Tag Archives: Apple

Here Is Some Great News!

My dear cuddly readers will be pleased to hear that to celebrate the launch of the latest Amazon reader ethingy the Kindle Fire those ever so nice people at Amazon have released the ‘Kindle’ and other ebook versions of my latest and most wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ early which is nice. I just have to say that you will be pleased to hear that ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ is coincidentally the best book I have written since my last one.

Not just to be content with getting a big head start on selling my ebook the paperback department of Amazon demanded equal rights to the ebook department and guess what you can buy either or indeed both formats on Amazon now, they have just told me I checked and it’s true – isn’t that wonderful.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

So that means that if you want a copy of my latest book you can order it now and have it instantly, if you want the eVersion or, in a couple of days max if you want the paper one. And the good news is that you will beat those who have ordered it at book stores by at least a couple of weeks.

So for all of my wonderfully faithful, patient and cuddly readers here are the important web addresses to click on, and don’t forget you will make me very happy if you buy one book, delightfully happy if you buy two and delirious happy if you buy more than five.

Of course it might go without saying, but I am going to say it anyway and I have a feeling I have said this before, you can instantly get a copy of my latest book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ from my www-wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or at the store on my www – wickedly wonderful website here my store at www.thecatsdiary.com.

To make life easy for you I have added the links you are going to need to get my book from good old (some say) Amazon.com do go for The Cat’s Travelogue on Amazon.com or Amazon UK.

If you need a Kindle to read my truly wonderful latest book on then get a Kindle Fire here they are really rather good as well as being competitively priced I hear.

If you want a good old iPad2 then I have another place for you to click – Computers aren’t you lucky? This link will take you straight to Amazon.coms Computers store for great prices, fast delivery and the same service you get when ordering my book. You never know they might even arrive in the same parcel that would be neat wouldn’t it?

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Sauce Of The Sweet & Sour Goose

Kung Fu Panda 2 007

As a lot of us know Hollywood’s latest animated blockbuster from Dreamworks, the Chinese themed Kung Fu Panda II, opened in the US and China at the weekend and it by all accounts did rather well, which is nice.

The first instalment (imaginatively entitled Kung Fu Panda II – but with one less ‘I’) broke box office records in China three years ago but was criticised in some quarters as western exploitation of Chinese culture.

Do you agree with with this Cat and think that the Chinese have at least two faces and are being rather silly about saying that Kung Fu Panda I or indeed Kung Fu Panda II are “western exploitation of Chinese culture!” After all what would you call making all of the goods that the West use everyday like iPads, iPhones, Computers that even aren’t Apple ones, TV’s and of course so much more if it isn’t Chinese exploitation of Western culture.

To say nothing of the fact that almost everything made in China is badly made, falls apart as soon as the product is removed from the safety of its protective packaging, and of course that most of the counterfeit DVD’s and other pirate products are made in China and sold in the West.

All of which I am sure means that the Chinese have a sauce pointing a finger at the West for exploitation and should be the last to lecture the West about exploitation especially when they now have jobs that used to be Western jobs and the families who relied on them are flat broke. Surely the Chinese take the biscuit for exploitation – right out of hungry Western mouths in fact.

Changing the subject for a moment I would just like to thank a record number of people for buying my latest book and masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ during June, it is obviously perfect reading for the Summer and I hope that you enjoy it while you are tanning on a beach somewhere very warm.

One thing I would say on the subject of buying books – well I promised my translator I would – is that copies of his ebooks are available on Amazon.com and all other great retailers so when you go to Amazon.com to buy my book or to my www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com do have a look at John Woodcock’s books ‘Trams of Prague’ and ‘AstroMouse,’ they are really rather good (he made me put that bit in but after reading them I agree).

The other thing I would say is that avid readers of my books are in for a real treat very soon my next book ‘The Travelogue – A Cat Against The World’ is soon to be available in the same great bookshops and websites as ‘Getting Out’ isn’t that wonderful?

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Look What I Found!

