Nov 152012
 

English newspapers believe that sport helps to sell newspapers and it probably does, but sadly they seem to think that there is only one sport – football and tend concentrate on it to the exclusion of all other sport.

As this picture from today’s Independent online (a national newspaper in the UK) proves click here and have a gasp for yourself.www.independent.co.uk

Too much football in England

It is a shame that there isn’t much coverage given to other sports in England which are just as popular and far more exciting, like oh! Say Motor Racing and if they have to publish so much rubbish about football and indeed footballers may be the newspapers could use the right column headlines? Just a thought!



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

And now to pay the rent – sorry about this but if you click one of these little pictures someone sends me cash and that means I can keep my blogs going, seems like a good deal to me!














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Sep 242012
 

Everyone but everyone, well ‘but’ me until today has been talking about the “balls up” I can say that here can’t I? That Apple have made with their maps after throwing their toys out of the pram in their spat with Google.

You know I have been using Apples computers since the day they made them with a hard shell and I loved them, no sorry I loved them, no that isn’t right I meant to type I ‘love’ them but that ‘d’ just keeps popping up!

In the old days when you bought an Apple computer you made a choice, not only to spend far too much money but also to help keep a small company alive, and in return you got reasonably good tech service and brilliant dealer service, free OS upgrades, copies of Apple programs thrown in with your purchase and everything else that you would expect from a company with a human face that not only liked (ooh that ‘d’ again) its customers but knew that it needed (‘d’) to keep its them.

Now that doesn’t seem to be the case and just because Google have a different business model to Apple and Google want to snoop on you find out what you like/do when using your, email, your computer, iPad equivalent or iPhone 5 equivalent and then once they have snooped enough serve you ‘personalised’ adverts and they are making their software available to everyone who wants to clone an iPhone. Apple have become all silly and got rid of the Google maps and replaced them with a collection of crap – again I can say crap here can’t I?

Here are my two farourite examples and a message to Apple, “for god’s sake grow up!”

Berlin antarctica

Apples wobbly Clifon Bridge

So what do the examples above say about Apple these days, my take is hasty, arrogant, and slap dash, what a difference to the Apple of the 1990’s, it just goes to prove that when something gets too big and secures too much power it isn’t healthy like local government and Microsoft in the 1990’s, now though Microsoft are a company who I have started think have some cool trendy ideas like say for instance SkyDrive which is Microsoft’s answer to GoogleDrive which is awful and you know they will read your stuff and the iCloud which I personally find almost impossible to use and I have no idea why because I have been using computers since the year dot.



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 162012
 

You have to feel sorry for all of the Chocolate Bunnies around the world who gave their ‘everything’ to make this Easter and of course for the one that came a week or so later, if your religion disagrees with the one that has just celebrated Easter!

My Bum Hurts

As I watched so many Chocolate Bunnies get eaten I started to wonder just how many Chocolate Bunnies have been eaten this Easter and so I asked that ever ‘reliable’ source of information on the internet (Truthful Sarcasm Alert) – Google. And as Google has no idea about anything except advertising I was directed to one of their most successful customers an ‘august’ body, who’s advice, along with anything suggested by Google, I wouldn’t use to save a life – Huffington Post.

According to Huff Huffington Post “‘approximately’ (a lovely vague word don’t you think?) 90 million Chocolate Bunnies eaten this Easter,” it has to be said that this figure of munched Bunnies obviously accounts for the number of Chocolate Bunnies devoured by the folk who believe that Easter comes at least a week before the other bunch of Christians, who in turn prefer their Easter and indeed all of their religious holidays to come sometime later in the year.

While dawdling on the internet I also noticed that 74% of American children believe chocolate bunnies should be eaten ears first! Although another source said that figure was actually 76% but then again that website was one of those awful sites that offers ‘answers’ together with ‘Phosphate for sale’ on the page I was reading.

After a short while of reading so many ‘interesting’ web pages I dozed off and woke up to discover that I had arrived at a web page owned by Newport Television LLC or more to the point Local 12 which is WKRC Cincinnati and we all know who they are right? You know it’s amazing what a sleepy Cat’s paw can do for a boring web search.

Now Local 12 was running a little competition where bored viewers tired of watching dreadful television programmes (and I am not suggesting here that those programmes are anything to do with Local 12 of course which I think might be a TV station in Cincinnati) can read ‘interesting’ facts and something called a “Freeze Warning” which rather disappointedly said that the “”Freeze warning” was going to expire at 9.00 am.”

