Mar 012012
 

Here is a little hope for everyone who’s life is being made a misery by the Git in their life. At last there’s somewhere to send all of the Gits to and we can only hope that they like it so much that they stay there!

So if there’s a git in your life pick up the phone and call Git Holidays I was going to say “and git a break from them,” but that is stooping a bit low just for a jokette so instead of that I will do a little bit of advertising for the best product in the whole wide world – no not Apple’s iPod Touch, iPhone or even the iPad, I meant my books in paper or electronic form! Well a Cat’s got to eat!

For the Git in your life


About the Author – The Author of the Cat Diary

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”


Here are just a few things that you shouldn’t leave the house without – well if you have an Apple iPad you probably don’t need an Amazon Kindle Fire thingy but I am sure that you see what and mean and never, ever leave home without taking a copy of one of my wonderful books will you? Happily they come in both paper and electronic form.












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Feb 222012
 

The label says it all! I’m afraid.

Palestinian Cooking Isn t Up To Much


About the Author – The Author of the Cat Diary

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”


Here are just a few things that you shouldn’t leave the house without – well if you have an Apple iPad you probably don’t need an Amazon Kindle Fire thingy but I am sure that you see what and mean and never, ever leave home without taking a copy of one of my wonderful books will you? Happily they come in both paper and electronic form.













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Nov 272011
 

Once again this year to celebrate the season, Christmas and of course because I like the effect a lot, it has started snowing on The Cat’s Blog and my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com, or to be more accurate because as I explain in both my books Cat’s have a dreadful curse, we can’t tell a lie, it’s snowing all over The Cat’s Blog but only over the picture at the top of the page on my my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com.

I don’t know if you can see the snow in the picture below but I can truthfully say that it’s there (not being able to tell a lie is such a curse, I can tell you) maybe you should go to The Cat’s Blog and check out all the lovely snow for yourself.

There is also something new about the snow for this year on The Cat’s Blog and that is that you can make the snow go mad, change direction and even rather godlike make the snow stop! Just by using your mouse, track pad or if you are reading my The Cat’s Blog using an iPhone, iPad or iPod touch – your finger!

I wonder if that’s how god does the things he does? If that is there is a god ‘up there’ you have to imagine a Cat pointing his paw in a confused way ‘up’ as you read this bit!

Snow on Blog

Very soon this Christmasy kind Cat who writes blogs is going to bring you the ever popular Christmas lights to both The Cat’s Blog and my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com and yes don’t worry just like last year you will be able to pop, smash and generally destroy the pretty little twinkling lights when the ‘pleasure’ of all that Christmas fixed smile giving and general ‘joy’ gets the better of you and you feel an overriding urge to smash something.

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Now for a little Christmas Quiz

Question: Where can you buy copies of my wonderful books?

Answer: Here!

Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

The Cat’s Travelogue

Paperback edition of

The Cat’s Travelogue

Kindle edition of The Cat’s Travelogue

Mmh I don’t think I’ve quite got the idea or format of quizzes right, don’t worry I will keep trying while you go off and jingle you own bells – don’t you just love Christmastide?

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Nov 162011
 

In addition to a complete lack of expertise in making any kind of manufactured goods for the West that last, stealing islands in the South China Sea and interfering under Tibet’s skirts China is a place where there is not a great regard for humankind let alone animals, cough, such as myself, who can without any great effort find ourselves being accused of being a stray (which is such and insult in the Cat culture) rounded up and placed on a Shanghai dinner menu.

All of which means that when you see signs like the one below you do hope that they are followed to the letter by the hamfisted Dog and Cat eaters behind the Great Wall of China.

What Does This Sign Mean China Of Course

You know it’s amazing what you see when you are travelling the world researching a book. But all I can say is after spending nearly two, paw weary years, globetrotting that I am glad it’s over and you my dear cuddly readers can read ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ I am confident that it will bring more than a smile to your lips and like my other wonderful unputdownable book ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ you will want to read it again and again.

Don’t forget as you are dusting off last year’s Holly and trying to glue back together the kids favourite Christmas decorations; to say nothing about trying to get the tree lights to work, that my books make excellent Christmas presents for all ages and while you are ordering your copies do make sure you get one for your good self, you have earned a bit of time curled up in a chair with an extremely good book like either of mine!

Just for you dear reader I have added some very useful links for you to click that will take you to my books on www.amazon.com or indeed my own www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite Travelogue Website or the normal one here www.thecatsdiary.com or my amazing virtual retail establish here my store at www.thecatsdiary.com.

