Mar 062014
 

In the movie ‘Soylent Green’ mass industrialisation leaves the world permanently overcrowded, polluted, stagnant and it only can get worse. The movie is set in a time when there’s 40 million people in New York City, housing for all is dilapidated and overcrowded; homeless people fill the streets; 20 million are unemployed with the few “lucky” ones with jobs scraping by, and food and working technology is scarce. Sounds like India today doesn’t it? Anyway…

Most of the world’s population has to survive on rations produced by the Soylent Corporation, whose newest product is Soylent Green, a green wafer advertised to contain “high-energy plankton”, which is more nutritious and palatable than any of its predecessors “Red” and “Yellow”, is the food of choice, but there’s one problem it’s in short supply, and there’s a reason for that, like the French Cola below, it’s made from … gulp! Humans.

Worrying Cola France

Oops I hope that I haven’t just written a spoiler, either for the Cola or the movie, but I shouldn’t worry, who in their right mind would buy French Coke or see a seventies film with Chuck Heston in it? No one right?


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Dec 272013
 

A place to cuddle in France

I would be delighted to know just how to park my “hugging” and if anyone can tell me that would be perfect. However I really don’t need any photographs or illustrations thanks to assist the explanation because I have a feeling that they wouldn’t be all that appropriate.

Still the last line of the parking instructions really makes me want to visit Hôtel La Bonbonnière it’s a shame that the back entrance is a lot less attractive than the front though, but that must be something to do with all that parking referred to above!

Hôtel La Bonbonnière

Oh you don’t believe me! Ok here is the front!

Hôtel La Bonbonnière Front

Still, and you can take this from a Cat who knows, the location is very pretty and if you are ever in the Djon area of France and need a room for the night, with it has to be said ‘interesting’ parking arrangements then the Hôtel La Bonbonnière is the Hôtel for you, to say nothing of the hugging that you are in for of course!

Just look at the area, now I am sure that you will agree this is worth suffering a little garlic breathed hugging for isn’t it?

Vignes


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Feb 182013
 

The French, bless them (some would say) are, according to their own PR though not through documentary evidence, good cooks and while you have to admit there have been one or two French chefs over the years who just happen to be good at what they do it doesn’t mean that the entire nation are good cooks, in fact the opposite is usually the case as the sign below suggests.

Yummy two please France

The sign also suggests something else about ‘pure’ French cooking, they do like knocking up dishes of slimy food, you know what I mean, Frogs legs and Snails come to mind here.

In my considered opinion, well I always consider my opinion, if you want really good French food then there is only one thing to be done and that is to go to Italy especially Tuscany where you will enjoy the sort of food that the French cook, but it will be cooked perfectly and flavoured beautifully.

Why do I say that most French food is really Italian, well it’s simple, the Romans (who were of course Italians) invaded France before it was called France and took their cuisine with them and like any people who like their food the French couldn’t get enough of the sort of provencal or country cooking that the Romans dished up daily.

Sadly people who want traditional provencal cooking think it best to go to Provence in France, they are mistaken it’s best to go to Tuscany instead.

Lastly on the subject of good cooks, did you know that the English word to ‘scoff’ (as in to eat a lot) is based on Auguste Escoffier’s name. Not only was he a man with a very big moustache but he was also a great cook who invented Peach Melba and Melba Toast though most of his career as a great chef was not spent in France, he mainly worked in London and Monaco.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Nov 072012
 

We all know that fiscal this and budgetary that are tight, goodness our respective (though not respectable) governments around the world tell us that everyday even though we don’t need telling because the evidence is in our pocketbooks already.

But in France things seem to have got much worse all of a sudden. The picture below shows the latest form or public transportation being pressed into service now that the French can’t afford to replace their ageing buses, a second world war tank.

French Public transport Omaha Beach

Goodness knows exactly what they will use instead of the Paris Metro, stay tuned in and I will let you know as soon as I find out! I have to say that the speculation is delicious and my money is on Elephants.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Dec 202011
 

As the title correctly says for a lot of us it is time nearly to slide into some shiny Gore-Tex, sharpen our elbows and practice being rude to anyone who gets in our way as preparation for attacking the nearest ski slope! Or it would be if you are going skiing anywhere that caters for the British and German riff raft tourist.

