Feb 162012
 

It’s one of those questions isn’t it, not unlike the question which asks if Schrödinger’s Cat is alive or dead in his box. Before I go on I would just like to ask if Mr Schrödinger’s fed the Moggy in the Box because if he didn’t then I am afraid I know the answer to that particular question!

Cat in A Box

So is Jesus going to come out of his box and make a lot of people happy and probably get an even bigger following than Elvis this time around? Well the answer to that question is on the roof of the shack in the picture below.

Selling Jesus

So hallelujah brothers and sisters Jesus is alive and well and and in a true religious manner available for lease and I bet if the price is right he could be bought lock, stock and bible!

Now sadly I couldn’t think of a really great graph to go here and as I have said once before graphs are good for blogs, they make them look authoritative and let’s face it this Cat needs all of the help he can get in the authoritative department. But happily I did find a pie chart and as if by some divine coincidence it does have a passing reference to religion and I understand Jesus apart from being a christian name in Spain and pronounced ‘Haysus,’ it is also presumably a christian name on the West Bank, Palestine (where Jesus was born) so here it is, now call me a lightweight if you dare!

Religions

Continuing on in a non-lightweight vein for a moment, when I was researching this blog – alright having a quick click through the internet – I found this interesting little site which casts doubt that the birthplace of Jesus (Bethlehem) existed when he was supposed to be born there! Shock horror!

To quote the blasphemers – oops sorry archaeologists – they say that Jesus’ birthplace just didn’t exist at the time of his birth, well they say this actually and I think it is the same.

“While Luke and Matthew describe Bethlehem in Judea as the birthplace of Jesus, “Menorah,” the vast database of the Israel Antiquities Authority (IAA), describes Bethlehem as an “ancient site” with Iron Age material and the fourth-century Church of the Nativity and associated Byzantine and medieval buildings. But there is a complete absence of information for antiquities from the Herodian period – that is, from the time around the birth of Jesus.”

So if you are now a very annoyed christian and want to do what the Muslims would do in this situation, find a few effigies of the authors to burn, threaten them with Jihad, or generally just get a little pissed off that someone somewhere dares to not believe the fairytales – oops sorry gospels that you believe in you can toddle along to the Archaeological Institute of America website and read more before you ‘explode’ though not literally please.

If you can’t wait to find the article that says that someone has told a big ‘porkie pie’ (lie) about the birthplace of Jesus then here is the link that you should go to straight away Where was Jesus Born?

Mind you, you may have to take what the Israel Antiquities Authority says with a pinch of salt because as far as I know to jews Jesus wasn’t who he said he was or some such nonsense, all of which goes to prove that the only religion which is the right, true and just religion is the one that you currently believe in!

So I now think that it’s time to introduce you to a new and fast growing religion, which will cost you less to join than the Mormon, Catholic and even the Muslim religion especially as our radical wing does’t call for you to make a mess of a suburb near you if you see what I mean!

Catism is “the new way” and you can sign up today with no initial payment and a wonderfully flexible low cost payment plan, which can be tailored to your individual requirements, so what are you waiting for brothers and sisters join today because “we have a long road to travel and I’ve seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, because my legs are a bit short and I tend to lag behind when out walking with humans and actually I have already been to the mountaintop.”


About the Author – The Author of the Cat Diary

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Dec 182010
 

There are some wonderful scenic areas in Tyne and Wear in the north east of the UK – I promise! That means that there is no reason at all for the Leisure Services Division of Chester-le-Street council to use hype or other forms of unnecessary marketing devices to get people to look at their surroundings but they obviously do! Or is that shamelessly they do!

The sign says it all - the breakdown in English manners education ...jpg

I personally can’t say I like this next sign; but I do wholeheartedly agree with its intentions which I think are designed to stop this sort of ‘behaviour’ because this sort of ‘behaviour’ is extremely unsavoury and of course it almost goes without saying is a national past time for men in the Czech republic and it should be stopped. I believe that because like most Cats I tend not to want to behave like this in public, we are very private waste product providers – it is a little like our charity work ‘anonymous.’

Peeing in Public.jpg

Mind you probably the worst thing about this sign (sent to me by a ‘friend’ in Namibia, a country that if my geography etc., serves me correctly has a majority of Black residents/nationals), is that the person… err ‘performing’ is clearly a white man (might be Elvis in a boiler suit was my first thought).

Why, may I ask, when logic dictates that the people perpetrating this frowned upon or possibly illegal behaviour which obviously carries such a stringent penalty as detailed on the sign, is the guy having a pee white?

I am pretty sure that this sign would be considered racist in the Western World – but then what do I know I am only a humble Cat! Ok I don’t believe the ‘humble’ nonsense either har ha!

Ashamed.jpg

This wonderful sign, made to the usual high and exacting standards of manufacture that the country is renowned for was sent to me by ‘ashamed’ of China – I supposed it touched him!

PLEASE READ WITH A JAPANESE ACCENT “Lough wha the sign writer done now!”

Rocker room.jpg

PLEASE READ WITH A JAPANESE ACCENT “Silly Plick!”

About the Genius Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in history, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle.png

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