Sep 232013
 

I saw this and couldn’t resist borrowing it!

Popular

Obviously I like it and hope you do too! I am sure it is true.

Mind you I still wonder, do you? Why face book’s corporate image shows a lower case ‘f’ and yet when almost everyone refers to them they capitalise the ‘f’ I tend to think that whoever designed the corporate id was right a lower case ‘f’ sums them up perfectly!

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Oct 102012
 

What can I say about this picture?

Poor little things

Oh I know! Like everything when nipples get tired or sick they need a place to get better – how was that? Perfectly restrained and with great taste I thought! What about you?


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Oct 092012
 

It would seem that my last few days here in Prague are being rewarded by lots of sunshine, though I have to say it’s a bit nippy, but unfortunately not as nippy as it is going to be in Siberia, although at the moment it’s raining and not snowing where we are landing.

While I am there I want to do a lot of Cat things and although sampling local Prawns from the River Ob which was turned into a sea, (yes you read that right, the Soviets flooded the area for a Hydroelectric Dam project that ultimately went a bit pear shaped and in the process of building it wiped out millions of acres of pristine wild places) is at the top of my list of things to do, as it should be for any seasoned traveller.

But like any seasoned traveller I want to also want to meet some of the locals both wild and domesticated.

I am sure to meet a Siberian Cat or two, which will be nice, like most Cats they are ‘old’ Cats, some of the originals of the Cat clan as it were, and have been around on , mainly in Siberia which is how they got their name, for 1000 years.

Siberian Cat

Siberian Cats are now prized additions to many an American household since they started to move to the states after the iron curtain came down.

Now I don’t know if I will be lucky enough to see any of these fine fellows (below), or if I do bump into them whether I wouldn’t be considered to be more of an entree than lunch, but if I could just observe them from a safe distance through binoculars that would be marvellous.

2 Siberian Tigers

Imagine just being in the same (safe) place as the Siberian or Amur Tiger what a treat. Sadly because the Russians are so bad at looking after their wildlife, forests and everything else that isn’t oily or gassy the Siberian Tiger is close to extinction. There are just a few hundred of them left on the planet, what a sad state of affairs for the biggest Cat in the world at the moment, if that is, there are any of them left!

Sadly the law that protected Tigers from the Russians, the poachers, the illegal deforestation and bribery of corrupt park rangers is virtually non-existent and like most species who are prized by sick people for their fur, teeth, bones and tusks, such as the immensely rich and misguided Chinese, the wonderful Siberian Tiger is probably going to follow its kin in Korea who it seems are extinct already.

Lastly here is one little point about someone less important than Siberian Tigers, in the part of Siberian I’m off to the internet connection ranges from poor to non-existent and so if you don’t hear from me for a couple of weeks from this Friday don’t worry, if you don’t hear from me for longer than that then do please get concerned, panic, arrange search and rescue parties and start to worry a lot!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Oct 082012
 

The Cat Portrait2

Hi all, you probably know something is wrong or has annoyed me when I say hello before I write my blog and I am spitting teeth today.

As you probably know by now if you are one of my original fans I loathe facebook for all sorts of reasons and have never used it to promote my books, blog or any other wonderful cat products, they have sold themselves by recommendation and word of mouth happily.

I also hate facebook because of their lazy use of the letter ‘f’ and the fact that Apple and other of the other spell checkers around the world try to change their name because they thought it would be trendy to use a lower case ‘f.’

Mind you I also think that it is a bit odd that even facebook’s own spellchecker will change your ‘proper’ use of their name – but then that is probably more to do with my computer when I think about it – BUT IT IS STILL ANNOYING!!!!

Today I have been trying to talk to facebook because they accused me, yes the Cat of being a spammer, what sort of a bunch a bunch of things you sit on and the holes between are they?

