Tag Archives: Constabulary

Shocking!

Thanks to the very brave ‘Cat Squad’ we have captured for the first time evidence of an ornamental Goldfish’s plan to trick curious Cats into ‘investigating’ a fish bowl and thereby luring them to a fate worse than the vet.

It is believed that this amazing picture was taken seconds before a goldfish named ‘Charlie’ swallowed poor ‘Gerry the Tabby Cat’ whole.

Shocking.jpg

‘Gerry the Tabby Cat’ is not the first brave Cat to go ‘missing’ at 36 Willington Avenue, Langton Green, Tunbridge Wells, Kent sadly, before ‘Gerry the Tabby Cat,’ ‘Simon the Persian,’ ‘Lady the Abyssinian’ and ‘Lance the American Bobtail’ have vanished without trace, except in the case of ‘Simon the Persian’ who’s damp leatherette collar was discovered in a fingertip search, by the local Constabulary, under the table days after his disappearance.

Now, thanks to a full investigation by members of my ‘Cat Squad’ (in this case, Ginger, Fluffy and occasionally Dave the Cat) and the local Constabulary it seems that the culprit responsible for these disappearances has been identified and to prove the culprits guilt my brave lads in the ‘Cat Squad’ managed to take what the local Constabulary has described as profound photographic evidence.

A spokesperson for the local Constabulary said that later today ‘Bubbles’ a stocky Goldfish of The Goldfish Bowl, 36 Willington Avenue, Langton Green, Tunbridge Wells, Kent will be taken into custody and questioned about the disappearance of ‘Gerry the Tabby Cat’ and several other offences against felines and their property.

All of which makes this a proud day for the ‘Cat Squad’ and of course the British Police who have had a lot of bad press recently and really should be given more credit for booking motorists, supporting the Donut industry and driving at high speed late at night with their sirens blazing for little or no reason. After all it isn’t their fault that criminals are getting cleverer these days and never seem to greet them with those tried and tested words, “it’s a fair cop governor, you got me banged to rights alright, I’ll come quietly,” all of which means that the number of serious crimes solved is the lowest since policing began.

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