Jan 152013
 

American Logic

Clever!

Mind you I am all for keeping pets in the right place, though to do that we really do need a ‘Pet Area’ don’t we! It’s just difficult to decide where to put them – obviously!



Don’t miss my Kickstarter Project

For a limited time only, as they say, you can help with what has been described as the best Kickstarter project ever, namely The Cat’s 3D Animated Movie Project.

Yes that’s right if you click here MY KICKSTARTER PROJECT you can help yourself to a piece of what will be movie history. I’m making a trailer for my up coming movie and I really need your help! Give as much as you like for wonderful and valuable rewards.

Sadly we live in a suspicious world so if you send this link to a friend you might like to use this one to show that there isn’t any funny business involved, there never is on my blog or site but then only you and I know that don’t we!

They can paste it into their browser and go straight to my 3D animated movie project page on Kickstarter.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Dec 052012
 

Some little kids have Teddies, Barbies, to say nothing of Kens. Then again some kids in the world have to do with a furry friend who was previously a Rat.

Some how I do believe that this isn’t right!

Everyone loves a Rat


Don’t miss my Kickstarter Project

For a limited time only, as they say, you can help with what has been described as the best Kickstarter project ever, namely The Cat’s 3D Animated Movie Project.

Yes that’s right if you click here MY KICKSTARTER PROJECT you can help yourself to a piece of what will be movie history. I’m making a trailer for my up coming movie and I really need your help! Give as much as you like for wonderful and valuable rewards.

Sadly we live in a suspicious world so if you send this link to a friend you might like to use this one to show that there isn’t any funny business involved, there never is on my blog or site but then only you and I know that don’t we!

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1316679464/getting-out-animated-3d-short-film-trailer

They can paste it into their browser and go straight to my 3D animated movie project page on Kickstarter.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Nov 282012
 

Look I know that Americans speak English but sometimes I wonder is that enough? And do they all speak English.

This sign from Virginia would tend to suggest that it isn’t, is it?

Americans speak English but is that enough


Don’t miss my Kickstarter Project

For a limited time only, as they say, you can help with what has been described as the best Kickstarter project ever, namely The Cat’s 3D Animated Movie Project.

Yes that’s right if you click here MY KICKSTARTER PROJECT you can help yourself to a piece of what will be movie history. I’m making a trailer for my up coming movie and I really need your help! Give as much as you like for wonderful and valuable rewards.

Sadly we live in a suspicious world so if you send this link to a friend you might like to use this one to show that there isn’t any funny business involved, there never is on my blog or site but then only you and I know that don’t we!

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1316679464/getting-out-animated-3d-short-film-trailer

They can paste it into their browser and go straight to my 3D animated movie project page on Kickstarter.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Nov 292011
 

I was going through some old pictures and when I came across this one (below) it reminded me of my aimless wanderings that resulted in the writing of my wonderful masterpiece ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ (if you are one of the few people on the planet not to have a copy you can get it discreetly here www.amazon.com and no one will ever know that you didn’t have one of the latest trendiest ‘must have consumer products’ because you can pretend that you had it all the time).

In The UAE They Dream Of The Sea

The picture comes from the ultra modern high rising cement constructed emirate of UAE and brought back all sorts of dreadful memories of a place where the contradictions of life are many, various and confusing to say nothing of their translations into English!

Imagine spending $20 billion on an hotel – imagine the Burj Khalifa – and then try to imagine why you wouldn’t spend $20 on correctly translating a sign from Gulf Arabic to English, if you can do that then you can imagine just what life is like in Dubai or the UAE!

The UAE is a place where ‘foreigners’ are loathed, but welcomed so that they can fill the seven star hotels and try their hardest to buy at least a tenth of all of the dreadful modern and over priced real estate that has been thrown up for them on newly created ‘islands’ in the middle of enormous lagoons which are now sadly sinking back into the depths of the lagoons from where they were dredged up.

UAE

The UAE is a place that likes to pretend that it is modern, go ahead and forward thinking but can’t do more than pretend, take a recent innocent example of a multinational shoe manufacturer (Puma) who thought that the very rich inhabitants of the UAE and the tourists, who troll around the place gaping at the enormous buildings, pleasure parks and the greater number of building sites where construction has ground to a halt, would like a pair of trainers with the UAE flag plastered all over them.

These ‘special edition shoes’ (whatever that can possibly mean) were intended to mark the 40th UAE National Day. All that Puma had to do was to make them and put a stupidly high price on them ($190 because they are special I suppose), stick them in their own stores and ‘bam’ they would be a few million dollars richer even if half of the products sold would have to be returned because they were so badly made in China.

UAE PUMAS

Well it was a brilliant marketing plan what could go wrong?

What went wrong was simple the very conservative inhabitants of the UAE didn’t like the the fact that the nations flag colours were being used on shoes!

At this moment it might be a good idea to cast your mind back to the Iraq war, just at the end when America was being thanked and celebrated before the Iraqis changed their minds, when the enormous statue of old walrus face was toppled and locals started hitting it with their shoes.

