Tag Archives: Cat Blog

The Latest Chinese Outrage – Err…Sorry Cuisine

Well I am back from skiing in the Bohemian Mountains after the weather let up enough to allow us to drive to where it was filling reservoirs instead of blocking roads if you see what I mean.

It’s nice to be back home and have a peaceful day instead of whistling across miles of snow trying to avoid the occasional lone Pine Tree and tired pensioner. This weekend I put my Paws up and ‘veged’ out in front of the box or as the automatic Lion spell checker would have it, I ‘vexed’ out in front of the box, that sounds as though I got mad watching TV but I didn’t I promise I was quite mellow in fact and watched one of my favourite movies ‘Babe’ which is, as you may now about a rather nice talking Pig and of course I enjoyed the movie, and its delightful little Pig actor (how many times can you say that in a sentence and get away without being sued?).

After the movie I did get mad or as Lion would call it ‘vexed’ and then a little ill when I was going through my email and saw what ‘a friend; in China had sent me, the picture below, the email said that ‘my friend’ knew I liked to publish strange pictures now and again and what could be stranger than a restaurant that served Pig’s Organ Soup.

“Poor Babe,” was my first thought and then I started to think about what they might serve in the restaurant and got a little sicker, after that I wondered what or who on Earth ‘Kway Chap’ is, so I looked it up on Wikipedia, I am pleased to say that it is safe to go back there now because they no longer carry pictures of Jimmy Wales the founder of Wikipedia and other flunkies begging for your cash, I’d give, honest they are all so ugly it just makes you wan tho keep you credit card in your wallet don’t you think.

Anyway I digress but then you probably wouldn’t be reading this blog if you didn’t know that The Cat who writes blogs and books digresses on occasions, Kway Chap is I discovered eventually on Wikipedia is a combination of thick, flat rice flour (Kuay Teow) noodles stir-fried in dark soy sauce with green leafy vegetables, Chinese sausage or unspecified Pig’s Offal and some fried lard. The article wasn’t that helpful but then if you spend so much time raising money you can be expected to make your website encyclopaedic can you?

So yes you heard it first here on the wonderfully clever Cat’s blog, the latest Chinese food craze that’s sweeping the land of people who can’t manufacture electronic devices or socks even though they are shown how to do it patiently by us in the West I is ‘Pig’s Organ Soup.’ The soup recipe from hell!

Yummy Pig s Organ Soup

You know I have a theory, if the Chinese concentrated on carefully making the goods that they manufacture over in slavelabourland instead of inventing ever more odd and unusual meals maybe the rubbish that they make and ship here to the West would last a little longer than the boxes they come in!

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There Is Something Wrong With This Message, But I Don’t Know What It Is!

There definitely is something very wrong with this sign and what it says, but I don’t, for the life of me, know what on earth it is, do you?

There Is Something Wrong With This Message But I Don t Know What It Is

I think I know why I have no idea what the human who made this sign was thinking about because I am a nice Cat and I was not only well brought up but I am also really rather innocent.

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Snow Comes To My Website & Blog

Once again this year to celebrate the season, Christmas and of course because I like the effect a lot, it has started snowing on The Cat’s Blog and my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com, or to be more accurate because as I explain in both my books Cat’s have a dreadful curse, we can’t tell a lie, it’s snowing all over The Cat’s Blog but only over the picture at the top of the page on my my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com.

I don’t know if you can see the snow in the picture below but I can truthfully say that it’s there (not being able to tell a lie is such a curse, I can tell you) maybe you should go to The Cat’s Blog and check out all the lovely snow for yourself.

There is also something new about the snow for this year on The Cat’s Blog and that is that you can make the snow go mad, change direction and even rather godlike make the snow stop! Just by using your mouse, track pad or if you are reading my The Cat’s Blog using an iPhone, iPad or iPod touch – your finger!

I wonder if that’s how god does the things he does? If that is there is a god ‘up there’ you have to imagine a Cat pointing his paw in a confused way ‘up’ as you read this bit!

Snow on Blog

Very soon this Christmasy kind Cat who writes blogs is going to bring you the ever popular Christmas lights to both The Cat’s Blog and my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com and yes don’t worry just like last year you will be able to pop, smash and generally destroy the pretty little twinkling lights when the ‘pleasure’ of all that Christmas fixed smile giving and general ‘joy’ gets the better of you and you feel an overriding urge to smash something.