The areas blighted by these ignorant ski slope bullies include most of France, Austria and Italy and unfortunately a lot of the slopes on the west coast of the US.

If you want a nice quiet ski without being knocked over by some idiot who believes that they can ski in-between breaking a leg then the best place to go is, in my case, ‘local.’

There is of course is yet another reason to go ‘local’ this year and that reason is that a lot of the ‘popular’ (and for ‘popular’ just substitute ‘cheap’ ski resorts where the skiing riff raff assemble to knock each other over on the slopes by day and drink each other under the table by night) don’t actually have any snow – something to do apparently with global warming.

Still never mind about the riff raff happily they won’t be skiing where I am going skiing this year or indeed where we took a little Winter hol at the begging of this year, as you can see from the picture below we went to Switzerland at the beginning of the year.

I have to say that Switzerland is a spooky place. While we were up in the Swiss Mountains we decided to take a tour of the many and various Cheese and Watch factories instead of skiing it is amazing what you will do when you get bored isn’t it?

Anyway we hopped on the Snow-Express which is the name for a little coach tour can you imagine our surprise at the name of the tour company? Well happily though of you who are hard of understanding and imagining don’t have to imagine actually or indeed to imagine too hard because it’s on the back of the bright red coach below.

Swiss www

I have to say that after the unusual experience of our little wwwank-tour we felt rather glad to be back on the ski lifts the next day as you can imagine.

I have to say I love ski lifts, probably more than skiing, well you try skiing with four skis strapped to your feet! Skiing is hard enough to do when you just have the two! Although I don’t like the concept of snowboarding I’ve had a go a couple of times now and think that it’s really a way of getting down a snow covered mountain that was probably designed more for Cats to use than for humans. I took to it like a Duck to water.

So this year when I go skiing I won’t be getting someone to lug all of my skis to the slopes I will just get them to carry my snowboard instead.

Skilift

Although nothing to do with any of the above really, I mentioned that I was going off skiing in the New Year to Špindlerův Mlýn in the Krkonoše Mountains which is one of the highest and the most popular mountain ranges in Bohemia and indeed the Czech Republic’s best known ski areas and a nice group of Czech fans of The Cat who writes blogs made some Cat Cup Cakes just for me, aren’t they nice – the cup cakes and the fans!

Cat Cup Cakes


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Sep 282011
 

There are very few words to either explain or describe this photograph from a Paris suburb and frankly even this genius of a Cat who writes books and who writes blogs doesn’t have any of them! But all the same I thought you my dear cuddly readers would giggle at the ridiculousness of our french cousins.

Personal Hairdressing In France

I believe that ‘french cousins’ are the cousins in a family that no one talks about you know the ‘special’ ones for whom everything is a challenge.

Big news, my wonderful masterpiece of second book (electronic and paper) ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ will be in book stores, on Amazon.com waiting for you to buy it in your thousands this coming week I believe. I will let you have more information as soon as I can but stand by with your pocketbooks open.

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Jul 182011
 

I love travelling, though it has to be said that I didn’t really enjoy the travelling I did while researching my forthcoming blockbusting, unputdownable bestselling book, which if you haven’t heard is a Travelogue, called rather cleverly I thought, ‘The Cat’s Travelogue.’

Not only didn’t I enjoy the travelling I was more or less forced to visit countries that I would never ever think of travelling to, such as oh Bangladesh, Pakistan and two or three African countries, where even the locals don’t want to live in if they can help it and are desperate to immigrate from.

One of the great things about travelling is that you get the opportunity to taste the local cuisine or if you go to France you get to taste recipes stolen from the world’s master cooks the Italians.

Sometimes when you travel to countries where, for reasons best known to themselves, they have yet to learn one’s language their attempts to translate a menu into English has me (and I hope everyone else or I am wasting my time here) rolling in the aisles.

