Tag Archives: Free online games

Going To The Loo – Should Worry You!

In Chengdu China they have special toilets for men – worrying! You wouldn’t want to use one of those would you?

Chinese special toilet

But if you have one of these breakfasts then you would ‘have’ to go wouldn’t you – life is a bitch isn’t it?

Intestinal breakfast

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Signs That Make You Laugh

Most of the photographs of signs that ‘friends’ send me or I have ‘snapped’ on my travels are from countries where English is probably not even a second language and where speakers of our (well my adopted) tongue twisting language try their very hardest to create a sign that is understood by the rest of the planet and of course fail.

But even if those brave souls who spend such a long time scratching their heads trying as hard as the can to communicate in English fail surely there is no excuse for people who have spent their life speaking, and one hopes writing, English is there? And with that question I bring you a photograph of a sign from a small village in England; mmh 1 out of ten and that mark was only awarded because the writer had remembered to bring paper!

Hot Bottoms.jpg

Of course the next picture is one, for me at least, to treasure! As an author I have always been interested in any place, house or indeed flat where there is a sign that says that the author of ‘Great Expectations’ and so many other wonderful books lived. And as someone who is that interested in old Charlie I am never disappointed because he was always one step ahead of the debtors and moved around an awful lot.

Still I had, until now of course, never seen his birthplace, no wonder Charlie wrote so eloquently about poverty, he was born at a bus stop! Knowing that explains a lot!

Charles Dickens was born here.jpg

Today’s last and in my opinion oddest sign comes from the good people of Egypt where one feels that they don’t really know about Prawns and that in this Cat’s book is a crime and even putting aside what can only be described as the ‘peculiar’ sandwich on the right the one on the left look awful, those Prawns have never been shown a grill have they?

I Don't Know what .jpg

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet such as www.pawsperouspets.com.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Can’t Get Out For Xmas Shopping? Don’t Panic!

It sounds as though my fans in the UK (especially) but all across europe are having a torrid time trying to do just a little bit of Christmas shopping.

The UK seems to have suffered worst of all and there is panic breaking out to do last minute shopping for Christmas according to all of the major newspapers and that is where this clever Cat can come to the rescue – by delivering all of your gift requirements before Christmas with my very cunning plan.

My cunning plan, like all good plans since the Norman invasion of England in 1066 is simple – then it was bash everyone on the head and take over – but this plan is less Gallic and violent and so simple it will work like a dream and the result will be that everyone gets a gift at Christmas even though people can’t get to the shops.

The first part of my very cunning plan is to go to my either my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or Amazon.com and download an ebook of my masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary,’ my site has them in lots of options including a pdf version which can be read on any computer no only ebook readers and of course Amazon.com have the peerless Kindle.

The Cat & Kindle.png

The second part of my plan is possibly even better and more cunning than the first part and you have to admit just the first part of the plan was a winner!

Everyone knows that although electronic or ebooks are wonderful, easy to read, weight nothing, immediate and best of all you can get thousands of them on your reader, there is nothing like being able to give someone a present that is wrapped up and to watch them unwrap present on Christmas morning their eyes growing wide and their complete joy as they realise that you have given them a copy of my amazing book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary.’

So while you are following the first part of this very cunning plan and ordering the moderately priced ebook, which of course can be delivered immediately, simply order a copy of my amazing book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ at the same time from either my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or Amazon.com for the same person, that way even if you can’t get to the shops, or copies of my book can’t be delivered because of the snow or any other disasters natural or unnatural, you will be able to wrap my book when you get it and happily give it to someone safe in the knowledge that they are already reading your first present a copy of my brilliant ebook.

Just for you from now until Christmas morning I have a team of people working 24/7 ready here at Cat World HQ to take your order and then send you the ebooks you need and the great thing about my shop here my online store is open 24/7 and if you don’t like clicking links just copy and paste this address into you browser to be whisked to my store – http://www.thecatsdiary.com/store.

Here at my brilliant store, which as I said is open 24/7 until Christmas morning, we not only offer a guaranteed service backed up personally by me – The Cat but we also take all major credit cards and you can if you wish pay using the excellent and safe Paypal payment system. And of course we can send the ebooks immediately to any email address anywhere meaning your gift will be guaranteed to be delivered before Christmas.