They obviously don’t read the messages people like me send out to other ‘friends’ on their system and I use the word ‘friends’ lightly here of course, no they just seem to assume that if you do what I imagine 90% of all of the other facebook users do and that is not write anything and just do a lot of clicking and playing of inane games you are obviously spamming. I do wish they could read, but even more so I do wish that there was some way of contacting the idiots and telling them just how wrong they are.

As I wrote on my page facebook “seems to have a lot in common with North Korea, lots of accusations, a couple of spineless informers, no trial and loads of punishment for a crime I didn’t commit.”

No wonder the value of facebook is tumbling!

As you may or may not know I was a member, friend or whatever they call it before on facebook back in the old days when I was ‘allowed’ to use my identity, The Cat but now all that has changed or so it seems and poor old John Woodcock my translator has to have the label as ‘spamming bastard’ well it doesn’t suit him because it isn’t true all because I can’t have a facebook page now.

Why? I hear all of my very cuddly readers ask was I bothering with such an inferior website such as facebook when I have such a superior blog and website and a new addition to my website coming soon well the simple answer to that is (as I said on facebook just a minute or two ago) that I have decided that I am not getting anywhere with the hollywood types I have been dealing with about the movie of my masterpiece of feline literature “Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” and have decided to make it myself, my Mum used to say “if you want anything doing then do it yourself!” And that seems like good advice.

So what I have done so far is to persuade the accused spamming bastard above to drop a movie project about, of all things, Dogs and do something useful, namely a movie about me, well it might be a TV series we will see.

At the moment I am putting everything together, I have a colleague in South Carolina where we will make a base for the movie and I plan to bring together a lot of very of very talented people, but having said that I may just have to run with the team I can assemble but and it is a big one, I am going to put my project up on a crowd funding site called Kickstarter.

By the time I am ready it will probably be there by the middle of November especially as I will be away from Cat HQ from next Friday for 10 days, I am going to Siberia of all places to make a film!

So do look out for me spreading the word about my little Kickstarter project, I am trying to think of some really great rewards for all of your hard earned folding stuff and just think this time soon you could be watching me on a silvery screen near you – how cool would that be?


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Oct 032012
 

Facebook

Hello to all my dear cuddly readers, yes you are right the picture does look familiar! Not only are you well acquainted with the marvellous pictures of yours truly but you might know the struggling website I am gracing them with.

Yes that’s right I have decided to help poor little Marky Zuckerberg and add my support to his, oh what do they call those awful things, oh yes “social network.”

I prefer to think of them as captive advertising sites where you have no choice but to ‘like’ Nike, personally I can’t think of anything much worse than doing that, well oh ‘liking’ Mitt Romney just might be pushing the boundaries of taste!

facebook no I said facebook – sorry Apple currently likes facebook and so although the silly sods there called their site, err sorry social network facebook Apple keeps autocorrecting the word, unlike I have to add – google, android, samsung (even though they gave Apple shed loads of cash recently, or indeed microsoft, Apple’s spell checker just thinks that microsoft is just a misspelt word and underlines it in red, mind you I think I detect a thaw in the relationship there, type in Microsoft with an uppercase ‘M’ and Apple with leave you to your own devices and say nothing.

All of which means I have moved away from the point, ho hum, which is! I am ‘on’ facebook and apart from gathering nice cuddly friends it is something of a let down. I didn’t expect dancing girls and fireworks when I joined of course, but after filling in all of the information like religion – “catolick” though I can’t understand why I can’t use a capital C when typing the name of my religion on facebook I am sure that Zuckerberg Inc allow Jews and Muslims to capitalise the names of their religions.

Maybe us catolicks just aren’t radical enough and I should ‘suggest,’ no that isn’t a radical enough word, maybe I should ‘demand’ that us catolicks get the same rights as all of the other religions of the world, or we’ll, mmmh need a big threat quick, oh yes or we’ll eat all the Prawns in the world.