Xmas Holly.png

Now for a little Christmas Quiz

Question: Where can you buy copies of my wonderful books?

Answer: Here!

Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

The Cat’s Travelogue

Paperback edition of

The Cat’s Travelogue

Kindle edition of The Cat’s Travelogue

Mmh I don’t think I’ve quite got the idea or format of quizzes right, don’t worry I will keep trying while you go off and jingle you own bells – don’t you just love Christmastide?

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Odd Chinese Safety Instructions

In addition to a complete lack of expertise in making any kind of manufactured goods for the West that last, stealing islands in the South China Sea and interfering under Tibet’s skirts China is a place where there is not a great regard for humankind let alone animals, cough, such as myself, who can without any great effort find ourselves being accused of being a stray (which is such and insult in the Cat culture) rounded up and placed on a Shanghai dinner menu.

All of which means that when you see signs like the one below you do hope that they are followed to the letter by the hamfisted Dog and Cat eaters behind the Great Wall of China.

What Does This Sign Mean China Of Course

You know it’s amazing what you see when you are travelling the world researching a book. But all I can say is after spending nearly two, paw weary years, globetrotting that I am glad it’s over and you my dear cuddly readers can read ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ I am confident that it will bring more than a smile to your lips and like my other wonderful unputdownable book ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ you will want to read it again and again.

Don’t forget as you are dusting off last year’s Holly and trying to glue back together the kids favourite Christmas decorations; to say nothing about trying to get the tree lights to work, that my books make excellent Christmas presents for all ages and while you are ordering your copies do make sure you get one for your good self, you have earned a bit of time curled up in a chair with an extremely good book like either of mine!

Just for you dear reader I have added some very useful links for you to click that will take you to my books on www.amazon.com or indeed my own www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite Travelogue Website or the normal one here www.thecatsdiary.com or my amazing virtual retail establish here my store at www.thecatsdiary.com.

You can get paperback or ebook copies of my first book ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ here Amazon.com and my amazing second book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ either here The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or here The Cat’s Travelogue ebook depending upon whether you want an ebook of a paperback version duh! Silly cat you know that sorry!

Lastly and for those who might be er… how can I put this, a little hard of understanding, here are some pretty pictures of my books and lots of devices that you can read them on if you choose to buy my ebooks! If you choose to invest in the paperback editions of my wonderful books then I suggest you read them on your lap curled up in a nice armchair!

If you need any or all of these items in addition to dozens of copies my books then click away below to your hearts content they all come from www.amazon.com where you know you can shop safely and securely to say nothing about good old Amazon ensuring that anything you order arrives on time.

It almost goes without saying but this clever Cat who writes books and who writes blogs for your amusement and delight does receive a very small ‘consideration’ from www.amazon.com if you buy any of the items below using the link or links. Well we all need to scrape a together living don’t we? So if you are going to buy a KindleFire, and iPad, iPod or iPhone to read any of my books on then it wouldn’t do any harm to click the link anyway below would it?

Mmh sorry this was such a long blog especially for those of you with a short attention span but let’s face it this is an important time for Cats in the publishing industry, we make most of our cash at Christmas time and that is why I have to use every trick in the book to get you dear cuddly reader to part with yours.

You know it isn’t easy either, because there is a fine line between marketing and whining and then there apparently is the line that I have never paid too much attention to, the line beyond which marketing is considered bullying!

Just remember dear cuddly reader, if you can, that I’m merely a simple Cat and if I do seem to over sell my books it’s because I don’t know any better tee hee!

P.S.

Sorry if any clever human knows how to get the above links to sit together and could let a confused Cat know the aforementioned cat would be very grateful because it beats the Whiskas® out of me! And Cat food all over the floor is not at all nice, especially when it is Salmon and Sardine flavour!

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What Are The Penguins Up To?

You know that I have always thought that Penguins were not to be trusted and now I think I have found photographic proof from South Africa that proves my case!

