Nov 272013
 

A good read

And if it is isn’t art imitating life then it makes for a rather a good read don’t you think dear cuddly reader? Which makes me wonder which royal is going to have the next affair, we haven’t had a romantic scandal in the British royal family for a short while so we are due one and the scandal that prince Charles avoids tax is so last month! Don’t you think?


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Nov 262013
 

Recently someone very kindly sent me the picture below and said that it reminded them of the cover of my masterpiece of feline literature (and great Christmas present) ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary.’ Which happily is in stock at Amazon here www.thecatsdiary.com though rather wonderfully is still “doing big numbers,” according to Jeff Bezos. Which I thought was nice!

Cat without Fear

What a pose! What a Picture! What a great looking Cat, just like me!

For those short on remembering here is the picture my correspondent was referring to!

Getting Out Cover

Yet another good looking feline and of course a talented author to boot, well that’s enough of me!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Nov 252013
 

A box of Terrible anyone? Has this clever Cat discovered the perfect Christmas gift for anyone who enjoys the unusual? I think so!

A box of terrible anyone

Just imagine the face of your beloved this Christmas when they slowly unwrap and then open their own peculiar box of ‘Terrible!’

And why stop at Christmas? I am sure that you must know dozens of people who deserve their own box of ‘Terrible’ at anytime through-out the year!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Sep 292011
 

The really great news is that my long awaited soontobemillionselling book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ is going to be available very soon any and everywhere and that means you can buy a book either in paper or ebook form in the very near future.

Speaking of my long awaited soontobemillionselling book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue,’ a wonder of a little book written by a Cat, one of the places I visited was Vietnam though because of signs such as the one below and other divine bureaucratic blunders the chapter on Vietnam was ‘sponsored’ by the Socialist Republic of Vietnam and then removed by me from the printed edition. Did you know that the Socialist Republic of Vietnam’s motto is “Independence – Freedom – Happiness” – if you ever did!

It’s my fervent hope that you enjoy my latest book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ more than the menu item below and that you tell all of your friends to buy at least one copy and make this clever Cat very happy.

One thought that went through my furry head when I was sitting outside the restaurant in the heat and pollution of Ho Chi Minh City reading the menu below was this “what was the ‘Lime'” if you see what I mean, “do the Vietnamese serve a Citrus fruit with their Fried Horse Crap or is the ‘Lime’ on the menu the white powdery stuff that they add to cement, gardens and the graves of adulterers in days gone by?” Sadly to this day I don’t know because I didn’t order this menu item – what do you think I am stupid?

Don’t forget that like ‘Getting Out Excerpts from A Cat’s Diary’ ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ will make a wonderful Christmas present.

Horse Crap  A Delicacy In Ho Chi Minh City

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sep 212011
 

You know that I have always thought that Penguins were not to be trusted and now I think I have found photographic proof from South Africa that proves my case!

What Are The Penguins Up To
Just ask yourself this; what are Penguins doing under vehicles? I bet they’re not practicing their skills as mechanics! And I don’t think that Penguins are under vehicles just because they are short enough to wander under them without bending. No there’s something happening in the Penguin world and I mean to get to the bottom of it, because as far as I am concerned the only animals that are allowed under vehicles are Cats if they are not moving and Hedgehogs if they are – poor things!

Lastly what are Penguins doing in South Africa? I thought that they liked colder climates – so they are now lurking under vehicles and being seen in warm countries, yes it is all beginning to add up isn’t it…


On another matter – well to be honest it’s the main reason for having a blog actually but of course us bloggers wouldn’t like our unsuspecting readers to know that we are only entertaining them so we can flog something – I need to remind all of you that it’s time to start thinking about buying my soon to be published second book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue.’

Now I know you are going to say that you didn’t expect a Cat to write one book and so two is something of a miracle but consider the miracle performed!

Yes that’s rights the world has seen a real miracle and my second book will be in the shops both real and webbed (as a real paper book or an ebook) very very soon, yes my masterpiece will be in the shops and on not only www.Amazon.com but also my www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com in time for Christmas which is just perfect.

I’m sure that I don’t have to do anything other than subliminally mention that my latest book makes just as good a Christmas present as my former one and how nice they will both look in the same gift wrapping do I?

Xmas Holly
Dear cuddly readers and potential book purchasers everywhere I do hope you enjoy what I hope is the first Christmas image you will see this year! May all of your Christmas shopping be without incident.

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dec 162010
 

Here at Cat World HQ the nerve centre of Catdom and all things Cat we get a lot of things sent to us, some are wonderful, I love the presents and pictures, but frankly the cakes and sponges are a little bit too much and the ones which are made from Cat food are definitely crossing some sort of line somewhere.

Still enough of that and speaking of gifts – I would like another iPad if anyone is feeling generous, Dave the Cat took his hat off and put it on top of my lovely iPad and I can’t seem to get the stain off the glass! Goodness knows what he has under his hat and frankly ‘goodness’ can keep what he knows to himself if it is all the same to everyone. I find that old ‘goodness’ is a little slack mouthed don’t you?

