Nov 272011
 

Once again this year to celebrate the season, Christmas and of course because I like the effect a lot, it has started snowing on The Cat’s Blog and my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com, or to be more accurate because as I explain in both my books Cat’s have a dreadful curse, we can’t tell a lie, it’s snowing all over The Cat’s Blog but only over the picture at the top of the page on my my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com.

I don’t know if you can see the snow in the picture below but I can truthfully say that it’s there (not being able to tell a lie is such a curse, I can tell you) maybe you should go to The Cat’s Blog and check out all the lovely snow for yourself.

There is also something new about the snow for this year on The Cat’s Blog and that is that you can make the snow go mad, change direction and even rather godlike make the snow stop! Just by using your mouse, track pad or if you are reading my The Cat’s Blog using an iPhone, iPad or iPod touch – your finger!

I wonder if that’s how god does the things he does? If that is there is a god ‘up there’ you have to imagine a Cat pointing his paw in a confused way ‘up’ as you read this bit!

Snow on Blog

Very soon this Christmasy kind Cat who writes blogs is going to bring you the ever popular Christmas lights to both The Cat’s Blog and my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com and yes don’t worry just like last year you will be able to pop, smash and generally destroy the pretty little twinkling lights when the ‘pleasure’ of all that Christmas fixed smile giving and general ‘joy’ gets the better of you and you feel an overriding urge to smash something.

Xmas Holly.png

Now for a little Christmas Quiz

Question: Where can you buy copies of my wonderful books?

Answer: Here!

Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

The Cat’s Travelogue

Paperback edition of

The Cat’s Travelogue

Kindle edition of The Cat’s Travelogue

Mmh I don’t think I’ve quite got the idea or format of quizzes right, don’t worry I will keep trying while you go off and jingle you own bells – don’t you just love Christmastide?

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Nov 232011
 

Xmas HollyIt’s odd Christmas seems to have started very early this year even before Thanksgiving and that surely is a record!

Still I can’t complain because my wonderful supportive and amazingly cuddly readers both old and new are buying my books in their thousands and apart from saying “please don’t stop,” I would like to thank them so very much for helping to keep a genius of a Cat warm this Christmas and indeed some way into the New Year.

Xmas HollyOf course I would stress that you, dear cuddly readers shouldn’t stop buying my books and that if you can you should buy even more because I have a little plan that I would like to share with you.

I plan to buy a Yacht! Well all sorts of successful people have Yachts and indeed a lot of people who are no longer very successful like poor old Stevie Spielberg who must be tearing his hair out wondering how to get a movie hit.

Here is a bit of advice for Steve – if you want a movie hit don’t what ever you do chose a story that is old and tired and written by a Belgian, oops sorry too late – isn’t the Tintin movie a bit of a Dog?

So what was I saying, oh yes I want to buy a Yacht, nothing too fancy just somewhere to entertain guests and special cuddly readers, sail the world and be very very comfortable – you do think I am worth it don’t you? Oops sorry for the l’Oréal moment!

Xmas Holly

Oh I nearly forgot with all of the Xmas excitement here is a silly picture from somewhere where being daft is being normal – the human world -and in particular Kenya.

Ladies and Gentlemen and all cuddly readers I give you a ‘Kenyan Suggestion Box!’ Isn’t it just the best suggestion box in the world and definitely deals appropriately with all of the idiot suggestions that you get in boxes of this sort.

You Know Where You Can Put Your Suggestions  Keyna

Xmas HollyLastly if you haven’t got the copies of my books that you intend to give as cherished Christmas presents this year there is still plenty of time if you shop at www.amazon.com or indeed www.amazon.co.uk. Just to help you there are some more specific links below, but before those I would like to draw your attention to a book written and illustrated by my translator John Woodcock.

His book is called Trams of Prague Kindle edition and it has been enjoying a bit of success recently. Obviously the tome is not selling as well as Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary or indeed my latest and greatest (to date) book The Cat’s Travelogue but it’s nice to see that the old boy has got what it takes to ‘make it’ on his own without my help, don’t you think?

If he sells a lot of copies of his book Trams of Prague I think I’ll buy him a rowing boat so he can visit me on my Yacht! You dear cuddly readers can help and buy his book here Trams of Prague Kindle edition. I thought I would show you a picture of the cover he is really rather good at illustrating and that’s handy because Trams of Prague is what they call in the trade – heavily illustrated.

