Apr 022012
 

When Mrs. Anonymous (who I have to say I don’t know) sent me this picture from Cape Town someone had to explain the subject of this Museum to me because when I opened the file I had no idea what treasures were hidden behind the doors of the Natale Labia Museum.

Cape Town s Labia Museum

Now I know though and frankly I wish I didn’t!

Changing the subject – quickly – I hear from my publisher that the ebook versions of my wonderful books ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary‘ and ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ will soon be available at the Apple Bookstore, the Sony Bookstore and on something called Kobo – whoopee I say if it means that more of the folding stuff comes in, or should that be – wonderful news that my books are available to a wider audience, well I suppose so, although the extra cash sounds nice too!

As you would expect from one of the world’s foremost self-promotionalists I will keep you informed of the developments as and when they happen so that you can buy my books at these great retailers as well as on www.Amazon.co.uk and www.amazon.com to say nothing of the shop at my www wickedlywonderfulwebsite My Store although because it is a beautifully designed website and very posh I call that page my ‘store’ which has a certain ring to it like um… Apple Store.



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 282012
 

HillBilly Humour
Well that is one way to deal with Junk Mail, I wonder what they do to all of the spam that Google’s Gmail attracts?



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 262012
 

It happens every week, well it has happened so far every week since I was born and I expect (based on evidenced gained from various calendars and enormous research to see if they all said the same) that it is going to happen every day, about this time of the week, for the rest of my life and dare I say ‘yours’ if I may be so bold. It’s Monday!

This Monday is bright sunny, a bit nippy and promises to be rather special if not a little long as it is 6.20 am EST.

I have saluted the flag that is usually the Euro flag flying above the studios here in Barrandov, but is so tightly wrapped around the flagpole it looks as though it had a bit of a fright in the night, and now I am heading off to my studio to create some feline themed magic, wish me luck!

Barrandov Studios

Of course when I took this picture there was an unexpected gust of wind (not Feline) and the flag in question (the one on the right) decided to billow, they do that don’t they? Flags. Still as they say that is life.

On this day:

Did you know that on this day 26th of March 1612 absolutely nothing that could be considered interesting or noteworthy whatsoever happened. Trust me to start a series entitled ‘on this day’ and pick a day where nothing of interest happened!



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 152012
 

I saw these pictures of the Moon, Jupiter and Venus online (unlike the real thing sadly) and thought I would share them with you my dear cuddly readers.

They clearly show that we live in a wonderful Universe which when we start to get to know it will be an exciting and magical place with endless surprises and opportunities.

Venus and Jupiter

Moon venus jupiter

What a shame then after thinking of all of that ‘higher’ stuff that I read in the newspapers that Russia wants to send a man or two to the Moon, not to explore, consider the wonder of the view like the first men on the Moon, but to dig it up for rare earths and collect something called Helium 3 which is apparently very very rare and so worth a big fortune.

I suppose that the next ‘Put’ as they will no doubt call future Tsars will then want to hold the rest of the world to ransom by limiting supply of this stuff like they do to Europe at the moment with their natural gas, just like the Arabs do with their oil and the Chinese do with their rare earths.

It is such a shame that the marvellous Cosmos is regarded by most humans as a place where they can go eventually to dig it up and make the same mess of the Universe as they have made of the home planet. What say us Cats rise up and do something about this. Oh look a plate of Prawns and someone has puffed up my pillow – maybe I can start the revolution tomorrow!



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 132012
 

Summer is coming, well after Spring of course but it will be here soon enough and frankly I can’t wait for a bit of warmth and some serious eating Al Fresco.

The other day I saw a picture which I thought I would share with all of my wonderful cuddly readers, it’s of Barbecue Tiger Prawns coated in a Soy sauce and then when you have finished Barbecuing the giant tasty treats you dip them in a mixture of Soy sauce and sieved Tamarind Pulp that mixture is called ‘Lampung sauce.’

