Dec 042013
 

At the end of November 1949 a hero sadly, tragically, but peacefully died of his wounds! His name was Simon and he was the Ship’s cat of HMS Amethyst and an honorary ‘Able Seacat.’

This is Simon’s Story

Able Seacat Simon  fair use

In April 1949, a British warship HMS Amethyst was sailing up the Yangtze River to reach the British Embassy at Nanking and generally minding its own business when a Chinese Communist gun battery opened fire on it, for no reason whatsoever.

As a result of the shelling the captain and many of the crew were killed and the devastated ship ran aground in the middle of the river.

Though badly wounded Simon the Seacat crawled on deck, and was immediately rushed to sickbay, where the ship’s surviving medical staff gently cleaned his burns, and carefully removed four pieces of shrapnel. Sadly Simon was so badly wounded that he wasn’t expected to last the night. Happily by some miracle he managed to survived.

Convoy cat

After a period of recovery, Simon returned to his former duties of rat catching with what seemed like renewed vigour the ship was overrun with hundreds of rats in keeping the rats down and generally dining what cats do best, being cute when they want to be Simon raised the morale of the crew.

Simon HMS Amethyst

After being held hostage for 101 days, HMS Amethyst made a daring escape. Following the ship’s escape, Simon became celebrity, lauded in world’s media, and presented with the Dickin Medal (the animal Victoria Cross), for sustained gallantry in despatching Chinese rats (I like that bit tee hee), as well as a Blue Cross Medal, the Amethyst Campaign Medal, and the official appointment, by naval Command, to the (fanciful) rank of “Able Seacat.”

After the incident Simon was sent thousands of letters, so many in fact that he had to have a human appointed as “cat officer” to deal with his post.

At every port HMS Amethyst stopped at on its route home, Simon was presented with honours, and when the ship arrived home a very special welcome was made for him at Plymouth.

Simon was, however, like all animals entering the UK at that time, subject to quarantine regulations, and was immediately sent to an animal centre in Surrey. There, he sadly died in November 1949, from complications due to his wounds. He was approximately 2 years of age.

Hundreds of people, including HMS Amethyst’s entire crew, attended the brave Cat’s funeral. His gravestone bears the legend: ‘Throughout the Yangtze Incident, his behaviour was of the highest order.’

Simon’s final resting place is plot 281 of the PDSA’s pet cemetery in Ilford, Essex and is surrounded by animals like him, heroes.

Simons grave

At sometime in the future we here at The Cat’s Diary hope to make an animated movie of Simon’s exploits.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Nov 132013
 

I do like signs and you dear cuddly readers may have noticed that fact.

Signs are (usually) either informative, colourful, useful and of course hilarious, especially when they aren’t meant to be and we, in the main, have people who think that they are clever to thank for that!

Here I aught to offer a special mention and thanks to the Indian, Japanese and the Chinese signwriters who work so hard to misinform in several languages especially English.

I beg to differ Bromely UK

However my favourite sign of all time is this one in a suburb of London called Bromley which is so kind and considerate that it wants to tell us that is isn’t in use.

Actually I have a problem that my dear cuddly readers may be able to solve and it’s this, when is a sign not in use? Surely if the sign is being used to tell us that it is not in use it is conveying a message that says just that and so doesn’t that mean that it is meeting all of the criteria that a sign should fulfil in order to actually be fully functioning or to put it another way ‘in use!’


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Nov 012013
 

A lot of people don’t only think but say that the Chinese are a bunch of bastards, they eat Cats and Dogs, they have taken up America’s tricks of spying on everyone in the world, they don’t accept much in the way of personal freedoms and in general have dreadful taste in clothes.

But that aside I have found out a little secret of the Chinese that they might not want me to share with you, dear cuddly readers, and that is that they do have a softer side.

Dim sheep have a future in China

Ah! Yes in China dim sheep have a future it would seem!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Oct 182013
 

China Yes but then regular readers already knew

Yes of course it is! But then regular readers already knew didn’t you my dear cuddly ones!

I could say more but don’t want to get threatening emails from the Chinese saying, “we know where you live and we’re going to come around there and we’re going to take you downstairs and by the time we’ve finished with you, you’ll be walking backwards” EeK!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Oct 092013
 

The Japanese used to be considered a little odd to western thinking before the Chinese opened up their doors for business and started mis-manufactrering goods for the west which is why this sign is very important to Japan as it tries to establish its inscrutable self once again.

Everything is done to perfection in Japan

I think we should give the Japanese eight out of ten for a really wonderful sign and near perfect ‘Chinese’ style translation techniques, the only problem I can see will be comparing them and their efforts to the Chinese har ha!

Having said all of that I do rather like the idea of “using a toilet finely.” As a litter box user I know just what sort of mess can be created by over enthusiasm and carelessness!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Sep 192013
 

I personally don’t like cruel humour and therefore I really don’t like the tone of this sign and the obvious attitude the Chinese have towards ordinary people who might be desperate to use the loo.

Seems a bit unfair but I bring a spanner China of course

Bad Chinese!

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Sep 052013
 

A play on words Portsmouth

Honestly I don’t know why the owners of the Chinese takeaway in Portsmouth, UK bothered, the Chinese do a much better job of murdering the English language than they ever could don’t they!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Jul 222013
 

They say that China is a mean, totalitarian state that treats its inhabitants as less than human and this sign would suggest that there is at least some truth in what they say.

It would be bad enough is this sign was at the entrance of a railway station or conference centre hotel where the lifestyle of those entering might have already been chosen, but sadly this is a sign at the entrance to a primary school, they catch them young in China, don’t they.

A school sign with a stern warning China

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Jul 162013
 

Serve her right

This menu is so wrong in so many ways it confirms that the Chinese have no idea what they are talking about? Soon to be leaders of the not very free world – yeah right!

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Jul 112013
 

Aren’t the Chinese wonderful?

They put together so many clever things that have been designed in so many far off lands and then if they can’t copy them, they steal the blueprints and make the things themselves.

If you want nonsense you can always rely on the Chinese

What a pity that the world hasn’t done two things. First let them know just how hamfisted they are and how bad their ‘mal-nufactured’ goods are and secondly, or do I mean thirdly? Tell them that looking over someone else’s shoulder and copying the designs of cars, phones, computers and so on and so forth is illegal! Probably not, and that is because we don’t what the buggers to all jump up and down at the same time and send the Earth out of orbit do we!

Oh well one day maybe someone else other than a Cat will tell them the truth. Hang on, what was the last sentence of this sign all about, has someone else decided to tell them what they think of them too?

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?