Feb 122014
 

I’m sure it isn’t a question that you as yourself every day. But what can you do with Ninety flatulent Cows?

Well happily this clever Cat has the answer, though whether you would want to get up to what these ninety cows did is a question for another day.

Cow female black white

Recently a farmer in Rasdorf, Germany got something of a surprise when he was keeping ninety cows locked up in their cow shed and the result of their, well let’s call it “collective efforts” blew the roof off the cow shed, sadly injuring one of the cows.

Apparently the combined product of the cows burps and err… bottom burps meeting a charge of static electricity caused Methane gas – and I am sure by now you know where that came from – to explode with flashes of flame and although other reports don’t say, probably an enormous bad smell.

Maybe that will teach farmers not to imprison cows in a cow shed!

Of course everyone knows that the place for cows is outside in the wind and preferably downwind if you get my meaning. Not everyone might know that cows are a lot like humans they are helping to warm the planet with their greenhouse gas emissions. Cows um let’s call it “emit” up to 500 litres of the greenhouse gas methane everyday of their adult lives, sadly you won’t find any farmer anywhere taxed into extinction by governments as they do with home owners and transport users who pay colossal amounts for their energy to keep them warm and on the move. Oh no farmers are special, they get government subsidies to help warm the planet.



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams



Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Feb 072014
 

Always a bad hair day here

The sign says it all1 Doesn’t it?



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams



Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Sep 092013
 

I recently went to the old non-democratic part of germany which had in the old days the unusual name of the ‘German Democratic Republic’ and as I ‘love’ germany so much I stayed in Poland which is next door and in the old days would have been a easy swim across the river Nysa (in Polish) or Neisse (in german) except for the border guards shooting at you from probably both sides!

As I was trolling around Poland trying to stay away from germany for as long as possible I happened upon this interesting little snippet on a menu.

The Poles can keep this dish

I like Polish food, I promise, it’s wholesome, natural, and delicious and happily unlike the promised offering on this menu.

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Jun 152012
 

I heard that in Britain the idiot who runs the country’s finances is going to lend the banks, the very people who caused the banking crisis, between (a maximum of) 80 and 140 billion pounds sterling, depending upon the newspaper you read. The timing is probably dependant upon the rate of decline in the governments’ popularity.

This started me thinking what are other countries doing to alleviate problems with their economies? So I began looking around the world to find out and the results were quite surprising.

First I saw that Spain’s football team had rather cleverly beaten the Republic of Ireland’s team, which in itself, I understand, is not a hard task but enables the nation’s team to progress into the last ‘8,’ being just a simple Cat I have no idea what that means but I understand that it’s something that every European country desires currently and only the Germans (as usual) are assured of!

In the end my search brought me to the picture below, it comes from one of my favourite targets China, and is a menu suggestion for families trying to eek out their food budget and handed down from the very top – that’s the corrupt little fat geezers who used to wear red army style uniforms to show they were true communists, but now wear shiny Armani suits to prove that they are kleptocrats.

What is it with the Chinese

Whether the rest of the world will start tucking into Roast Bowel and Egg is difficult to say because I think only the Chinese can afford the Egg as an ingredient because they are the ones hoarding the rest of the world’s cash.



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Jun 082011
 

I have often wondered where lies come from, who invented them and so on and so forth. I even watched the dreadful film by that awful idiot Ricky Gervais but sadly failed to find out where lies came from or in that case be entertained at all but that is beside the point of course.

So where do lies come from? Well I think I have the answer. I got my driver to follow the truck in the picture and guess what lies come from Luxembourg. I would have thought France or Germany both countries and their people have been known to tell some enormous porkies in the past but I didn’t think that little Luxembourg could be capable of inventing lying did you?

Lorry Load of Lies


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Mar 252011
 

Because of the number of stray Cats in the City of Bremen local officials have taken drastic action and decided to neuter all the cities 400+ stray cats.

Only Cats who are proved to be strays will be neutered. The definition of a stray Cat being used, quite rightly in this Cat’s opinion, is a Cat who is not either microchipped or has a tattoo – both of which obviously allow lost Cats to be reunited with their human families.

It is hoped that this innovative measure will reduce the number of stray Cats in the city meaning that horrific and usually fatal diseases that domestic Cats can catch from feral Cats will be much reduced and The Cat believes that is a very good thing.

A by-product of the measure will be that the wild bird population may increase and although it would be inappropriate for The Cat to comment on this directly I did allow myself a little ‘tee hee’ at the news.

So well done to the Germans they are going to create a safe, humane and managed approach to feral Cats which allows them to live out their lives the way they want to and not be put down out of hand because of course a feral Cat who is enclosed is like an animal in the Zoo something sad to watch.

Let’s hope that more countries adopt this policy; but most importantly humans who have a Cat in the family should ensure that the Cat is microchipped, and of course the same applies to Dogs, this Cat believes that there is nothing worse than losing a family member who can’t tell others his or her home address if he or she is found by the authorities.

Stray Cats

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , ,

Mar 212011
 

Is Beijing the only place where you can ask if your Sheep meat was well hung?

China Of course

In South Africa they are taking fusion food to the absolute limit – raped Chicken must be Royal Burgers Jo’burg.

Raped Chicken must be Royal Burgers

Ok maybe we are expecting too much from restaurants that are so far away from home they must serve nice home cooked food in Europe – I hear that the Spaghetti Carbonara is ‘different’ in German and this restaurant is obviously using homemade ingredients – just look at the menu!

Homemade

If those dishes are too ‘exotic’ for your taste then how about visiting a good old fashioned Soda Fountain for an Ice Cream and a Soda? Soda Fountains are nice, homely, clean places and they service ‘normal’ food don’t they? May I recommend good old Butt Drugs Corydon, Indiana.

Being an innocent Cat I wondered if there is any knowledgeable human out there who can tell me what a “Butt Drug” is please?

Butt Drugs

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , ,

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , ,