Jul 292013
 

I like Turkey, the country is always warm, the people friendly and the beaches unique!

Try not to tread in it Turkey

Here is one word of warning about holidaying in Turkey if you are thinking of it. Try not to tread in the snot on the beaches in Turkey! I don’t know why they have it but they do!

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Mar 292012
 

If you live fast then you may want to use this travel agent! Based in Seoul, Korea and Swansea (obviously) Dai Young Travel never fail to deliver death defying holidays with their partner airline which is obviously JetBlue.

Dai Young Travel

JetBlue I hear you cry, where is the joke in that? Well my cuddly boys and girls if you read the paper you would have read all about the fun and games laid on by the pilot of the JetBlue flight from JFK to Las Vegas as the ranting pilot was pinned down by passengers, one of whom then made an emergency landing in Amarillo Texas.

JetBlue

I could of course have added a picture of the poor unfortunate devil being ‘de-planed’ (as they used to say) strapped to a gurney and screaming, but I thought that was a little sick and so my dear cuddly readers you will have to be content with a picture above. Of course if you want to witness the poor devils suffering you can turn to any national newspaper and of course Google or YouTube who all obviously have much lower standards than this Cat.

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Mar 202012
 

When you are on holiday you have, as I see it two choices, you can coat yourself in sun tan lotion, flop down next to the pool, order a constant supply of cool drinks, and totally veg out or you can use the sun, sea and spare time to get fit.

They do say that Tunisia is a great place to go on holiday, I personally don’t agree, but a lot of people do visit for a holiday and come back again although less since the whole Arab Spring – that’s vista and come back rather than just visit and disappear of course.

One of the many reasons why I think that Tunisia is such a bad choice as a holiday destination is the weird ideas that they have for exercising as the picture below suggests.

Abdominal Buttocks In Tunisia

Another reason is ‘safety’ and I can’t stress this one enough, if you stray into the native areas or indeed a Gym you could be risking your life. Again these dangers are demonstrated using the picture – which is now above . Just imagine a ‘Water Aerobics’ class that soon after requires ‘Body Pumping!’ Just how much water do these characters expect use mere mortal holidaymakers to take on board?



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Feb 202012
 

The really great thing about going on holiday, apart from getting a lot of sun, sand, sea and something else beginning with ‘s,’ is that you experience new lands and cultures and if you are lucky broaden your mind. Sadly there are some places in the world where the last part of the first sentence don’t apply as you may know now if you are one of the first million readers of my latest masterpiece if feline literature ‘The Cat’s Travelogue,’ dear cuddly readers I give you an interesting take on souvenirs the first is from that beautiful war torn, hate ridden,tropical paradise which has been ruined by its inhabitants over the last 25 or so years – Sri Lanka.

Hygiene In Sri Lanka

If course if you are thinking of going to Sri Lanka here (below) is the sort of picture you can expect from the brochures and the tourism authority, frankly I like their picture better than the one above, but then the truth is almost always not pretty as it appears in the brochure.

Sri Lanka Beach

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Jul 192011
 

As this sign shows in both Arabic and English no one knows where the hell they are going and what will happen next in the Middle East.

In Two Minds About Visiting

I went to a few Middle eastern and Arab countries while I was travelling around researching my Travelogue and I have to say and I have to stress that if you are considering holidaying or worse living in any country in the Middle East do yourself a favour – DON’T!

There isn’t one country that could boast having just three elements for a successful visit these three important elements are of course:

  • Cleanliness

  • Personal Safety Guarantee

  • Inviting Citizens – they are only after your dollars

But then of course that criticism applies to a number of countries that believe for reasons best known to themselves that they would make great family holiday destinations, such as Great Britain, India, South Africa and so on.

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Jun 232011
 

In Turkey they know that the average human holidaymaker is um err, how can I put this? Oh yes, an idiot and so the instructions for using a toilet are posted for all to read in German, English.

Of course these instructions make a lot of sense, you should eat and then use the toilet but I am sure you will agree if you read just a few lines under the important announcement (section 2 especially) you will see that the person who wrote this sign was in fact a complete idiot!

I don’t think I recommend reading the instructions about the toilet paper though – ugh Turks are just plain disgusting, happily though now we know what the worst job in the world. It’s emptying the basket of used toilet paper at breakfast time!

It’s odd isn’t it when you see the ads on TV for holiday destinations like Turkey and the other places in the world where the word hygiene is probably use as a greeting rather than a word that refers to the set of practices perceived by a community to be associated with the preservation of health and healthy living, that the colourful ads showing the heart and soul of the country don’t dwell on the important things like oh say for instance that if you go to Turkey you are likely to contract some exotic disease from the unemptied basket in your toilet.

Sorry this Cat can’t write anymore I feel sick!

Toilet Turkey

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May 162011
 

You know the area around Romney and Hythe in Kent, England has a lot of exciting things to see if you are thinking of a family holiday in the UK because the government have taken all of your money and you can’t afford to go somewhere really nice like err… Spain or where the bankers and the politicians who created your newly found poverty go… the Caribbean.

Still Romney and Hythe has some interesting sights, scenes and sounds for all the family.

First of all there is the Royal Military Canal a long flat waterway built for use during the Napoleonic Wars once captured by the french it would have proved invaluable for transporting men and supplies and creating a much wider bridgehead very rapidly. The canal lies flat in some of the prettiest countryside the flat lands of Romney Marsh so it is best seen from bridges.

Romney Marsh Military Canal

The Romney, Hythe and Dymchurch Light Railway which is the world’s smallest public railway is a child’s dream and starts near Hythe town centre and runs fourteen miles across the Romney Marsh to the shingle headland of Dungeness.