I was trawling the internet yesterday trying to discover why the DVD drive on my, less than three month old, Mac Mini had decided to growl at me in a really not very nice way, not bother to load a DVD and then either spit the DVD out or hog it until I had to use a software eject.

Honestly what have I been saying about things made in China? Yes, you’re right, nothing good what so ever and guess where the faulty DVD drive was made – China yes well done – gold stars all round!

Surely it is time to get the Chinese to give up on the idea that they can ‘make’ (and I use that word in the broadest sense here of course) goods for the rest of the world and do something important like feed their people, I read that millions are starving because of drought in China and also down a bit on the map in North Korea poor devils.

So what was it I found while I was trawling the internet fuming at yet another Apple product – with a made in China label – had gone down the toilet? I found these photographs of someone’s hand turned into ‘art.’

Actually I don’t know how I found these pictures but you know Google.com even if it can’t find exactly what you are looking for they will still try to sell you some load of crap or the other – oops I said crap didn’t I, and not an asterisk in sight, but then I am annoyed – well sort of pretend annoyed tee hee.

My blood pressure wasn’t helped by the fact that it is so difficult to use Google.com in the Czech republic and that’s because when you have a Czech IP address and type Google.com into a browser Google will automatically redirect you to Google.cz even though you may not speak Czech but you do live in Prague and they do this so that they can say that their search engine which is not the most popular here gets more hits – wallies!

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I do have one question about these photographs and that of course is why didn’t the chap who created the nice Eagle and Elephant ‘paint’ (if that is the right word) ME! Aren’t I just the best looking Cat in the world, to say nothing of my talent, generosity, humility and… well you get the picture.

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Although I like these photographs I do think it’s a little odd what you humans do with your opposable, posable thumbs and a bit of spare time! Mind you I wonder just how much spare time you need to be so bored that you start drawing on your hand.

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On The Run

Today is shaping up to be one of the busiest days of the year so far which is nice in one way. But unfortunately the sun has come out and it is drenching the room and warming the windowsill.

It was -4C last night and so the windowsill needs a lot of warming and honestly sun is just the thing to do that sort of thing I assure you, soon the windowsill will be perfect to slump down on and act as a bed for 20 or so hours which is a shame because I will be out and about.

I have so much to do today and it is all rather important and what a shame there’s no gullible human to do it all for me which is terrible and of course why I am on my way to the centre of Prague on my own and being the nice generous Cat that you know, love and buy books from I thought that you might like a picture of my view on the way, taken electronically on the run and then up loaded to you on from my Apple iPad – yes at long last I have one that works.

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Yesterday I noticed that Apple Computers and the idiot Chinese who ham-fistedly assemble iPads announced that they are building the iPad2 just my luck to get one that works at long last only to see it replaced with an upgraded model – sometimes I hate technology don’t you?

I hope that you have as good a day as the one that I want to have. If it all goes the way I want it too then of course I will tell you all about it, if on the other paw it doesn’t please don’t ask har ha.

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Monday Blog

Here in the western world it is Monday, in Europe it is snowy and in the middle of Europe it is frosty. It’s very cold indeed and if I didn’t need to go to the studio today I don’t think I would risk my paw pads on the frozen ground, but I have a duty to my fans and that means that soon I will be out of the door and off to write a film script or two – I am a cat that just goes on giving aren’t I?

As I am in a little bit of a hurry, again, sorry! I though that I would give you a lovely little sign, again, sorry!

Here, looking out at the cold, and really looking forward to getting into it, I can see that the trees are covered in an air frost, I would impress you dear readers and tell you that it is a ‘hoar’ or ‘rime’ frost because one of those is airborne but for the life of me I couldn’t tell you which is which, not only that I think there is another ‘frost’ who’s name I have forgotten and of course air frost could be that – darn why are Cat’s so honest I could have easily said that the ‘hoar’ frost has covered the tress you humans wouldn’t have known the difference but I ‘have’ to tell the truth it is a species wide problem.

