Nov 052012
 

Birthday Present

Even though my local post office has had to hire extra staff to handle the birthday cards, parcels and presents that are arriving by the container load, I thought I would remind you all that it is my birthday soon!

November 17th is also big day here in the Czech Republic and especially Prague because, happily, when the Czechs decided to celebrate my birthday with a holiday the date also coincided with something called the Velvet Revolution.

Velvet Revolution

The main reason for mentioning my birthday is that the post office here, or Ceska Posta, as they misspell both Czech and Post when they write their name in their language have asked me to tell all of my fans that they sadly can’t guarantee to deliver all of my cards and parcels by the great day and furthermore they asked me if I could think of some way that my fans could do to demonstrate just how much they adore me without wrapping it or popping it into an envelope.

Happily they were talking to a very clever and resourceful Cat and I have come up with a wonderfully neat way for all of my fans, even those who have already sent a gift, to show just how much they love me.

Al you have to do to show how much you love me is to simply go to Amazon.com and buy one or more of either or both of my masterpieces of feline literature because after a very serious renegotiation of my royalties I will now get as much as my publisher was earning from the enormous sales.

Don’t worry if you have already followed my advice in the past and bought multiple copies of my masterpieces of feline literature, because this time you will be properly rewarding my genius.

Getting Out Cover
So thanks in advance for all of those orders and don’t forget you don’t have to go to Amazon.com you can nowadays go to an Amazon.something in your area to get copies of my books or you can just click on this link www.thecatsdiary.com and you’ll be whisked to my shop. It’s a great place where you can spend as long and as much as you like as often as you like until your credit card provider complains.

The Cat on iPad


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Nov 222011
 

Oldham s Sign Erection Crew Visit Leeds

The lads and possibly lasses (in this politically correct world we live in) of the Oldham road sign erection crew have struck again, but this time you have to go to Leeds to see this marvellous example of the sort of careful workmanship and workwomanship (in this politically correct world we live in).

Their work is a fine example of the type of British craftsmanship and craftswomanship (of course) that David Cameron and all of the other deluded British politicians believe is going to make the UK a world power once again, to say nothing of ensuring that everyone has nice shiny shoes and all the trains not only run on time but are clean! Isn’t it great to ‘believe?’

If you don’t remember the fine example of Oldham’s road sign erection crew’s work from my previous blog here is an example as published by the Cat who writes Blogs i.e. me just before my birthday on November 14th.

If You want Craftsmanship don t go to Oldham

Of course if you missed my birthday you will be pleased to hear that I have no problem with presents, cards and cash arriving late, in fact I have said on any number of occasions that I am just like a politician in this respect – open to ‘presents’ at any time during the year!

Of course if you don’t remember when Oldham’s sign erection crew last struck just click here, aren’t they clever?

Don’t forget that the holidays are upon us, Thanksgiving in just a day or so away and Christmas as usual is lurking around the corner which means that you may well be stumped for what to get the children, the Dog, the family and all of the others that you have to buy presents for, my advice is don’t panic just go to either my www-wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or indeed good old Amazon.com and order dozens of copies of my books. May I helpfully suggest that for people you really like you give both of my books to and for people you aren’t so keen on just the one!

Here are a few useful links to save you time and cut out the hours of concentrated thought that you would normally devote to choosing the right present for everyone.


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Nov 172010
 

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It is my birthday today and I just wanted to say thanks to all of my wonderful fans who have sent me cards, gifts, money and cake.

Just one thing – next year it might be better not to send cake because even if the boxes of cakes are carried by the most careful couriers in the world by the time the “Posta” lady (our muscular Czech post person) stuffs the boxes of cake into my letter box the cakes are reduced to a rather nasty dripping but colourful mess.

By the way, today here in the Czech republic it is a national holiday which is nice isn’t it; fancy all of these nice people celebrating with me! Although they do seem to mention something about history and the Velvet Revolution – but I have no idea why.

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Now as you can see happily I have found out how to use html properly in this new blog writer and that means I can tell you where to get my book at Amazon.com and also to visit my WWW wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.comand provide links to them again which is handy for all isn’t it?

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Nov 042010
 

Ok to be honest the story of my defective Mac Mini which was obviously thrown together by the Chinese with little or no regard for quality control is nearly at an end and won’t probably make it into the saga stakes. The retailer obviously read my blog and of course the not as funny emails of complaint that I sent them every hour or so and guess what – my new Mac Mini arrives shortly having been despatched from the UK yesterday – how about that for service? No bad eh!

Better still the computer won’t have a Czech language operating system so I will actually be able to use it and better still – almost – it was cheaper to buy the computer in the UK, mind you not as cheap as it would be if I bought exactly the same computer in the states – Apple operate on the old soviet style monetary exchange where one dollar exactly equals one pound – yeah right you commies as if!

So if what passes for quality control in China allows for my new Mac Mini to actually be used without the damn thing being defective upon arrival I will be writing my next blog from a different machine a sexy powerful little computer that like me has great looks and enormous style.

Book on Screen.png

As you can see the picture of the Mac Mini still has a picture of my wonderful book’s cover and you can still buy my book from any book shop anywhere in the world but here are some alternative suggestions at Amazon.com and again as my regular readers will tell you, you can get a signed copy of my marvellous book from my www.thecatsdiary.com.

and so much more – and most of what is there you don’t have to pay for which is handy these days isn’t it?

Lastly not only is my birthday coming up but also someone who is nearly as famous – Jesus and as we know Christmas time is a time for gifts and extravagant acts of great kindness, yes and also Irish Republican Army attacks of shoppers in England, but we all know that the idea is to give a gift or three at Christmas and indeed birthdays my birthday is on November 17th and I would be delighted if you start to send me presents for that now and to save postage I don’t mind if you put my Christmas gift/s in the same parcel.

My readers, fans and even stalkers are all so very kind – oh one thing before I forget, if you were thinking of getting me a Mac Mini for my birthday or Christmas then it might be an idea to think of something else – I always think that cash is always a wonderful gift and and instantly shows the measure of your generosity! Just don’t forget to double the amount if you want to cover Christmas will you.

Mmmh! I do hope I don’t sound too much like a charity or church when telling my lovely huggable readers what I want for my birthday and Christmas but it is best I think to let you know what I want because I am a much more worthy cause than either of those.

Lastly well done to the Republicans I bet that they are thanking God that the American people have such sort memories – who go you guys into the mess that you are in with their lax banking laws and avoidable wars?

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Mar 232010
 

Just the other day I read a heart-breaking letter in an agony column and I thought that I would share it and the pain of these poor young ladies with you!

Dear Sir

Since my 13th birthday like my sisters, I’ve become a rather odd shape. Can you help us?
Lindsay, Susan and Doreen OVALTINE.

The OvalTeen Sisters.jpg

Poor things it must be dreadful to be that shape and this good looking Cat sends his sympathy to all three sisters, but just think of the up side you are probably all wonderful dancers and better still marvellous swimmers.

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