Jul 262012
 

Now that we all have to pay for our plastic carriers bags, to help save the environment, well that is the excuse that is made by retailers and the one time great providers of free eco-friendly carrier bags, is it time that we got something in return for our hard earned cash that is value for money?

Yes I think so!

Well that answer to my question was a little obvious because I am writing this blog from that point of view! But I hope you see what I mean.

Still my point is that Tesco and all of the other supermarket bandits shouldn’t be allowed to sell carrier bags that don’t live up to what name suggests and sadly fall well below the expectations of even a Cat, when the contents that have been crammed into the aforementioned carrier bag disappear out of the bottom and land below even the eye level of this vertically challenged Pussy!

There is, if I am not mistaken a point of law that says (in civilised western countries at least) that something which is bought from a retailer or any old third party should be of merchantable quality, isn’t there?

So having said that, would you my dear cuddly readers suggest that the carrier bag below is of that particular quality? Of course you wouldn’t, would you?

Tescos Carrier Bag

It not only failed in its mission to transport a sizeable shipment of mouth watering Prawns. It also spread those contents plus some rather personal items, which I prefer not to name, across the shopping mall floor, a shattering experience for the bottle involved and a highly embarrassing one for this poor humiliated and as yet uncompensated Cat.

Something has to be done to ensure that when we buy a carrier bag we get something that will do what the name suggests doesn’t it?

I suggest that someone start a campaign with of course my full moral support and backing, so long as I don’t actually have to do any hard work for that campaign because I am currently in mourning for a bag of Prawns and couldn’t bring myself to chain my person to the doors of a branch of Tesco – hint hint!

You know I have a feeling that there is more to this carrier bag nonsense than merely a clever supermarket getting extra cash for something they used to give away for free don’t you?

So convinced was I that there was something more to this that I even searched in the wonderful organ of misinformation and confusion ‘Google’ after typing “what happens to the money collected from selling plastic carrier bag that were once given away” I got these answers.

1. – “Americans throw away 100 billion plastic bags every year” Yeah right always blame the poor Americans, but what has that got to do with my question? Nothing of course!

2. “Firms faces penalties of up to £5000 if they give away single use carrier bags.” That seems a bit strong doesn’t it – still it was the Welsh Government website so…

3. Why do charity shops charge 5p for a used carrier bag when they’re selling clothes for 5 pence and selling books for 50 pence each?” Why indeed?

So after all that research – well I couldn’t stand reading more than a page of the nonsense that a Google search throws up so I gave up without any answers, but I did get loads of adverts served up to me selling things I didn’t need, have you noticed that Google always vomits nonsense doesn’t it? You would think that at least one advert would have mentioned “shopping bag” but it didn’t!

So sadly I can’t tell you where the 5p collected goes, although I suspect it goes towards the profits of the retailer involved and don’t blame them the scheme has to be inforced because it is the law.

I did laugh at this quote from one government website.

“What is a single-use carrier bag?

A single-use carrier bag is a bag that is not designed for substantial reuse and are often given out with the aim of transporting your goods home for just one trip. These are most often plastic bags but can also include paper bags too.”

Now I don’t know about you but I use paper and plastic carrier bags more than once to carry my Prawns home from the shop in and after that I use them as bing bags for my kitchen bin, although I have a suspicion that I should buy bin bags and use them for shopping first because they are so much cheaper at 2p according to the Tescos website page here Tescos website – Bin Liners and pictured below.

Tescos Bin Liners

It’s so true these days that high earning tax avoiders, The Tax Man, Politicians, Bankers, Multinationals and of course Supermarkets are all looking to take advantage of us.

As Leonard puts it in the Big Bang Theory when he trying to tell Dr. Sheldon Cooper that he has been compromised.

“Alright, well let me see if I can explain your situation using physics. What would you be if you were attached to another object by an incline plane wrapped helically around an axis?”

Dr. Sheldon Cooper: “Screwed?”

Leonard: “There you go.”



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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May 212012
 

If you have read my masterpieces of feline literature ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary‘ and ‘The Cat’s Travelogue‘ you may well be familiar with my lawyer Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” who has represented me as a lawyer, agent, advisor, familiar, confidante, spokesperson, PR expert, investment consultant and personal councillor for a number of years whether I have wanted him to or not and in the process taken what ‘others’ describe as a substantial portion of my income including royalties, gifts, personal expenses for appearances in person or as Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” says is a very small percentage of the whole “operation” bearing in mind what he does for me.