And don’t even get me started on my political views or my language skills, why can’t I enter ‘Cat’ I speak it? Since when has Democat not been a political party? I am a fully paid up member so why can’t I proudly announce to the world that I am one, why does Facebook (oh autocorrector you beat me) not let me enter my deeply held political beliefs?

Still I did manage to put up some nice pictures of my pals, Burt the Black & White Cat is there, Randolph the Mountaineering Cat is there (well his last known picture is) and loads of other wonderful friends all I need now is your pictures on my page so that we can start doing what you do on a social network and that is to sell you things by the bucketful!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Jul 192012
 

While I was away or possibly asleep the Chinese have been beavering away building space rockets and even a space station. It goes without saying that they have given their space craft silly names like the “Long March” and probably “Mao’s Delight” but amazingly considering how badly they make products for western consumption their rockets are achieving low Earth Orbit.

Of course we shouldn’t encourage the Chinese by congratulating them because they might get carried away attempt to do something spectacular and actually relevant in space and not just copy the Russian and the Americans achievements from the 60’s and 70’s then over reach their abilities, which we all know are desperately limited you only have to open a newly purchased box of some electronic something or other to know that!

Still you have to hand it to the Chinese they are sending their Sinonauts, as they call their Astronauts, into space quite regularly and under their own power unlike the Americans sadly, but then that has more to do with the cash they have earned from the west than any other reason I suppose.

All of which brings me on nicely to a picture I saw, and was touched by, this week. It’s of three brave members of the party and army (of course) one of whom had not only to be qualified and fit enough to get fired into space but also to had to be married and had a baby (guess which one). Surely these requirements are a little odd for anyone wanting to go into space aren’t they well that is what I thought.

The picture that caught my attention was of the brave trio, one of whom was married and had had a baby, saluting, I don’t actually know who or possibly what they were saluting but that is not important. What I thought was important and rather touching was that the three, as you can plainly see, were allowed to take their Cats into space, safely housed in their Cat carriers for the journey.

I think that the Chinese authorities have been rather nice in allowing their Sinonauts to do that and in addition I think that it is such a wonderful co-incidence that all of the Sinonauts on this mission to nowhere own Cats, although the Cat carrier of the lady Sinonaut might be adapted to carry the baby that she had to have had to qualify for the journey mighten it!

Sinonauts and their Cats


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Jul 182012
 

I have no real reason to publish this picture apart from the fact that I thought it was rather bizarre and I like the bizarre!

Polar Bear Arrest

There that should be an end to this blog. But I thought maybe I could add a few observations. Since when have the British police been allowed to display their tattoos? And what is the female officer doing in the foreground? Checking her mail on a mobile phone I would say wouldn’t you!

You know I can imagine that it would take a lot more than six police officers to tackle a real Polar Bear but this poor fancy dress Polar Bear seems rather defeated, poor thing and six police officers with or without rubber gloves is several too many don’t you think?

Lastly why is the tubby police officer wearing rubber gloves, does she suspect that the Polar Bear has fleas?

As usual British justice and those who enforce it are all very confusing!

I bet you are wondering why the British were arresting a Polar Bear in the first place aren’t you? Well the answer is that the Polar Bear was part of a protest by a well know ‘green’ organisation who appear all too often on high streets around Europe chugging to mention their name or their cause.

For those of you who don’t know what ‘chugging’ means here is my definition. Chugging or “Charity Mugging” is the practice of collecting for ‘charities’ and other do gooding bodies that involves stopping unsuspecting shoppers in major thoroughfares to sign them up to a monthly subscription to some ’cause’ or the other.

The subscriptions solicited usually go towards paying for large modern offices and all expenses paid trips abroad for some staff to ‘assess’ the situation whatever that situation might be! Usually it is a ‘situation’ that requires a stop over or two in a four star hotel for several days and then an hour or so at the sharp end whether it be a children’s hospital in Syria, or a Whale gathering in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Jul 172012
 

Stubbs the Cat has been Mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska since he was a Kitten and has seen other political players and lightweights come and go in Alaska, he attributes his successful 15 years in office working as the longest serving Mayor in Alaska to very much a ‘paws on’ way of operating.

