Tag Archives: John Woodcock

If you want nonsense you can always rely on the Chinese

Aren’t the Chinese wonderful?

They put together so many clever things that have been designed in so many far off lands and then if they can’t copy them, they steal the blueprints and make the things themselves.

If you want nonsense you can always rely on the Chinese

What a pity that the world hasn’t done two things. First let them know just how hamfisted they are and how bad their ‘mal-nufactured’ goods are and secondly, or do I mean thirdly? Tell them that looking over someone else’s shoulder and copying the designs of cars, phones, computers and so on and so forth is illegal! Probably not, and that is because we don’t what the buggers to all jump up and down at the same time and send the Earth out of orbit do we!

Oh well one day maybe someone else other than a Cat will tell them the truth. Hang on, what was the last sentence of this sign all about, has someone else decided to tell them what they think of them too?

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Whether at home or abroad the French are always thinking of their Dicks

And here is the evidence from Quebec!

The French at home or abroad always thinking of their rues Quebec

Bad garçon! Put it away!

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Oh how nice they translated it for us – Slovenia

What a nice bunch of people the Slovenians are! They very kindly translated this road sign so that we have no doubts whatsoever concerning what it says.?

Oh how nice they translated it for us  Slovenia?

I don’t think I would mind visiting Portoroz, although it’s a little too built up for my taste in holiday resorts?

Portoroz?

But I don’t think I will ever want to visit the other place! What about you dear cuddly reader??

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

So much that’s so bad to choose from!

So much that s bad to choose from

Where do you start with this menu?

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

More trains from Vietnam

But then they like trains in Vietnam

They do seem to like trains in Vietnam and have a rather odd relationship with them! This poor old broken down train appears to be empty, and yet it is obviously ‘safer’ (a word this is definitely rarely used in Vietnam) to hang onto the outside or sit on the roof!

What an odd bunch the Vietnamese are!

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

The train arriving on platform 1 will be in your front room!

A train in your front room Hanoi Vietnam

No I couldn’t believe it either! I bet you have to look both ways even when you come out of the toilet, oh sorry you are probably looking at that in the street by the looks of it!

And as for what happens in the kitchen when you want to do the washing, well I will leave this picture to explain because words fail me.

Hanoi Vietnam

One thing I do know is that people shouldn’t have to live like this, it’s not Bangladesh is it?

So now comes the question, would you like to live in Hanoi? Or should the question be, who allowed those houses to be built so close to a train track? Ho Chi Minh has a lot to answer for, obviously!

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Oh dear, what a dreadful name for soap!

The Arabs will believe anything

It isn’t only the name of soap that is more than a little than ‘off-putting,’ it’s what it claims it can do!

Ok I can understand a soap being “Clean & Clear” you can have opaque soaps but even this Cat can’t imagine that you humans would want a ‘dirty’ soap! And yes I tend to agree that “Anti-Bacterial” soaps are useful.

However soap that provides an “unpleasant Odor (odour) is not really necessary and what on Earth do they mean by “Tightening?”

I have a few questions for the makers of this product here are two:

1. – Just what will the soap attempt to ‘tighten?’

2. – Why would you want to tighten anything with soap? I tend to think that’s what screwdrivers and spanners are for, don’t you dear cuddly readers?

Oh if you would like to buy Virginity Soap, (or do I want to say if you are daft enough to want to buy this product), then pop down to Dubai’s largest trading centre, the Dragon Mart, where they are selling a Virginity soap for 25 dirham a bar with the promise that it tightens muscles.

Happily I am not going to go into which muscles these naughty Dubai sales people are talking about because nice people read my blogs!

There are, or seem to be far too many bars of this nonsense soap, which promises so much but probably only delivers disappointment, on the market in the east which if you are lucky doesn’t do you any harm and if unlucky might produce all sorts of problems, but I had to laugh at this particular bar of Virginity Soap, what do you dear gentle cuddly reader think about it?

Lady Diania Virginity Soap

I laughed even more when I read that this priceless soap (only 25 dirham a bar) is Non-Comedogenic which I took to mean, initially, something to do with Dog Genes, and until I looked up what ‘Comedogenic’ really means.

Apparently ‘Comedogenic’ describes something that has a tendency to clog, like a cream that gets stuck in your pores. So at least if you are going to plaster this rubbish over your skin you won’t be able to see the results!

You know I would like to know why do manufacturers use words like that!

Just look on the side of a Shampoo bottle, any Shampoo bottle will do in fact and you will see one ingredient that appears time and again ‘Aqua’ all of which means that the Shampoo manufacturer wouldn’t like you to know that they use water in the making of your Shampoo, personally I would be relieved to know they use water and not say, oh I don’t know, Sulphuric Acid!

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Randy!

Down Pussy  Italy

Down Pussy! No wait, what am I saying this is Cat litter how can it possibly make a Cat ‘randy’ I am a cat, I use Cat litter and it doesn’t have that effect on me.

Mind you I am not Italian. So is it only Italian Cats that are effected in this way?

Maybe it also effects Italian politicians and if it does that would explain a lot about this fat Cat wouldn’t it? Still at least this one is going to be out of the loop for a while, I hope he can keep his hands to himself, because where he is going he will need too!

Italian pm

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

If you are looking for more out of a hat…

Yes, if you are looking for more from a hat than just keeping the sun out of your eyes or creating a weird mark around your head then look no further because the clever old Israelis have come up with a ‘winner.’

Fany hats an Isreali speciality

Yes that’s right a hat that doubles as a fanny or is that fany! This of course means so much more to use English speakers, in the US it is a back bottom and in the UK a front one tee hee!

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

The UK – not open for business

The fool that runs the finances in the UK says that the UK is open for business! I think that this picture tells a rather different story, and I believe it’s called ‘the truth!’ It appears that the UK is not only not open for business it isn’t into training either!

The UK  not open for business

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?