One of the more interesting things that came through the internet recently was a photograph from Wikileaks (probably) and it is a very interesting picture, if say for instance you just happen to a friend of a certain Cat called Ginger and you haven’t seen a couple of acquaintances ‘Monte’ and ‘Po’ for a little while.

Now I’m never one to cast stones – I leave that to holy people with shaggy beards and discharge slips from asylums, but what on earth is Ginger up to in this picture? On first viewing you really have to wonder don’t you!

When I asked Ginger he said that there was nothing to worry about, they were just posing for one of those really dreadful pictures that circulate on the internet and says something like “Friends Forever” then when he looked at the picture he said “that’s odd the photographer was on the other side of the wall in front of us!”

Now Ginger has gone into hiding complaining that he is being stalked, I think Ginger is being stupid and even Dave the Cat said that Ginger was acting like a Cat without a hat or a clue!

And as I said Monte and Po are still missing do you think that the stalker was stalking them and not Ginger? Frankly their coats are in better nick than Ginger’s and they’re sort of coat that a Chinese furrier would love to run up into a jacket or two, so I have to stop here and go out to post some more LOST posters – if anyone spots Monte or Po please let me know here thecat@thecatsdiary.com thats my email address of course – cool isn’t it?

Ginger - Getting rid of a couple of rivals.jpg

Please don’t forget that Amazon.com have very kindly completely restocked my best selling book – Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary – and that of course means that you can easily order a copy now and have it delivered before the Christmas day, they say that my book makes a wonderful present and who am I to disagree?

Get your copy of Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary – or better still copies here Amazon.com and of course you can always get a copy of my perfect book from my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com where you can also enjoy a lot of other stuff free online games, jokes, and so much more.

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dec 142010
 

Have you ever wanted to know how to say “Happy Christmas” in sign language and be able to wish your friends with hearing loss a “Happy Christmas?”

I know I would want to if I were human! Sadly paws don’t ‘do’ sign language very well, although it is worth remembering that as well as understanding human speech Cats can and do lip read – yes you didn’t know that did you?

Here is the perfect and simplest way to say Happy Christmas in sign language using ASL (American Sign Language), it is by no means the only way to do that because sign language is an amazingly varied and rich language but most deaf people are very clever at interpreting what you ‘say’ and will be able to understand what you are signing happily.

There are two basic signs that you have to master to say “Happy Christmas” in sign language the first (below) is ‘Happy’ (obviously) and involves holding your hands (which I must say I envy you having) straight out in front of your body and then twirling them in different direction as indicated by the nice bald man and handy arrows in the picture.

Happy Sign.jpg

Once you have done that the second sign is equally as simple and basically comprises the sign letter for ‘C’ a curl made up of your fingers and thumbs waved from right to left and if you add that to the first sign you have “Happy Christmas” in sign language.

Isn’t it nice to think that thanks to this wonderful Cat you can sign Happy Christmas I think so and wish I could but the closest I have got with my paws is “have cash” – and that is not something you want to advertise in public in snowy Prague one of the cities currently competing for “Pickpocketing Capital of the World.”

Christmas Sign.jpg

Don’t forget that Amazon.com have restocked my best selling book and that means that you can still order it now and have it delivered before the noel day, they say that my book makes a wonderful present and who am I to disagree?

Get your copy or better still copies here Amazon.com and of course you can always get a copy of my perfect book from my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com where you can also enjoy a lot of other stuff free online games, jokes, and so much more.

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dec 122010
 

From today until somewhere around the 12th day of Christmas, or the end of January if I am feeling a little ‘Russian,’ (because the Russians celebrate the New Year’s holiday until almost the end of January) you will be able to celebrate Christmas with me on my www – wickedly wonderful website because I have added a lot of Christmasy treats like flashing Christmas lights and falling. But don’t take my word for it check out the snow and Christmas lights for yourself here www.thecatsdiary.com.

And not only do the Christmas lights flash but if you are getting more than a little frustrated by the Christmas crowds in the shops, the cost of all the Christmas presents you have to buy for people you hardly know and generally drowned in Christmas spirit you can get your own back on my perfect website just run your cursor over the pretty flashing Christmas lights and see what happens – tee hee!

No please don’t thank me it is all in a day’s work for a techno Cat who simply wants to entertain humans everywhere. Oh and of course to get them to buy his book which luckily you can do on my marvellous site www.thecatsdiary.com or here Amazon.com and if you want to order multiple copies well who am I to stand in your way? I’m far to fabulous and polite to do that!

I suppose most websites that aren’t www-wickedly wonderful websites, run by a clever, kind and cuddly Cat would just stop there with a few flashing Christmas lights and some expensive special effects!

But and it is a big Christmas ‘but,’I am a Cat you loves to give and of course entertain and that means that I have gone that extra mile for my readers this Christmas or as they would have it in Europe I have gone the extra kilometre and added even more of my amazingly popular online games, these on-line games are as usual free, fun and fully tested by me, I loved them as I know you will so enjoy them and if they help you cope with Christmas or indeed pass the time until ‘the’ day and you get your pressies that is all I ask for – apart from the “buying my book bit of course tee hee!”