Still the trees look nice here they are mainly 30 foot tall Christmas trees although further on the streets are lined with Pear, Cherry and Apple trees which oddly enough does not effect the sale of those fruit from the supermarkets. Mind you unlike the ‘Proles’ here I collect the fruit and bottle it, yes it is an odd hobby for a Cat but then I am not a normal Cat.

Anyway the trees do look nice and we should always remember to look after our trees because they look after us unfortunately that desire to look after trees can go to far – see the sign below.

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About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Facebook Is Laughable!

I thought as there had been a few stories recently about yours truly and wonderful, intelligent Cats in general I would give you humans a human story for a change.

Everyone knows Facebook.com I suppose and most people if you tie them to a chair and shine a light into their eyes for long enough would recognise Kate Middleton, the mousey young woman who is going to marry prince thingy in a couple of months and together they are going to raise the spirits of a bedraggled nation, or cost that nation a small fortune for a wedding, your choice depending upon whether you support the monarchy or are a grown up, but it has to be remembered that only one Kate Middleton is going to marry the balding prince thingy.

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So why can’t Facebook, a social something or other network, realise that there may well be humans with the same name in their system – let me explain.

It may come as a shock to you and I know it will to Facebook if they ever enter the real world, but the world is full of ‘Kates’ – they are young and younger women who were called ‘Kate’ by their proud parents. Kate is a girl’s name after all and incidentally means ‘pure!’

The name Kate is a shortening for the longer female name of Katherine which can also be shortened further to ‘Kat’ which is nothing to do with us felines I have to say, the name ‘Kat’ has more to do with err… how can I put this more – down to earth people, ok common people.

According to WikiAnswers.com there are 200,679 Kate’s or Katherine’s in total in the world but quite frankly that answer could be like most answers from that website either total rubbish, copied from Wikipedia (which I believe is more or less on a par with rubbish) or completely and utterly untrue.

The ‘fact’ that there are so many ‘Kates’ in the world is something that anyone with an average IQ would agree to and frankly you can decide if you believe WikiAnswers.com or not because the numbers are not important, the most important fact about the name ‘Kate’ is that there are a lot of women, and of course to ensure that this Cat isn’t being sexist probably some men, called ‘Kate.’

So what does all that mean? Well a few things, up to 400,857 parents liked the name Kate, the name Kate is a bit common, the name Kate is nothing special really!

Usually females called Kate have a last name, and some of those will be unfortunate enough to have the last name of ‘Middleton’ it is also a reasonably common name.

Currently in the United Kingdom there are 20,573 people with the last name ‘Middleton’ where it is ranked the 269th most popular surname in the country.

In the United States of America there are nearly double the number of people with the surname of Middleton 40,708, but because there are more people in the states the surname is ranked only 771st, all of which means that as with the christian name ‘Kate,’ ‘Middleton’ is a common name and there is nothing what so ever wrong with that – is there folks?

Well let me rephrase that – there is nothing wrong with that unless you just happen to be called Kate Middleton and are on Facebook the well known and dreadfully dull way to keep in touch with people you would normally avoid but ‘befriended’ when they asked to avoid a confrontation of some sort where it would seem that the idiots are in charge of the controls.

Now why does that “know it all of a Cat” say that against poor defenceless but awfully profitable Facebook? Well the answer is simple to this Cat and I am sure that you humans will catch up eventually!

Recently the intellectually challenged minors at Facebook who ‘control and regulate’ Facebook decided to suspend the account of a 29 year old lady from Northants UK because oddly enough she was called ‘Kate Middleton.’ But as we have seen above the names Kate and Middleton are not uncommon and of course it is almost certain that these two names would be linked together by a pair or more of loving parents who named little Kate, Kate when she was a baby.

Little did these unsuspecting but proud parents know that 29 years later another ‘Kate’ an unremarkable woman with mouse-bum brown hair would be marrying a balding British prince who is second in line to a redundant throne and in turn be risking the family curse of divorce after a few years as her husband to be’s Father, Uncle and Aunt all suffered from that curse, divorce must run in the family and the family and its members must be dreadfully hard to live with.