You can get paperback or ebook copies of my first book ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ here Amazon.com and my amazing second book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ either here The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or here The Cat’s Travelogue ebook depending upon whether you want an ebook of a paperback version duh! Silly cat you know that sorry!

Lastly and for those who might be er… how can I put this, a little hard of understanding, here are some pretty pictures of my books and lots of devices that you can read them on if you choose to buy my ebooks! If you choose to invest in the paperback editions of my wonderful books then I suggest you read them on your lap curled up in a nice armchair!

If you need any or all of these items in addition to dozens of copies my books then click away below to your hearts content they all come from www.amazon.com where you know you can shop safely and securely to say nothing about good old Amazon ensuring that anything you order arrives on time.

It almost goes without saying but this clever Cat who writes books and who writes blogs for your amusement and delight does receive a very small ‘consideration’ from www.amazon.com if you buy any of the items below using the link or links. Well we all need to scrape a together living don’t we? So if you are going to buy a KindleFire, and iPad, iPod or iPhone to read any of my books on then it wouldn’t do any harm to click the link anyway below would it?

Mmh sorry this was such a long blog especially for those of you with a short attention span but let’s face it this is an important time for Cats in the publishing industry, we make most of our cash at Christmas time and that is why I have to use every trick in the book to get you dear cuddly reader to part with yours.

You know it isn’t easy either, because there is a fine line between marketing and whining and then there apparently is the line that I have never paid too much attention to, the line beyond which marketing is considered bullying!

Just remember dear cuddly reader, if you can, that I’m merely a simple Cat and if I do seem to over sell my books it’s because I don’t know any better tee hee!

P.S.

Sorry if any clever human knows how to get the above links to sit together and could let a confused Cat know the aforementioned cat would be very grateful because it beats the Whiskas® out of me! And Cat food all over the floor is not at all nice, especially when it is Salmon and Sardine flavour!

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Jan 252010
 
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Well my long suffering, oops I mean faithful, readers here is another moan about www.google.com and unbelievably some praise for www.bing.com well the maps department anyway.

At the weekend friends of mine told me to go and have a look on www.rightmove.co.uk at a house that they were thinking of buying!

By the way www.rightmove.co.uk is a great little English website, it is small, only run by a couple of people trying to do a good job, where you can find property to buy and rent which if you are actually looking for property to buy or rent is, you have to admit, pretty handy isn’t it?

Sadly www.google.com that ever annoying and bulging behemoth is trying to send little companies like www.rightmove.co.uk out of business by offering free listings of properties so that they can get even more advertising revenue buy stealing it away from family style companies like www.rightmove.co.uk or at least that was what I was reading on www.bbc.com the other day.

Well I have deviated from my point but that means I have a lot to say and am not a ‘deviant’ honestly.

So my friends said have a look at a house called “Knapp Farmhouse” which they said was in the odd and I think rather distinctive sounding village of “Puncknowle” in the delightfully charming English county of Dorset.

Being inquisitive (it is such a nicer word than ‘nosey’ isn’t it?) I decided to not only have a look at the pretty pictures of the property that my friends were thinking of buying and closely study the property particulars, I decided to find out exactly where the oddly and distinctively named village of “Puncknowle” was and how close it might be to the sea and the lovely fresh fish especially Prawns that people pull out of that bit of the English Channel, just in case I get invited to stay and on the off chance get offered fish.

Now we all know because we have been told by www.google.com that their map search thingy is second to none and with street view it is even better because you can get to see into peoples houses – sounded good to me and so I copied and pasted the address of the house my friends were thinking of buying into Google maps, and here I have to say that www.rightmove.co.uk are sticklers for accuracy because they give to entire address of the property that they are marketing even down to the post code (or zip code as my lovely American readers would know it better).

Then I waited for the magic to happen!

Imagine my surprise when this good looking Cat got not only a picture of the house my friends are thinking of buying but also an advert which said that the property was a sort of guest house that we only have in the UK I believe and call a “bed and breakfast,” these places are sort of like motels but with limited parking, but are fun to visit because the people who run them are usually mad and do odd things like pre-Basil Fawlty’s and on a smaller scale.

Knapp Farmhouse according to this advert (and the brochure that popped up when I clicked on a link) was indeed a bed and breakfast and strangely enough it was a completely different building to the one on www.rightmove.co.uk.

I was astonished that my friends were obviously considering ‘trade,’ were they that far down on their luck poor things? And my shock and horror grew as I noticed that the address of the property on Google maps was completely different to the address I had been given by them and also the nice website www.rightmove.co.uk.

