Feb 112013
 

Over the weekend I was looking at various websites which help you chose names for babies by showing them how the name looks up against you surname and telling you a little about them like the ‘meaning’ of the name and where the name originates.

Sadly I didn’t find my name ‘The Cat’ on any of them a terrible oversight that I hope is rectified soon, it should be I sent emails of complaint to all of the sites I visited.

Getting Out Cover

As my attention started to meander away from my original purpose, these sites are rather boring after all, I found some interesting meanings for some names.

Below is a couple of examples.

Did you know that Barack means ‘blessed.’

Barack Obama

And nicer still the president’s second name Hussein means ‘Handsome One’ which is pretty cool!

I then looked at the first name of the leader of the UK government, his name for those of you not familiar with this person, is David Cameron, and for those of you not familiar with the UK it’s a small overcrowded place in the North Atlantic.

David means ‘Beloved.’

David Cameron

Sadly Cameron means ‘Bent Nose!’


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Nov 152012
 

One of the least attractive features of the English countryside is the number of pointless road signs and indeed signs in general.

The single worst aspect of this fact is unfortunately as England has become, daily it would seem, a bigger and bigger ‘Nanny State’ local governments and literarily anyone who has spare cash to burn has erected a sign.

There is, as you can see from this one below, little point to the signs which usually state the obvious (or “bleeding obvious” as I heard the Vicar say).

Currently the valiant, but useless Don (Quixote) Cameron, Prime Minister of the UK has said that his government will do everything they can to stamp out useless signs and I expect there is a sign posted on a billboard somewhere saying just that!

You don t say


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Aug 222012
 

For most young people it’s back to school soon and for a lot of them they will be looking forward to getting a decent education, sadly that doesn’t seem to be the case in the UK as this road sign shows.

Back to School

Mind you as the government of David Cameron is now making it almost impossible for working class or as we call them nowadays ‘poorer families’ to send their children to further education what do you expect?


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Feb 172012
 

The English countryside is a wonderful scenic place crammed full of open skies that kiss the horizon, fields, hedgerows, wildlife, odd villages with odder villagers inhabiting them (I may have mentioned the ale-swillers Fred, Ned and Ted before so I won’t now) all of which makes the English countryside somewhere that you either adore or loathe.

Here is a perfect example of why people from the towns have a problem with people from the countryside – they are often a little odd, as this sign demonstrates perfectly.

What Have Sheep Got Against Trees

If you loathe the English countryside you are probably a townie and there is nothing wrong with being one of those unless it would seem you are personally involved in planning the route of the second High Speed train which I understand is called HS2, because you old chap must really hate the countryside and should never have been giving the power to destroy such large chunks of it.

Which brings me to this sign one created especially for the head of planning for the HS2 and of course Davis Cameron the Prime Minister of the towns of England it must be difficult for them to understand that people don’t like their little idea in the countryside!

Bad HS2

So why is the sign above hard for townies, and the other fools mentioned, to understand well it’s simple really! They probably want to get from one dirty, smelly overcrowded dump to another as fast as possible, oh I’m sorry I mean from Birmingham to London or indeed the other way around and in doing so they need to carve up a very large and rather wide chunk of what I think we will call “the next two pictures.”

The first picture below, is of a bit of reasonably unspoilt English countryside that hasn’t been touched since the royal family and after them parliament thought of something called the ‘inclosures act’ or ‘enclosures act’ would be a bit of a wheeze and keep the hoi polloi of their land.

After

The second picture is of the same countryside (well nearly) after it has been turned into a high speed railway line no wonder the country folk in England believe that the townies don’t like them and their countryside!

After2

One last little bit of stirring oops sorry I mean information that David Cameron and the rest of the tarmac brigade might like to bear in mind is the definition of ‘Hoi polloi’ today it might mean the rabble, the dregs etc., but in accent Greece where the word comes from it means ‘the many’ or rather deliciously the ‘majority’ now that surely is something that any politician worth his salt might like to bear in mind – even maybe David Cameron!

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Nov 222011
 

Oldham s Sign Erection Crew Visit Leeds

The lads and possibly lasses (in this politically correct world we live in) of the Oldham road sign erection crew have struck again, but this time you have to go to Leeds to see this marvellous example of the sort of careful workmanship and workwomanship (in this politically correct world we live in).

Their work is a fine example of the type of British craftsmanship and craftswomanship (of course) that David Cameron and all of the other deluded British politicians believe is going to make the UK a world power once again, to say nothing of ensuring that everyone has nice shiny shoes and all the trains not only run on time but are clean! Isn’t it great to ‘believe?’

If you don’t remember the fine example of Oldham’s road sign erection crew’s work from my previous blog here is an example as published by the Cat who writes Blogs i.e. me just before my birthday on November 14th.

If You want Craftsmanship don t go to Oldham

Of course if you missed my birthday you will be pleased to hear that I have no problem with presents, cards and cash arriving late, in fact I have said on any number of occasions that I am just like a politician in this respect – open to ‘presents’ at any time during the year!

Of course if you don’t remember when Oldham’s sign erection crew last struck just click here, aren’t they clever?

Don’t forget that the holidays are upon us, Thanksgiving in just a day or so away and Christmas as usual is lurking around the corner which means that you may well be stumped for what to get the children, the Dog, the family and all of the others that you have to buy presents for, my advice is don’t panic just go to either my www-wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or indeed good old Amazon.com and order dozens of copies of my books. May I helpfully suggest that for people you really like you give both of my books to and for people you aren’t so keen on just the one!

