Dec 192011
 

1. Seeing in the Dark

Cats are only able to see the same colours as a colour blind person these colours are yellows, blues and violets all of which means Cats can’t see reds, greensĀ or oranges. This is because, while the retinas of Cats are similar to humans, they contain two types of light-receptors called rods and cones, humans are different and have more of the cone types than rods and it’s these cones that are responsible for colour vision.

Happily Cats and for that matter Dogs (if they really mattered of course) have more rods and it’s the rods that are the receptors responsible for seeing in the dark.

Sunglasses Cat

This means that Cats may have poorer colour vision than humans, but fortunately we have far superior night vision, and as an extra bonus we are so much better at tracking movement all of which means that clever Cats can see things eight times better than mere humans in the dark.

For the Record

It must be stated that Cat’s, unlike Sid the Sunglass Cat (pictured), do not normally wear sunglasses, or should that read – normal Cats do not normally wear sunglasses?


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Jul 042011
 

When you write a lot no matter how careful you are, in spite of spellcheckers, the occasional misspelling slips through the net and gets printed its just a fact of life, humans and sometimes Cats are not infallible.

However there is no excuse for a sign that has just six words on it and worse advertises an article in a newspaper about ‘education!’

Spelling Help Needed Immediately

I hope all of my wonderfully cuddly readers spot the misspelling tee hee. Actually the word ‘misspelling’ looks odd on the page but the spell checker or is that ‘spellchecker’ says it is spelt correctly but then that in itself is a worry because all spell checkers use the American language’s spellings by default which if you use proper English are all spelt wrongly!

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Jul 012011
 

Sometimes humans completely and utterly confuse me with the things that they do and worse things that they think. Then when they then go on to create a sign to describe what they are doing or thinking they probably confuse themselves.

What is this sign all about – answers in a post to my wonderful blog appreciated.

Mmh Cat or Baby  Would You Change Your baby For A Cat

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Mar 222011
 

Ah! Sometimes pictures do that don’t they? They make you go ‘ah’ and then feel all good inside! Here is a nice picture that will undoubtedly make all you humans go ah! I call it “Lovebirds of a Feather – where’s me feathers?” Just to annoy one of my younger friends ‘Davy’ who was taken advantage of by a Parrot and a photographer when he was snatching a bit of a doze before having a really long snooze.

Personally I think that it’s terrible that photographers take pictures like this, in the Cat World we call this sort of imagery ‘Kitten Porn’ but I know you humans like it – shame on you!

What is worse when we showed this blog to poor Davy he took it rather badly and tried to stay awake and never sleep, of course that didn’t work and after a few days he had forgotten all about it, but that’s Kittens for you, one Kitten has much sense as all of the members of the British Royal family, who, as we all know are dreadfully ‘limited’ in every respect.

Having said all of that Davy’s anguish did make me think that I may have been around humans for too long, because I thought the picture below called “Love Birds Of A Feather – Where’s Me Feathers?” was rather funny – yes I need professional help don’t I?

Love Birds Of A Feather  Where s Me Feathers

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Feb 162011
 

“The Warm Prompt…in order to avoid has the danger Thanaks your coordination”

The above nonsense comes from Taiwan which is odd, no not Taiwan, but the fact that I was talking about them yesterday and praising the people who come from Taiwan, (oh what do you call them – ah yes Chinese tee hee) and look what they go and do to a simple KEEP OUT sign!

The Warm prompt.jpg

You know I couldn’t have put that better myself, dangerous Honey Bees are a danger that has to be avoided, sadly though it is the other way around, mankind is killing the Honey Bees with pollution and you better stop soon because even though Einstein was wrong when he said that “If the bee disappears from the surface of the earth, man would have no more than four years to live. No more bees, no more pollination … no more men!” he was almost right.

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Oh the reason why Mr Mad Hair was wrong was that most cereal crops such as Rice, Wheat and Corn that humans live on are actually pollinated by the wind and not Bees the planet would be an even worse place than it is now without Bees, no Honey, Fruits and so much more, though happily still Prawns.

