Oct 312011
 

With the unexpected snow, that obviously doesn’t have its alarm clock set for ‘Winter,’ falling all over New York I though it was about time to look at silly road signs yet again and I promise you on my travels researching my latest book buster of a book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ I saw loads.

Oops I nearly forgot you can get a copy of my latest unputdownable book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ here The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or if you are more than a little wired the ebook here The Cat’s Travelogue ebook.

It seems that people who erect ‘drive safely’ signs are causing havoc with innocent motorists and here is the very latest example.

I bet the poor driver was too busy reading the sign in heavy snow to watch the road and a dangerous piece of ice that started this accident. I do wish that people who are responsible for safety signs would be more responsible don’t you?

Still I suppose the old saying is true, “where you get motorists you get accidents!”A saying that is also true if you replace the word ‘motorist’ with human in this Cat’s experience!

Drive Safely

I am so sorry I can’t resist the urge to show you the cover of my latest book!

Travelogue by John Woodcock

There it’s better to get these sorts of urges over and done with isn’t it?

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Oct 242011
 

I am a very innocent, nice and extremely well brought up Cat and so when I was trolling through India researching my latest blockbusting and unputdownable book called ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ (available here The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition) I couldn’t help but be confused by the sign below.

Odd Indian Road Sign  What Do They Mean

If anyone knows what on earth the Indians are on about do let me know! Or if you can guess why two young men in skirts are following an older man in orange shorts into an Accident Porn Area I would be interested to know. My theory is that the young men are planning a Porn Accident? Well I suppose they are in the right place aren’t they!

In the meantime if you want to read my wonderful travelogue do please click here for the The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or here for the Kindle edition The Cat’s Travelogue ebook.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

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Oct 172011
 

A lot of people apparently have not been able to find the section of my website that has random sneak peeks of my latest book The Cat’s Travelogue in “good old” some say (I don’t) www.google.com so here is a link that will take you there immediately Travelogue Website.

There I am happy to announce that at least that is one missing Cat’s website found!

When you click that you’ll be able to read a synopsis of the book and just as you can with my other book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ you will be able to read a page of my latest feline masterpiece ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ and get to see what others have thought about it, mind you there aren’t many reviews there at the moment because I imagine that people are only half way through my wonderful book because it is that new.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

You can order copies of my books at my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite store of course here www.thecatsdiary.com or from the ever reliable www.amazon.com here The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition for the paperback or here for the ebook edition The Cat’s Travelogue ebook.

You may find that you have ordered a copy of my must have unputdownable ebook only to find that you don’t, as yet, have an eReader well don’t worry about that those nice people at www.amazon.com will gladly let you have one for money they probably will suggest a Kindle Fire which you can get if you click on the nice picture below

Or if you want to have a good look at other eReading machines you can simply click here Computers which will take you to www.amazon.com’s computer department.

There you will find a good few eReaders, I understand that a company that grows great pie fruit does a nifty reader that can also be used as some sort of pad, though what sort of pad it is I haven’t managed to fathom out yet because you can’t wrap it around a leg, it’s way too thin to use as a pillow and not quite big enough to curl up on and when I tried I slipped off the shiny glass screen, but for all of that I understand the iPad is a popular gadget so don’t rule it out just because it isn’t cuddly or unable to stop bleeding like most pads.

Then there are several copies of the iPad which are all called tablets but they are even odder than the iPad because you definitely can’t take two of these with water three times as day.

I could of course go on, but to prove all of my critics wrong I won’t…

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Oct 062011
 

My dear cuddly readers will be pleased to hear that to celebrate the launch of the latest Amazon reader ethingy the Kindle Fire those ever so nice people at Amazon have released the ‘Kindle’ and other ebook versions of my latest and most wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ early which is nice. I just have to say that you will be pleased to hear that ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ is coincidentally the best book I have written since my last one.

Not just to be content with getting a big head start on selling my ebook the paperback department of Amazon demanded equal rights to the ebook department and guess what you can buy either or indeed both formats on Amazon now, they have just told me I checked and it’s true – isn’t that wonderful.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

So that means that if you want a copy of my latest book you can order it now and have it instantly, if you want the eVersion or, in a couple of days max if you want the paper one. And the good news is that you will beat those who have ordered it at book stores by at least a couple of weeks.