Bunnie

Anyway I digress and if you read my books you will be used to that sort of thing. Back to Chocolate Bunnies but actually staying with Local 12 or their website at least. As I said above there was a competition running to see if viewers either knew or cared about the answer to the question “Approximately how many chocolate bunnies are made each year?”

Oddly enough the rest of the website after the title which was in normal sensible and most of all readable mixture of upper and lowercase letters was from there on all written in capitals, as it first of all told anyone who didn’t know that “this Sunday was Easter Sunday” and then asked a repeat of the title or more to the point – “Approximately how many chocolate bunnies are made each year?”

Excited readers or is it viewers? No it must be visitors were given a choice of three possible answers neatly arranged in a column as answers 1,2,3 like so:-

1- 22.5 MILLION

2- 45 MILLION

3- 90 MILLION

Then just below without a hint of mystery and to ensure that the question wasn’t too difficult for anyone who might be viewing the page was the answer and happily for us a credit as to where Local 12 got the information.

“According to the website for the National Confectioners Association, candyusa.com, 90 million chocolate Easter bunnies are made for Easter each year.” I have out of courtesy to my readers changed the text from all capitals to something more readable and sensible.

Actually there was more information from those obviously good people at National Confectioners Association after the obvious answer and as it’s mildly informative I though I would share it with you:-

“Here are some other sweet facts about the holiday: 16 billion Jelly Beans are made for Easter, red is the favorite Jelly Bean color for children, and 76% of people eat the ears on Chocolate Bunnies first.”

Again I have changed the capitals to something more readable but I have left the misspelt words like ‘colour’ and ‘favourite’ because sometimes it’s quite nice not to see the French influence in our shared language. Although of course I would usually moan about the American mangling of my beautiful language but at the moment a thought has just struck me and that is if the really useful information above came from the National Confectioners Association, and their web address is www.candyusa.org then maybe the information about eating Easter Bunnies is not very accurate as it probably only applies to the country that sometimes thinks that it’s the whole of the world namely the good ‘olde’ US of A.

All of which means that the true number of Easter Bunnies eaten at Easter probably will never be known and I for one have decided that I don’t really care because I have become rather bored with the whole Easter Bunny project and frankly am glad that not being an Orthodox anything I can have almost a whole year off between now and Easter.

Incidentally I checked out the website www.candyusa.com and it didn’t load in my browser which is odd but when I did a little checking I discovered that the good people at Local 12 had used .com and not .org which is the correct address tisk tisk! But sadly even when I used the correct web address – www.candyusa.org the site still didn’t load!

Easter Bunnies



About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 052012
 

Petrified postmen are currently refusing to deliver mail to a house in Peterborough, UK, after being repeatedly attacked by what some describe as a terrible unseen sharp clawed monster which lies in wait for them behind a front door in a normal suburban street which roughly translated from Postman speak means a tiny Cat.

3yr old Snowball actually stands a ‘towering’ 10 inches off the ground (on two paws) but don’t for goodness sake tell him he isn’t that impressive when he’s rearing up to his full height, rather than being what his owner describes as ‘harmless and playful’ because Snowball might scratch your finger as he does when an unsuspecting Postie who posts letters through the door.

Fighting Snowball

Bearing in mind just how ‘harmless and playful’ Snowball’s owner believes him to be, imagine how shocked he was to get a letter from the UK’s Royal Mail telling him his little pet was a ‘health and safety risk’ after a postman’s finger was scratched while putting mail through the letterbox. The Royal Mail letter went on to claim that Snowball posed an ‘unacceptably high level of risk’ and was a ‘potential hazard.’ Bless him!

The long letter explained that 3 postmen had been attacked and one poor postie had suffered ‘quite deep’ cuts to a finger after delivering to Snowball’s home in Peterborough, Cambridgeshire, UK.

Trying not to laugh as he read the letter Snowball’s owner discovered that following a complaint by one of its staff, The Royal Mail conducted a health and safety assessment and decided, in their opinion, that it was just too risky to deliver post to Snowball’s house any more.

The Royal Mail’s officials said deliveries would be suspended until Snowball’s owner finds a way to stop Snowball mauling its postmen or an ‘alternative safe delivery point’ is put in place.

Currently as you can see below Snowball is still waiting for a postman to pop a letter and a finger through his letter box! Tee hee!

Cat looking through letter box



About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 042012
 

Here is a jolly place that is worth a visit if you happen to be tricked into visiting India and if anyone knows what a “Psycho Homoeo” is, this inquisitive Cat would be grateful to know because this much travelled Cat has absolutely no idea. All this Cat knows is that humans are strange.

