Tag Archives: Clever Cat

Something Germans do

So there I was minding my own business in the back of my translator’s hire car as we pootled through what used to be known as the Federal Nastiness of East Germany when a police blue light started flashing behind us and we started to invent reasons why we had driven through so many traffic lights what were blank and appeared not to be working.

(For your information when I asked why all of the traffic lights were out the polizei said that the reason the traffic lights weren’t working was that after 7.00pm on a Sunday evening the whole town’s traffic lights get switched off! No I couldn’t believe it either.)

So my translator indicated to turn right and pulled into a rather grubby housing estate that was obviously built for the proles back in the old days – you can tell these prole villas easily the concrete looks as though it could blow away in the wind at any time.

He got out of the car into a sea of small mosquitoes which managed to not only bite the two polizei and himself constantly for the 30 minutes he was out of the car but in the instant he opened the door of the hire car had sneaked in and continued to bite us all at their leisure for the rest of our journey home.

When you get stopped by the police or indeed polizei it’s always a good idea to ask why they have stopped you because as we all know in most civilised countries they can’t just stop you because they don’t like the look of the occupants of the car or the colour of the paint work.

So as documents were exchanged and truths checked my translator asked that all important question, for the first time as it transpired, and the answer, which was soon to be ‘modified,’ was interesting.

First they said that they stopped the car because a lot cars of this model and type were stolen! I asked if that was the case whether the germans crossed the border into the Czech republic to steal Czech registered cars, because the hire car I was driving was a Czech one and so that seemed a reasonable question, it wasn’t sadly and neither was the answer, the answer was drivel and even more fiction than the first excuse. One of the policemen said “that it can happen” I asked how often and the polizei man didn’t seem to know!

Polizei Van

My translator is a nice person and instead of telling the german policemen that he was an idiot he asked if they had finished, but they hadn’t. After the disappointment of not capturing the leader of a german car stealing ring who preyed only on Czech cars they turned their attention to the contents of the car, and in this case I really mean passengers!

The translator’s wife is Korean and that was obviously something that cheered the other of the two valiant german policemen because after swatting a few more mosquitoes he asked for her passport and trundled off to the van to do more checking.

The translator asked them what they need his wife’s passport for and they said, if you can believe it, that there was a lot of human trafficking in this part of german and they had to be sure that if I wasn’t a very clever and successful car thief then I wasn’t in the business of selling wives at worst or just helping illegals cross international borders.

The translator’s first question was of course who on earth would want to smuggle anyone in the germany? Which didn’t go down well because even though the two young german policemen were fluent English speakers they were still german and of course displayed their entire nations trait for not having even the tiniest spark of a sense of humour.

After being bitten by mosquitoes and subjected to the fantasies of the two german policemen we were eventually allowed to resume our journey.

On the way back to the Czech republic there are a number of long straight, but narrow, roads where german drivers drive at reckless speeds. One such mindless kraut, in a big Mercedes, had discovered just how dangerous speed can be and had hit a very large deer and ended up blocking the entire road.

While the other german drivers organised traffic and put out dozens of cute little red triangles around the accident I thought that it was a shame that the bored policemen weren’t there to direct the traffic though of course you couldn’t fault the organisation of all present (except the driver of the Czech hire car who had had quite enough of germans for the day thank you), but I expect that they were busy looking for clever car thieves or human traffickers.

This didn’t happen in the village sign posted below but for some reason I think that the germans pass a lot of hot air and wind especially the police and it is probably radar controlled so it seemed appropriate to include the picture in this blog.

Something Germans do


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Is your pet dirty?

They are adorable pets but they can get a little grubby, especially dogs who have no concept of personal hygiene in my opinion, but happily there is a answer to disheveled doggies and polluted parrots and it comes from the cradle of invention and sharp business practices Thailand!

It would do wouldn’t it.

Ladies and gentlemen dear cuddly readers one and all I give you the revolutionary Bangkok Pet Laundry!

Spruce up your pets today Bangkok

I wondered as this sign looks a little temporary what the Bangkok Pet Laundry was last week, judging by the bits of green that are peeping out at the top and the bottom I am going to take a wild guess and suggest that until recently the Bangkok Pet Laundry was a Parrot Purifying shop! Their sign and also the reason why they went out of business were obviously one and the same – they were both poorly conceived and executed.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Ah!

There is something to be said for small businesses but don’t you agree that they should have any restrictions put upon them!