Here are a few useful links to save you time and cut out the hours of concentrated thought that you would normally devote to choosing the right present for everyone.


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Mar 092011
 

Lionel the talented (some say, and some say showoff) ‘swimming Cat’ has prematurely called off his attempt to become the first Cat to swim the English Channel after just beginning his first training session in the Summerfields pool and café Hastings Sussex.

In a specially arranged training session, squeezed in between the under 10’s Cygnet Club’s and the over 60’s water aerobics, Lionel – the talented swimming Cat – had his first taste of a body of water bigger than his water dish and realised that he should apply his “enormous” talents to elsewhere.

It is not known as yet whether Lionel will be keeping his byline – ‘the talented swimming Cat’ although it does sound likely.

English Channel Attempt

If any organisation needs a special envoy or ambassador who has a marvellous opinion of himself that totally outstrips his abilities then do contact Lionel through this blog or directly to The Cat and we will pass on your details.

Obviously we have already been contacted by the ridiculous duke of York’s ’employer’ the UKTrade and Investment (UKTI) about an unpaid ambassador’s position. While being unpaid the expenses are pretty good and equate to around 4 million UK pounds a year, with obvious benefits such as first class travel, top quality hotels and the rest.

When contacted a senior government spin doctor said that “the only qualifications you have to have are to be arrogant, have a delusional belief in your own abilities and intelligence, a great sense of humour and know what’s best for British companies even if they don’t know. And of course if you have a German family background that wouldn’t hurt,” but quickly added that Lionel should “get in quick” because the PM, DC has been changing his mind a lot recently and the opening might close soon – “who knows.” He sighed.

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Dec 072010
 

Hi All,

As a successful blogger, website owner and general all round wonder I get a lot of spam – it comes to this blog, it comes to my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com and it comes to my personal email address – thecat@thecatsdiary.com. Most of the spam is from some arse or the other advertising rubbish that wasn’t freely available before the internet you know the stuff replica designer crap badly made in China, doggy loans, equally dodgy insurance and very dodgy invitations to get rich quick Nigerian scams, escorts, pills that make bits of men err more err ‘prominent’ all of a sudden and so on.

However there are some spammers who try to make conversation or indeed pass a compliment about a brilliant Cat’s blog or www – wickedly wonderful website in the hope that vanity will prevail and the flattered feline will drop his guard for a moment and allow the spammer to comment on his blog say for instance, then the flood gates are open and the spammer can post any amount of annoying rubbish on what is a brilliant blog and in turn spoil it for all.

So I thought that I would, just for a moment, reward a spammer or two with “The Cat’s Two Finger Trophy” (yes it is remarkably like the Football World Cup Trophy but with Churchill’s golden saluting fingers sticking out of the top tee hee) and let the spammers know that although they stand about as much chance of getting through my security as I do of winning the Nobel Peace Prize their nonsense is read by me and then deleted.

Two Finger Trophy.png

The award for the most persistent spammer goes to – some arsehole at a betting site with over two hundred spams a month and rising. Happily this rubbish gets filtered out by a marvellous, friendly feline, but I’d blush if I was to tell you who that feline was!

The award for the worst google translate phrase from the original (probably Indian) goes to – some idiot at a Breitling Watch replica website. But it could also have come form the same address just insert a different ridiculously expensive designer watch product and you get the same replica rubbish, for “Your phrase is matchless…” when commenting on my ‘It Was Snowing!’blog?

The award for the most offensive spam goes to – Someone called ‘biking’ at a website for Irish escorts, sadly I can’t report here what they said because young people and Cats use this blog and my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com. Mind you! I would like to know if you were in the market for an ‘escort’ and I think we all know what one of those is, would you choose an Irish one?

The Award for the most nonsensical comment goes to some plonker at a Tattoo website for “Excuse, I have thought and have removed the idea”. Mmh how nice!

The Award for the most irrelevant comment goes to some Chinese site for – “For a long time I here was not.” I too for a long time I was here not especially when I am some where else place – what think you?

The Award for the best disguised spam goes to another escort agency for “Pretty interesting place you’ve got here. Thanks for it. I like such themes and anything connected to them. I definitely want to read more on that blog soon.”

Of course I would reproduce the web and email addresses for all my winners but that would sort of shoot myself in the paw don’t you think?

Still while we are on the subject of pests on the web aren’t Google doing everything they can to become as unpopular as Microsoft – just thought I would mention that! Here in the Czech republic they are not the dominant search engine and so they do everything to displace the search engine that is dominant called www.seznam.cz.

Google advertise at tram stops, on the metro, at the airport and whenever you log on to search on google (a rare event for me I use bing) you type in google.com in the address line expecting to go to a site in English and as the page loads google’s spy network realises that you are in the Czech republic and delivers google.cz which is annoying when it is in a language that this English and Cat speaker doesn’t understand and it does it every single time without fail – how annoying is that?

Just a quick note on the trophy design.

Being English I had to feel for the English in general even though I live in exile when first Russia and then Qatar won the world cup competition to host the game and earn vast amounts of money unless of course you are South Africa who lost billions – or should that be ‘lost’ billions?

The trouble with the English bid and the English is that they play by the rules – although I have to say I think that it showed just what a richard-head (dickhead to any adults reading) young prince Willie is when he said that three world cup delegates had personally promised him that they were voting for England and then in the final count England received just two votes and one was their own har ha – what an idiot and Cameron as well made an absolute twot of himself. (The word ‘twot’ is very much like the word ‘twat’ but the word twot can be used in mixed company har ha).

Two Finger Trophy.png

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