Here is a wonderful menu from a rather quaint restaurant in Madrid, as I said I rather fancy the ‘Fried Big Holes’ mainly because they must be better than the ‘Calluses to the Madrilenian’ surely?

Mmh I Think I ll Have 2 Plates of Big Holes  Madrid

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Jun 082011
 

I have often wondered where lies come from, who invented them and so on and so forth. I even watched the dreadful film by that awful idiot Ricky Gervais but sadly failed to find out where lies came from or in that case be entertained at all but that is beside the point of course.

So where do lies come from? Well I think I have the answer. I got my driver to follow the truck in the picture and guess what lies come from Luxembourg. I would have thought France or Germany both countries and their people have been known to tell some enormous porkies in the past but I didn’t think that little Luxembourg could be capable of inventing lying did you?

Lorry Load of Lies


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle

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May 172011
 

What are the French really like? Well if the recent events in New York and alleged activities of IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn prove to be true then they are a lot of French people who are not very nice at all and of course a lot of them are politicians and heads of industry and banks.

And it would seem that the French themselves know what they are like and like to advertise what they are to anyone and everyone.

Isn’t it funny how every picture tells a story and some tell so much more…

There are a lot of bastards in france

So as you would expect some bastards are estate agents and of course others are politicians!

Let’s hope that IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn, if he is guilty, is locked up for a long time and things aren’t covered up so that he can go back to France and become President, which is what would have happened if he had ‘performed’ this awful act in France where if you are a politician it would seem you can get away with such a lot just ask Dominique de Villepin, Jacques Chirac, Alain Juppe, oh and of course the forty-seven politicians and other officials who were put on trial in 2005 over a vast kickback scheme.

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May 162011
 

You know the area around Romney and Hythe in Kent, England has a lot of exciting things to see if you are thinking of a family holiday in the UK because the government have taken all of your money and you can’t afford to go somewhere really nice like err… Spain or where the bankers and the politicians who created your newly found poverty go… the Caribbean.

Still Romney and Hythe has some interesting sights, scenes and sounds for all the family.

First of all there is the Royal Military Canal a long flat waterway built for use during the Napoleonic Wars once captured by the french it would have proved invaluable for transporting men and supplies and creating a much wider bridgehead very rapidly. The canal lies flat in some of the prettiest countryside the flat lands of Romney Marsh so it is best seen from bridges.

Romney Marsh Military Canal

The Romney, Hythe and Dymchurch Light Railway which is the world’s smallest public railway is a child’s dream and starts near Hythe town centre and runs fourteen miles across the Romney Marsh to the shingle headland of Dungeness.

Romney Hythe Railway

Dungeness is home to two interesting landmarks the first is a near derelict lighthouse where unsupervised children can climb out onto a ledge hundreds of feet above the ground and lean over a rickety Victorian railing.

From so far up they can see the coast of France a few miles away, the beautiful Romney Marshes on their left and the enormous Dungeness Nuclear Power Station to their right.

Dungeness Power Station and Lighthouse

The nuclear power station is also of interest to the casual visitor not only because of its location on the coastline but also because it bears a striking resemblance to the Fukushima Daiichi Power Station in Japan. In fact they share the same nuclear reactors though of course currently the Dungeness ones are not in meltdown.

Four miles way lies the hamlet of Port Lympne which has nearby the internationally renowned Port Lympne Wild Animal Park.

If after one or two days holidaying in this area and you do get bored why don’t you pass the time by looking at some of the signs around, like this one and try and work out why the obviously needs to be stated so dramatically?

Romney and Hythe Council s Little Understatement

Oh by the way don’t whatever you do go into the sea at Dungeness or along most of the coastline, the beach drops away dramatically underfoot and so in some places if you take three or four strides into the sea the next one will mean you are completely and utterly out of your depth. To make matters worse usually the sea is rough which means if you are not a confident swimmer you will be in trouble.

Some say that the Kent coastline is polluted and with radioactivity from the Nuclear Power station and the local Water Company’s rather inefficient treatment of wastewater, which at times of great ‘demand’ means that raw sewerage is pumped into the sea so it might be an idea to avoid the coast completely.

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