Tag Archives: Czech Republic

I’m A Bit Late With This News

It is true I am a bit late with this news and there are two reasons for that, the first is that I have been thinking very hard about the momentous achievement that is in this piece of news and secondly well we’ll get to that…

When I heard this news at first I though “huh…and!” Which of course is not a good place to start when considering Universe shattering (literally) news.

Then as I started to digest the news that scientists at the Large Hadron Collider (which lies under the lower priced areas of Swiss real estate next to France) have come the closest ever to re-enacting the beginning of the Universe (and we are talking about the Big Bang here and not some godlike being with a cement mixer) reproducing conditions a millionth of a second after the Big Bang I thought to myself “Makes you wonder why they didn’t go for the exact moment of the Big Bang rather than a millionth of a second after the Big Bang?”

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What stopped them going right back to the beginning? The scientists have a very big machine – collider thingy! They have shed loads of cash, probably expresso coffee machines, a nice staff canteen and I’ll wager Prawns on tap! But still they didn’t go for the ‘big one’ the exact moment of the Big Bang. Was this some flaw in the character of the lead scientists, too cautious to stretch that little bit farther I wondered?

The I started to wonder (yes I did a lot of ‘wondering’ but then this is ‘wonderful’ isn’t it?) what did they get out of all of the time, money and commitment expended? The answer is a computer generated picture (below) and frankly not the best picture of a Big Bang I have seen!

If you want a great picture of the Big Bang then just look at the picture below the scientist’s one – it is the cover of a book/animated movie pitch that my translator John Woodcock is working on about some prehistoric dogs called Desmond, Denis and Dwight the ‘Dino Dogs’ frankly I think that is a much better, more interesting illustration and we all know his ‘limitations’ don’t we bless him!

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The Dino Dogs at the Beginning of Time an animated movie – the Dino Dogs are also available for parties, speeches and lamp post washing.

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Then after all that thinking (and don’t forget the ‘wondering’) I eventually thought to myself ‘I don’t really care what the pictures look like science is a wonderful thing and the Large Hadron Collider is brilliant and better still it is located under France and Switzerland and if it does happen to blow up anytime in the future it probably won’t affect yours truly and that frankly is the most wonderful news!’

LATE NEWS

I have some excellent news about my wonderful masterpiece of a book. My publisher put down his wine glass the other day, sobered up for a while and “arranged to send Amazon a new load of books” or that is what he said!

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Yesterday I contacted Amazon who were, as I said the other day, panicking about meeting demand and supply etc., and they say that they have received the consignments and tucked them safely away in their warehouses in the US, Australia and the UK all of which means that my fans won’t be disappointed you can of course order a book here Amazon.com or if you want to put more of the cash in my pocket then you can get the ebook or the paper version at my www – wickedly wonderful website – www.thecatsdiary.com.

It is good news that they got to the UK warehouse to beat the little bit of snow they had – there has been about an inch of snow in the UK and of course that means that the roads are blocked, trains aren’t running and worst of all the BBC Breakfast News has dedicated itself to the snow and the problems it has caused – what a shame this ‘world leading power,’ the UK and not the BBC obviously. is brought to its knees by an inch or two of snow!

Maybe instead of acting like a ‘world power’ which it no longer is, the UK should stop lending $13 billion to Ireland, sending aid money to India and China and invest in a little bit of salt and snowplows for the roads – you know do something for the poor devils trying to get to work, school and of course the airport to get out of the place who read my blog on a daily basis and who I care for as thought they are family and are now sitting abandoned in Cars, Trains and the staff accommodation of Sevenoaks railway station with only the ever dreadful BBC to listen to!

Here in Prague in the Czech Republic (for the geographically challenged) it was minus 12C overnight it has been snowing on and off for four days and the snow is thick and crunchy and it’s also cleared from all of the major roads, most of the other roads that matter, and the sidewalks as well, even as I write this blog the little orange van that comes around to empty the trash bins on the sidewalk has stopped to empty the bin – today it has been fitted with a snowplow and has a grit spreader on the back clever eh? Well no not according to the British who would say that the Czech Republic is ex-communist and therefore a bit backward and nowhere nears as modern as the UK!

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It’s My Birthday Today

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It is my birthday today and I just wanted to say thanks to all of my wonderful fans who have sent me cards, gifts, money and cake.

Just one thing – next year it might be better not to send cake because even if the boxes of cakes are carried by the most careful couriers in the world by the time the “Posta” lady (our muscular Czech post person) stuffs the boxes of cake into my letter box the cakes are reduced to a rather nasty dripping but colourful mess.

