all these years the blond beardy one has succeeded and must be congratulated but this Cat is not a moron and tends to think that Virgin and Hi Tech don’t go together, maybe Virgin should stick to Spas and phones – oh sorry I forgot those endeavours have been sold off.
All of which suggests to this wary Cat that the best place for the $50-100 grand needed for a few minutes in space is better kept in your bank, surely it is safer to read all about the possible failure of the Virgin Space Plane than to be part of it!
Yes more signs – do you want to make something of it? Do you? Do You?
The Cat knows someone from the intellectually dark state called Arkansas and therefore believes that it is just the majority of Arkansaurans who tend to answer the door when the phone rings – if you know what I mean!
The sign says it all – Never trust a Penguin
What are you humans like?
No I won’t say animals because as far as I know you don’t see any animals ever dumping innocent Cats in ‘wheelie bins’ or unbelievably dyeing each other pink. You can’t even say that humankind is sub-animal because I am pretty confident that even if they had hands and access to pink dye, Slugs wouldn’t be caught dyeing each other pink either!
So why the rant? Well just look below at this latest ‘inhuman’ act, someone dyed a poor innocent Cat pink and dumped it in an unsuspecting neighbours garden in the UK – again.
What is it with you humans and innocent Cats, I hope that soon you go back to picking on each other on the grounds of religion, caste, colour, creed, size of nose, where you live and on and on and on.
Gosh I am glad I am not human, in fact I am sure that being a pink Cat would be better than being human, at least I could wash the pink off!
Humans as I think I have said in my latest book at Amazon.com and any number of times on my wonderful blog are rather odd.
Humans display these oddities in all sorts of ways and one of the most novel ways is in sign language. I have been collecting some signs that have been erected all over the world by humans who have carefully and deliberately, it would seem, disengaged their brains before writing the sign.
“Aren’t all Dogs strange?”
Don’t forget that Christmas is coming and giving someone a copy of my book would be an honour for both parties you can get an electronic version of my wonderful book at most ebook retailers online, at Amazon.com and of course my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com.
“What a brilliant book cover it should be a sign!”
Definitely A Woman But Drugged Out of Her Mind
Today it was confirmed that the Commonwealth Games women’s 100m gold medal winner Damola Osayemi has failed a drugs test, but happily for a change other tests confirm that she is a female athlete and was rightfully allowed to compete in a woman’s event, unlike a growing number of African athletes, particularly from South Africa, who have entered and won athletic events only to be discovered at a later to be men.
However with Damola Osayemi officials have definitely confirmed that she was indeed a woman, but in her case a woman who was drugged out of her mind.
Damola Osayemi’s coach and Nigerian team officials have said that the banned substance that had been responsable for her drastic improvement in form might have been ingested while poor Damola Osayemi was taking medicine for a really bad toothache.
Others have said that a disgruntled Witch Doctor may have tricked Damola Osayemi into taking the banned substance or indeed that she and her trainer had secretly used banned drugs to enhance her performance in the same way that Olympic athletes have been doing for decades because of the enormous financial rewards that come as a result of winning sporting events to say nothing of the muscle tone that can be achieved with steroids and of course the possibility of becoming a successful politician in later life.
The picture below is of a happy smiling Damola Osayemi thinking about all of the money she is going to earn from the sport over the next few years, after she won the 100 metres event and probably just before she was given the news that she had failed the all important drugs test.
For all of my American readers.
You may be wondering just what exactly is the “Commonwealth Games?” Well it is a rather poor imitation of the Olympic Games which attracts second division countries and their athletes to compete in countries that can’t afford to host the games and in the case of this year’s host couldn’t get the various venues and stadia built and ready even though they had eight years to do so.
The ‘commonwealth’ part of the name “Commonwealth Games” relates to a group of ex British empire countries who are convinced that if they huddle together economically something wonderful will happen to them, as they have been huddling together since 1931 it is unlikely that this will happen.
The importance of the “Commonwealth” and the “Commonwealth Games” to the British public amounts to zero except for a very small and completely out of touch group of free loaders who count among their ranks the Queen of England, Commonwealth etc and her dreadful spawn who get to travel to the countries that comprise the Commonweath and in the case of the really awful prince Charles (the grumbler in waiting) and the insane dude of Edinburgh whine and moan about the heat and humidity, the flies and of course the people.
On July 22nd this year I was minding my own business flying my private plane over China and unfortunately seem to have cause a bit of a stir for the poor little Cat eaters below! It seems as though quite a number of newly affluent Chinese peasants filmed me with their shiny new Japanese video and still cameras which were obviously hot of a near-by production line.
And to make matters worse a lot of scientists at a local observatory called the Purple Mountain Observatory took some snaps as well and then in spite of the amazing difficulties involved because of the draconian censorship laws that China has, have managed to post their video and indded the peasant’s video as well on YouTube.
You know YouTube it is that awful site that when you visit it for any reason downloads advertising tracking cookies to your hard drive and then reports back enormous quantites of your personal private information to the people paying for the ads, information like who you are, where you live, what programs you run, and how many hairs your Granny has on her chin as well I imagine.
Anyway I would like to apologise to the Chinese peasants, the people at the Purple Mountain Observatory together with the boffins at the Chinese Academy of Sciences who all had a bit of a fright and most of all to the boffins at the Purple Mountain Observatory and Chinese Academy of Sciences are going to study the out of focus video for the next six months.
Furthermore I would like to say to these misguided boffins don’t waste your time on the poor quality video of me whistling through your aerospace instead take that precious time and try and improve the quality of manufacture in your half asses factories because it doesn’t matter what you buy these days if it has “Made in China” smeared on it you can guarantee that it will break very quickly or in the case of my translator’s socks have holes in before he puts them on. What is it with the Chinese don’t they wear socks?
Just think if the scientists did what this sagely Cat suggests and improved the quality of the manufacture of things they so hurriedly make in China socks might come with just the regulation ‘one’ hole in each foot and the video the scientists and peasants shot recently would be in focus and you all might be lucky enough to see me waving from the cockpit of my lovely silver plane instead of making daft statements to the press and of course adding more rubbish to the dreadful YouTube site and lining Google’s pockets with even more of the folding stuff from the ads they show there and your personal private information they collect and (probably) sell without your knowledge.