So Kate Middleton’s Mum and Dad didn’t think that there would be any problems calling Kate ‘Kate’ and when Kate Middleton joined the oh so mundane website Facebook they accepted her as yet another person that they could flog crap to through their soon-to-be launched advertising system that rivals Google.com in its pointlessness.

Unfortunately Kate Middleton who is a Healthcare Assistant has recently had her Facebook account suspended because the ‘clever people’ at Facebook said that she had registered on their network with a fake name – as if they would know what a fake name is, does anyone know what ‘facebook’ means?

So why have the dicks that are clever at Facebook victimised this particular Kate Middleton and deny her access to her library of contacts and photographs, well unfortunately the answer is all too simple some other Kate Middleton will be marrying a balding British prince and be risking divorce in a few years in April and the British and obviously Facebook are wetting themselves in anticipation and excitement indeed Facebook has moved to stop anybody impersonating that particular unfortunate Kate Middleton.

Now I am only a Cat, yes a clever one, but still a Cat and I think that before banning this Kate Middleton I would think that Facebook should have had a look at this Kate Middleton’s pictures, read her bio, or even contacted her to establish that she was a real Kate Middleton before denying her access to her account if they had had the courtesy to do that they would have realised that this Kate Middleton was who she said she was.

There is of course a hint there if Facebook needed one – the real Kate Middleton doesn’t have any pictures of her standing next to a balding British prince and his dreadful family in exotic locations, shooting things and doing all of the action-girl/boy stuff that you can do when you are living in sin with a rich playboy.

Not only that, the real Kate Middleton not only had a Facebook page but she also has a boyfriend all of her own – his name is ‘Jonathan Ross.’ Mr. Ross has a Facebook page all of his own. The irony is that Jonathan Ross is also the name of a reasonably famous British television presenter and by all rights – well Facebook’s rights that is – Kate Midddleton’s boyfriend Jonathan Ross should have his account suspended for impersonation as well shouldn’t he?

Of course there is worse to come from the idiots at Facebook who, despite repeated attempts from the real Kate Middleton to have her account reinstated, have ignored her communication. All of which is really rather galling when you consider that Kate has pictures of her nephew on Facebook who is growing up, and all of her contacts, some of those she hasn’t seen for 15 years since she was at school.

Just in case you are like Facebook – terminally confused – here are two pictures of Kates – the top one is a real Kate and guess what, so is the bottom one, she is just another Kate Middleton!

The Real Kate Middleton.png

The Real Kate Middleton

Another Kate Middleton.png

Another Kate Middleton

Of course this is just a tea cup with a storm raging in it, but if you think about it for a moment there are some really worrying issues here:

The first is that Facebook is acting as a self appointed censor on behalf of the British royal family who do a lot of dreadful things and expect far too much from an ungrateful nation, but even that bunch of ego maniacs probably wouldn’t ask Facebook to do a ‘King Herod’ act and get rid of all of the ‘other’ Kate Middletons in the world just because one was about to realise a little girl’s dream and become a princess.

The second issue is just plain worrying. Facebook do not allow you to communicate with them – they just ignore you and that is because they are too busy with the other five hundred and ninety nine million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine other users! Let’s face it, no system can cope with 600 million users personally and of course Facebook don’t actually care about you, all they want you to do is to click on ads just like Google.com and make them even more cash.

The Third and probably most important issue here is this – there is a move from companies such as Google.com, Apple.com and Microsoft.com, who are all entirely capable of making terrible miscalculations of judgement about the real world, to get you and I to use something called ‘Cloud Computing’ where you entrust these idiots with all of your computer ‘stuff’ and they house it in a ‘cloud’ on their computers to keep it safe and save you the stress of having it all on your own perfectly good computer.

The aforementioned ‘stuff’ of course can be anything, personal information, financial information, your treasured electronic pictures – I am sure that you are getting the idea here.