What Are The Penguins Up To
Just ask yourself this; what are Penguins doing under vehicles? I bet they’re not practicing their skills as mechanics! And I don’t think that Penguins are under vehicles just because they are short enough to wander under them without bending. No there’s something happening in the Penguin world and I mean to get to the bottom of it, because as far as I am concerned the only animals that are allowed under vehicles are Cats if they are not moving and Hedgehogs if they are – poor things!

Lastly what are Penguins doing in South Africa? I thought that they liked colder climates – so they are now lurking under vehicles and being seen in warm countries, yes it is all beginning to add up isn’t it…


On another matter – well to be honest it’s the main reason for having a blog actually but of course us bloggers wouldn’t like our unsuspecting readers to know that we are only entertaining them so we can flog something – I need to remind all of you that it’s time to start thinking about buying my soon to be published second book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue.’

Now I know you are going to say that you didn’t expect a Cat to write one book and so two is something of a miracle but consider the miracle performed!

Yes that’s rights the world has seen a real miracle and my second book will be in the shops both real and webbed (as a real paper book or an ebook) very very soon, yes my masterpiece will be in the shops and on not only www.Amazon.com but also my www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com in time for Christmas which is just perfect.

I’m sure that I don’t have to do anything other than subliminally mention that my latest book makes just as good a Christmas present as my former one and how nice they will both look in the same gift wrapping do I?

Xmas Holly
Dear cuddly readers and potential book purchasers everywhere I do hope you enjoy what I hope is the first Christmas image you will see this year! May all of your Christmas shopping be without incident.

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Good-bye Kitty the Library Cat

It was a great idea, to have a Cat in a library, the staff loved it, the kids loved it, the PR people reveled in it and I hear tell that ‘Kitty the Library Cat’ didn’t mind being a library cat at all. In fact after a hard day sleeping, being petted and performing the occasional death defying leap from one bookcase to another Kitty believed that she had made her contribution to society.

All of that sadly has come to an abrupt end. After just a few months as the official library Cat at the Musser Public library in Muscatine, Iowa ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ has been told that her services are no longer needed.

At first ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ was heartbroken and when she tearfully enquired why she was being let go she became very embarrassed when she heard that she was getting her pink slip because of an ‘infestation.’

‘Kitty the ex-library Cat,’ like all Cats, occasionally plays host to a few hundred free loaders, humans call them fleas. And just because ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ had one or two fleas the library decided enough was enough.

Personally this Cat would like to bet that ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ was flea free before she went to work at the library, after all it winter was just ending when she signed on and we all know that fleas don’t live on Cats in the winter they hop off don’t they.

One of the places that fleas like to hop off to in the winter if they can is public place that has good heating. It’s like when Grandma and Grandpa go down to Palm Desert for the winter. Now correct me if I am wrong but aren’t libraries rather toasty in the winter?

I think that ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ should chat to a lawyer in my opinion she has a case for compensation here. Does anyone know a good bar or barrack room where we can find a lawyer for Kitty; if you do please let me know.

Kitty No Longer the Library Cat

One of ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’s’ favourite books, I am happy to say, is my book the very wonderful and extremely funny work of genius that represents the pinnacle of feline literature. (Until my next is published book of course).

You can see for yourself if Kitty has great taste in feline literature by getting my amazing book “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” at your local bookstore, or indeed here at my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or here at good old Amazon.com Amazon.com.

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Apple Computers Make Writing Difficult

Ok so my Apple Mini Mac is very close to being three months old and if it was human I am pretty certain that we would be baptising it or something, but as it is an Apple Computer we aren’t going to be doing that because that would be stupid wouldn’t it.

Of course there is another reason why we can’t baptise the bloody Apple Mini Mac and that is because the DVD drive has stopped working and that means that the Mini Mac is currently with a bunch of idiots at a service centre in Prague.

Sadly these repair centre idiots are fully Apple trained and know all about the latest Apple Computers and so they gladly accepted the Mini Mac for repair with the customer service case number which I had thoughtfully obtained for them from Apple in advance when Apple Customer Service agreed that the Mini Mac’s DVD drive needed replacing because it had been badly made in… where was it badly made campers? Oh yes! CHINA of course!