One of The Most dangerous Places in India

Speaking of strange humans does anyone know why this coming Friday is called “Good Friday?” I know that in the old days when the latest iPad was made of slate the word ‘good’ had a sort of pious meaning, and therefore was a holy word, but these days when iPads are overheating on laps across the world the word ‘good’ means um… err… oh yes – something not made in China surely?

Let’s face it to call the day on which christians say the head of their religion became a martyr can hardly be described as a ‘good’ day these days with our current understanding of the word ‘good.’ Maybe we should look at changing the name of Good Friday, but to what though? That is a good question, oh I know how about Cross Day!

All of which goes to show that if all of you humans are not mad a fair proportion of you must be in this Cat’s opinion tee hee! Still what do I know when I typed ‘Good Friday’ for the first time above I actually missed of the ‘d’ from the word ‘good’ and so I called the sacred day ‘Goo Friday’ first oops silly old Cat! I blame the paws though.



About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 082012
 

I am afraid that today’s blog is desperately sad! You see I was set to have a bit of a break, a well deserved and earned rest, you know kick back and enjoy the Springlike sunshine that has been gracing us lately. But as you can see from the picture below it is snowing here and that means that I will get covered in the stuff when I go out to look at the garden and the Snowdrops, mind you Snowdrops in the snow are pretty cool aren’t they.

Foot prints in the snow

If you haven’t seen Snowdrops in the snow then you are in for a treat below.

Snowdrops in the snow

Sigh! All the snow means that I will have to go back inside and eat Prawns all day and that in turn means that I will need dozens if not millions of good people to buy my books Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary and The Cat’s Travelogue so that I can afford even more Prawns it is a “vicious circle of life” to misquote the Lion King!














As you can see (above) happily I have had help making the little picture boxes look nicer – I hope. If they are, then it is a relief all round, do click them if you like, of course if you buy something after clicking them then www.amazon.com pay me a paltry sum in return and if you click the boxes with my books on then I get a bigger sum; hint hint! And ‘sum’ add up don’t they!

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Mar 012012
 

Here is a little hope for everyone who’s life is being made a misery by the Git in their life. At last there’s somewhere to send all of the Gits to and we can only hope that they like it so much that they stay there!

So if there’s a git in your life pick up the phone and call Git Holidays I was going to say “and git a break from them,” but that is stooping a bit low just for a jokette so instead of that I will do a little bit of advertising for the best product in the whole wide world – no not Apple’s iPod Touch, iPhone or even the iPad, I meant my books in paper or electronic form! Well a Cat’s got to eat!

For the Git in your life



About the Author – The Author of the Cat Diary

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”



Here are just a few things that you shouldn’t leave the house without – well if you have an Apple iPad you probably don’t need an Amazon Kindle Fire thingy but I am sure that you see what and mean and never, ever leave home without taking a copy of one of my wonderful books will you? Happily they come in both paper and electronic form.












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Feb 222012
 

The label says it all! I’m afraid.

Palestinian Cooking Isn t Up To Much



About the Author – The Author of the Cat Diary

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”



Here are just a few things that you shouldn’t leave the house without – well if you have an Apple iPad you probably don’t need an Amazon Kindle Fire thingy but I am sure that you see what and mean and never, ever leave home without taking a copy of one of my wonderful books will you? Happily they come in both paper and electronic form.













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Feb 092012
 

Eagle  Waterfall

Having trouble sleeping? Well help might be at hand or is that ‘ear?’

A group called Marconi Union recently teamed up with a band of boffins to create what they say is “the most relaxing music track ever.” The track is supposed to not only sooth you but also slows breathing and reduce brain activity – for some humans the last feature might be dangerous because I have noticed in some humans very little of that!

The boffins and the band were commissioned and sponsored by Radox the bath salt (and more) people and they have used the track in an ad campaign. You can have an eight minute gawp at the video here Weightless on uTube be warned the music might not send you to sleep but the movie – of the sun setting over the sea with water lapping over a rock where the beach meets the sea might just want to make you need to pee, it did that to me! (Back in a mo).

There is of course a load of scientific nonsense and double speak about what the sound does to you and your brain, the chemical reactions and whatnot but frankly I thought it was a load of hogwash or is that soft soap? Bearing in mind the sponsors tee hee!

I listened to ‘Weightless’ because I was curious, I don’t need a song to send me to sleep just a warm lap after a pile of Prawns. Now because I like Trance music I liked ‘Weightless’ but to my ears (normal Cat music ability caveat applies here) it didn’t send me to sleep or even calm me much. It is just wave after wave of sound with a little tinkling of a bell here and there, it is all very well but insomniacs beware I think you should listen to any banker describing his or her part in the financial mess we are all covered in to send you more effectively to bye-byes.