Trams of Prague Kindle edition

Xmas Holly

If you need to save time and get whizzed straight to www.amazon.com to buy one or better still multiple copies of my books I have, being a kind and generous Cat, made it so very simple that even a human can do it. Just click one or all of the links below.

Xmas Holly

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Paperback edition of The Cat’s Travelogue at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of The Cat’s Travelogue at Amazon.com

Xmas Holly

Of course I could go on and add more specific links to the www.amazon.co.uk pages of my books but this blog page is getting a little cluttered with links don’t you think? And worse you might thing that I was just after your money, and I promise that simply isn’t true! As I said above I want a Yacht!

Xmas Holly

Finally (honestly), do you get the impression from this blog that I rather like Christmas time and in particular Holly? Well if you do you would be right I really do because it is a great time to buy my books, so what are you waiting for?

Nov 162011
 

In addition to a complete lack of expertise in making any kind of manufactured goods for the West that last, stealing islands in the South China Sea and interfering under Tibet’s skirts China is a place where there is not a great regard for humankind let alone animals, cough, such as myself, who can without any great effort find ourselves being accused of being a stray (which is such and insult in the Cat culture) rounded up and placed on a Shanghai dinner menu.

All of which means that when you see signs like the one below you do hope that they are followed to the letter by the hamfisted Dog and Cat eaters behind the Great Wall of China.

What Does This Sign Mean China Of Course

You know it’s amazing what you see when you are travelling the world researching a book. But all I can say is after spending nearly two, paw weary years, globetrotting that I am glad it’s over and you my dear cuddly readers can read ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ I am confident that it will bring more than a smile to your lips and like my other wonderful unputdownable book ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ you will want to read it again and again.

Don’t forget as you are dusting off last year’s Holly and trying to glue back together the kids favourite Christmas decorations; to say nothing about trying to get the tree lights to work, that my books make excellent Christmas presents for all ages and while you are ordering your copies do make sure you get one for your good self, you have earned a bit of time curled up in a chair with an extremely good book like either of mine!

Just for you dear reader I have added some very useful links for you to click that will take you to my books on www.amazon.com or indeed my own www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite Travelogue Website or the normal one here www.thecatsdiary.com or my amazing virtual retail establish here my store at www.thecatsdiary.com.

You can get paperback or ebook copies of my first book ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ here Amazon.com and my amazing second book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ either here The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or here The Cat’s Travelogue ebook depending upon whether you want an ebook of a paperback version duh! Silly cat you know that sorry!

Lastly and for those who might be er… how can I put this, a little hard of understanding, here are some pretty pictures of my books and lots of devices that you can read them on if you choose to buy my ebooks! If you choose to invest in the paperback editions of my wonderful books then I suggest you read them on your lap curled up in a nice armchair!

If you need any or all of these items in addition to dozens of copies my books then click away below to your hearts content they all come from www.amazon.com where you know you can shop safely and securely to say nothing about good old Amazon ensuring that anything you order arrives on time.

It almost goes without saying but this clever Cat who writes books and who writes blogs for your amusement and delight does receive a very small ‘consideration’ from www.amazon.com if you buy any of the items below using the link or links. Well we all need to scrape a together living don’t we? So if you are going to buy a KindleFire, and iPad, iPod or iPhone to read any of my books on then it wouldn’t do any harm to click the link anyway below would it?

Mmh sorry this was such a long blog especially for those of you with a short attention span but let’s face it this is an important time for Cats in the publishing industry, we make most of our cash at Christmas time and that is why I have to use every trick in the book to get you dear cuddly reader to part with yours.

You know it isn’t easy either, because there is a fine line between marketing and whining and then there apparently is the line that I have never paid too much attention to, the line beyond which marketing is considered bullying!

Just remember dear cuddly reader, if you can, that I’m merely a simple Cat and if I do seem to over sell my books it’s because I don’t know any better tee hee!

P.S.

Sorry if any clever human knows how to get the above links to sit together and could let a confused Cat know the aforementioned cat would be very grateful because it beats the Whiskas® out of me! And Cat food all over the floor is not at all nice, especially when it is Salmon and Sardine flavour!