Indeed part of Stubbs success as Mayor is that he like to be close to residents and meaning that Stubbs didn’t, when he was first elected Mayor, spend $50,000 on redecorating his office without the approval of city council like a one time mayor, Governor, then dramatically unsuccessful Vice Presidential Candidate*. Oh no Stubbs’ office is humble by comparison, it’s the local general store, Nagley’s Store, where he can be found everyday constantly snacking on Alaskan Snow Crab, his only Mayoral indulgence.

Stubbs the Mayor

In between town business Stubbs receives around 30 to 40 visitors a day who travel miles just to glad paw him and answers messages from his Facebook account, where he has over a 100 more ‘friends he has never met’ than residents of the small township of Talkeetna (900 for those of you who are curious).

Most afternoons as the sun sinks just after midday in the Fall and all day during the Winter Stubbs takes a well earned nap, safe in the knowledge that he is not only the most successful and popular Mayors in the world but is also a shining example of what a true politicians should be!

Cat Mayor 2

A source close to Stubbs’ campaign who wished not to be named because of the sensitivity of the matter was quoted as saying that Stubbs may eventually follow another famous Alaskan politician into a race for the White House, but he continued, Stubbs, who has an IQ a lot higher than that unsuccessful Alaskan hopeful, has much to learn about the world and of course needs to always bear in mind that Canada is not part of the US.

Sarah Palin

*”I’m the Mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.'” –Sarah Palin, as quoted by former City Council Member Nick Carney, after he raised objections about the $50,000 she spent renovating the mayor’s office without approval of the city council.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Mar 042011
 

I just thought that I would remind all of my wonderful cuddly readers who, like me, chose to be a face in space aboard the last NASA Space Shuttle Discovery Flight.

As you can see on wonderful NASA’s website here NASA Face In Space Mission STS-133 is in progress and your Face in Space file as well as mine and 194,181 other images and names has has been uplinked and are now safely onboard the Space Shuttle Discovery ins’t that just too wonderful for words – we Cats call that “purrful.”

As you can see from the NASA Face in Space website here NASA Face In Space if you return to their website on March 7, 2011 you will be able to print your commemorative flight certificate.

If you don’t have time to check out NASA’s website I have taken the liberty of adding a screen capture of it below – sorry it is a bit small, but if it was bigger you would wait for ages for it to load – “can’t have it both ways” as my Mum used to say can you?

NASA Face in Space update

I hope that you were one of the lucky 194,181 people who accepted NASA’s invitation to put your Face in Space because you will never have the chance again to do something so special! Not only that it is so much better than say facebook because you won’t get any idiots trying to annoy you – tee hee – yes I dislike facebook now!

My dislike started when the idiot spell checker that facebook uses couldn’t ‘spell’ or is that recognise the word ‘facebook’ probably because it is a daft word that by all rights should be capitalised I suppose.

I as you what sort of idiot puts a spell checker on their site and then doesn’t make sure that the damn thing spells its trade name correctly, not Disney nor Coca Cola those words don’t even get flagged in the software I am using to write this blog – although I have to say that the word capitalised does because of course it is American and thinks – wrongly – that the word capitalised requires a ‘z’ poor thing!

Ok I am calm – so calm that I will tell you something that you might not know and then again might not be interested in discovering.

Did you know that the name for the upper case letter at the beginning of a capitalised word is ‘majuscule!’ “Not many people know that!” As Michael Caine used to say allegedly. And the distinction of a word having a majuscule didn’t become popular until the 1300’s. I could go on but even my eyes are heavy.

I would say it is amazing what one remembers from one’s Art School days – I had to laugh they turned mine into a University! I wonder if they managed to get rid of all of the down and outs who used to be there – oops sorry I mean lecturers!

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , ,

Jan 252011
 

I thought as there had been a few stories recently about yours truly and wonderful, intelligent Cats in general I would give you humans a human story for a change.

