It Just Occurred Me!


You know something really sad just occurred to me and that is that some poor souls out there in humanland might just not know what a Prawn is!

Or worse they might have for all of their lives miss out on the beauty, elegance and crunchiness of Prawns, which are for those of you who don’t know less crunchy when they are shelled.

In fact I have to say that I really only recommend eating Prawns when they are shelled, but if an unshelled prawns slips out of a human’s hand and then slithers across the floor at you what do you do, you crunch don’t you obviously.

In America the land of the big, they call Prawns Shrimp, I don’t really know why but I do know that Shrimp are, how can I put this err – ‘built.’ They are an enormous dream come true, well for this Cat at least!

So I hope that I have cleared up any confusion and that everyone, because that is the number of people who read my blog, knows what a Prawn is, but remember one Prawn is all very well but they are better when they come by the gross then they are 144 little packages of pink delight.

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Fat Cats Are Not All Bankers


It is true! Not all fat Cats are Bankers, according to those nice people at Purina a third of all pets in the UK are overweight,* so if that is the case what about the numbers in the states? It doesn’t bear thinking about does it?

So what are we going to do? I know, you could feed us Cats Prawns! Prawns are the perfect food they are full of energy, protein and not at all fattening. And of course some vegetarians eat Prawns, you know the ones I mean who don’t understand the word ‘vegetarian.’

Still I would happily live just on a diet of Prawns. So if you want to send me buckets or lorry loads I will happily munch my way to fitness.

Editors note:
As you will know from his book “Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary,” available here,The Cat is sadly addicted to Prawns and although he is allowed them once in a while as a treat to send lorry loads to him as he suggested would be impractical, so please if you have followed his instructions and the lorries are on their way to The Cat Headquarters do please stop them and turn them around now.

The image used in this blog is deliberately distorted to preserve anonimity of this poor flabby feline, but we know who you are chubby chops don’t we!

* Source

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Oh I am sorry about the last blog! There does that make amends?

How was I to know that what I wrote would come true? That some nice Polly’s would, err how can I put this? Make a wish come true?

No that is not very nice at all and again I have to apologise. Now that sounds like I don’t want to apologise if I ‘have’ to and that, I promise sincerely, is not the case.

Tee hee!

Parrots are after all some of God’s little creatures even if they are Gay Pigeons. Still the good news is that now at least we know who’s to blame for Parrots don’t we!

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Just A Thought

I would like to say and so I will, that not every blog needs a picture, just like this one in fact!

Actually it makes a change not to have to carefully paw craft a picture especially for you bloggers, even though of course I love you all, well I have to you love you all you keep me in Kippers and Prawns by buying my book and generally worshipping me, but all the same it feels nice not to have to fire up Photoshop and mess around pixelatedly, which of course is a new word and a lot of trouble at the same time.

Actually I like new words don’t you? Well you should, you get quite a few here don’t you and of course there are loads of newly invented words in my wonderful book “Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary,” which you lucky people can buy and enjoy anytime you like.

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Big Nudes!


Oh! I am so sorry I have made a typo in the headline – it should read Big News! But it got your attention didn’t it?

So what is the big news I hear you say and some of you complain! Well first I would say to all of you hold your horses and to those of you complaining I would say have some patience and don’t be so rude. I am a Cat after all and typing isn’t something I am born to.

No I know neither were humans born to typing, but you ape descendants held onto the prehensile toes and fingers while us slightly more highly evolved creatures have lost them and adopted a soft paw.

I have sort of decided that it would be fun each day to see if I can come up with ideas on how to annoy and of course eventually rid the world of Parrots, they are just multicoloured vermin after all gay Pigeons that’s what I call them and this mission is so very important that I am considering moving my blog onto the home page of my ‘www‘- wickedly, wonderful website. Treat your self and have a click no one is looking. then after you have done that do go to my my ‘www‘you will adore it.

You don’t really need the name of my amazing website but here it is just in case –

So I am going to have a chat with my PR people and let Sebastian, Polly and Georgie have a little ‘ponder’ as they always call it when they are trying to catch up with another of my amazing ideas.

In the meantime I thought I would share this little idea with you on the subject of ‘dealing’ with Parrots. Why don’t we announce that scientists have discovered obscene quantities of Peanuts on the M25? And they are free to anyone who wants a peck.

For all of my international visitors and friends the M25 is an is the worlds largest environmental experiment. It works by trapping hundreds of thousands of motorists every day by pretending that it is a motorway.

The motorists sit patiently at a standstill until ten minutes after they should have arrived at their destination and then they are released like a competitors in a race.

So if the carbon monoxide from the idling engines doesn’t get the Parrots who have come for the free peanuts then the formation start will.

Perfect! That should get rid of a few of those over dressed Pigeons shouldn’t it!

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It Is True To Say That I Hate Parrots – Does That Make Me A Bad Cat?


Yes it is true to say that I hate Parrots – does that make me a bad Cat? I don’t think so and this is why!

First as the picture evidence shows Parrots eat with their feet and that has to be an awful habit and they can’t wash themselves – fancy that!

Secondly I have a suspicion that Parrots are responsible for Bird Flu, they are birds of course and I have a feeling that they really hate anyone that isn’t a Parrot. Ask yourself this if you don’t believe me when you last tried to give Polly a peanut what did it do – yes that’s right it bit you and I bet you got told off for not only interfering with the Parrot but also for swearing, they are plotting our downfall I tell you.

And most importantly thirdly, the Parrot that I live with is just an awful feathered bully who picked on me the minute I was brought home imprisoned in a Cat basket, of course you can read all about that in my wonderful book – “Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary” which is available to all for a small fee at or my ‘www‘- wickedly, wonderful website, and all good stockists.

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The Best Looking Cat!


I like Cougars they are my most favourite animal – well after myself of course and they are pretty good looking unlike me, I have been described as handsome, cute, attractive, very striking, and yes beautiful!

The picture? Well you didn’t think I would show the competition for the best looking Cat on my blog did you? Well you don’t know me do you!

Never Mind Bird Flu! – I Think I Have Global Warming!

Yes that is right, all weekend I have been hot and not in my normally sexy way. I am boiling and fear that I have ‘Global Warming’ because I am hot everywhere.

What has happened to me I would like to know? Has someone de-forested bits of me that I can’t see? Am I in a carbon rich atmosphere? Will I get drowned in rising sea water?

Oh hang on a minute it is ok I have been sleeping in a patch of sunlight all weekend, I am surprised I’m not tanned.


Some people have accused me of being a hypercondriac and have told me that I should calm down I would like someone to tell me is being a hypercondriac dangerous? Can I get treatment for it or am I going to slip away noisily – well you wouldn’t want to slip away quietly would you if you are going to slip away at all!

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