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Sep 212011
 

You know that I have always thought that Penguins were not to be trusted and now I think I have found photographic proof from South Africa that proves my case!

What Are The Penguins Up To
Just ask yourself this; what are Penguins doing under vehicles? I bet they’re not practicing their skills as mechanics! And I don’t think that Penguins are under vehicles just because they are short enough to wander under them without bending. No there’s something happening in the Penguin world and I mean to get to the bottom of it, because as far as I am concerned the only animals that are allowed under vehicles are Cats if they are not moving and Hedgehogs if they are – poor things!

Lastly what are Penguins doing in South Africa? I thought that they liked colder climates – so they are now lurking under vehicles and being seen in warm countries, yes it is all beginning to add up isn’t it…


On another matter – well to be honest it’s the main reason for having a blog actually but of course us bloggers wouldn’t like our unsuspecting readers to know that we are only entertaining them so we can flog something – I need to remind all of you that it’s time to start thinking about buying my soon to be published second book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue.’

Now I know you are going to say that you didn’t expect a Cat to write one book and so two is something of a miracle but consider the miracle performed!

Yes that’s rights the world has seen a real miracle and my second book will be in the shops both real and webbed (as a real paper book or an ebook) very very soon, yes my masterpiece will be in the shops and on not only www.Amazon.com but also my www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com in time for Christmas which is just perfect.

I’m sure that I don’t have to do anything other than subliminally mention that my latest book makes just as good a Christmas present as my former one and how nice they will both look in the same gift wrapping do I?

Xmas Holly
Dear cuddly readers and potential book purchasers everywhere I do hope you enjoy what I hope is the first Christmas image you will see this year! May all of your Christmas shopping be without incident.

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Sep 192011
 

It’s really a very exciting day today. I am with my designers in New York going over the final selection of cover designs for my soon to be published second book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue.’

You know I was pleasantly surprised, the cover designs are all really nice, except one that is which uses the most unflattering photograph of me, I do hope that we don’t use that design!

Unfortunately I have discovered that I have a little problem and that problem is that book publishing is (according to my publisher) a collaborative endeavour so we will be using the cover that is chosen by the majority. Mmh what do you think about that dear cuddly reader, you know what they say about things chosen by committees don’t you!

I have to say it came as something of a shock to discover that publishing my book was a “collaborative endeavour” because I would like to know where the designers, my agent Mr. Todd A Leibowitz call me “Todd” and my publisher were when I was knee deep in some of the less attractive countries around the world and just how close they were from swooping in and rescuing me when a mob of Pakistani religious fools were after my ‘Bacon’ just because they thought I was Danish? Not close at all is the answer.

Still I’ll forgive them their stupidity if we “sell as many of these ponies as we did the last Buckaroo!” To quote my Agent Mr. Todd A Leibowitz call me “Todd.” We apparently will be in “millionsville” once again. What can I say? I am so pleased and of course confused.

I am afraid when I listen to my agent Mr. Todd A Leibowitz call me “Todd,” publisher and the designers all talking excitedly at once I feel a little handicapped, not by the fact that they are speaking American, a language which is very close to English the language I first learned when I started to write my first ‘unputdownable’ book, the trouble is that when I hear them all talking at once, firing buzz words into the conversation as if they were machine gun bullets at a we hate Saddam/Americans rally in Iraq I just can’t keep up, and worse every so often they clap a hi five above my head and shout “YAY” when they agree on something all of which is beyond me.

I just hope that the last hi five and round of “YAYS” wasn’t something to do with the committee choosing the design for the book! I feel I should ask but they are just too busy congratulating themselves currently. Maybe there will be time later, although after lunch I am being whisked out to the airport and sent home, yes my agent Mr. Todd A Leibowitz call me “Todd” is paying for my stay which is probably why it’s so short.

Anyway as soon as I can I will post the ‘winning’ design on my blog and hope that all my fans let me know what they think of it. I think it’s really a good idea to let my lovely fans see the cover of my new book in advance of publication because then they will know what to grab off the book store’s shelves.

Of course ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ will not only be available in your local bookstore it will also be available on Amazon.com as an ebook or a proper book and all of the other places you can possibly think of to get ebooks and the old style paper books.