So when I saw the sign below it honestly started me thinking. Are the ‘others’ right or are they as Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” says acting in a “sour grape-wise manner because they didn’t get in on the found floor!”

No one trusts lawyers

So here is a snap shot of my recent thoughts and maybe you can decide for me because I am in two minds which is confusing to say the least!

I’m torn these days, I know I owe Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” a lot because he tells me I do and then goes on to say that if I hadn’t used his personal management company and its dozens of “affiliates,” all of whom charge by the hour, I don’t think I would be sitting here writing this blog because I wouldn’t be the famous and fabulously successful author that I am, but people who I have met along the way seem to disagree and I am starting to believe them!

For example I would never ever have thought that as part of my “disbursements,” Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd’s” word not mine, I had to purchase a “runabout” for him from Ferrari of America so that he could drive over to my place for brunch. And then when I moved to England do exactly the same thing.

But I trust Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd.” He has, like Bernie Madoff before him, done such a lot for me, and as he never fails to tell me there is one difference between Bernie and Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” and that’s true with Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” I get to keep most of my hard earned cash and as Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” tells me unlike poor Stevie Spielberg Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” was able to get most of my money back from Bernie Madoff before “everything started to turn into the shape of a Pear.” And of course for that I am grateful to Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” for that, I understand that Steven Spielberg had to really cut back and sell one of his super yachts and is only left with five of his homes, poor lamb. Still if he made better movies he might just be able to buy a new super yacht but then that is merely my personal opinion.

The reason why I am still not sure if Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” is to be fully trusted is that so many lawyers, like bankers, politicians and a large number of stockbrokers, investment advisors, and financiers have proved to be, at best cold hearted individuals who are only looking to line their pockets, and at worst are now, after years of being trusted confidantes, being convicted of a catalogue of very serious crimes and going down for ‘stretches’ that are substantially longer than their life expectancy and I am sure that there are more to follow.

Worse still if you are like me just a little paranoid and prone to delusion (I think I might be that unless I am being delusional about it of course) you may be casually reading the UK newspapers and start to form the opinion that there is an awful lot of collusion and conversation between the UK’s ruling party, the Police and some Newspapers with of course a liberal peppering of ‘professionals’ lawyers, accountants, financiers etc., involved all of which is very worrying.



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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May 162011
 

You know the area around Romney and Hythe in Kent, England has a lot of exciting things to see if you are thinking of a family holiday in the UK because the government have taken all of your money and you can’t afford to go somewhere really nice like err… Spain or where the bankers and the politicians who created your newly found poverty go… the Caribbean.

Still Romney and Hythe has some interesting sights, scenes and sounds for all the family.

First of all there is the Royal Military Canal a long flat waterway built for use during the Napoleonic Wars once captured by the french it would have proved invaluable for transporting men and supplies and creating a much wider bridgehead very rapidly. The canal lies flat in some of the prettiest countryside the flat lands of Romney Marsh so it is best seen from bridges.

Romney Marsh Military Canal

The Romney, Hythe and Dymchurch Light Railway which is the world’s smallest public railway is a child’s dream and starts near Hythe town centre and runs fourteen miles across the Romney Marsh to the shingle headland of Dungeness.

Romney Hythe Railway

Dungeness is home to two interesting landmarks the first is a near derelict lighthouse where unsupervised children can climb out onto a ledge hundreds of feet above the ground and lean over a rickety Victorian railing.

From so far up they can see the coast of France a few miles away, the beautiful Romney Marshes on their left and the enormous Dungeness Nuclear Power Station to their right.

Dungeness Power Station and Lighthouse

The nuclear power station is also of interest to the casual visitor not only because of its location on the coastline but also because it bears a striking resemblance to the Fukushima Daiichi Power Station in Japan. In fact they share the same nuclear reactors though of course currently the Dungeness ones are not in meltdown.

Four miles way lies the hamlet of Port Lympne which has nearby the internationally renowned Port Lympne Wild Animal Park.

If after one or two days holidaying in this area and you do get bored why don’t you pass the time by looking at some of the signs around, like this one and try and work out why the obviously needs to be stated so dramatically?