“So what is wrong with that?” I hear you ask, followed by, “and why call the poor devils at the Apple repair centre idiots, you are being an unkind Cat?” Well firstly I have to say that your obvious concern and compassion for the repair centre idiots is one of the reasons I like my readers, they are nice, kind people who have big hearts and don’t like to see nice defenceless if not clueless Czech service repair people called “idiots” by a nasty Cat.

Well this nasty Cat has a point, and that point is that the idiots at the Czech service place phoned several hours after they accepted the Mini Mac for repair to say that the reason why nothing worked was that the RAM was incompatible with the computer and the DVD drive was just fine and worked perfectly – in a tone that suggested that only they really ‘know’ about computers including Mini Macs and indeed they said that they had conducted all sorts of tests to arrive at their findings. They also said that I could come and collect my Mini Mac as soon as I liked!

Very soon after that call they phoned again saying that the DVD drive was err… actually… err… um… broken and not to collect it, they would repair it under warranty and it should to be collected on Thursday or Friday – although I think it is odd that they couldn’t actually decide on a ‘day’ to collect the repaired computer when they were on the phone I ignored the rather ‘fluid’ timescale.

And of course they also said that the RAM was still incompatible even though the DVD drive was broken, although of course they really should have said “that the DVD drive had recently become defective/broken,” but surely if they had used that more accurate term then it might suggest that they had broken the DVD drive when it was in their care, and that’s because they told us that the DVD drive wasn’t broken just a few minutes before. Makes your headache doesn’t it, well think about having that conversation in Czech! Happily I don’t speak Czech, (to my way of thinking it’s a very confused sub dialect of English spoken by an ever decreasing number of people, like err Russian and therefore not only pretty irrelevant but also difficult to learn and English was hard enough to learn) so someone else suffered that one.

Well, dear readers back to the RAM, I have exhaustively checked out the specification etc., of the RAM with the very reputable manufacturer and it is ‘very’ compatible with the Mini Mac and not only that the Mini Mac had been working away quite happily and at lightening speed (courtesy of the new improved RAM) for a long while before the DVD drive packed up. Of course the fact that it was working so well might be because the RAM was made in Taiwan and they are less careless and ham fisted, or should we just say less ‘Chinese’ there than their counterparts and indeed brothers and sisters on the mainland.

Of course the reason why the RAM is ‘considered’ incompatible by the ‘idiots’ (they have worked hard to earn that title don’t you think) at the Czech service centre is that the RAM is value RAM and apparently Apple Computers, the company, not the machine you understand, don’t like value ram?

I have no idea why these idiots thought that the RAM might be causing the problem, value RAM is the same as ordinary RAM and using it doesn’t void warranty, it is made by one of the industry leaders or anything, the only thing I can think of is that value RAM is what it says it is ‘good value for money.’

Apple have always been a bit snobbish but this is just plain stupid isn’t it. Oh by the way RAM stands for random access memory and it is the brain of the computer for anyone still using a slate to write on and an Abacus to help do sums – like err… the Chinese tee hee!

Now, I have to decide what picture to put here, because to my way of thinking a blog needs a picture, but then I don’t see why I should put a picture of a Mini Mac here because currently I am annoyed with Apple and of course the Chinese (I like to pick a fight that is going to be a challenge as you can tell tee hee), all of which means that you nice people should be treated to a picture of me.

book-cover.jpg

Don’t forget that you can get a copy of my wonderful and very popular book here at Amazon.com or of course at my www.wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com, you’ll love it I promise, and because it is not made in China it won’t fall apart after a few weeks.

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Is Ginger Getting Rid Of A Couple Of Rivals?

Here at Cat World HQ the nerve centre of Catdom and all things Cat we get a lot of things sent to us, some are wonderful, I love the presents and pictures, but frankly the cakes and sponges are a little bit too much and the ones which are made from Cat food are definitely crossing some sort of line somewhere.

Still enough of that and speaking of gifts – I would like another iPad if anyone is feeling generous, Dave the Cat took his hat off and put it on top of my lovely iPad and I can’t seem to get the stain off the glass! Goodness knows what he has under his hat and frankly ‘goodness’ can keep what he knows to himself if it is all the same to everyone. I find that old ‘goodness’ is a little slack mouthed don’t you?