Oh and my translator Mr. John Woodcock also asked – well begged – me to tell you about a pair of his ebooks which I graciously sell online at my store ‘Trams of Prague – Tram No 6’

trams-cover.jpg

‘Astromouse’

astromouse.jpg

If you want to have a look at either of these excellent books or read a synopsis then simply click here my online store is open 24/7 or as I said above if you don’t like clicking links just copy and paste this address into you browser to be whisked to my store – http://www.thecatsdiary.com/store I am sure that anyone would love any all or all of the ebooks that you can find at my amazing store.

So once again this clever Cat comes to the rescue and makes the difference between not having something to give someone at Christmas and being able to give on ‘the day’ and then remember ‘the day’ afterwards when you watch someone open their second present.

I wish you all a warm and very Happy Christmas!

PS

I watched George Clooney in ‘The American’ last night and here’s a tip if you haven’t seen it – don’t bother it’s dreadful! The best thing about the movie is George’s hair cut though unfortunately his side burns are like the movie is far too long! Even the Italian scenery is dull, grey and dreary – and that is an amazing cinematographic accomplishment because Italian countryside is normally lovely.

The Cat’s tip for the holiday season until my movie comes out is ‘Despicable Me’ it’s fun, funny and everyone can watch it and find something to enjoy!

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet such as www.pawsperouspets.com.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Cat Related Expressions

Isn’t it odd how humans use a lot of Cat related expressions to describe how they feel and their surroundings. There is the extremely distasteful expression that the area, room etc., is “not big enough to swing a Cat around in!” As if anyone would want to swing a Cat?

Mind you having said that there have been quite a few really awful people exposed this year by my good self and other areas of the media – the dreadful cow who dropped a Cat in a wheelie bin comes to mind and that terribly ugly woman who drowned some poor defenceless Kittens. I just hope that these people were the few and that their actions are the actions a very small minority of humans and that they have a really awful Christmas and the worst New Year don’t you?

You have to hope that they suffer in other ways because the punishment that these dreadful women have received has been balloon-like in it light handedness.

The Cat related expression which triggered this little ‘blogette’ (another made up word of mine meaning ‘small blog’) was “has the Cat got your tongue?”

It’s such a dreadful expression isn’t it when you think about it, and I know that because I have thought about it a lot recently and before that when I was writing my bestselling masterpiece of feline literature “Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” which I feel duty bound to say is available here Amazon.com well one has to pay for the lifestyle one has become accustomed too and of course keep one’s book at the very top of the bestsellers list doesn’t one? Well this one does!

So back to the expression “has the Cat got your tongue?” What was the person thinking when they asked that question originally and almost as importantly who asked the question in the first place? Who knows the person who first said has the cat etc., is long gone and forgotten happily or he would be Dogged by Cats if you see what I mean!

But what does it mean when someone asks “has the Cat got your tongue?” Well they just they want to know why you are not speaking when they think you should! Isn’t nosiness annoying? It’s not only nosey but it spawns dreadful expressions too!

So here to prove that Cats don’t need your tongue because they almost always have a more than satisfactory and generally superior one themselves thank you is a picture of my friend Burt the Black and White Cat taking a moment to enjoy his tongue – ‘nicely!’

Burt the Black and White cat.jpg

I hope you appreciate and like Burt’s whiskers too – he does!

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet such as www.pawsperouspets.com.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Here Are Some More Signs For Christmas

There are some wonderful scenic areas in Tyne and Wear in the north east of the UK – I promise! That means that there is no reason at all for the Leisure Services Division of Chester-le-Street council to use hype or other forms of unnecessary marketing devices to get people to look at their surroundings but they obviously do! Or is that shamelessly they do!

The sign says it all - the breakdown in English manners education ...jpg

I personally can’t say I like this next sign; but I do wholeheartedly agree with its intentions which I think are designed to stop this sort of ‘behaviour’ because this sort of ‘behaviour’ is extremely unsavoury and of course it almost goes without saying is a national past time for men in the Czech republic and it should be stopped. I believe that because like most Cats I tend not to want to behave like this in public, we are very private waste product providers – it is a little like our charity work ‘anonymous.’

Peeing in Public.jpg

Mind you probably the worst thing about this sign (sent to me by a ‘friend’ in Namibia, a country that if my geography etc., serves me correctly has a majority of Black residents/nationals), is that the person… err ‘performing’ is clearly a white man (might be Elvis in a boiler suit was my first thought).

Why, may I ask, when logic dictates that the people perpetrating this frowned upon or possibly illegal behaviour which obviously carries such a stringent penalty as detailed on the sign, is the guy having a pee white?