Romney Hythe Railway

Dungeness is home to two interesting landmarks the first is a near derelict lighthouse where unsupervised children can climb out onto a ledge hundreds of feet above the ground and lean over a rickety Victorian railing.

From so far up they can see the coast of France a few miles away, the beautiful Romney Marshes on their left and the enormous Dungeness Nuclear Power Station to their right.

Dungeness Power Station and Lighthouse

The nuclear power station is also of interest to the casual visitor not only because of its location on the coastline but also because it bears a striking resemblance to the Fukushima Daiichi Power Station in Japan. In fact they share the same nuclear reactors though of course currently the Dungeness ones are not in meltdown.

Four miles way lies the hamlet of Port Lympne which has nearby the internationally renowned Port Lympne Wild Animal Park.

If after one or two days holidaying in this area and you do get bored why don’t you pass the time by looking at some of the signs around, like this one and try and work out why the obviously needs to be stated so dramatically?

Romney and Hythe Council s Little Understatement

Oh by the way don’t whatever you do go into the sea at Dungeness or along most of the coastline, the beach drops away dramatically underfoot and so in some places if you take three or four strides into the sea the next one will mean you are completely and utterly out of your depth. To make matters worse usually the sea is rough which means if you are not a confident swimmer you will be in trouble.

Some say that the Kent coastline is polluted and with radioactivity from the Nuclear Power station and the local Water Company’s rather inefficient treatment of wastewater, which at times of great ‘demand’ means that raw sewerage is pumped into the sea so it might be an idea to avoid the coast completely.

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May 052011
 

At the moment there are some pretty good holiday and short break deals to all sorts of interesting destinations and they are very cheap, so cheap these holidays seem to be almost like gifts – but like any gift horse do look at the dental records first before you book anything.

The giveaway holiday destinations include Bahrain, Egypt, Morocco and other really rather volatile destinations where the locals have either that had or are having a little bit of a revolution, and have dusted off their Kalashnikov’s and taken to the streets to demand things – who knows what they are demanding and they don’t really know either but they seem to be enjoying themselves all the same.

Obviously considering any one of a number of Arab states where currently not all the shooting is into the air is a little dumb even if the price is extremely good because the likelihood of not everyone in your holiday party returning home suntanned and fit is rather high and semi-automatic bullets tend to make laundry very expensive. But there are other reasons for not holidaying in these dreadful places even if the people weren’t rioting and the reason is below.

Here is a picture I took while researching my latest blockbuster of a book – “My Travelogue.” The picture is of a top of the range toilet roadside in Tunisia, please note the various ‘classes’ of toilet from “Normal” to “Confoo” and onto the three star “Deluxe.” Of course all of these conveniences are believed by the Tunisian proprietor to be “Toilettes Confortable” which sounds like a sort of soft aftershave on paper at least!

Top of the Pile in Tunisia

Imagine the brain of the architect that ‘comes up’ (you couldn’t call it designing could you) with this block of conveniences! The two on the lefthand end are, I presume, for the poor and the cheapest is probably the one without a door. It is also possible that the doorless toilet is for poor people who are small – the Disney style height gauge nailed across the entrance is the clue there!

What is really worrying about this picture is what the Tunisians consider to be “Deluxe” the blue door on the right offers an entrance to the best toilet in the area and that says it all!

Just think, this is the only toilet for several hundred miles in any direction! And it’s a chilling thought isn’t it and the chill deepens when you consider the state of the places behind the doors!

I am not even going to describe what was there because I am a nice Cat and statements like “shit covered walls” are just not my style and neither is “dirty Arab bastards” for that matter.

Finally I leave you to guess exactly what the rolls of ‘stuff’ are that lie to the right of the cosy broken toilet block or to consider just how the area, for half a mile around, smells because of course there aren’t any sewers in the area.

The best and safest thing you can do to save money this year and help the country’s economy into the bargain is to holiday at home and then you won’t get shot at or poisoned by cheap Arab holidays or indeed catch dysentery from toilets that were obviously inspired by Indian architects and sewerage engineers.

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Mar 162010
 

I thought that you might like to have a quick update and discover just how many Caribbean well deserved breaks I have been offered, none is the sorry answer and frankly I am disappointed I expected more of my lovely fans.

Worse the light rain has turned to sleet outside and that seems to be getting heavier and that means snow, just what the doctor didn’t order I can tell you.

So come on my rich and wonderful fans or even my wonderfully rich fans don’t be shy make me an offer I can’t refuse and help me to recover from this terribly long winter under a shady palm tree on a white sandy beach.

Sandy beach.jpg

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Mar 162010
 

Did you notice that it stopped snowing on my website and my blog? Hope so it was nice while it lasted but frankly I think that you my lovely fans probably got a little bored with it didn’t you?

If you did get bored with the snow then you will probably sympathise with my plight here in the heart of Europe, it had been snowing since just before Christmas and then it stopped after two months when it was impossible for yours truly to even attempt to peer over the top of the stuff.

When it stopped I thought to myself thank goodness for that what a relief and all of the things that you think to yourself in that sort of situation, but guess what? It started again, then it thawed and then it started again and in between since Christmas we have had probably two days free from snow and that frankly is just too much to bear.

So I have decided that I would like one of my rich fans to invite me to a warm sunny (preferably Caribbean) place for a bit of a holiday I think I deserve it.

Do let me know what you can offer and I will in turn inform the lucky fan when I want them to book the travel.

In the meantime have a great Spring, it has started hasn’t it?