China » The Cat's Blog

Throwing Caution To The Wind In China

Aug 152011

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XX XXXXXX XX XXXXX X XXX photograph I saw in China, XXXXXX XX XXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXX XXXXXX
XX X XXXXXX XXXX XXX.

X XXXX XX XXX XXXXXXXX XXXXX idiots XXXXX XX XXXXXXXX XX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXX
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XXX X XX XXXX XXXXXXX XXX X XXX happily they can’t read English or indeed translate Chinese into English of course, just look at this picture taken in XX XXXXXX XXX X XX XX. Or do they simply use Google Translate? X XXX XXX, XXXXX X XXX!

CENSORED BY THE PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF CHINA

Well dear reader as you can see China has agreed to sponsor my latest book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ and in accepting their sponsorship I have agreed to allow them to review all of my blog posts and delete the chapters dedicated to my travels in China from my wonderful book.

My sponsorship arrangements do extend to other countries and tends to work like this. I sent a copy of the relevant chapters to countries which I thought might be interested in ‘sponsoring’ me and in exchange for a large ‘consideration’ I will exclude their country from my unputdownable thriller of a book.

Unfortunately this practice has been describe by some of the more outraged countries as “blackmail” but to my way of thinking blackmail is a dirty word and I prefer sponsorship.

My sponsorship deals have had a significant impact on my book though and mean that the book is growing and shrinking more than an Accordian playing the Star Wars theme, it also means that if the countries in question stop providing their generous sponsorship my wonderful forthcoming book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ may well be one of very few books to actually get bigger with each imprint as my sponsors have been warned!

Having said that the word ‘sponsorship’ is nicer than ‘blackmail’ I have to say that the Bush administration truly knifed the word ‘sponsorship’ in the ribs at the rear didn’t it, when they started to describe countries as sponsors of terrorism. Odd really that you never saw a car bomber or indeed his car emblazoned with the logos of their sponsor countries!

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bestseller, China, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat who writes books, The Cat’s Travelogue, Sponsor, Terrorism, Blackmail, Censored, Star Wars, latest book, Bush Admisnistration, car bomber

Getting Into Hot Water In Tibet

Human World No Responses »

Jul 132011

One of the places that I visited the year before last while researching my forthcoming book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ (which to my delight is deeply mired in all sorts of dreadful litigation) was China, and then after that Tibet which as you may or may not know is really a sort of Chinese colony and the place where the Chinese demonstrate their international relations prowess and manners so badly.

Just in case you, dear reader, don’t understand why I’m so happy to be up to my neck in litigation with the bad boy countries of the world that I visited while researching my wonderful new book allow me to let you into a little secret. I sent copies of the relevant parts of my Travelogue manuscript to the embassies of the relevant countries and then sat back and waited for their usually outraged replies.

My plan is simple every country that is ‘concerned’ over what I have written can ‘sponsor’ me to exclude their country from my unputdownable thriller of a book, this has been describe by some of the more outraged countries as “blackmail” but to my way of thinking blackmail is such a dirty word and I prefer sponsorship.

This plan of course means that the book is growing and shrinking more than an Accordian playing the Star wars theme, it also means that if the countries in question stop providing their generous sponsorship my wonderful forthcoming book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ may well be one of very few books to actually get bigger with each imprint as my sponsors have been warned!

Still I digress and I like to do that all to often, here below is the topic of this blog which has more to do with beverage dispensers than what I may or may not have said about the Chinese overlords in Tibet.

How do you like your water, cold? Or boiling? In Tibet you can have both from the same tap – now that is advanced! Who said that the brutal Chinese occupation and repression of the country was all bad?

Mind you if the appliance in question was made back home in the imperial country it probably doesn’t work – like all products made in China.

Getting Into Hot Water In Tibet

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China, Chinese, Tibet, Cold Water, Boiling Water, Repression, Occupation

Need A Laugh – Try Chinese Happy Grass!

Human World 2 Responses »

Jun 072011

If you’re ever stuck for a smile or need a laugh do go to China I promise it will cheer you up. I should know I went to China as p-art of my ‘research’ for my soon to be released next book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue – The Cat Against The World.’

China is not really a very nice place and it’s very polluted so I urge you don’t plan to stay long, but a short stay in any of the main cities that serve the West with the hard labour of their sweatshop style factories producing Computers, TV, cell phones and all of the rest of the crap that we think we can’t do without or any of the other cities that have dedicated themselves to parting Westerner’s hard currency. These cities are of course called known in China “tourist destinations for foreigners” show you what I mean.

China may be a dreadful place where the words ‘Cat’ and ‘Dog’ are menu items but you have to hand it to the hairy little sods their signage is second to know when you need to smile.