The timing of publication is designed cleverly to catch the Christmas rush if the banks don’t bankrupt us all first! So please make sure that you buy at least two copies and one for your good self dear cuddly reader because they make excellent presents for everyone!

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Dec 222010
 

Christmas Wreath.png

So as in most households over the world the presents are wrapped, the tree is dressed and is twinkling and makes strange robotic Christmas Carol sounds, the vegetables stored, most of the chores are done and the Turkey is looking decidedly worried and keeps checking the calendar.

We, it would appear are ready for Christmas and that means that we have a few guests here at Cat World HQ and a place will be set at our table of a few good friends and of course some of the relatives that either no one else will entertain and indeed they must have came up with much better excuses for not inviting to their Christmas lunches.

It is at moments like this when you are surrounded by family and friends that Cats like me want to escape, but unfortunately that’s not always possible and so one has to get on with it – Cats can’t grin and bear it because ‘grinning’ is very much like smiling and that of course as I have explained a few times on my wonderful blog and in my peerless masterpiece of feline literature, ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cats Diary,’ is because ‘smiling’ and don’t forget ‘grinning’ makes Cats look sinister.

So before I lose the plot and the point of this blog I would like to just take a moment to thank everyone who has bought, read and liked my book and been kind enough to leave such nice comments about it and of course done the same with my blog.

I would also like to thank all of my fans for so much because I know the best way to show appreciation these days is with loyalty and last but by no means least I want to mention my ‘special’ but never retarded friends, Ginger, Dave the Cat and Bert the Black and White Cat who individually and as a rather shabby group make me smile when I report to a wider world the things that they do. Each one has a special place here at Cat World HQ the trouble is that they won’t stay in it.

It is possible that I could go on forever thanking people and patting them on the back, massage a few egos and generally sound all smarmy but I think I will save that for my Oscar speech because I have just thought of something that happened years ago, it made me laugh and I hope that it raises a smile with you.

Back in the days when television wasn’t quite tuned in properly and the pictures always seemed to be in black and white I was minding my own business dozing lightly on the arm of a sofa thinking to myself that someone aught to tune the TV in properly so that the picture was in colour when a Dog race started and I forgot all about the complaint I was going to make.

I was transfixed, here before my eyes was the perfect use for Dogs but as with all things Doggie after a few minutes of barking and racing around a track trying to catch what was obviously an ‘electric bunny’ and never going to be caught I started to lose interest.

Greyhound.png

It might have been minutes or hours later, I am not sure, but when I woke up the races were over and a winner had won something called ‘The Grandstand Greyhound Cup’ which was odd because even in black and white I could see that not all of the hounds were grey. Oddly enough appears to be a sort of race of superfast racing Dogs and not a description of the colour of their fur

As with all sporting events it wasn’t the winner who was being interviewed it was the trainer, but then an interview on live TV with a Dog might not be as funny as what happened next.

The trainer of the winning ‘Greyhound’ was doing what trainers of athletes, no matter whether they are human, equine or canine, do – he was taking all of the credit. But this trainer had several handicaps, he was overcome with emotion, he was on live TV and he was Irish.

When asked the question “I suppose you have a lot of people who you would like to thank!” – which of course wasn’t a question, the trainer’s mind either went blank but he was being ‘interviewed on TV’ and we all know that if someone points a TV camera at you, holds out a microphone and asks a question they they must be important and deserve an answer if you don’t believe me just ask a TV reporter or interviewer they will tell you they are.

So with the glare of the TV lights on him and the Greyhound loving world holding their breath to hear what the trainer had to say, he said.

“Yes that’s right I have a lot of people to thank!” The interviewer wanted more though and waited patiently for the trainer to continue – he didn’t and a few glorious embarrassing seconds of live TV ticked by.

The interviewer cracked first as the crowd around him surged and swelled. “There must be one person who you would like to thank above all!”

“Yes that right there is!” Replied the trainer.

“One person who you owe it all to.” It was clear that the TV interviewer knew more about this mystery person than the trainer.

The trainer closed his eyes for a moment in what might have been confused as thought to the causal viewer but was really due to another surge from the crowd of people surrounding the cameras wishing to be filmed on live TV.

