Jul 142014
 

I thought I would move away from pictures of badly translate and altogether daft signs today and share a couple of pictures of Dogs.

I like Dogs in the main, which is odd for a Cat but then most people seem to think I am an odd Cat so that sort of works doesn’t it.

Dog 1

The first picture is for my pal Teagan, who I expect wishes that she was in that puddle with those pals.

If you go to Teagan’s blog here Teagan Times you will see just why I think this puddle picture is perfect!

The second picture is for Dog lovers everywhere and needs no introduction, by a Cat, at least.

Dog 2



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams



Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Nov 082013
 

And if you don’t want an Elephant there’s a Giraffe for sale down the road!

And if you don t want that there s a Giraffe for sale down the road

Hmm!Seems like an animal sort of a week with Dogs and Llamas in my blog, that’s nice isn’t it?



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams



Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Nov 072013
 

As the title says I promised to add from time to time pictures from the latest internet craze – Dog Shamming

If you don’t know what Dog shaming is, then here is a little introduction.

When Dogs do something wrong, and let’s face it as a race they rarely do much right! Their owners chastise their dogs by posting photos of them with an explanation of their crimes.

Personally I think that Dogs deserve this outing! But what a good job there isn’t anyone brave enough to ‘out’ Cat’s for their occasional and very rare misdemeanours!

Here is Shadow (probably his real name) and an explanation of exactly what he did, shame on you Shadow!

7



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams



Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Mar 142013
 

Oh dear I have a feeling that this picture might annoy all sorts of people, but I didn’t think twice about publishing it for two reasons first it is divinely daft and second if anyone doesn’t like the sign they should have a chat with the idiots who put it up in Kuala Lumpur shouldn’t they?

Approved Parking Kuala Lumpur

Mind you I have recently learned that a ‘fatal’ might not be so bad because a fatwa is issued by a recognised religious authority in Islam. But since there is no hierarchical priesthood or anything of the sort in Islam, a fatwa is not necessarily “binding” on the faithful. The people who pronounce these rulings are supposed to be knowledgable, and base their rulings in knowledge and wisdom. They need to supply the evidence from Islamic sources for their opinions, and it is not uncommon for scholars to come to different conclusions regarding the same issue.

I adore confusion don’t you?



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Mar 122013
 

There are ordinary schools and then there is Meeker Junior High School, Renton, Tacoma Washington State – Home of The Pioneers whoever they are!

High scoring school

And then there are other schools who while not have sure a heady mission statement might actually concentrate on things like oh!… Um!… Spelling.

Meeker Junior High School Mission Statement

“Jerry Meeker Middle School’s mission is to provide an environment which will encourage respect for all, academic excellence and competency in the life skills through a partnership of home, school and community. A model program at Meeker is its Homework Cafe, an after school program allowing students and staff to work together to complete homework and develop good study habits.”

Maybe the other schools in the area concentrate more on the educational basics and leave Meeker Junior High School Mission Statement to strive for high educational goals? Or maybe not.

Either way if thou go to their website you can get 30% Hoodies and Zip-up Hoodies at the moment, it’s odd that I ahem always associated Hoodies, whether they zip up or not with petty criminals and shady types, I wonder if there is a link there?

Hoodie

Not a nice hoodie and shame about the colour!



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Mar 112013
 

So there I was minding my own business in the back of my translator’s hire car as we pootled through what used to be known as the Federal Nastiness of East Germany when a police blue light started flashing behind us and we started to invent reasons why we had driven through so many traffic lights what were blank and appeared not to be working.

(For your information when I asked why all of the traffic lights were out the polizei said that the reason the traffic lights weren’t working was that after 7.00pm on a Sunday evening the whole town’s traffic lights get switched off! No I couldn’t believe it either.)

So my translator indicated to turn right and pulled into a rather grubby housing estate that was obviously built for the proles back in the old days – you can tell these prole villas easily the concrete looks as though it could blow away in the wind at any time.