My suspicions began to grow, were my friends trying to tell me something? Because with the help of Google maps had I discovered that they were about to move and didn’t want to give me the address of their new home and were thinking of disappearing forever – bastards!

Happily I am not the sort of clever feline that jumps too far to any conclusion and so I first checked to see if maybe some clumsy stroke of a furry paw had pasted in the wrong address – but no it wasn’t that.

Then I checked to see if the address my friends had given me was the same as the one on www.rightmove.co.uk – no that wasn’t the reason for having a different address and indeed picture on Google maps.

I called my friends and checked the address with them “yes” they said “that’s the right address, what did I think of the farmhouse and also the guest accommodation?” (A converted barn big enough for about twenty Cats).

“Very nice I said!” And put the phone down in confusion, it was obvious that they weren’t trying to get rid of me as a friend, they had asked me about the guest accommodation hadn’t they?”

So that meant that there had to be some other reason for the glaring discrepancy between the pictures of the house on www.rightmove.co.uk and bed and breakfast brochure on Google maps! They were so different and so it led me to think that they must be two different properties, but the smarties at www.google.com couldn’t be wrong could they? They are bright, they are clever, they are at long last moaning to China about their really dreadful freedom of speech issues, they are the next best thing to god aren’t they?

They have most of the same letters in there name as ‘him’ after all and they seem to control and manage everything and if they don’t like you or what you say they aren’t above a bit of censorship of their own are they?

So what to do, this little problem was gnawing at me, was there a way of checking whether www.rightmove.co.uk had made a mistake – yes there was they have an aerial picture of the property which probably most people would look at first and so now I checked that and it was different too www.google.com, then I thought maybe I should see what another aerial picture would look like and so I went to www.bing.com.

www.bing.com have a map and an aerial picture thingy, the map is actually much better than www.google.com and has a lot of map type information and not a lot of ads and guess what you can make the map full size so that you can see more of the map unlike Google maps which has more space for ads that are on the left hand side of the screen and can’t be made smaller to show more, well any of the map.

The aerial picture is not as good on www.bing.com but who cares about that? When I searched www.bing.com with the same address (glad that I had copied it and could paste it in so many times www.bing.com found the right property which agreed with the address that my friends had given me and also the pictures on www.rightmove.co.uk, bit of course not with Google maps.

So I think that unbelievably, because I am not a great fan of Microsoft at all, www.bing.com has won a little more of my heart, it isn’t as inaccurate as www.google.com, it is less committed to plastering ads all over your screen when you are snooping on your friends new home in the map section and you can even ‘see’ what you are looking for full screen after you have found it and not a collection of adverts unlike Google maps and soon it will be the search engine of choice on the iphone.

Now of course the reason Apple Computers are changing their search engine on the iphone according to the www.bbc.com is that Apple Computers are annoyed that the iphone has some competition in the shape of the Google Android (‘phone’ as it has been described) – some competition har ha – and they are annoyed that they might only sell one billion and one iphones instead of one billion and ten iphones next year or something petulant like that.

So I have decided that for the time being that like Apple Computers I too like www.bing.com and I seriously suggest that you have a gawp at it too!

Currently one of their screen pictures is of a Cat as well, a rather fine Cat as well let’s hope that the rather fine Mountain Lion is pouncing on the idiot who works at Google maps and was responsible for England and in particular Dorset, let’s face it Google maps should get rid of that idiot as fast as possible it is giving them a bad name.

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Jan 062010
 
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First of all this good looking Cat would like to thank each and everyone of you for coming to Cat World Headquarters, we promise it will be worth it and not at all like yesterday’s damp squib of an announcement from good old Google who could only manage to produce out of the hat a copy of Apple’s iPhone called oddly in my view “Nexus One,” I am I have to say looking forward to the Nokia law suits there too.

That is the problem with hype of course it can only last so long can’t it Google and then afterwards you have to stand in the spotlight with your rather limp contribution to humanity.

Anyway where were we? Yes our announcement, well that is what a press conference is for isn’t it to tell all of you Cat fans something, something wonderful, something terrific, something so marvellous that it is going to change your lives for ever.

And when we here at cat World have discovered exactly what that is we will of course be having another press conference, this one of course was just to let you know that we like Google are working on something marvellous and when it is ready we will deliver it on time.

Unlike Google we can’t promise that whatever the wonderful thing is that we eventually launch will be free, but then they didn’t deliver that did they? Fancy promising that calls on mobiles would be paid for by advertising and then not delivering tisk tisk Google, however like Google we promise that what we deliver will be powerful, relevant and … well just too wonderful for words, which I think you will agree is a good place to stop!

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