One of the more interesting things that came through the internet recently was a photograph from Wikileaks (probably) and it is a very interesting picture, if say for instance you just happen to a friend of a certain Cat called Ginger and you haven’t seen a couple of acquaintances ‘Monte’ and ‘Po’ for a little while.

Now I’m never one to cast stones – I leave that to holy people with shaggy beards and discharge slips from asylums, but what on earth is Ginger up to in this picture? On first viewing you really have to wonder don’t you!

When I asked Ginger he said that there was nothing to worry about, they were just posing for one of those really dreadful pictures that circulate on the internet and says something like “Friends Forever” then when he looked at the picture he said “that’s odd the photographer was on the other side of the wall in front of us!”

Now Ginger has gone into hiding complaining that he is being stalked, I think Ginger is being stupid and even Dave the Cat said that Ginger was acting like a Cat without a hat or a clue!

And as I said Monte and Po are still missing do you think that the stalker was stalking them and not Ginger? Frankly their coats are in better nick than Ginger’s and they’re sort of coat that a Chinese furrier would love to run up into a jacket or two, so I have to stop here and go out to post some more LOST posters – if anyone spots Monte or Po please let me know here thecat@thecatsdiary.com thats my email address of course – cool isn’t it?

Ginger - Getting rid of a couple of rivals.jpg

Please don’t forget that Amazon.com have very kindly completely restocked my best selling book – Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary – and that of course means that you can easily order a copy now and have it delivered before the Christmas day, they say that my book makes a wonderful present and who am I to disagree?

Get your copy of Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary – or better still copies here Amazon.com and of course you can always get a copy of my perfect book from my www – wickedly wonderful website┬áwww.thecatsdiary.com where you can also enjoy a lot of other stuff free online games, jokes, and so much more.

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A No News Day

Quite often I find a subject for my blog in the news and when I say news I mean the lighter than air meringue stuff that they serve on ‘news’ websites where ‘news’ usually involves stories of several fat ladies and a Yorkshire Terrier doing something heroic, such as eating their weight in Mushroom Omelettes or something.

Then there is the stuff on sites that offer in the ‘broadcasters’ opinion earth shattering news, you know the sort of thing, the latest CNN travel bag has been launched and now comes with a ten year guarantee which offers you your money back if the travel bag gets damaged so long as you never use it on airlines, French HiSpeed trains and indeed anywhere where a baggage handler might get to ply his or in some very muscular cases ‘her’ trade.

Often the non-news, as I like to call it, extends to other topics such as the Queen of England having a new hair do or a sitting for yet another painting, they both seem to be about as regular as each other.

Then there are some news orgainsations that will go to any lengths to take old news dress it up and churn over it time and again, this is usually done with over paid and unqualified celebrity presenters I can think of one new Poodle on the block who fits the bill perfectly there can’t you?

‘But’ and it is, as I often say a big one (and so in this case I will say it again), ‘but’ today the non-news is monumental the BBC News website, home of adverts for many of their up coming new programmes and mini-series, leads with a story that is entitled “Obama in final health vote push.”

Obama in Prague.png

Obviously the story’s subject is very, very important but today isn’t decision day in the Senate and so there is little or no news for the idle journalists to write who are constantly being asked to find new angles, threads and much more to justify their expensive existence and that means that any ‘news’ organisation covering the ‘story’ has little or nothing to say and so they produce this sort of nonsense.

To tell the truth (something that seems to be missing from news sites these days) I am surprised that the headline on the BBC site didn’t say “Obama reminds everyone to set their alarm clocks” so that they get to work on time and are able to vote.

Surely if there were less headline non-news stories the news media would have more room for other stories that somehow get sidelined and then the real ‘news’ when it breaks would be important and less of a ‘relief’ that the story has finally died. But then what do I know I am just a Cat after all.

I am sure that you dear readers have our very own pet non-news stories and I would love to hear them.

In the meantime this clever Cat is off to hear why Africa’s Elephants are keeping scientists guessing then I might do bit of crystal ball gazing and read New US-Russia nuclear deal ‘soon’ of course after all of that I am going to do the most constructive thing you can with the Sunday newspapers, light a fire!

Don’t forget that you can get a much more interesting read here www.thecatsdiary.com for free or you can part with a bit of cash for a great read here Amazon.com

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