Saddam Statue Shoe Attack

Then a short while later after the Iraqis had forgotten all about the repression of the old ways under the tough guy with the big soup strainer and more importantly who had rescued them from torture and terrible moustaches some idiot threw a shoe at Pres. Georgie B, can you see a pattern emerging here?

Pres Bush Shoe

For some reason in the Arab world, best known only to Arabs, feet and footwear are considered dirty, the Cat who writes blogs thinks that it is such a shame that there isn’t more widespread use shoe polish and foot baths in the Arab world as that surely would sort of solve little problems like this and then the UAE could make a better pretence of being what it pretends to be – a modern country that is a great place for tourists and second home owners. Because as incidents like this demonstrate currently the mind set of the people is still firmly entrenched in prehistoric Wadi mud, remember the Cat who writes blogs is just a Cat and Cats aren’t as clever as humans! Are they? But I have to say this I am glad that Cats have Paws and not feet and never wear shoes, unless they are dressed up by idiot humans – but that is the subject of another blog and nothing to do with this one!

Just imagine for a moment if we were so precious about the British Union Jack or the American Stars and Stripes, we would have tacky mugs, tea towels and souvenir shop rubbish in general, Jimi Hendrix’s masterpiece of guitar playing the ‘Star Spangled Banner’ would be lost forever and we would never have had anything to roll our ‘herbal’ cigarettes in at college would we?

US Flag Joint

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Aug 252011
 

Did you all see the cover of Private Eye showing London’s Olympic Rehearsal? They’ve been doing what the Onion News does for 50 years!

If not here it is and I think it could be hilarious if it wasn’t true. Sadly London is a polluted, over crowded, dirty and dangerous place which is almost as dangerous as well any other major capital city in the world and the London Olympics will just make things worse.

Londons Olympic Rehearsal

Mind you London can look nice especially when it is empty.

London Bridge

But then it is only empty when it is cold and people walk to work because the roads are choked with broken snow ploughs and burning gritting lorries. If you are American and reading this you may not know that a snow plough is a ‘snow plow’ and gritting lorries whether alight or not are gritting trucks hope that helps.

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Jul 282011
 

As the sign says “Sod Today” and while you are about it I suppose you could “Bugger Tomorrow!”

I saw this sign when I was tottering around the planet while researching my wonderful unputdownable next book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ I was in, where else, America of course, I love the American attitude but unfortunately the “Sod Today” ideal seems to be coming home to roost and things are getting tight for a nation that doesn’t know what living above your means err, means!

Sod Today And Bugger Tomorrow

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Jul 042011
 

When you write a lot no matter how careful you are, in spite of spellcheckers, the occasional misspelling slips through the net and gets printed its just a fact of life, humans and sometimes Cats are not infallible.

However there is no excuse for a sign that has just six words on it and worse advertises an article in a newspaper about ‘education!’

Spelling Help Needed Immediately

I hope all of my wonderfully cuddly readers spot the misspelling tee hee. Actually the word ‘misspelling’ looks odd on the page but the spell checker or is that ‘spellchecker’ says it is spelt correctly but then that in itself is a worry because all spell checkers use the American language’s spellings by default which if you use proper English are all spelt wrongly!

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Apr 292011
 

I always thought that once America had defeated mad old King George III’s evil Death Star they would go on to do great things and now and again they shine, sadly as the picture below demonstrates America even outsources the manufacturer of its ‘freedom’ these days.

At this rate in ten years time poor old America will be smelling funny, rocking in a chair, mishearing things and talking loudly about the good old days just like Great Britain.

American Freedom

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Apr 222011
 

As you may or may not know I hate Google for so many reasons, but the main one apart from them pushing their noses into your business is the fact that the ‘make’ me have Google in the Czech language when I log on to Google.com.

Now that is all well and good if you are Czech! I am sure Czech is a fine language and just as good as any other human language although it does seem to be a little over endowed with odd shapes that sprout out of some of the letters in strange places.

Unfortunately I don’t speak Czech and so I expect when I type in Google.com to my web browser to get Google.com in English or something quite close like American which is as close as you can get to English these days although American is spelt badly.

It is a shame then that Google.com is automatically routed via my browser to the Czech language site Google.cz because my IP address is Czech. Even when I block the web address Google.cz in my browser’s privacy settings I still get ***king Google.cz and have to manually alter the mistake.

It’s not exactly freedom of expression because Google.cz blocks my desire to visit Google.com to say nothing about freedom of speech – I am sure that they are ripping up some sort of constitutional right here and so I need a clever, devious and not very scrouplous lawyer to sue them for damages because constantly having to type in Google.com after I have logged on to Google.com and got Google.cz is driving this cat bonkers oh and of course my usual no win no fee lawyer is apparently indisposed for 10 years conducting Penal research from the other side of the bars if you know what I mean!

Having said all of that I do like it when Google makes a balls up and I hope you enjoy this one, it is a cracker.

The first picture below is the Google.cz homepage and has some dreadful illustration on it, the significance of it, of course, is totally above my head – but hell after all I am just a Cat so what do you expect.

The second picture is what happened to the pretty twee little picture when I typed in Google.com – just proving that all of the great flash animators don’t work at Google.com. whatever.

Dreadful Google

OOPS!

Dreadful Google 2

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