By the way, today here in the Czech republic it is a national holiday which is nice isn’t it; fancy all of these nice people celebrating with me! Although they do seem to mention something about history and the Velvet Revolution – but I have no idea why.

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Now as you can see happily I have found out how to use html properly in this new blog writer and that means I can tell you where to get my book at Amazon.com and also to visit my WWW wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.comand provide links to them again which is handy for all isn’t it?

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Wales is an odd country!

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I have tried for a long while to figure out just what this sign meant – well the bits of the sign that are written in a normal sane language and not the rather redundant and little used Welsh – I have several ideas and here they are.

1. – Sheep Drop – what do the Sheep drop and why are they so clumsy in this area of the Welsh mountains?

2. – Sheep Drop – a danger area for Sheep especially short sighted Ewes.

3. – Sheep Drop – yep! That’s right just tip any unwanted Sheep over the edge.

And now just to torture you here are the sentences above in Welsh!

1. – Defaid Galw Heibio – beth y gostyngiad Defaid a pham y maent mor drwsgl yn y maes hwn o’r mynyddoedd
Cymru?

2. – Defaid Galw Heibio – ardal beryglus ar gyfer defaid yn enwedig byr Mamogiaid ddall.

3. – Defaid Galw Heibio – yep! Mae hynny’n iawn yn unig tip unrhyw Defaid diangen dros yr ymyl.

And just think you don’t know if I am really using Welsh or not do you? But don’t worry billons of other people are thinking the same – gwirionedd yw bod y Gymraeg? Oh sorry I meant “is that really Welsh?”

If you want to know what my name is in Welsh sadly it is rather boring – Mae Cat obviously ‘Cat’ is ‘Cat’ in Welsh and ‘the’ is ‘mae’ which you have to admit is very mundane where as ‘The Cat’ in Czech is ‘Kočka’ now that sounds like a word with possibilities doesn’t it?

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Summer Has Come To The Czech republic

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It is that time of year again! Summer is here at last. Sadly the supreme being who created peadophiles, rapists, slums, poverty, cruelty and all of the other gifts that ‘he’ gave us convinced the Czechs, and indeed a lot of other misguided people in the surrounding area such as the Germans, Slovaks and what not, that they should leave their clothes in a pile somewhere and ‘enjoy’ the sun’s rays the way that ‘he’ had intended – au naturel!

What the misguided people in the surrounding area such as the Germans, Slovaks and in particular the Czech don’t seem to know is that nature au naturel is rather attractive, but their naked white bodies blistering in the sun’s microwaves are not, I wonder how one small but clever Cat can get through to these misguided hordes of naked humans and convince them to wear something and please not a thong and a frown like the French do at the beach?

Frankly I don’t know how to go about convincing the entire continent to cover up, I did think about naming and shaming but there are too many of the buggers, then I thought about showing photographs of them to a wider audience in the hope that the world would campaign against these lovers of nature but if I did that my lovely blog would look like one of ‘those’ sites that you get when you mistype some url’s and we can’t have that can we? I am a lot of things and have been called most but I’m not a pornographic pussy if you see what I mean.

So I am at a loss on how to stop all of this vast and unwelcome exposure of human flesh, you know sometimes I wish I was a politician because they are really rather good at cover ups aren’t they!

The trouble with being a good looking Cat I suppose I just don’t understand humans sometimes, what on earth gets into them that they have to take their clothes off and try to improve the beauty of a wooded, lakeside beauty spot.

What is worse is that from my lofty offices up here where the Barrandov Film Studios are I can actually see… sorry I just don’t have the vocabulary to describe what I can see or indeed the stomach!

Unfortunately there is one other problem today and that is what photograph to use in my pretty blog and so here is the only thing that I could think of it – is a suggestion of apparel for Czechs and the other misguided people in Europe to wear when they want to be ‘au naturel’ in nature.

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Here are the instructions for using fig leaves for the more simple minded ie the entire nations of France Germany, Slovakia and of course the Czech Republic.

Men should wear one fig leaf and women three and men try to resist choosing a fig leaf that is too big you will only look ridiculous, and never wear a fig leave with any figs attached that would only lead to ‘complications’ and increased female expectations that I couldn’t possibily describe here!

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I Might Have Just Been A Tiny Bit Wrong!

Please sit down and be prepared for a shock. It seems that I may have been just a tiny bit wrong about the flooding in the Czech republic yesterday and that is because the Czech republic is flooded, but not my bit of it, up here in the Eagles nest as it were.