Everyone knows Facebook.com I suppose and most people if you tie them to a chair and shine a light into their eyes for long enough would recognise Kate Middleton, the mousey young woman who is going to marry prince thingy in a couple of months and together they are going to raise the spirits of a bedraggled nation, or cost that nation a small fortune for a wedding, your choice depending upon whether you support the monarchy or are a grown up, but it has to be remembered that only one Kate Middleton is going to marry the balding prince thingy.

Facebook logo.png

So why can’t Facebook, a social something or other network, realise that there may well be humans with the same name in their system – let me explain.

It may come as a shock to you and I know it will to Facebook if they ever enter the real world, but the world is full of ‘Kates’ – they are young and younger women who were called ‘Kate’ by their proud parents. Kate is a girl’s name after all and incidentally means ‘pure!’

The name Kate is a shortening for the longer female name of Katherine which can also be shortened further to ‘Kat’ which is nothing to do with us felines I have to say, the name ‘Kat’ has more to do with err… how can I put this more – down to earth people, ok common people.

According to WikiAnswers.com there are 200,679 Kate’s or Katherine’s in total in the world but quite frankly that answer could be like most answers from that website either total rubbish, copied from Wikipedia (which I believe is more or less on a par with rubbish) or completely and utterly untrue.

The ‘fact’ that there are so many ‘Kates’ in the world is something that anyone with an average IQ would agree to and frankly you can decide if you believe WikiAnswers.com or not because the numbers are not important, the most important fact about the name ‘Kate’ is that there are a lot of women, and of course to ensure that this Cat isn’t being sexist probably some men, called ‘Kate.’

So what does all that mean? Well a few things, up to 400,857 parents liked the name Kate, the name Kate is a bit common, the name Kate is nothing special really!

Usually females called Kate have a last name, and some of those will be unfortunate enough to have the last name of ‘Middleton’ it is also a reasonably common name.

Currently in the United Kingdom there are 20,573 people with the last name ‘Middleton’ where it is ranked the 269th most popular surname in the country.

In the United States of America there are nearly double the number of people with the surname of Middleton 40,708, but because there are more people in the states the surname is ranked only 771st, all of which means that as with the christian name ‘Kate,’ ‘Middleton’ is a common name and there is nothing what so ever wrong with that – is there folks?

Well let me rephrase that – there is nothing wrong with that unless you just happen to be called Kate Middleton and are on Facebook the well known and dreadfully dull way to keep in touch with people you would normally avoid but ‘befriended’ when they asked to avoid a confrontation of some sort where it would seem that the idiots are in charge of the controls.

Now why does that “know it all of a Cat” say that against poor defenceless but awfully profitable Facebook? Well the answer is simple to this Cat and I am sure that you humans will catch up eventually!

Recently the intellectually challenged minors at Facebook who ‘control and regulate’ Facebook decided to suspend the account of a 29 year old lady from Northants UK because oddly enough she was called ‘Kate Middleton.’ But as we have seen above the names Kate and Middleton are not uncommon and of course it is almost certain that these two names would be linked together by a pair or more of loving parents who named little Kate, Kate when she was a baby.

Little did these unsuspecting but proud parents know that 29 years later another ‘Kate’ an unremarkable woman with mouse-bum brown hair would be marrying a balding British prince who is second in line to a redundant throne and in turn be risking the family curse of divorce after a few years as her husband to be’s Father, Uncle and Aunt all suffered from that curse, divorce must run in the family and the family and its members must be dreadfully hard to live with.

So Kate Middleton’s Mum and Dad didn’t think that there would be any problems calling Kate ‘Kate’ and when Kate Middleton joined the oh so mundane website Facebook they accepted her as yet another person that they could flog crap to through their soon-to-be launched advertising system that rivals Google.com in its pointlessness.

