Jan 242013
 

We all know that life in China is competitive, often the first qualification you have to have before you are even born is to be male! And from then on you have to do well on the great treadmill, be the best at school, strive to ever greatness for the benefit of the great fatherland…….. sorry I drop off there but you get the picture don’t you.

So with all of the above in mind it isn’t surprising that the little fools on the other side of the Great Wall even judge trees is it!

Tree Failure in Hong Kong

One last observation if I may! It is odd isn’t it that a country with so many people, most of them males and with such high standards to live up to are frankly not cutting the mustard. When was the last time you heard of an original Chinese invention that wasn’t ‘borrowed’ from a western corporation or government? Gunpowder and Fireworks come to mind as the last thing that the Chinese invented when not looking over a westerner’s shoulders, but that was such a long time ago, wasn’t it.



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Apr 022012
 

When Mrs. Anonymous (who I have to say I don’t know) sent me this picture from Cape Town someone had to explain the subject of this Museum to me because when I opened the file I had no idea what treasures were hidden behind the doors of the Natale Labia Museum.

Cape Town s Labia Museum

Now I know though and frankly I wish I didn’t!

Changing the subject – quickly – I hear from my publisher that the ebook versions of my wonderful books ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary‘ and ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ will soon be available at the Apple Bookstore, the Sony Bookstore and on something called Kobo – whoopee I say if it means that more of the folding stuff comes in, or should that be – wonderful news that my books are available to a wider audience, well I suppose so, although the extra cash sounds nice too!

As you would expect from one of the world’s foremost self-promotionalists I will keep you informed of the developments as and when they happen so that you can buy my books at these great retailers as well as on www.Amazon.co.uk and www.amazon.com to say nothing of the shop at my www wickedlywonderfulwebsite My Store although because it is a beautifully designed website and very posh I call that page my ‘store’ which has a certain ring to it like um… Apple Store.



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 282012
 

HillBilly Humour
Well that is one way to deal with Junk Mail, I wonder what they do to all of the spam that Google’s Gmail attracts?



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 202012
 

When you are on holiday you have, as I see it two choices, you can coat yourself in sun tan lotion, flop down next to the pool, order a constant supply of cool drinks, and totally veg out or you can use the sun, sea and spare time to get fit.

They do say that Tunisia is a great place to go on holiday, I personally don’t agree, but a lot of people do visit for a holiday and come back again although less since the whole Arab Spring – that’s vista and come back rather than just visit and disappear of course.

One of the many reasons why I think that Tunisia is such a bad choice as a holiday destination is the weird ideas that they have for exercising as the picture below suggests.

Abdominal Buttocks In Tunisia

Another reason is ‘safety’ and I can’t stress this one enough, if you stray into the native areas or indeed a Gym you could be risking your life. Again these dangers are demonstrated using the picture – which is now above . Just imagine a ‘Water Aerobics’ class that soon after requires ‘Body Pumping!’ Just how much water do these characters expect use mere mortal holidaymakers to take on board?



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 152012
 

I saw these pictures of the Moon, Jupiter and Venus online (unlike the real thing sadly) and thought I would share them with you my dear cuddly readers.

They clearly show that we live in a wonderful Universe which when we start to get to know it will be an exciting and magical place with endless surprises and opportunities.

Venus and Jupiter

Moon venus jupiter

What a shame then after thinking of all of that ‘higher’ stuff that I read in the newspapers that Russia wants to send a man or two to the Moon, not to explore, consider the wonder of the view like the first men on the Moon, but to dig it up for rare earths and collect something called Helium 3 which is apparently very very rare and so worth a big fortune.

I suppose that the next ‘Put’ as they will no doubt call future Tsars will then want to hold the rest of the world to ransom by limiting supply of this stuff like they do to Europe at the moment with their natural gas, just like the Arabs do with their oil and the Chinese do with their rare earths.

It is such a shame that the marvellous Cosmos is regarded by most humans as a place where they can go eventually to dig it up and make the same mess of the Universe as they have made of the home planet. What say us Cats rise up and do something about this. Oh look a plate of Prawns and someone has puffed up my pillow – maybe I can start the revolution tomorrow!



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 132012
 

Summer is coming, well after Spring of course but it will be here soon enough and frankly I can’t wait for a bit of warmth and some serious eating Al Fresco.

The other day I saw a picture which I thought I would share with all of my wonderful cuddly readers, it’s of Barbecue Tiger Prawns coated in a Soy sauce and then when you have finished Barbecuing the giant tasty treats you dip them in a mixture of Soy sauce and sieved Tamarind Pulp that mixture is called ‘Lampung sauce.’

Prawn BBQ

Of course TV chefs and food writers in magazines all believe that us ordinary common folk (well you ordinary common folk) can just reach up to the top shelf of our kitchen cupboards (or jump if you’re me) and whip out enough Tamarinds to turn into 4 tablespoonfuls, sadly they live in a dream world where they are not only famous but useful!