So just to prove that no Cat is perfect here is a picture of the ‘devastation,’ I use the emphasis because I have yet to see any devastation personally and can’t find any photographs of the ‘event.’

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I did hear that there is a town up near the border with the old west that is cut off and they were evacuating people but really doesn’t anyone remember 2002 when the Metro in Prague was full of water and some areas were 20 feet under it, I have no sympathy with anyone who didn’t take that as a warning and move to higher ground like the place I live in there would really have to be a flood of Noah proportions to get water to lap at my threshold.

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Summer Is Coming You Can Tell

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Hello all you lucky readers the sun is shining and you have another blog from me, what more could you want? Well my book well of course if you haven’t got it.

Today the sun is shining very brightly and the thermometer on the outside of the Kitchen window is showing 25 degree C, yes we know it does have a problem with the truth, and so it is probably 15 degrees cooler but still that is warm in comparison to what temperatures we have had here recently – and is about 60 degrees in the more sensible Fahrenheit way of understanding temperature I believe.

So no matter whether the thermometer (a nice English word without a French spelling) is lying or not, the day is nice and demonstrates that Spring if not Summer is coming to Prague and the Czech Republic.

Another sign that the weather was getting much milder today came in a very surprising form, when we went to put the trash out there was what looked like a dead human in one of the Wheelie Bins.

This sort of thing is not common in Prague and of course it is one of the reasons we moved out of smelly London, the last time I lived there my street was machine gunned as two drug dealers chased each other in cars up it and shot the buildings up into the bargain until one took a lump of lead and crashed his car outside of my building – very grand Theft Auto I must say, but not nice to live amongst.

Now because finding a dead body in your Wheelie Bin is not an everyday occurrence in sunny Prague you can imagine our surprise when we opened the lid of the bin to deposit our rubbish.

Obviously we chose another bin to dump the trash bag in and then stood there debating what to do about the – you know what, in the – you know where!

Deciding that it would be a good idea to call the police we went back inside and so as we looked out of the window for signs of life we started to dial the number and at the same time trying to work out the translation in to Czech of “I don’t know if you have already been told, or if you might consider it important but…”

Just as the number rang the Wheelie Bin lid opened and a man dressed like one of the very many people here who sort through Wheelie Bins to fill dirty carrier bags full of um, er, whatever they are looking for I suppose pull himself out and stretched wearily in the Sun.

He spent a few minutes getting the creases out of his jacket and arranging his woollie hat just so, then he reached in to the Wheelie Bin, grabbed a bottle of water (Volvic appears to be the water of choice if you are going to stay overnight in my Wheelie Bin) and then he sauntered off carrying a collection of dirty carrier bags.

“Huh!”

That is about all this clever Cat can say, although I have to say that I do feel for the ever increasing numbers of people who troll around Prague searching through Wheelie and non-Wheelie Bins, but in the main they are not victims of the recent banker’s balls-ups these people make a life choice and are it would seem very happy to graze bins for a living.

For what it is worth the only ones who ever ask you for money in the street are the punk like young ones who call themselves ‘Freegans” they are a curse of downtown Prague, in the summer especially, the others keep themselves to themselves and I suppose that a Wheelie Bin is better than a doorway and it probably makes a nice change on a warmish Springlike evening!

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A Sign of Mmh What?

Ok so today is the second sunny day and we are about four or five days into snow free weather, which will probably give you some idea about the temperature, with or without the sunshine it is cold.

But after two days of (not consecutive) sunshine the good people of Prague have decided that it is short and shirt sleeve wearing weather and are out and about in their hundreds – Prague is a small place and as yet the population hasn’t doubled in size with tourists – proudly showing their knees.

Are the Czechs mad? Well no not really they are healthy and think that their knees should be on display as often as possible, thank goodness they only think that their knees should be on display as often as possible, if you see what I mean!

But honestly having so many knees on display is a little off putting for a Cat; human knees, like all knees, are not nice, no wonder Cats hide theirs under fur, but then Cats are nice discrete animals aren’t they!

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And it is for that reason, modesty in the knee department that Cats are not like Pavels (the name I have given all Czech males – Pavelinas are the female equivalent), we would be mortified if we had our knees on display even on the hottest day.

Why? Do I hear you ask, well it is simple really, shorts are just about alright on young people, but when a middle aged man wears them to work and carries a briefcase and has a tie on you start to wonder don’t you? I do!

Still there are lots of reasons why Prague is a nice place to live, the steam coming off the river this morning made the place look magical especially if you happened to be standing on the famous medieval Charles Bridge and looking up at Prague Castle, in fact I wish I had been!

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