As the picture below proves the Chinese are really very odd and have a view on life that is alien to us Westerners what is happy grass! I ask you!

Tender Grass

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you, along with that other ‘developed’ country India, the world leaders of the future!

There I knew you wouldn’t be sad for long and you haven’t even boarded your plane to China yet!

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Cat, China, Chinese, India, The Cat, This Cat, Travelogue, West Country, Happy Grass, Grass, Computers, TVs, iPhones, Cell Phones, Werterners, hard currency, tourist, tourist destinations

Just Look At Today’s Craftsmanship From China

Human World No Responses »

Jun 012011

Following on from my earlier blog today when I said that the craftsmanship of the Chinese leaves a lot to question here is yet another example of the dangers of using anything with the ‘Made in China’ label on it, and a number of people commented that I was being a little hard on the Chinese.

Well here is my answer they can’t even make a bridge properly and if they can’t do something as basic as that do you trust them to make something that has large amounts of very dangerous electricity running through it in front of you if you use Chinese made computers, TV’s and all the rest of the tat that they churn out without regard to something called good old fashion quality of manufacture.

Track in a Hole

Part of the structure of a bridge collapsed into a river yesterday in Changchun, Jilin province, China two people were injured and also the Chinese national pride too at least if their national pride was a little dented they would recognise that they have to try harder when the manufacture things or build them.

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China, Chinese, Computers, TV’s, Made in China, Changchun

Sauce Of The Sweet & Sour Goose

Human World No Responses »

Jun 012011

Kung Fu Panda 2 007

As a lot of us know Hollywood’s latest animated blockbuster from Dreamworks, the Chinese themed Kung Fu Panda II, opened in the US and China at the weekend and it by all accounts did rather well, which is nice.

The first instalment (imaginatively entitled Kung Fu Panda II – but with one less ‘I’) broke box office records in China three years ago but was criticised in some quarters as western exploitation of Chinese culture.

Do you agree with with this Cat and think that the Chinese have at least two faces and are being rather silly about saying that Kung Fu Panda I or indeed Kung Fu Panda II are “western exploitation of Chinese culture!” After all what would you call making all of the goods that the West use everyday like iPads, iPhones, Computers that even aren’t Apple ones, TV’s and of course so much more if it isn’t Chinese exploitation of Western culture.

To say nothing of the fact that almost everything made in China is badly made, falls apart as soon as the product is removed from the safety of its protective packaging, and of course that most of the counterfeit DVD’s and other pirate products are made in China and sold in the West.

All of which I am sure means that the Chinese have a sauce pointing a finger at the West for exploitation and should be the last to lecture the West about exploitation especially when they now have jobs that used to be Western jobs and the families who relied on them are flat broke. Surely the Chinese take the biscuit for exploitation – right out of hungry Western mouths in fact.

Changing the subject for a moment I would just like to thank a record number of people for buying my latest book and masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ during June, it is obviously perfect reading for the Summer and I hope that you enjoy it while you are tanning on a beach somewhere very warm.

One thing I would say on the subject of buying books – well I promised my translator I would – is that copies of his ebooks are available on Amazon.com and all other great retailers so when you go to Amazon.com to buy my book or to my www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com do have a look at John Woodcock’s books ‘Trams of Prague’ and ‘AstroMouse,’ they are really rather good (he made me put that bit in but after reading them I agree).

The other thing I would say is that avid readers of my books are in for a real treat very soon my next book ‘The Travelogue – A Cat Against The World’ is soon to be available in the same great bookshops and websites as ‘Getting Out’ isn’t that wonderful?

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Amazon, Amazon.com, Apple, Cat Diary, China, Chinese, Computers, DVD, free games, free on-line games, free online games, Hollywood, iPads, iPhones, John Woodcock, The Cat, The Cat’s Diary, Trams of Prague, www – wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Kung Fu Panda I, Kung Fu Panda II, Dreamworks, TV’s, Chinese Culture, Western Culture, AstroMouse, Animated Blockbuster

Holiday Snaps?

Human World No Responses »

May 242011

As you may or may not know my second book is a Travelogue, and I have to say if you haven’t heard that I’m writing a Travelogue then my PR people are for the chop – but I digress – sorry.

Back to the point of this little blogette for a moment, as you may or may not know my second book is a Travelogue and it’s going to be a wonderful bestseller as usual and of course will be available in all good bookshop (and some not quite as good probably) and Amazon.com in paper and electronic form.

When researching my marvellous ‘must read’ of a Travelogue I travelled the world visiting interesting places, dreadful places and really disgusting places like oh of the top of my head err India!