I worry about a time when the fighting between humans breaks out about food who will fish for Prawns, I don’t think I can go without Prawns!

Anyway I have been wondering “A warm prompt” – what is one of those? You understand I don’t want one I just want to know if that is ok and while we are on the subject what other nonsense did Albert talk well here is a prime piece of rubbish straight from the scientists mouth try this flash of brilliance. “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour,” which proves we aren’t all perfect are we?

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Jan 142011
 

Recently Boston resident Sal Esposito was called for jury service and quite rightly Sal just ignored some idiot human’s flight of fancy and sadly that uncitizen like bravado has landed Sal in a little hot water and he could be in contempt of court.

So is Sal worried? “Not unduly!” He said recently when talking to us here at Cat World and why is that you may ask, well it isn’t because Sal is anything but a model citizen, he is house trained, has been known to catch a Mouse or two in his time and oh yes Sal Esposito is a CAT Cats don’t do ‘worry’ that’s for humans.

Sal the Juror.jpg

So Sal Esposito is like me, ‘feline’ and that means that he really isn’t required to judge his peers because very few Cats find their way into courts and who in their right minds wants to waste time being a juror to judge humans? Not this Cat nor indeed Sal Esposito.

Sal Esposito’s problems began when his humans Anna and Guy Esposito listed him on the last U.S. Census under “pet.”

The government as usual ignored that information and called Sal up to serve on a jury and so Anna carefully filed for his disqualification of service on a jury.

That sounds reasonable doesn’t it – yes of course it does! Sal is remember a “pet” and loads of ‘pets’ serve on jurys in the states. Unfortunately the forms the government send out that have to be filed in for cases like this list the following reasons why a prospective juror may be disqualified.

  • Too old – He wasn’t even in Cat years

  • Being Ill – Nope happily Sal is fit and well

  • He was a convicted felon – Sal is an honest Cat and has never been to prison

So Anna dug deeply into her intellectual resources (which I don’t think have helped her yet) and filed that Sal Esposito “cannot speak English” which is of course true, though why she didn’t, email, write a letter of visit the government department concerned is anyone’s guess, however it is true Sal and most other Cats, unlike this clever cat, doesn’t speak English or indeed write masterpieces in the English language for that matter.

Anna couldn’t have predicted the reply from the jury commissioner who obviously failed to read her disqualification form and denied the request for disqualification.

All of which means that Sal is still required to attend Suffolk Superior Court on March 23 and take part in jury selection I think I want to be there too don’t you dear cuddly reader?

Apparently his humans are still trying to clear up the misunderstanding and quite frankly they don’t seem to stand a chance do they? If they fail, unfortunately Sal will be making his first appearance in court.

Let’s hope that they provide the proper facilities such as a litter tray, Prawns on demand and regular comfort and dozing breaks and let’s all hope that the courtroom doesn’t have Mice or should that read let’s hope that the courtroom does have Mice tee hee.

By the way has anyone noticed how similar Sal and I look – he has a light tan smudge under his nose but in general he is what is known as a very good looking Cat and probably will be a good juror if called, happily I know a translator who is apparently the world’s expert in translating from Cat to English maybe the court could fly him in on an all expenses paid junket to translate for Sal.

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Aug 312010
 

Did I say you humans are quite mad? As bonkers as well were people who like to hit their heads on the closest wall! Why well just read this snippet from a press release, look at the picture and judge for your self!

“The M-Dress, lets wearers make and receive calls by slipping their sim card under the label, allowing them to keep their usual numbers.

Gesture recognition software allows users to pick up a call by raising their hand to their ear and end a conversation by letting it fall to their side”

A phone that is a dress! What next a table that is a cup of coffee? A jar of jam that is a car?

Maybe in all of this madness humans should allow Cats to take over the stress of running their day to day lives, I am sure that we Cats will do a better, more sensible and fairer job than you lot have achieved so far.