Small in every way

No glass ceiling here sadly!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

A good school is so important

The headline is so true! Of course the first step in proving that a school is really ‘good’ is for them to spell the school’s name correctly!

Lesson one  spell the schools name

“Go Wildcats” – well at least they spelt that right!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

I would like to see them try!

I would like to see them try!

I would like to see them try

Wouldn’t you?


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

They speak English in India, they can’t spell it though

Mmmh! Yesterday’s blog was about spelling and gee look at that today’s is too, am I obsessed about spelling currently? Well I imagine we will find out tomorrow.

They speak English in India they can t spell it though

My mind started to wander as I looked at this picture and began to wonder what a ‘whine’ shop would be like inside, noisy yes! And what would its customers look like, worse than the inhabitants of the Comic Books Store in the Big Bang Theory I imagine!

Just briefly I would like to thank India and the Indians for always being there for me, what would I do without the supreme confidence they have in their ability in using the English language, oh how I miss those long call centre conversations when they constantly tell you that you are a “very funny ma” and invite you to Bangalore to meet their family! It was such fun and what those poor devils on the other end of the phone to me lacked in clarity of speech they always made up for in enthusiasm!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

A laptop from an ad co – what a silly idea!

As an Apple user I can’t think of many things worse than all of the Intel inspired PC laptops that have an uncanny resemblance to Apple Powerbooks, until I came across the Google Chromebook and so I would like to take a minute to thank Google for producing such a pile of scrap Aluminium.

Now why would The Cat care about something so inconsequential as a laptop from Google I hear you ask? Well I don’t know if you have noticed but Google is an advertising company which relies on you and I using its search engine to spy on us and serve ‘personalised'(yes I know their definition of ‘personalised’ is a bit odd) ads which are brought to you based on the results of your searches and of course as the Microsoft advertising campaign mentioned recently Google reads your emails and does the same.

So why do you think that the Chromebook runs most of its applications from the web and that without an internet collection it is more or less useless and may as well be used to prop open doors or something like that.

Finally can a company that brings you this sort of product (Google translate) be respected or trusted in any way?

Google transuablulated from the original Chinese

Do you “sketch utmost sentiment in the comfortable and elegant suite full of tender feelings?” I do hope not!

If you want to see something rather amusing but with a few swear words in it unfortunately, do have a look at the YouTube clip (I refuse to call them ‘movies,’ it’s YouTube after all) on my Tumblr blog. For some reason I wasn’t able to put it up on my other blogs. This is the short link to it here My Tumblr blog.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Now don’t go getting any ideas!

There are some signs which are very confusing and can easily give the wrong impression even when they are not translated by a ‘clever’ Indian or Chinese translator who think that they have a full mastery of the English language poor loves.

Here is a classic example!

Now don t get any ideas

I have a feeling that the sign doesn’t refer to the first meaning of ‘shag’ that comes to mind or indeed the rolling or loose tobacco of the same name.

Where would we be without these delightful adverts for the randomness of the human brain, I don’t know do you?


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Ugli and dirty London

They say every picture tells a story!

Ugli and dirty London

I tend to think that this picture’s story is very accurate, London is a smelly, over crowded dirty, place that just gets worse every year.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Yummy two please!

The French, bless them (some would say) are, according to their own PR though not through documentary evidence, good cooks and while you have to admit there have been one or two French chefs over the years who just happen to be good at what they do it doesn’t mean that the entire nation are good cooks, in fact the opposite is usually the case as the sign below suggests.

Yummy two please France

The sign also suggests something else about ‘pure’ French cooking, they do like knocking up dishes of slimy food, you know what I mean, Frogs legs and Snails come to mind here.

In my considered opinion, well I always consider my opinion, if you want really good French food then there is only one thing to be done and that is to go to Italy especially Tuscany where you will enjoy the sort of food that the French cook, but it will be cooked perfectly and flavoured beautifully.

Why do I say that most French food is really Italian, well it’s simple, the Romans (who were of course Italians) invaded France before it was called France and took their cuisine with them and like any people who like their food the French couldn’t get enough of the sort of provencal or country cooking that the Romans dished up daily.

Sadly people who want traditional provencal cooking think it best to go to Provence in France, they are mistaken it’s best to go to Tuscany instead.

Lastly on the subject of good cooks, did you know that the English word to ‘scoff’ (as in to eat a lot) is based on Auguste Escoffier’s name. Not only was he a man with a very big moustache but he was also a great cook who invented Peach Melba and Melba Toast though most of his career as a great chef was not spent in France, he mainly worked in London and Monaco.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75