Not all of the free on-line games are Christmasy play the Ice Slide Game and you can catapult your favourite unsuspecting polar animal as far as you can into the snowy distance. Obviously you have to help that nice polar animal avoid the snowy hazards as he or she flies through the air – did anyone say addictive? They certainly did!

ice-slide.png

The more Christmasy Free On-line Games include:

holly.png

Holly A Christmas Tale Delux

A great game where you can enjoy a new version of what is regarded as a true holiday classic!

Holly: A Christmas Tale Deluxe tells the story of a young woman who falls asleep on Christmas Eve and dreams that she is helping Santa Claus deliver toys to children around the world. But is she really asleep? Or is what is happening real?

toy-factory.png

The Toy Factory

Where you help Simon the Elf recover all the toys of Santa before midnight because by midnight the presents have to start being delivered and Simon is nowhere near ready and worried what Santa will say when he finds out!

I have added many more free on-line games, but don’t let me spoil the surprise just on just click here The Cat’s Game Page and you can always be sure that The Cat’s games are exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dec 062010
 

My first Christmas shopping tip is “in amongst the crowds of shoppers, always use your elbows like a pensioner and barge anyone in your way out of it!” But at the moment with all the snow and in England the wonderful organisation UK Uncut closing shops all over the place on the busiest Christmas shopping day that tip is a little useless tee hee.

The very new organisation to ‘out’ and ‘punish’ big personal and corporate tax dodgers is called UK Uncut and it is a little like the American organisation the Tea Party but with a smaller agenda and that is basically to campaign for fairness in the UK this Saturday the busiest on the calendar this year for shopping saw people of all ages closing shops and supergluing themselves to the shop windows of tax dodgers tee hee.

UK Uncut.jpg

The main ‘victims’ or is that tax dodgers they targeted were Vodaphone Shops who used a very clever avoidance scheme to slip 4.2 billion pounds out of the country and therefore avoid paying tax on it and the shops of the arch tax avoider Philip Green who owns Top Shop among others (and of course advises the newly formed UK Govt) and managed to sneak 1.2 billion pounds of untaxed income out of the UK last year. Keep up the good work I say!

I was going to go to Barcelona for my Christmas shopping I do that every so often because there are some great shops there with very different present-like stuff in but sadly the air traffic controllers were on strike.

So I (tip number two) shopped on Amazon.com where of course you can see and more importantly buy just by clicking here Amazon.com har ha. Shopping online is so easy and before I knew it I had exhausted several credit cards – I don’t know about ‘maxed’ these had ‘melted’ still as you will know from my book I learned long ago that it is better to use someone else’s credit card when shopping online it is (a) cheaper and (b) such a nice surprise of the beneficial owners of the card in question.

Sadly Christmas shopping tips are thin on the ground this year although I might suggest to Philip Green and the Directors of Vodaphone that if they want to open up shop in the UK then they had better pay the taxes they owe and not sneak most of what is owed in tax out of the country and then expect the ordinary British people to pay more on their behalf – there is a revolution coming by the looks of it.

Christmas Tree and presents.jpg

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dec 032010
 

Bigger Koyla with Water on Nose.png

In answer to all of the rumours flying around the web, like litter around the Pyramids in Egypt, about the forthcoming movie of my bestselling book and work of genius ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” all I can say at this moment is “yes!”

Unfortunately the ‘yes’ that I am affirming is a ‘yes’ that I continue to want to make the movie of my wonderfully entertaining which has made good people laugh from Peru to Peterborough via Pittsburgh, though sadly not the People’s Republic of China because I dared to expose their Cat and Dog eating habits.

So, how far have I managed to get with the movie moguls? Well further than you would think for a Cat who is busy writing another blockbuster book although along the way I have not made many friends but then who does if you tell the truth all the time especially to movie moguls?

At the end of the day after various trips to the land of Holly and Wood I would say that probably next year we are going to have a major announcement! It would seem that the main sticking point at the moment is the question “does the Cat have legs?”

I have pointed downwards every time they asked the question but I think they want to know if there are going to be more hilarious books from this champion of feline literature and the answer is yes!

As I have said before to the movie people just let me get on with the new book/books now and they can work on the first movie I blame Harry Potter everyone wants a series of movies now but let’s face it if Anne Frank can have a movie made of her diary then they have to go for mine now, it’s much funnier and you have to ask yourself “what has she done since?” Don’t you?

You can get my book and make your own decision on whether it should be a movie or not here Amazon.com don’t forget you can always get a copy of my perfect book from my www.thecatsdiary.com where ever you buy it it will make a wonderful Christmas present and so why not treat yourself and all of your family friends, the butcher, baker and anyone else deserving especially Firemen who are wonderful.

By the way if you want to get into the Christmas spirit and have the snow falling across your webpage while you read my wonderful blogs in December then you’ll have to go to http://blog.thecatsdiary.com this year because unfortunately there is a bug in the WordPress blog thingy and it messes up the entire page, still never mind my boffins have boffed the same thing for you on the blog page of my www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com.

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,