I am pretty sure that this sign would be considered racist in the Western World – but then what do I know I am only a humble Cat! Ok I don’t believe the ‘humble’ nonsense either har ha!

Ashamed.jpg

This wonderful sign, made to the usual high and exacting standards of manufacture that the country is renowned for was sent to me by ‘ashamed’ of China – I supposed it touched him!

PLEASE READ WITH A JAPANESE ACCENT “Lough wha the sign writer done now!”

Rocker room.jpg

PLEASE READ WITH A JAPANESE ACCENT “Silly Plick!”

About the Genius Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in history, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website hereĀ www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle.png

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We All Believe In Something!

As the title of this blog says “we all believe in something!” You humans believe in a white bearded, chubby old fella in a red suit with a posse of elves and little helpers, this old fella in the red suit is not very organised and instead of delivering presents over a period of a year he chases around on Christmas Eve trying and hopefully succeeding to deliver presents to children the world over in one night.

On the other paw we Cats believe in ‘Santa Cat’ who isn’t that chubby but does wear a red suit, fortunately we Cats don’t believe that all presents should be delivered on the same day and so as you can see Santa Cat is able to work in a very relaxed manner.

Actually I am really excited because just as with ‘your’ Santa our Santa Cat is rarely seen and almost never photograph and so when I came across a picture of Santa Cat on the internet I was not only astonished but excited, obviously the reason why we Cats rarely see Santa Cat is because he is almost always curled up somewhere comfortable catching up on sleep he would have missed by briefly waking up, stretching, yawning and falling asleep again.

I’m so excited I thought that I should share the picture with you especially as Christmas is almost upon us and I expect your Santa’s blood pressure is at record levels. Have a very Merry Christmas!

Santa Cat.jpg

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet such as www.pawsperouspets.com.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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London Bridge and Shepherds Pie – It’s The Cat’s Blog

It is worth mentioning, because it’s a compliment that a lot of people give me when they write to me, that readers can never guess what they are going to be delighted by and read next on my blog and I suppose that is why it is so amazingly successful.

This Cat loves to entertain and put a smile on his wonderfully cuddly readers faces and I hope that I always do, in fact judging by the very large number of books being sold around the world, especially at Amazon.com, I imagine that my readers are regularly entertained and recommend my blog, my book and my website to all of their friends.

I know how much everybody enjoyed my blog a while ago about London Bridge and so I thought I would post a picture that the ever charming daughter of my translator sent me recently.

My translator’s daughter is called Jo Woodcock and she is one of those famous humans who acts and if you type in ‘Jo Woodcock actress’ in say www.google.com or www.bing.com you’ll be able to see this picture of her and many more.

Jo Woodcock.jpg

For your information this picture (above)comes from the BBC www.bbc.co.uk and is a still from the series ‘Land Girls’ which is on your screens in the UK soon and on BBC America around Christmas too I believe.

Anyway enough of humans here is the picture.

London Bridge.jpg

When you look at the picture does it strike you that the guy on the left looks as though his batteries have run out and he has just come to a stop people in the street do that a lot don’t they tee hee! I suppose he has stopped on his way to a job he hates and is thinking “maybe I could call in sick? I just really don’t want to spend another eight hours bored stiff when I could be a… professional wreck diver in the Caribbean!”

The woman behind him is obviously humming to herself and, “think we’ll have Shepherd’s Pie tonight mmh lovely that might make Nigel take more notice of me and it is a cheap, filling and tasty meal – oh I am glad I’m not a vegetarian!”

This Cat loves Shepherd’s Pie by the way, especially when it is cooked with beef and not lamb, actually did you know that when ‘Shepherd’s Pie’ is cooked with beef it is known as ‘Cottage Pie’ and when ‘Cottage Pie’ is covered in Cheese (preferably a very orange Cheese like Double Gloucester) it’s called ‘Cumberland Pie’ I love English cooking it’s so inventive without being pretentious like some cuisines I could mention but you all know by now I mean ‘french’ don’t you!

It’s possible that some of my lovely cuddly readers are deprived – and don’t you have to be careful when you type that word? And not adding a rogue ‘a’ instead of the ‘i!’ – and that they might not have enjoyed the delightful taste of Shepherd’s Pie, Cottage Pie or indeed Cumberland Pie you poor things and so to put that right here are some pictures of what they look like and a recipe – yes that is right I am the Cat that keeps on giving! But then it is the season for that and also to be jolly apparently.