Romney and Hythe Council s Little Understatement

Oh by the way don’t whatever you do go into the sea at Dungeness or along most of the coastline, the beach drops away dramatically underfoot and so in some places if you take three or four strides into the sea the next one will mean you are completely and utterly out of your depth. To make matters worse usually the sea is rough which means if you are not a confident swimmer you will be in trouble.

Some say that the Kent coastline is polluted and with radioactivity from the Nuclear Power station and the local Water Company’s rather inefficient treatment of wastewater, which at times of great ‘demand’ means that raw sewerage is pumped into the sea so it might be an idea to avoid the coast completely.

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Feb 012011
 

I thought I would tell you a little ‘jokette,’ which though quite distasteful for two reasons, it has a dead Cat in it and a banker, is still rather funny, and funny enough for me to slip it into my forthcoming book ‘The Travelogue’ so here it is!

How do you tell the difference between a dead Cat on the motorway and a dead banker? The answer is simple, there are skid marks around the Cat!

As for a picture to go with the joke sadly I could find a lot of pictures of Cats that had been knocked down on all sorts of roads but none of any bankers really you humans should do better! All of which means I though I would show you a picture of one of my favourite roads from America.

The road goes on forever.jpg

“The road goes on forever.” As J. R. R. Tolkien said.

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Dec 162010
 

It is worth mentioning, because it’s a compliment that a lot of people give me when they write to me, that readers can never guess what they are going to be delighted by and read next on my blog and I suppose that is why it is so amazingly successful.

This Cat loves to entertain and put a smile on his wonderfully cuddly readers faces and I hope that I always do, in fact judging by the very large number of books being sold around the world, especially at Amazon.com, I imagine that my readers are regularly entertained and recommend my blog, my book and my website to all of their friends.

I know how much everybody enjoyed my blog a while ago about London Bridge and so I thought I would post a picture that the ever charming daughter of my translator sent me recently.

My translator’s daughter is called Jo Woodcock and she is one of those famous humans who acts and if you type in ‘Jo Woodcock actress’ in say www.google.com or www.bing.com you’ll be able to see this picture of her and many more.

Jo Woodcock.jpg

For your information this picture (above)comes from the BBC www.bbc.co.uk and is a still from the series ‘Land Girls’ which is on your screens in the UK soon and on BBC America around Christmas too I believe.

Anyway enough of humans here is the picture.

London Bridge.jpg

When you look at the picture does it strike you that the guy on the left looks as though his batteries have run out and he has just come to a stop people in the street do that a lot don’t they tee hee! I suppose he has stopped on his way to a job he hates and is thinking “maybe I could call in sick? I just really don’t want to spend another eight hours bored stiff when I could be a… professional wreck diver in the Caribbean!”

The woman behind him is obviously humming to herself and, “think we’ll have Shepherd’s Pie tonight mmh lovely that might make Nigel take more notice of me and it is a cheap, filling and tasty meal – oh I am glad I’m not a vegetarian!”

This Cat loves Shepherd’s Pie by the way, especially when it is cooked with beef and not lamb, actually did you know that when ‘Shepherd’s Pie’ is cooked with beef it is known as ‘Cottage Pie’ and when ‘Cottage Pie’ is covered in Cheese (preferably a very orange Cheese like Double Gloucester) it’s called ‘Cumberland Pie’ I love English cooking it’s so inventive without being pretentious like some cuisines I could mention but you all know by now I mean ‘french’ don’t you!

It’s possible that some of my lovely cuddly readers are deprived – and don’t you have to be careful when you type that word? And not adding a rogue ‘a’ instead of the ‘i!’ – and that they might not have enjoyed the delightful taste of Shepherd’s Pie, Cottage Pie or indeed Cumberland Pie you poor things and so to put that right here are some pictures of what they look like and a recipe – yes that is right I am the Cat that keeps on giving! But then it is the season for that and also to be jolly apparently.

Shepherds Pie.jpg

Just think what a change a simple (and it is simple) dish of Shepherd’s Pie or any of its other incarnations will be over the holiday season, when you are stuffed to the brim with rich food and if you have any leftover meat and you don’t know what to do with it you are in for a real treat.

THE RECIPE

Boil and mash 2lbs (1kg) of big, floury potatoes, adding a thick slice of butter and some cream as you mash.