Prawn BBQ

Of course TV chefs and food writers in magazines all believe that us ordinary common folk (well you ordinary common folk) can just reach up to the top shelf of our kitchen cupboards (or jump if you’re me) and whip out enough Tamarinds to turn into 4 tablespoonfuls, sadly they live in a dream world where they are not only famous but useful!

I think that the best way to eat Barbecued Tiger Prawns or indeed any type of Prawn is with the least amount of ‘cooking’ and quickly, in terms of quantities the fool who wrote the article where I saw the picture above thought that 12 Tiger Prawns between 4 people was sufficient – really?

This Cat believes 12 Tiger Prawns each might act as a small starter if the meal then moves on to Scampi, Potted Shrimp, and Prawns Sandwiches without the bread, Lettuce, Tomatoes etc! I suppose these sandwiches could be called PLT’s in the new world across the sea where the simple Bacon sandwich have been thus elevated.

So a PLT for me please and hold the Bread, Lettuce and Tomatoes thank you ever so much!

Um it hasn’t arrived yet!

Prawn Sandwich



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 052012
 

You live in a wonderful sunny country right next to the sea and you have always wanted to open a restaurant and so you carefully select the location for your new restaurant – being close to tourists is always a good idea if you want a lot of customers and a successful business, you chose a menu that appeals to your customers and provides delicious well cooked reasonably priced food and you employ staff who are friendly, polite and cheerfully knowledgable about the cuisine you are providing.

Then all that is left after so much meticulous planning is to choose a name that’s inviting, has meaning and makes potential customers want to come through the door – as you can see the owner of the restaurant below followed almost all of those rules!

Desperate Customers

I hope you can’t hear the waterfall background!



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Feb 222012
 

The label says it all! I’m afraid.

Palestinian Cooking Isn t Up To Much



About the Author – The Author of the Cat Diary

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”



Here are just a few things that you shouldn’t leave the house without – well if you have an Apple iPad you probably don’t need an Amazon Kindle Fire thingy but I am sure that you see what and mean and never, ever leave home without taking a copy of one of my wonderful books will you? Happily they come in both paper and electronic form.













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Feb 162012
 

It’s one of those questions isn’t it, not unlike the question which asks if Schrödinger’s Cat is alive or dead in his box. Before I go on I would just like to ask if Mr Schrödinger’s fed the Moggy in the Box because if he didn’t then I am afraid I know the answer to that particular question!

Cat in A Box

So is Jesus going to come out of his box and make a lot of people happy and probably get an even bigger following than Elvis this time around? Well the answer to that question is on the roof of the shack in the picture below.

Selling Jesus

So hallelujah brothers and sisters Jesus is alive and well and and in a true religious manner available for lease and I bet if the price is right he could be bought lock, stock and bible!

Now sadly I couldn’t think of a really great graph to go here and as I have said once before graphs are good for blogs, they make them look authoritative and let’s face it this Cat needs all of the help he can get in the authoritative department. But happily I did find a pie chart and as if by some divine coincidence it does have a passing reference to religion and I understand Jesus apart from being a christian name in Spain and pronounced ‘Haysus,’ it is also presumably a christian name on the West Bank, Palestine (where Jesus was born) so here it is, now call me a lightweight if you dare!

Religions

Continuing on in a non-lightweight vein for a moment, when I was researching this blog – alright having a quick click through the internet – I found this interesting little site which casts doubt that the birthplace of Jesus (Bethlehem) existed when he was supposed to be born there! Shock horror!

To quote the blasphemers – oops sorry archaeologists – they say that Jesus’ birthplace just didn’t exist at the time of his birth, well they say this actually and I think it is the same.

“While Luke and Matthew describe Bethlehem in Judea as the birthplace of Jesus, “Menorah,” the vast database of the Israel Antiquities Authority (IAA), describes Bethlehem as an “ancient site” with Iron Age material and the fourth-century Church of the Nativity and associated Byzantine and medieval buildings. But there is a complete absence of information for antiquities from the Herodian period – that is, from the time around the birth of Jesus.”