As you may or may not know India is a rapidly developing country, it’s rapidly developing into something awful like, um Pakistan! It’s a land of corruption, desperate inequality, squalor, child labour and according to the BBC a ever growing practice of female focticide or to be more abrupt, the killing of baby girls.

The most recent census conducted in 2011 shows a serious decline in the number of girls under the age of seven in India – activists fear eight million female foetuses may have been aborted in the past decade because Indian families only want male children.

Sadly this sort of disgusting activity seems to be prevalent in what are known as ‘developing’ countries, China manages to stay well ahead of India in the baby girl killing states but then they have had more practice.

Indians only really started killing their baby daughters in large numbers in the sixties when dowries were outlawed by the government. Before then a daughter was the family’s prized possession because she would fetch a good price on the open marriage market but these days sadly she won’t.

So one disgusting practice was replaced by another but the one thing you learn when you are travelling ‘developing’ countries that have large populations is that life is cheap and if you are a defenceless child your life is more than cheap it’s worthless.

Indian Mineworker

Here are a couple of my holiday snaps from one of the places I visited in India, the 10 year old lad in the picture above gave up school aged 6 so that he could work in the coal mines and earn a wage. Today working conditions are “good for him” he said, a few years ago he was digging coal out of the earth with his bare hands now he is just bagging it above ground.

My second picture shows how the coal mine employes only the most rigorous safety standards, the walkway is made from ‘real wood’ and hasn’t collapsed in weeks.

Indian Mine

As you can see from my holiday snaps travelling the world broadens your mind mainly because you have to cram in more horrors.

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Goop De Gobble De

Human World No Responses »

May 042011

Sometimes signs speak for themselves and then other times it’s like they are written in a foreign language just try to read the attack on the English language provided by a translator from china who was actually paid for this abomination.

I like to call this sort of nonsense “goop de gobble de” because although it is ‘gobble de goop’ thats’s how it would be translated by this Chinese idiot.

Still I don’t know why we bother trying to understand what the manufacturer was trying to say on the packaging really because if the product is made in China it won’t work for long because anything and everything that’s made there is just plain dreadful, what a good job they haven’t started making medicines yet!

I went to China doing research for my next book a Travelogue – oh it is awful and they eat Cats there did you know that!

Goop de Gobble de

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China, my next book, Travelogue, translation, foreign language

American Freedom I Knew Someone Was responsible

Human World No Responses »

Apr 292011

I always thought that once America had defeated mad old King George III’s evil Death Star they would go on to do great things and now and again they shine, sadly as the picture below demonstrates America even outsources the manufacturer of its ‘freedom’ these days.

At this rate in ten years time poor old America will be smelling funny, rocking in a chair, mishearing things and talking loudly about the good old days just like Great Britain.

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America, American, China, Great Britain, American Freedom, Death Star, King George III

Typical Chinese Attitude!

Human World No Responses »

Apr 222011

I think that this sign displays just what China thinks about visitors don’t you?

Visitors unwelcome China

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China, Sign, Visitors

What’s On The Menu Today?

Human World No Responses »

Mar 212011

Is Beijing the only place where you can ask if your Sheep meat was well hung?

China Of course

In South Africa they are taking fusion food to the absolute limit – raped Chicken must be Royal Burgers Jo’burg.

Raped Chicken must be Royal Burgers

Ok maybe we are expecting too much from restaurants that are so far away from home they must serve nice home cooked food in Europe – I hear that the Spaghetti Carbonara is ‘different’ in German and this restaurant is obviously using homemade ingredients – just look at the menu!

Homemade

If those dishes are too ‘exotic’ for your taste then how about visiting a good old fashioned Soda Fountain for an Ice Cream and a Soda? Soda Fountains are nice, homely, clean places and they service ‘normal’ food don’t they? May I recommend good old Butt Drugs Corydon, Indiana.

Being an innocent Cat I wondered if there is any knowledgeable human out there who can tell me what a “Butt Drug” is please?

Butt Drugs

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China, Sheep, South Africa, Indiana, Butt Drugs, johannesburg, Beijing, Ice cream, Penis, Soda Fountain

Technorati Tags:
Beijing, Butt Drugs, China, Europe, Ice cream, Indiana, johannesburg, Penis, Sheep, Soda Fountain, South Africa, Spaghetti Carbonara, Germany

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The Cat's Blog

Getting Into Hot Water In Tibet

Need A Laugh – Try Chinese Happy Grass!

Just Look At Today’s Craftsmanship From China

Sauce Of The Sweet & Sour Goose

Holiday Snaps?

Goop De Gobble De

American Freedom I Knew Someone Was responsible

Typical Chinese Attitude!

What’s On The Menu Today?

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