Suddenly the trainer remembered that he indeed ‘had’ to thank someone special, someone in particular for his success which is just what he did next.

“I would like to thank someone very special.” It was obvious that he had started the sentence well. “That someone has ensured that we were successful tonight.” He paused. “That special person is why we are here now.”

The crowd were excited they wanted to hear who this very special person was, millions of TV viewers held their breath and the interviewer pushed his microphone closer the the Irishman’s lips.

“I would like to thank that special person for everything he has done. I can’t remember his name at the moment but I owe everything to him.”

Can you imagine Johnny Depp or Kate Winslet at the Oscars or Ange Jolie or little Brad Pitt at some fashion award ceremony giving a speech like that? Of course not, but then those simple uncomplicated days of black and white TV are gone forever and that is a little bit of a shame because memories are like the stars that make them these days ‘instant.’

Happy Christmas to everyone I hope to keep you all smiling and laughing for a long time to come.

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet such as.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle.png

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Dec 212010
 

Most of the photographs of signs that ‘friends’ send me or I have ‘snapped’ on my travels are from countries where English is probably not even a second language and where speakers of our (well my adopted) tongue twisting language try their very hardest to create a sign that is understood by the rest of the planet and of course fail.

But even if those brave souls who spend such a long time scratching their heads trying as hard as the can to communicate in English fail surely there is no excuse for people who have spent their life speaking, and one hopes writing, English is there? And with that question I bring you a photograph of a sign from a small village in England; mmh 1 out of ten and that mark was only awarded because the writer had remembered to bring paper!

Hot Bottoms.jpg

Of course the next picture is one, for me at least, to treasure! As an author I have always been interested in any place, house or indeed flat where there is a sign that says that the author of ‘Great Expectations’ and so many other wonderful books lived. And as someone who is that interested in old Charlie I am never disappointed because he was always one step ahead of the debtors and moved around an awful lot.

Still I had, until now of course, never seen his birthplace, no wonder Charlie wrote so eloquently about poverty, he was born at a bus stop! Knowing that explains a lot!

Charles Dickens was born here.jpg

Today’s last and in my opinion oddest sign comes from the good people of Egypt where one feels that they don’t really know about Prawns and that in this Cat’s book is a crime and even putting aside what can only be described as the ‘peculiar’ sandwich on the right the one on the left look awful, those Prawns have never been shown a grill have they?

I Don't Know what .jpg

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet such as www.pawsperouspets.com.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Dec 202010
 

You would think that if a Mouse and a Cat could make peace at Christmas and agree to share the same territory for their mutual benefit (in this case a Christmas tree) then you would expect no less than all of the argumentative humans around the world especially the ones who allegedly believe in ‘peace.’

And frankly I’m not going to waste my breath on pointing out who needs to try and live peacefully either with their neighbours or indeed with the rest of the world – you all know who you are!

Mouse&Cat.jpg

All I will say is that all of you ‘intelligent’ humans could do better and follow the example of us ‘dumb’ animals.

About the Genius Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in history, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle.png

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Dec 192010
 

It sounds as though my fans in the UK (especially) but all across europe are having a torrid time trying to do just a little bit of Christmas shopping.

The UK seems to have suffered worst of all and there is panic breaking out to do last minute shopping for Christmas according to all of the major newspapers and that is where this clever Cat can come to the rescue – by delivering all of your gift requirements before Christmas with my very cunning plan.

My cunning plan, like all good plans since the Norman invasion of England in 1066 is simple – then it was bash everyone on the head and take over – but this plan is less Gallic and violent and so simple it will work like a dream and the result will be that everyone gets a gift at Christmas even though people can’t get to the shops.

The first part of my very cunning plan is to go to my either my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or Amazon.com and download an ebook of my masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary,’ my site has them in lots of options including a pdf version which can be read on any computer no only ebook readers and of course Amazon.com have the peerless Kindle.

The Cat & Kindle.png

The second part of my plan is possibly even better and more cunning than the first part and you have to admit just the first part of the plan was a winner!

Everyone knows that although electronic or ebooks are wonderful, easy to read, weight nothing, immediate and best of all you can get thousands of them on your reader, there is nothing like being able to give someone a present that is wrapped up and to watch them unwrap present on Christmas morning their eyes growing wide and their complete joy as they realise that you have given them a copy of my amazing book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary.’