Phonedress.jpg

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Jul 192010
 

You humans are lucky because you aren’t, in the main, covered in fur. All of which means that you can do some really cool things like get a tan, impress the opposite sex with your bodies, if they are impressive and all sorts of wonderful things, on the other paw you can do some really awful things with your skin like sweat all over, pierce it in some really painful places and worst of all get Tattoos.

But there is something so much worst than a Tattoo on a human male or female and that is a misspelt one. Imagine having to live with a Tattoo that instead of claiming you are awesome suggests that you are “awsome” and worse the type face you chose to become “awsome” was very old and so when someone read your back quickly they might believe you are suggesting you are “amsome” whatever that might be?

Tatoo 2.jpg

You would think that getting a Tattoo would be something that you would plan very, very carefully and if the Tattoo involved words then you would write them out and check the spelling very, very carefully after all if you are going to go through the pain, trouble and expense of having ink injected into your skin then you will want to make sure that people don’t judge you by your Tattoo surely.

Then again if you are not so diligent you may just hope that only God judges you, like the person in the next picture, and then you will have to hope that God’s spelling is as dreadful as yours and your Tattoo artist’s as he will have to poor thing.

Tatoo 1.jpg

You humans never cease to amaze this Cat and I would like to thank you all on behalf of all of the Cat’s in the world for giving us such a lot to laugh at so very often – you are all awesome.

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Jun 252010
 
Oscar 2.jpg

A very brave Cat called Oscar who had his back feet severed by a combine harvester has been given two prosthetic limbs in a pioneering operation by a UK vet and this Cat would like to say well done Oscar I am very, very proud of you to not only get the new legs but also to get something back for all Cats after your visit to a vet, as we know it is usually the other way around.

Oscar 3.jpg

Oscar’s new feet are actually custom-made implants that “peg” the ankle to the foot. They are bioengineered to mimic the way deer antler bone grows through the skin. Oscar’s amazing operation which was the first of its type was done by Noel Fitzpatrick, a veterinary surgeon based in Surrey.

It is possible, in time, that Oscar’s operation might be replicated on humans and of course it is nice to know that yet again the bravest and most intelligent animals on the planet lead the way for the taller ones.

Oscar 1.jpg

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Dec 072009
 
leaky_roof_buckets.jpg

I would like to thank quite a few members of the Royal family who sent messages of support for my warning to the paparazzi over taking photos of me of a more than personal nature.

Some nice Royals even offered an amnesty, where they promise not to shoot any more little furry animals, though I have to say that I haven’t heard back yet from the ones who seem to be bagging all of the furry animals that we have left in the countryside and have not packed up and immigrated because the climate is changing.

Having handed out a little thank you to some Royals I feel I must however use this medium to tell the four or five very minor Royals who wanted/demanded ‘expenses’ if they were to write on my blog, sorry no dice that is a bit thick isn’t it?

Not only that didn’t they take one of your titles away from you after you had your toes licked on TV or something, it is so long ago one can’t really remember these days, thank goodness I hear you cry!

The removal of titles brings me to the sad case of Diana! She, I am sure, but do correct me if I am wrong, had all of her titles taken away after the ‘messy’ business except for “Head Shopper at Harrods” of course, so, and this is the point you will be relieved to hear, why is Diana referred to as the Princess of Wales etc when she is mentioned on TV and indeed even on the Royal Family’s own website – http://www.royal.gov.uk. Beats me!

You humans are odd!

Oh actually I have a little joke for you which all of you odd humans may like, it made me laugh for a minute or two. Cats sadly look rather sinister when they laugh and so we tend not to laugh much and when we do only for a very short time, we don’t want to scare anyone, especially if they are a bit dim and armed.

Anyway her is my little jokette:

I had a leak in the roof over my dining room so I called a repairman to take a look at it.

“When did you first notice the leak?” he asked.

I told him, “Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!”

There I managed to get to the end of this blog without saying that the picture of Diana is a royalty free picture har ha!

Oops!

princess-diana-photo-3.jpg

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