He got out of the car into a sea of small mosquitoes which managed to not only bite the two polizei and himself constantly for the 30 minutes he was out of the car but in the instant he opened the door of the hire car had sneaked in and continued to bite us all at their leisure for the rest of our journey home.

When you get stopped by the police or indeed polizei it’s always a good idea to ask why they have stopped you because as we all know in most civilised countries they can’t just stop you because they don’t like the look of the occupants of the car or the colour of the paint work.

So as documents were exchanged and truths checked my translator asked that all important question, for the first time as it transpired, and the answer, which was soon to be ‘modified,’ was interesting.

First they said that they stopped the car because a lot cars of this model and type were stolen! I asked if that was the case whether the germans crossed the border into the Czech republic to steal Czech registered cars, because the hire car I was driving was a Czech one and so that seemed a reasonable question, it wasn’t sadly and neither was the answer, the answer was drivel and even more fiction than the first excuse. One of the policemen said “that it can happen” I asked how often and the polizei man didn’t seem to know!

Polizei Van

My translator is a nice person and instead of telling the german policemen that he was an idiot he asked if they had finished, but they hadn’t. After the disappointment of not capturing the leader of a german car stealing ring who preyed only on Czech cars they turned their attention to the contents of the car, and in this case I really mean passengers!

The translator’s wife is Korean and that was obviously something that cheered the other of the two valiant german policemen because after swatting a few more mosquitoes he asked for her passport and trundled off to the van to do more checking.

The translator asked them what they need his wife’s passport for and they said, if you can believe it, that there was a lot of human trafficking in this part of german and they had to be sure that if I wasn’t a very clever and successful car thief then I wasn’t in the business of selling wives at worst or just helping illegals cross international borders.

The translator’s first question was of course who on earth would want to smuggle anyone in the germany? Which didn’t go down well because even though the two young german policemen were fluent English speakers they were still german and of course displayed their entire nations trait for not having even the tiniest spark of a sense of humour.

After being bitten by mosquitoes and subjected to the fantasies of the two german policemen we were eventually allowed to resume our journey.

On the way back to the Czech republic there are a number of long straight, but narrow, roads where german drivers drive at reckless speeds. One such mindless kraut, in a big Mercedes, had discovered just how dangerous speed can be and had hit a very large deer and ended up blocking the entire road.

While the other german drivers organised traffic and put out dozens of cute little red triangles around the accident I thought that it was a shame that the bored policemen weren’t there to direct the traffic though of course you couldn’t fault the organisation of all present (except the driver of the Czech hire car who had had quite enough of germans for the day thank you), but I expect that they were busy looking for clever car thieves or human traffickers.

This didn’t happen in the village sign posted below but for some reason I think that the germans pass a lot of hot air and wind especially the police and it is probably radar controlled so it seemed appropriate to include the picture in this blog.

Something Germans do



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Mar 072013
 

They are adorable pets but they can get a little grubby, especially dogs who have no concept of personal hygiene in my opinion, but happily there is a answer to disheveled doggies and polluted parrots and it comes from the cradle of invention and sharp business practices Thailand!

It would do wouldn’t it.

Ladies and gentlemen dear cuddly readers one and all I give you the revolutionary Bangkok Pet Laundry!

Spruce up your pets today Bangkok

I wondered as this sign looks a little temporary what the Bangkok Pet Laundry was last week, judging by the bits of green that are peeping out at the top and the bottom I am going to take a wild guess and suggest that until recently the Bangkok Pet Laundry was a Parrot Purifying shop! Their sign and also the reason why they went out of business were obviously one and the same – they were both poorly conceived and executed.



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Dec 192011
 

1. Seeing in the Dark

Cats are only able to see the same colours as a colour blind person these colours are yellows, blues and violets all of which means Cats can’t see reds, greens or oranges. This is because, while the retinas of Cats are similar to humans, they contain two types of light-receptors called rods and cones, humans are different and have more of the cone types than rods and it’s these cones that are responsible for colour vision.