All in all I don’t think that weightless will find its way to my iPod it isn’t as good as say Mr. DJ Tiësto’s ‘In Search of Sunrise 5: Los Angeles below.

In Search of Sunrise 5

The first track called ‘Malibu Beach’ is haunting but sadly is dwarfed by ‘Weightless’ being only just over 2 minutes long. The whole Album is worth listening to, although of course, you have to remember that each track is only ‘mixed’ by Mr. DJ Tiësto the creative hard work was done by the artists who I suspect didn’t earn as much as Mr. DJ Tiësto out of the album when it came out in 2006! For all of that it’s worth having on your iPod, as are a lot of Trance Albums, especially, in the main, the early stuff before every Fred, Ned and Ted started mixing tracks to cash in on the trend.

Flamingos

Because I am a Cat who cares about the lovely cuddly readers of my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite, my amazing peerless blog to say nothing of my incredible books ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ available here The Cat’s Page at Amazon.com I thought that you would like to know which tracks are considered to be the top ten most relaxing tracks ever produced.

The ‘artists’ (if you can call poor old Mozart a mere ‘artist’ but then look at the company he is keeping) are in bold just in case, like me, you have difficulty calling to mind the greatest works of say ‘All Saints’ or ‘Barcelona':

1. Marconi Union – Weightless

2. Airstream – Electra

3. DJ Shah – Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix)

4. Enya – Watermark

5. Coldplay – Strawberry Swing

6. Barcelona – Please Don’t Go

7. All Saints – Pure Shores

8. Adele – Someone Like You

9. Mozart – Canzonetta Sull’aria

10. Cafe Del Mar – We Can Fly

I have to be truthful and tell you that the list above isn’t ‘my list’ if you see what I mean so I can’t promise it’s perfect but it’s a list and like the graph from the other day sometimes a blog needs a list, although having said that today’s blog is a bit of a monster of a blog and probably doesn’t need anything else it is perfect without a list, but then the list is there just in case you are in to lists.

Lastly

I thought you humans would like the pictures except for the picture of Mr. DJ Tiësto’s album cover they have nothing whatsoever to do with the subject of this blog. But I expect they are rather relaxing except for the Eagle’s wife in the first picture who is shouting down to her husband “you fool you are flying too close the waterfall… again!” And the Flamingoes in the second picture. The one in the middle was heard to say, “I hate standing in brackish water,” while his offended companion replies, “well Franklin that is really ungrateful, the flock only comes here so that you can soak your swollen ankles in the stuff!”



About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”



Here are some useful links (as I believe they say in the SEO trade) they will whisk you off to all sorts of goodies if you want to either buy copies of my books (either in the good old paper format or indeed in the more modern ebook format) and if you haven’t yet treated your good self to an ereader (TIP – it’s a bit of an essential if you want to read ebooks) then there are some links to Amazon.com where you can get a nice shiny new one.



My books – just in case you are confused

‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle/epub edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

‘The Cat’s Travelogue’

Paperback edition of The Cat’s Travelogue

Kindle/epub edition of The Cat’s Travelogue



And finally (you can breathe a sigh of relief) here are some picture links showing the products that you can read my wonderful ebook on, I hope you like them, but more than that I hope you use them to buy your much needed ebook reader, iPod or even iPhone because if you do those nice people at www.amazon.com will send me a small consideration for your purchase aren’t they nice?



Things you can read my ebooks on – again just in case you are confused


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Jan 252012
 

I just wanted to say well done to my Translator Mr. John Woodcock because his ebook ‘Tram No6 – The Naughtiest of Trams’ which is the first book in the ‘The Trams of Prague’ series has started to sell really well as a the number of people who have colour ebook readers grows thanks to the enormous increase in sales of the Amazon Kindle Fire and the iPad.

trams-cover.jpg

Mr. John Woodcock says that he thinks the reason why ‘Tram No6 – The Naughtiest of Trams’ is selling so well is that it’s illustrated in colour through-out and was one of the first picture books written and developed for colour ereaders (probably why it stuck on the shelves of Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk for so long before they we’re invented – and not my first thought which was that he is a talentless nobody who is only employed as my translator because he is the only human in the world who can speak Cat. You will know exactly what I think of him if you have read my book ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ which out sells Mr. John Woodcock’s book by thousands to one!

Of course I very rarely make references to other books when I can always mention my own which are such masterpieces but there is always a first time for everything as my Mum said when she was strapping the Bungee cord to her ankle, which of course is another story… which I am writing at the moment and Mr. John Woodcock is desperately trying to translate!

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