So while you are following the first part of this very cunning plan and ordering the moderately priced ebook, which of course can be delivered immediately, simply order a copy of my amazing book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ at the same time from either my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or Amazon.com for the same person, that way even if you can’t get to the shops, or copies of my book can’t be delivered because of the snow or any other disasters natural or unnatural, you will be able to wrap my book when you get it and happily give it to someone safe in the knowledge that they are already reading your first present a copy of my brilliant ebook.

Just for you from now until Christmas morning I have a team of people working 24/7 ready here at Cat World HQ to take your order and then send you the ebooks you need and the great thing about my shop here my online store is open 24/7 and if you don’t like clicking links just copy and paste this address into you browser to be whisked to my store – http://www.thecatsdiary.com/store.

Here at my brilliant store, which as I said is open 24/7 until Christmas morning, we not only offer a guaranteed service backed up personally by me – The Cat but we also take all major credit cards and you can if you wish pay using the excellent and safe Paypal payment system. And of course we can send the ebooks immediately to any email address anywhere meaning your gift will be guaranteed to be delivered before Christmas.

Oh and my translator Mr. John Woodcock also asked – well begged – me to tell you about a pair of his ebooks which I graciously sell online at my store ‘Trams of Prague – Tram No 6’

trams-cover.jpg

‘Astromouse’

astromouse.jpg

If you want to have a look at either of these excellent books or read a synopsis then simply click here my online store is open 24/7 or as I said above if you don’t like clicking links just copy and paste this address into you browser to be whisked to my store – http://www.thecatsdiary.com/store I am sure that anyone would love any all or all of the ebooks that you can find at my amazing store.

So once again this clever Cat comes to the rescue and makes the difference between not having something to give someone at Christmas and being able to give on ‘the day’ and then remember ‘the day’ afterwards when you watch someone open their second present.

I wish you all a warm and very Happy Christmas!

PS

I watched George Clooney in ‘The American’ last night and here’s a tip if you haven’t seen it – don’t bother it’s dreadful! The best thing about the movie is George’s hair cut though unfortunately his side burns are like the movie is far too long! Even the Italian scenery is dull, grey and dreary – and that is an amazing cinematographic accomplishment because Italian countryside is normally lovely.

The Cat’s tip for the holiday season until my movie comes out is ‘Despicable Me’ it’s fun, funny and everyone can watch it and find something to enjoy!

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet such as www.pawsperouspets.com.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Dec 182010
 

There are some wonderful scenic areas in Tyne and Wear in the north east of the UK – I promise! That means that there is no reason at all for the Leisure Services Division of Chester-le-Street council to use hype or other forms of unnecessary marketing devices to get people to look at their surroundings but they obviously do! Or is that shamelessly they do!

The sign says it all - the breakdown in English manners education ...jpg

I personally can’t say I like this next sign; but I do wholeheartedly agree with its intentions which I think are designed to stop this sort of ‘behaviour’ because this sort of ‘behaviour’ is extremely unsavoury and of course it almost goes without saying is a national past time for men in the Czech republic and it should be stopped. I believe that because like most Cats I tend not to want to behave like this in public, we are very private waste product providers – it is a little like our charity work ‘anonymous.’

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Mind you probably the worst thing about this sign (sent to me by a ‘friend’ in Namibia, a country that if my geography etc., serves me correctly has a majority of Black residents/nationals), is that the person… err ‘performing’ is clearly a white man (might be Elvis in a boiler suit was my first thought).

Why, may I ask, when logic dictates that the people perpetrating this frowned upon or possibly illegal behaviour which obviously carries such a stringent penalty as detailed on the sign, is the guy having a pee white?

I am pretty sure that this sign would be considered racist in the Western World – but then what do I know I am only a humble Cat! Ok I don’t believe the ‘humble’ nonsense either har ha!

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This wonderful sign, made to the usual high and exacting standards of manufacture that the country is renowned for was sent to me by ‘ashamed’ of China – I supposed it touched him!

PLEASE READ WITH A JAPANESE ACCENT “Lough wha the sign writer done now!”

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PLEASE READ WITH A JAPANESE ACCENT “Silly Plick!”

About the Genius Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in history, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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