Happily Cats and for that matter Dogs (if they really mattered of course) have more rods and it’s the rods that are the receptors responsible for seeing in the dark.

Sunglasses Cat

This means that Cats may have poorer colour vision than humans, but fortunately we have far superior night vision, and as an extra bonus we are so much better at tracking movement all of which means that clever Cats can see things eight times better than mere humans in the dark.

For the Record

It must be stated that Cat’s, unlike Sid the Sunglass Cat (pictured), do not normally wear sunglasses, or should that read – normal Cats do not normally wear sunglasses?


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Nov 142011
 

Normally I ‘wobble on,’ as someone once said though I personally don’t agree, about the worse than dreadful craftsmanship (if you can call it that) of the Chinese and their hamfisted attempts to produce manufactured (and I use that word lightly) goods so it is with a heavy heart and a rarely experienced degree of reluctance that I give you Oldham’s attempt to take back some of the manufacturing jobs that they lost to China.

If You want Craftsmanship don t go to Oldham

Please note the precision and excellence of construction, the care and attention to detail and most of all the quality control.

As the sign says – well the bit that is the right way up that you can read – “Oldham is working for a co-operative borough” or words to that effect, while pondering just how many ‘work people’ (you can no longer call them ‘workmen’ in such a forward looking place) working ‘co-operatively’ it took to construct the sign I was also trying to work out what that strap line actually meant!

Are they suggesting that the entire area become some sort of enormous workers co-operative where more examples of this type of constructive freedom, that comes with this sort of endeavour, can be experienced you know like streetlights buried upside down and footpaths that foul dogs!

Here are some interesting (I promise) facts about Oldham

  • I didn’t visit Oldham when writing my latest block busting book ‘The Cats Travelogue’
  • Oldham is in England
  • England is in Europe
  • Oldham is a large town in Greater Manchester
  • Oldham has little early history to speak of
  • Oldham was a boomtown of the Industrial Revolution
  • Oldham was among the first ever industrialised towns
  • Oldham was the most productive cotton spinning mill town in the world at the height of the industrial revolution Oldham spun more cotton than France and Germany put together
  • In late May 2001 Oldham hosted 3 days of race riots
  • Oldham is a bit run down (see picture below of the railway station in 2010
  • Oldham is a bit run down

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    Oct 192011
     

    The Chinese have been described as really not very nice, they eat Dogs and Cats and recently 18 of them in Foshan city, Guandong province nonchalantly walked passed a small child who had been the victim of a hit and run, first by a van and then a car.

    Just the other day two year old little Yue Yue was left writhing in agony in the middle of the road as her countrymen and women stepped around her as if she was merely street litter.

    I was going to say they stepped around her as if she was Dogs poo but the stray Dogs in Foshan city are few and far between because they get rounded up for din dins, indeed there have been reports over the last two years that Guandong province diners are running out of their main dinner ingredients because they have eaten all the Dogs and Cats in the area.

    So what does a nation that has so little regard for little girls think of women, well as the title says check out the soup!

    A Soup Too Far

    If you think that the Occupy Wall Street campaigners around the world have a point just imagine what it’s like in China where there are a few very rich and billions of poor who don’t even warrant the attention of passers by if they, like two year old Yue Yue, stray away from their the pavement for a couple of minutes unnoticed by their her mother.

    The injustice and inequality that is so common in China is disgusting and has to end – please think about Yue Yue and the attitude of the Chinese to life the next time you want to buy something and if the item is made in China please, please think again about buying it I know I will.

    And just before I get off my soap box and have a lie down don’t tell me that we the consumers and voters can’t do anything about China’s inhumanity, it was because of us that China was turned from a mainly agricultural backwater into a manufacturing powerhouse, in 20 or so years, because we wanted so many shiny things.

    Well now the people in the towns and cities where we live could do with the jobs and that means they can’t afford their homes let alone the shiny things because they are out of work, so if you buy locally the brand names will get the message and they will bring the factories back to your country.

    And you never know we might just be able to send a message to China, goodness knows our politicians won’t they are too busy groveling to them.