Tag Archives: Anal

Le Fart

Here is a clue to another of the places which I visited when doing my research for my soon to be latest blockbusting book The Travelogue which will be available in all good book stores, www.amazon.com and of course my www – wickedly wonderful website very soon.

For years we have known that the French are a little err… anal and frankly their films and indeed their culture are really a long way up their own um how do I put this..? I am sure you get the picture without me being too graphic here, but at long last here is the long awaited proof that the French are what we have always believed.

“Le Fart Location de Films et de jeux” as the sign says doesn’t only concentrate on French Movie Rental you can rent explosive French Games as well aren’t you lucky?

Fart

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Frenchman Imprisoned For Sending A Joke Email

Now I have to first of all put my paw up and declare that like 99.999% of the entire population on the planet (well the cognisant ones anyway) I don’t like the French over much, no that isn’t true I don’t like the French at all – until now that is, so what has changed my opinion? Well it was hearing of the plight of one brave and funny Frenchman that did it.

Unfortunately because of French law I can’t tell you the name of this plucky Parisian because French law doesn’t allow it but I can tell you his age – he is 40 years of age – and frankly that is of no importance what so ever but then that is probably why French law allows me to tell you – the law of a country always reflects the nature of the people – French law is anal, British law is snobbish and American law is expensive.

So what can I tell you about this poor cheerful chap who finds himself in chokey (a British slang word for prison derived from the Anglo-Indian Hindi word caukī which actually means a shed), mmmh I have meandered off the subject, sorry, regulars readers and fans understand this, indeed according to some of the reviews of my wonderful book “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” it is a “charming facet of a delightful book.” happily you can get it here at Amazon.com for a very small consideration if you haven’t bought it already and be delighted for yourself.

Oops there I go again anyway here is the background to this story and a demonstration of ‘Frenchness’ at its most ‘French’ if you see what I mean.

Last week Rachida Dati, the former Justice Minister in the French Government who is an MEP at the European Parliament in Strasbourg appeared on a French national radio station and confused the words “fellatio” and “inflation” – which sound similar in the rather silly French language, though of course the slip could have been ‘Freudian’ something that no one – until now – seems to have mentioned.

Anyway you can imagine the hue of poor Ms. Dati cheeks and the short period of embarrassment that she must have suffered, but the world didn’t collapse as a result of her ‘slip of the tongue’ if I can use that phrase when talking about ‘fellatio’ and not get put into prison, but some bright (unnamed) spark decided to send Ms. Datia an email asking for a little or a lot (I am not sure exactly how much) ‘inflation.’

Rachida-Dati the consequences of a joke.jpg

As you can see from the picture Rachida Dati probably rarely laughs though it is understood that she did laugh the incident off at the time but Ms. Datia obviously takes herself very seriously and was as Queen Victoria once was “not amused” when the email arrived.

Ms. Dati was so not amused that she had the police trace the sender through his IP address and then raid his home seize his computer and remand him in custody for 48 hours. It probably helps being the ex-Jusitce Minister here don’t you think?

After being kept in a cell the unfortunate joker was placed on bail and ordered to appear in court on December 3rd charged with displaying contempt towards a public servant, an offence which is so serious that it is punishable with a prison sentence of up to a month and a 10,000 Euros ($14,500) fine.

Of course I will let you know what happens to the poor joker – as it happens, because this is worrying isn’t it? If displaying contempt towards a public servant is a crime then we are all guilty because let’s face it politicians, the police, Kings, Princes, Princesses, Queens, Presidents and so on are all public servants, to say nothing of all of the public servants and we all have at some stage called them at the very least “idiots” and that of course means we are all criminals at least in the eyes of French law, oh sh** – now look at that my * key is working now and I didn’t have to type ‘shit’ for a change. But really the French are a bunch of w**kers aren’t they especially the public servants it would seem – tee hee see you in a French jail soon!

Just so that you know the french for ‘inflation’ is ‘l’inflation’ and the french for ‘fellatio’ is, strictly speaking, ‘fellation’ but then if you were to translate ‘blow job’ into french it would be ‘fellation’ as well so I am guessing that Ms. Dati use a slang word – oh how dirty!

I could speculate what word Hugh Grant might use while parked up in a Parisian back street but I am too nice for that and when my movie comes out it will be animated and has to have a ‘universal’ certificate so I won’t do that.

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