Shepherds Pie.jpg

Just think what a change a simple (and it is simple) dish of Shepherd’s Pie or any of its other incarnations will be over the holiday season, when you are stuffed to the brim with rich food and if you have any leftover meat and you don’t know what to do with it you are in for a real treat.

THE RECIPE

Boil and mash 2lbs (1kg) of big, floury potatoes, adding a thick slice of butter and some cream as you mash.

Soften 2 large onions, peeled and chopped, in a little butter. If the fancy takes you you can add a few diced carrots and celery now. Some people also add Baked Beans or peas – basically if you like ‘it’ throw ‘it’ in – within reason of course Prawns don’t work in Shepherd’s Pie – but they really do in the other ‘Pie’ variation on the mashed potato topped theme ‘Ocean Pie’ which is all fish, delightful cod, delicious haddock, wonderful smoked salmon more fish than you can imagine and I once imagined a swimming pool filled to the brim with Prawns – sorry I have to stop for a minute and regain my composure.

Where was I – oh yes – Onions!

When the onions are golden, add about a 1.5 pounds (600g) of minced lamb and cook it until is thoroughly browned.

At this point you can add salt (if you want to), pepper, thyme, a bit of marjoram, some sage and some ground rosemary and dribble one or two drops of Worcestershire Sauce over the mixture.

Next add about two thirds of a pint (350ml) of stock and allow the mixture simmer gently for 30 minutes or so.

When the meat is soft put the lamb mixture into a shallow baking dish and add the topping of mashed potato, dot it with a little butter and bake for about 35 – 40 minutes in a hot oven. You will know that it is cooked when the surface of the mashed potato is crisp.

This recipe will serves 4 adults or one peckish Cat.

Note

Don’t worry about weighing anything or indeed the weight of the ingredients at all this recipe can cope with twice as much meat or half as much, especially if you have a near empty larger/purse and a few vegetables to replace the meat.

Some tips

Here are a few tips to make sure that the Shepherd’s Pie is not just good but divine, make sure that the onions are nicely browned, use cream, butter and milk when you mash the potatoes for a very creamy result and if you fancy a bit of extra spice add pepper to the mash.

If your meat mixture is a little runny either take out some of the stock and make a wonderfully tasty gravy with it or use a sheet of tin foil to catch any drips that don’t bubble over the mashed potato and form a wonderful crunchy crust.

Of course the mashed potato crust should be crisp on top and you can achieve this easily by either pull a fork across its surface to create “furrows” or pile it up into clouds with a spoon.

Truly flexible

As I said above you can use beef instead of lamb and turn the recipe into Cottage Pie. In addition you can add a layer of grated cheese and made a Cumberland Pie (below in a picture I have just borrowed – personally I would add even more Cheese, then a little more Cheese on top of that! But then like most Cats I like Cheese).

Cumberland Pie.jpg

This is a great way to enjoy a hearty meal in these cold snowy days and better still it is one of the ways to help stretch your budget, after the bankers have ruined the world’s economy and the politicians and other idiots have turned a financial disaster into a monetary Tsunami, and to eat heartily but cheaply is not only a bonus to some it is a way of life.

Gosh I didn’t expect to be giving recipes and cooking tips when I started this blog all those ages ago, but then I suppose this is why my blog is so popular I cover all sorts of subjects.

Actually just there is a little example of a pet project I have – why can’t we create a word that combines the two words all and sorts into ‘alsorts’ but I better not get started on that subject!

As usual do let me know if any or all of the above was helpful/interesting – I would hate to think that I was talking to myself and my thousands of fans had just suddenly disappeared!

Author’s background information

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in history, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website hereĀ www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle.png

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New To My Website Near You! Games!

My lovely fans you are so very lucky, not only can you read a lot of my latest and most wonderful my book, Getting Out – Excerpts from The Cat’s Diary on my website and so much more to put a big smile on your face in these dark times but now you can have a lot of fun playing some marvellous Games which of course are all free online games all you have to do is click here – Games or of course on the previous link tee hee!

The Games (if you forgot you can click the word Games to play these super Games) are all free and best of all, about things that Cats really like such as themselves, Cat food and Kites – oh there’s one game about a Dog for Dog lovers because they probably like Cats as well and yes even the Dog’s game is free.

I think my favourite game is the Kite game because I love Kites and saving Mice (for later when no one is looking tee hee), but the Virtual Pet game given to me expecially by Purina Cat Food is pretty cool. Of course there will be some advertising on the free online games page – but hey a Cat has got to live and although times are hard and a click is easy!

The Kite and Virtual Pet