So if you are now a very annoyed christian and want to do what the Muslims would do in this situation, find a few effigies of the authors to burn, threaten them with Jihad, or generally just get a little pissed off that someone somewhere dares to not believe the fairytales – oops sorry gospels that you believe in you can toddle along to the Archaeological Institute of America website and read more before you ‘explode’ though not literally please.

If you can’t wait to find the article that says that someone has told a big ‘porkie pie’ (lie) about the birthplace of Jesus then here is the link that you should go to straight away Where was Jesus Born?

Mind you, you may have to take what the Israel Antiquities Authority says with a pinch of salt because as far as I know to jews Jesus wasn’t who he said he was or some such nonsense, all of which goes to prove that the only religion which is the right, true and just religion is the one that you currently believe in!

So I now think that it’s time to introduce you to a new and fast growing religion, which will cost you less to join than the Mormon, Catholic and even the Muslim religion especially as our radical wing does’t call for you to make a mess of a suburb near you if you see what I mean!

Catism is “the new way” and you can sign up today with no initial payment and a wonderfully flexible low cost payment plan, which can be tailored to your individual requirements, so what are you waiting for brothers and sisters join today because “we have a long road to travel and I’ve seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, because my legs are a bit short and I tend to lag behind when out walking with humans and actually I have already been to the mountaintop.”



About the Author – The Author of the Cat Diary

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Feb 092012
 

Eagle  Waterfall

Having trouble sleeping? Well help might be at hand or is that ‘ear?’

A group called Marconi Union recently teamed up with a band of boffins to create what they say is “the most relaxing music track ever.” The track is supposed to not only sooth you but also slows breathing and reduce brain activity – for some humans the last feature might be dangerous because I have noticed in some humans very little of that!

The boffins and the band were commissioned and sponsored by Radox the bath salt (and more) people and they have used the track in an ad campaign. You can have an eight minute gawp at the video here Weightless on uTube be warned the music might not send you to sleep but the movie – of the sun setting over the sea with water lapping over a rock where the beach meets the sea might just want to make you need to pee, it did that to me! (Back in a mo).

There is of course a load of scientific nonsense and double speak about what the sound does to you and your brain, the chemical reactions and whatnot but frankly I thought it was a load of hogwash or is that soft soap? Bearing in mind the sponsors tee hee!

I listened to ‘Weightless’ because I was curious, I don’t need a song to send me to sleep just a warm lap after a pile of Prawns. Now because I like Trance music I liked ‘Weightless’ but to my ears (normal Cat music ability caveat applies here) it didn’t send me to sleep or even calm me much. It is just wave after wave of sound with a little tinkling of a bell here and there, it is all very well but insomniacs beware I think you should listen to any banker describing his or her part in the financial mess we are all covered in to send you more effectively to bye-byes.

All in all I don’t think that weightless will find its way to my iPod it isn’t as good as say Mr. DJ Tiësto’s ‘In Search of Sunrise 5: Los Angeles below.

In Search of Sunrise 5

The first track called ‘Malibu Beach’ is haunting but sadly is dwarfed by ‘Weightless’ being only just over 2 minutes long. The whole Album is worth listening to, although of course, you have to remember that each track is only ‘mixed’ by Mr. DJ Tiësto the creative hard work was done by the artists who I suspect didn’t earn as much as Mr. DJ Tiësto out of the album when it came out in 2006! For all of that it’s worth having on your iPod, as are a lot of Trance Albums, especially, in the main, the early stuff before every Fred, Ned and Ted started mixing tracks to cash in on the trend.

Flamingos

Because I am a Cat who cares about the lovely cuddly readers of my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite, my amazing peerless blog to say nothing of my incredible books ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ available here The Cat’s Page at Amazon.com I thought that you would like to know which tracks are considered to be the top ten most relaxing tracks ever produced.