Unfortunately Kate Middleton who is a Healthcare Assistant has recently had her Facebook account suspended because the ‘clever people’ at Facebook said that she had registered on their network with a fake name – as if they would know what a fake name is, does anyone know what ‘facebook’ means?

So why have the dicks that are clever at Facebook victimised this particular Kate Middleton and deny her access to her library of contacts and photographs, well unfortunately the answer is all too simple some other Kate Middleton will be marrying a balding British prince and be risking divorce in a few years in April and the British and obviously Facebook are wetting themselves in anticipation and excitement indeed Facebook has moved to stop anybody impersonating that particular unfortunate Kate Middleton.

Now I am only a Cat, yes a clever one, but still a Cat and I think that before banning this Kate Middleton I would think that Facebook should have had a look at this Kate Middleton’s pictures, read her bio, or even contacted her to establish that she was a real Kate Middleton before denying her access to her account if they had had the courtesy to do that they would have realised that this Kate Middleton was who she said she was.

There is of course a hint there if Facebook needed one – the real Kate Middleton doesn’t have any pictures of her standing next to a balding British prince and his dreadful family in exotic locations, shooting things and doing all of the action-girl/boy stuff that you can do when you are living in sin with a rich playboy.

Not only that, the real Kate Middleton not only had a Facebook page but she also has a boyfriend all of her own – his name is ‘Jonathan Ross.’ Mr. Ross has a Facebook page all of his own. The irony is that Jonathan Ross is also the name of a reasonably famous British television presenter and by all rights – well Facebook’s rights that is – Kate Midddleton’s boyfriend Jonathan Ross should have his account suspended for impersonation as well shouldn’t he?

Of course there is worse to come from the idiots at Facebook who, despite repeated attempts from the real Kate Middleton to have her account reinstated, have ignored her communication. All of which is really rather galling when you consider that Kate has pictures of her nephew on Facebook who is growing up, and all of her contacts, some of those she hasn’t seen for 15 years since she was at school.

Just in case you are like Facebook – terminally confused – here are two pictures of Kates – the top one is a real Kate and guess what, so is the bottom one, she is just another Kate Middleton!

The Real Kate Middleton.png

The Real Kate Middleton

Another Kate Middleton.png

Another Kate Middleton

Of course this is just a tea cup with a storm raging in it, but if you think about it for a moment there are some really worrying issues here:

The first is that Facebook is acting as a self appointed censor on behalf of the British royal family who do a lot of dreadful things and expect far too much from an ungrateful nation, but even that bunch of ego maniacs probably wouldn’t ask Facebook to do a ‘King Herod’ act and get rid of all of the ‘other’ Kate Middletons in the world just because one was about to realise a little girl’s dream and become a princess.

The second issue is just plain worrying. Facebook do not allow you to communicate with them – they just ignore you and that is because they are too busy with the other five hundred and ninety nine million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine other users! Let’s face it, no system can cope with 600 million users personally and of course Facebook don’t actually care about you, all they want you to do is to click on ads just like Google.com and make them even more cash.

The Third and probably most important issue here is this – there is a move from companies such as Google.com, Apple.com and Microsoft.com, who are all entirely capable of making terrible miscalculations of judgement about the real world, to get you and I to use something called ‘Cloud Computing’ where you entrust these idiots with all of your computer ‘stuff’ and they house it in a ‘cloud’ on their computers to keep it safe and save you the stress of having it all on your own perfectly good computer.

The aforementioned ‘stuff’ of course can be anything, personal information, financial information, your treasured electronic pictures – I am sure that you are getting the idea here.

So what happens if in the future these idiots do a Facebook and say that you are an impostor and deny you access to your ‘stuff’ what are you going to do? Nothing is the answer, you and I are powerless against these fools so do the only thing you can and don’t trust these berks in the first place and of course ignore the royal wedding in April the people involved are just a lot of expensive attention seekers who mistakenly believe that they do the UK some good – they like Facebook.com are so very wrong!

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,