Mar 112013
 

So there I was minding my own business in the back of my translator’s hire car as we pootled through what used to be known as the Federal Nastiness of East Germany when a police blue light started flashing behind us and we started to invent reasons why we had driven through so many traffic lights what were blank and appeared not to be working.

(For your information when I asked why all of the traffic lights were out the polizei said that the reason the traffic lights weren’t working was that after 7.00pm on a Sunday evening the whole town’s traffic lights get switched off! No I couldn’t believe it either.)

So my translator indicated to turn right and pulled into a rather grubby housing estate that was obviously built for the proles back in the old days – you can tell these prole villas easily the concrete looks as though it could blow away in the wind at any time.

He got out of the car into a sea of small mosquitoes which managed to not only bite the two polizei and himself constantly for the 30 minutes he was out of the car but in the instant he opened the door of the hire car had sneaked in and continued to bite us all at their leisure for the rest of our journey home.

When you get stopped by the police or indeed polizei it’s always a good idea to ask why they have stopped you because as we all know in most civilised countries they can’t just stop you because they don’t like the look of the occupants of the car or the colour of the paint work.

So as documents were exchanged and truths checked my translator asked that all important question, for the first time as it transpired, and the answer, which was soon to be ‘modified,’ was interesting.

First they said that they stopped the car because a lot cars of this model and type were stolen! I asked if that was the case whether the germans crossed the border into the Czech republic to steal Czech registered cars, because the hire car I was driving was a Czech one and so that seemed a reasonable question, it wasn’t sadly and neither was the answer, the answer was drivel and even more fiction than the first excuse. One of the policemen said “that it can happen” I asked how often and the polizei man didn’t seem to know!

Polizei Van

My translator is a nice person and instead of telling the german policemen that he was an idiot he asked if they had finished, but they hadn’t. After the disappointment of not capturing the leader of a german car stealing ring who preyed only on Czech cars they turned their attention to the contents of the car, and in this case I really mean passengers!

The translator’s wife is Korean and that was obviously something that cheered the other of the two valiant german policemen because after swatting a few more mosquitoes he asked for her passport and trundled off to the van to do more checking.

The translator asked them what they need his wife’s passport for and they said, if you can believe it, that there was a lot of human trafficking in this part of german and they had to be sure that if I wasn’t a very clever and successful car thief then I wasn’t in the business of selling wives at worst or just helping illegals cross international borders.

The translator’s first question was of course who on earth would want to smuggle anyone in the germany? Which didn’t go down well because even though the two young german policemen were fluent English speakers they were still german and of course displayed their entire nations trait for not having even the tiniest spark of a sense of humour.

After being bitten by mosquitoes and subjected to the fantasies of the two german policemen we were eventually allowed to resume our journey.

On the way back to the Czech republic there are a number of long straight, but narrow, roads where german drivers drive at reckless speeds. One such mindless kraut, in a big Mercedes, had discovered just how dangerous speed can be and had hit a very large deer and ended up blocking the entire road.

While the other german drivers organised traffic and put out dozens of cute little red triangles around the accident I thought that it was a shame that the bored policemen weren’t there to direct the traffic though of course you couldn’t fault the organisation of all present (except the driver of the Czech hire car who had had quite enough of germans for the day thank you), but I expect that they were busy looking for clever car thieves or human traffickers.

This didn’t happen in the village sign posted below but for some reason I think that the germans pass a lot of hot air and wind especially the police and it is probably radar controlled so it seemed appropriate to include the picture in this blog.

Something Germans do


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Apr 282010
 
Oh Eun-Sun.jpg

Look she is only little, so why do people make such a fuss about poor Oh Eun-Sun? According to the 3ft 3inch sturdily build Korean (there is only one Korea to Koreans) she has managed to climb all of the highest peaks in the world which is quite an achievement for someone who must think that a MacDonald’s counter is at the top of the world when she is dying for a Big Mac but being ignored.

So why oh why does some clever Richard or is the “clever dick” keep saying that poor little stocky Oh Eun-Sun has missed a significant peak and therefore failed to climb all of the world’s highest mountains, when poor plucky petite Oh Eun-Sun is probably at home with her mountaineers socks off warming her frost bitten chilblanes and trying to recover from a diet of Yaks, milk which apparently turns your stomach into a dangling mess after as far as she was concerned running out of very tall mountain peaks to climb.

Personally I think that the clever Richard is jealous and just because poor little Oh Eun-Su might have become confused at the end of her mountain climbing odyssey and turned right instead of turning left to climb Mt Kanchenjunga, on the border of Nepal, India and China, and gone home instead, it is nothing to get too hot under the thermals about.

Lets face it, if all you have been doing since 1997 when Oh Eun-Sun, who of course is not very tall, started climbing the world’s highest peaks you would get rather disorientated and may forget to climb a mountain or two wouldn’t you especially if it is the last one and some one has called you on your rather outdated mobile phone to tell you that the Shin Ramyun is ready?

Actually I have to confess to getting confused when travelling recently. As I have been writing my latest blockbuster, my wonderful “Travelogue” I have accidentally taken a wrong turning or two myself, but usually I have to add, aided by Dave the Cat’s dreadful directions and appalling map reading skills.

You know, I vote that we vote that poor dwarf-like Oh Eun-Sun be crowned Queen of the Mountains or whatever useless title she is after and let’s brush the Mt Kanchenjunga ‘incident’ under the carpet shall we? After all isn’t it an achievement to climb nearly all the highest mountain peaks in the world? I should say so. Between you and me I get out of breath and giddy just climbing the stairs when slipping off for a snooze on ‘their’ bed so I think that the precocious vertically challenged Korean climbing wonder should get the cake or whatever the prize is don’t you for climbing all of the tallest mountains in the world after all who really cares?

PS

I may have got the exact height of the Korean tiny terror of the Alps wrong, there is nothing in the news to suggest that Oh Eun-Sun is as small as I imagine, except of course the word ‘Korean!’ And that is said with love, Koreans and other tiddlies are really rather nice and happily the Cat can look some of them in the eye without them bending which is handy.

Oh Eun-Sun.jpg

I think the captions says “I need to go to the loo can you turn the camera off for a minute!” But then I might be wrong!

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