So what happens if in the future these idiots do a Facebook and say that you are an impostor and deny you access to your ‘stuff’ what are you going to do? Nothing is the answer, you and I are powerless against these fools so do the only thing you can and don’t trust these berks in the first place and of course ignore the royal wedding in April the people involved are just a lot of expensive attention seekers who mistakenly believe that they do the UK some good – they like Facebook.com are so very wrong!

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A Blog In A Hurry

Hi all – I am in a hurry because I am just about to spend several hours using a misnamed telephone ‘service.’

Yes that’s right – I will be calling the the very badly named ‘Apple Customer Service helpline’ the reason I have to do that is yesterday I received a new Apple computer and of course it doesn’t work properly. I have a history of buying Apple computers that don’t work properly. My laptop arrived several years ago and died almost immediately and because it was several years ago I had, until now, forgotten just what a prick you have to be to buy Apple computers because they go wrong straight out of the box every time and when you speak to customer service they can’t help.

Now I wouldn’t be talking to the Apple unhelpful line but the retailer who I bought the damn machine from allowed me, online, to fill in loads of forms – print out loads of forms and a postage label and then just as I was going out of the door with the box full to the brim with a useless computer they emailed me to say that I had to talk to Apple first they could help – yeah right!

So now I am about to sit in front of a phone listening to musak and Apple ads and get annoyed which means by the time I speak to the cretin called kevin or shona I will be in a foul mood in a way I pity don’t you?

I just have to keep repeating to myself – “I’m so lucky I could be saddled with a computer that runs Windows!” But as some cocky person has just said here at The Cat HQ “at least the Windows computer runs Windows.”

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China’s New Supercomputer Is The World’s Fastest

When I read that China’s Tianhe-1A supercomputer had taken the crown as the world’s fastest supercomputer from the US and that the Tianhe-1A was capable of sustained computing of 2.507 petaflops a second – 1.4 times faster than Cray XT5 Jaguar I wouldn’t say that I was all that impressed!

Why I hear you ask – well for one simple reason and that simple reason is I wondered where who the Chinese had stolen the design and blue prints from – let’s face it China’s technology industry is only good at assembling computers designed in the US and of course in the case of Apple designed by an English designer in the US but that bit of information is just jingoistic really – like say for example having the world’s fastest supercomputer.

Below are a few images of my suggestions for what the Chinese computer may look like based on what they have copied so far. Although if it is really designed by the Chinese then it probably looks dreadful – just like the sound of its name.

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iPad.png
iMac.png

Actually I was going to add some examples from other computer manufacturers but as I looked through what HP, Dell, Acer and the rest of the bunch had to offer something horrible struck me – their computers are so ugly that they must use Chinese designers already so there was no choice but to use Apple really after all I am an honest Cat.

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After The Latest Big Announcement Here Is Mine

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First of all this good looking Cat would like to thank each and everyone of you for coming to Cat World Headquarters, we promise it will be worth it and not at all like yesterday’s damp squib of an announcement from good old Google who could only manage to produce out of the hat a copy of Apple’s iPhone called oddly in my view “Nexus One,” I am I have to say looking forward to the Nokia law suits there too.

That is the problem with hype of course it can only last so long can’t it Google and then afterwards you have to stand in the spotlight with your rather limp contribution to humanity.

Anyway where were we? Yes our announcement, well that is what a press conference is for isn’t it to tell all of you Cat fans something, something wonderful, something terrific, something so marvellous that it is going to change your lives for ever.

And when we here at cat World have discovered exactly what that is we will of course be having another press conference, this one of course was just to let you know that we like Google are working on something marvellous and when it is ready we will deliver it on time.

Unlike Google we can’t promise that whatever the wonderful thing is that we eventually launch will be free, but then they didn’t deliver that did they? Fancy promising that calls on mobiles would be paid for by advertising and then not delivering tisk tisk Google, however like Google we promise that what we deliver will be powerful, relevant and … well just too wonderful for words, which I think you will agree is a good place to stop!

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