The ‘artists’ (if you can call poor old Mozart a mere ‘artist’ but then look at the company he is keeping) are in bold just in case, like me, you have difficulty calling to mind the greatest works of say ‘All Saints’ or ‘Barcelona':

1. Marconi Union – Weightless

2. Airstream – Electra

3. DJ Shah – Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix)

4. Enya – Watermark

5. Coldplay – Strawberry Swing

6. Barcelona – Please Don’t Go

7. All Saints – Pure Shores

8. Adele – Someone Like You

9. Mozart – Canzonetta Sull’aria

10. Cafe Del Mar – We Can Fly

I have to be truthful and tell you that the list above isn’t ‘my list’ if you see what I mean so I can’t promise it’s perfect but it’s a list and like the graph from the other day sometimes a blog needs a list, although having said that today’s blog is a bit of a monster of a blog and probably doesn’t need anything else it is perfect without a list, but then the list is there just in case you are in to lists.

Lastly

I thought you humans would like the pictures except for the picture of Mr. DJ Tiësto’s album cover they have nothing whatsoever to do with the subject of this blog. But I expect they are rather relaxing except for the Eagle’s wife in the first picture who is shouting down to her husband “you fool you are flying too close the waterfall… again!” And the Flamingoes in the second picture. The one in the middle was heard to say, “I hate standing in brackish water,” while his offended companion replies, “well Franklin that is really ungrateful, the flock only comes here so that you can soak your swollen ankles in the stuff!”



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”



Here are some useful links (as I believe they say in the SEO trade) they will whisk you off to all sorts of goodies if you want to either buy copies of my books (either in the good old paper format or indeed in the more modern ebook format) and if you haven’t yet treated your good self to an ereader (TIP – it’s a bit of an essential if you want to read ebooks) then there are some links to Amazon.com where you can get a nice shiny new one.



My books – just in case you are confused

‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle/epub edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

‘The Cat’s Travelogue’

Paperback edition of The Cat’s Travelogue

Kindle/epub edition of The Cat’s Travelogue



And finally (you can breathe a sigh of relief) here are some picture links showing the products that you can read my wonderful ebook on, I hope you like them, but more than that I hope you use them to buy your much needed ebook reader, iPod or even iPhone because if you do those nice people at www.amazon.com will send me a small consideration for your purchase aren’t they nice?



Things you can read my ebooks on – again just in case you are confused


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Feb 072012
 

It was so cold yesterday that I decided to indulge myself in a little English soul food, me being a furry little English soul, so it seemed just right.

English food has the ability to make you feel not only warm when you eat it but also has a cheering effect and though I never do seem to need cheering up I certainly enjoyed the warm feeling of every mouthful hitting the spot, if you see what I mean.

I was so pleased with the outcome that I thought I would share the recipe with you my dear readers you never know you might be not only feeling cold but also a bit down in the dumps but if you make this Rice Pudding you’ll feel so much better and if one of the reasons you are feeling down in the dumps is that you are hard up the great thing about this recipe is that it really doesn’t cost much too cook, especially if you take the dish full of raw ingredients around to a neighbour and use their stove. Mind you it does take 2 hours to cook so make sure that you have a lot of conversation topics prepared.

Old fashioned Rice Pudding

This Rice Pudding is so simple to make just measure out rice, milk, butter, sugar and mix them all together in the oven dish you are going to cook it in, stir it all together one last time and then follow the very limited instructions on the recipe I have added above.

I got my recipe for Rice Pudding from the ‘Mother of all TV cooks’ the patron saint of daytime TV Saint Delia Smith, she was the first TV cook back in the 1970’s and taught a whole nation how to burn Beef Bourguignon, cock up Coq au vin and be adventurous in the kitchen, and as we all simmered, sautéed and sliced our way through countless new recipes that dear Delia had careful made so simple to follow our cooking abilities grew.

Delia

Delia Smith is definitely the reason I like to cook and I often refer to her website deliaonline if I am wondering what to do with a Prawn or Carrot or indeed both!

First I ate beef stew with plenty of carrots in it and of course loads of beef and then I ate the Rice Pudding and then I tried doing the washing up while holding my stomach off the floor and smiling to myself singing a little song about not worrying about being a fat Cat, though of course the nicer kind of fat Cat and not some masked arsehole from a merchant bank, railway authority or the royal family.



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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