Soften 2 large onions, peeled and chopped, in a little butter. If the fancy takes you you can add a few diced carrots and celery now. Some people also add Baked Beans or peas – basically if you like ‘it’ throw ‘it’ in – within reason of course Prawns don’t work in Shepherd’s Pie – but they really do in the other ‘Pie’ variation on the mashed potato topped theme ‘Ocean Pie’ which is all fish, delightful cod, delicious haddock, wonderful smoked salmon more fish than you can imagine and I once imagined a swimming pool filled to the brim with Prawns – sorry I have to stop for a minute and regain my composure.

Where was I – oh yes – Onions!

When the onions are golden, add about a 1.5 pounds (600g) of minced lamb and cook it until is thoroughly browned.

At this point you can add salt (if you want to), pepper, thyme, a bit of marjoram, some sage and some ground rosemary and dribble one or two drops of Worcestershire Sauce over the mixture.

Next add about two thirds of a pint (350ml) of stock and allow the mixture simmer gently for 30 minutes or so.

When the meat is soft put the lamb mixture into a shallow baking dish and add the topping of mashed potato, dot it with a little butter and bake for about 35 – 40 minutes in a hot oven. You will know that it is cooked when the surface of the mashed potato is crisp.

This recipe will serves 4 adults or one peckish Cat.

Note

Don’t worry about weighing anything or indeed the weight of the ingredients at all this recipe can cope with twice as much meat or half as much, especially if you have a near empty larger/purse and a few vegetables to replace the meat.

Some tips

Here are a few tips to make sure that the Shepherd’s Pie is not just good but divine, make sure that the onions are nicely browned, use cream, butter and milk when you mash the potatoes for a very creamy result and if you fancy a bit of extra spice add pepper to the mash.

If your meat mixture is a little runny either take out some of the stock and make a wonderfully tasty gravy with it or use a sheet of tin foil to catch any drips that don’t bubble over the mashed potato and form a wonderful crunchy crust.

Of course the mashed potato crust should be crisp on top and you can achieve this easily by either pull a fork across its surface to create “furrows” or pile it up into clouds with a spoon.

Truly flexible

As I said above you can use beef instead of lamb and turn the recipe into Cottage Pie. In addition you can add a layer of grated cheese and made a Cumberland Pie (below in a picture I have just borrowed – personally I would add even more Cheese, then a little more Cheese on top of that! But then like most Cats I like Cheese).

Cumberland Pie.jpg

This is a great way to enjoy a hearty meal in these cold snowy days and better still it is one of the ways to help stretch your budget, after the bankers have ruined the world’s economy and the politicians and other idiots have turned a financial disaster into a monetary Tsunami, and to eat heartily but cheaply is not only a bonus to some it is a way of life.

Gosh I didn’t expect to be giving recipes and cooking tips when I started this blog all those ages ago, but then I suppose this is why my blog is so popular I cover all sorts of subjects.

Actually just there is a little example of a pet project I have – why can’t we create a word that combines the two words all and sorts into ‘alsorts’ but I better not get started on that subject!

As usual do let me know if any or all of the above was helpful/interesting – I would hate to think that I was talking to myself and my thousands of fans had just suddenly disappeared!

Author’s background information

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in history, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle.png

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May 032010
 
Euro to Use.jpg

It struck me the other day that the Euro crisis (and the Banking crisis before) which is set to completely ruin everyone in Europe and probably bring the rest of the world down as well as one of the largest markets for stuff wakes up and finds that it is out on the street and can’t afford to buy anything, should have a sort of defining phrase.

Catch phrases and sound bites are all the rage after all and it seems a shame that the defining moment at the end of capitalism shouldn’t have a little catch phrase of its own.

So I decided to put the one of the finest minds of the 21st century on the case – what do you mean who? Me of course and I think I have nailed it in one, though of course I do invited my fans and readers to comment with their very own ‘corkers.’

Well here it is I think that politicians and bankers who have bankrupted us can be summed up in one simple phrase pinched (and of course adulterated) by The Cat from Winston Churchill no less:

“So much is owed by so few to so many.”

Tell you what I think I would invest in my the giveaway while any of us still have any cash and if you need to take your mind off the next crisis invest – or is that a bad word these days? – in my wonderful book which you can get hereAmazon.com as if you need reminding! And please don’t be selfish do ensure that your friends and loved ones and in some cases your spouses have a copy of my excellent book as well, it really is an antidote to misery and happily it doesn’t cost a lot.

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