I think that the best way to eat Barbecued Tiger Prawns or indeed any type of Prawn is with the least amount of ‘cooking’ and quickly, in terms of quantities the fool who wrote the article where I saw the picture above thought that 12 Tiger Prawns between 4 people was sufficient – really?

This Cat believes 12 Tiger Prawns each might act as a small starter if the meal then moves on to Scampi, Potted Shrimp, and Prawns Sandwiches without the bread, Lettuce, Tomatoes etc! I suppose these sandwiches could be called PLT’s in the new world across the sea where the simple Bacon sandwich have been thus elevated.

So a PLT for me please and hold the Bread, Lettuce and Tomatoes thank you ever so much!

Um it hasn’t arrived yet!

Prawn Sandwich



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 072012
 

You know the expression ‘never play with guns’ is so try but people still do and then look what happens!

Dead paintball fighter

Oops! What a shame that the ‘safety’ was off!

The danger of allowing anyone to carry guns

Still at long last the prince of Wales has actually ‘done’ something while wearing a military uniform and impersonating someone from the armed forces, I think today he is a General in the Welsh Guards, but tomorrow he may be wearing his Admiral’s hat, he was after all a ‘Captain’ in the navy half a lifetime ago!



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Jan 252012
 

I just wanted to say well done to my Translator Mr. John Woodcock because his ebook ‘Tram No6 – The Naughtiest of Trams’ which is the first book in the ‘The Trams of Prague’ series has started to sell really well as a the number of people who have colour ebook readers grows thanks to the enormous increase in sales of the Amazon Kindle Fire and the iPad.

trams-cover.jpg

Mr. John Woodcock says that he thinks the reason why ‘Tram No6 – The Naughtiest of Trams’ is selling so well is that it’s illustrated in colour through-out and was one of the first picture books written and developed for colour ereaders (probably why it stuck on the shelves of Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk for so long before they we’re invented – and not my first thought which was that he is a talentless nobody who is only employed as my translator because he is the only human in the world who can speak Cat. You will know exactly what I think of him if you have read my book ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ which out sells Mr. John Woodcock’s book by thousands to one!

Of course I very rarely make references to other books when I can always mention my own which are such masterpieces but there is always a first time for everything as my Mum said when she was strapping the Bungee cord to her ankle, which of course is another story… which I am writing at the moment and Mr. John Woodcock is desperately trying to translate!

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Nov 082011
 

After moving 2,000 miles from Ungarra, South Australia to a new home in Darwin high up in Australia’s Northern Territories in March last year Jessie The Cat went missing, her family looked everywhere for her but she was nowhere to be seen.

A year later Jessie The Cat’s family had more or less given up any hope of ever seeing their wonderful Cat again until one day the people who had moved into Jessie The Cat family’s old house called them up and said that they had seen a strange Cat mooching around their house.

Jessie The Cat’s family asked for a picture, just in case the strange cat wasn’t a stranger to them. The picture arrived and delighted Jessie The Cat’s family because – well you have guessed it, it was Jessie The Cat.

Jessie The Cat had somehow managed to walk 2,000 miles back to her old home and her journey gets even more impressive when you look at the routes she may have taken, either Jessie The Cat crossed Australia’s searing desert or she took a very much longer coastal route to visit her old house and chums, until now Jessie The Cat hasn’t said which one she took or indeed whether she plans further adventures in the future.

Jessie s Journey

Just like Jessie The Cat your favourite genius of a feline author has been travelling, last year and indeed for a few years before I travelled the world researching my latest and most wonderful masterpiece of feline literature ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ and although I didn’t actually match Jessie The Cat’s feat on all fours I think I deserve a pat on the back don’t you?

You can get The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or a copy of The Cat’s Travelogue ebook by clicking these links or the nice picture below!

Travelogue by John Woodcock

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Oct 312011
 

With the unexpected snow, that obviously doesn’t have its alarm clock set for ‘Winter,’ falling all over New York I though it was about time to look at silly road signs yet again and I promise you on my travels researching my latest book buster of a book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ I saw loads.

Oops I nearly forgot you can get a copy of my latest unputdownable book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ here The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or if you are more than a little wired the ebook here The Cat’s Travelogue ebook.

It seems that people who erect ‘drive safely’ signs are causing havoc with innocent motorists and here is the very latest example.

I bet the poor driver was too busy reading the sign in heavy snow to watch the road and a dangerous piece of ice that started this accident. I do wish that people who are responsible for safety signs would be more responsible don’t you?

Still I suppose the old saying is true, “where you get motorists you get accidents!”A saying that is also true if you replace the word ‘motorist’ with human in this Cat’s experience!

Drive Safely

I am so sorry I can’t resist the urge to show you the cover of my latest book!

Travelogue by John Woodcock

There it’s better to get these sorts of urges over and done with isn’t it?

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