So for all of my wonderfully faithful, patient and cuddly readers here are the important web addresses to click on, and don’t forget you will make me very happy if you buy one book, delightfully happy if you buy two and delirious happy if you buy more than five.

Of course it might go without saying, but I am going to say it anyway and I have a feeling I have said this before, you can instantly get a copy of my latest book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ from my www-wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or at the store on my www – wickedly wonderful website here my store at www.thecatsdiary.com.

To make life easy for you I have added the links you are going to need to get my book from good old (some say) Amazon.com do go for The Cat’s Travelogue on Amazon.com or Amazon UK.

If you need a Kindle to read my truly wonderful latest book on then get a Kindle Fire here they are really rather good as well as being competitively priced I hear.

If you want a good old iPad2 then I have another place for you to click – Computers aren’t you lucky? This link will take you straight to Amazon.coms Computers store for great prices, fast delivery and the same service you get when ordering my book. You never know they might even arrive in the same parcel that would be neat wouldn’t it?

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Oct 032011
 

I thought that my dear cuddly readers might like a sneak peek at my latest blockbuster of a masterpiece – The Cat’s Travelogue which was published on Friday and is apparently selling like cakes straight from the oven already on Amazon.com, paper version here The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition, so here is a short synopsis just for you.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

They say that terrible things happen to Cats in far off lands, they eat them in some uncivilised countries and I can now tell you that everything you hear is true, from what I have seen, the world is a bit of a mess and a nasty one at that and I know that’s true because I have recently seen a lot of it from some very unusual places.

Of course like most of the international incidents and indeed domestic emergencies I have caused in my travels I was oblivious to the dire situations I found myself in, but then I am only a Cat and what do I know?

This Travelogue is not a complete list of the places I visited because some have already paid me to “keep my big f’ing mouth shut” as most of their public relations bods put it, or they will have implemented banning orders preventing me from mentioning what awful dumps they really were!

In fact this book could be the first one in history that actually gets smaller over time and that’s because other countries I’ve visited may come up with what could only be described as a “very tempting” offer to have their chapters removed!

There what do you think of it so far? Racy, exciting, controversial, funny, brilliant, another masterpiece, written by a genius I bet you think all of those things and so much more judging by the reports of sales so far.

If you want to start reading my wonderful book immediately and it is a great read you can of course do that in ebook form from either Amazon.com The Cat’s Travelogue ebook or my own www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com which has been specially redesigned by my team of Web Design Kittens to incorporate my latest book The Cat’s Travelogue.

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Oct 012011
 

Ok no prizes for guessing which Cat in his excitement to tell the world about Amazon.com launching his book early to coincide with the launch of their Kindle Fire managed to use the ‘old’ link to his other masterpiece ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ – yes me of course.

Here is the right link.The Cat’s Travelogue on Amazon.com

There thank goodness I put that right. I am so sorry to send you all to the wrong place, but I have to say now you know how I felt when I was writing my Travelogue, everywhere I went was the ‘wrong’ place.

Here is a treat for you though, the cover of my latest book.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

And if you haven’t see the Kindle Fire in all of its blazing glory here is a link for that by way of an apology – again.

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Oct 012011
 

Yes that’s right dear cuddly readers here’s a sneak peek of the cover of my latest book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue.’

Now while I am very happy with the cover in general I am not too happy with one element, can anyone guess what it is? If you can there is a free ebook in it for you, if you can’t then after failing to change the cover at a last minute summit meeting with the publishers I added my comments about the bit of the cover I dislike to the new book so the week before last so you will be able to read the book and tell me what it is that I dislike.

The closing date for the competition has to be Sunday (tomorrow) sadly because my wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ will be available on Amazon.com by then and in bookstores soon afterwards but a little bird told me that you can buy the ebook version of my unputdownable book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ right now, in fact I think I am sitting on the link here. All of which means that if you buy an ebook now you stand a great chance of winning my amazing competition and still can buy a paper version at a later date.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

If you can’t live without my new book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ and I can’t blame you for that and want the ebook early then use this link, if you just want to cheat on the competition above then I understand just go for Kindle Edition of The Cat’s Travelogue on Amazon.com or Amazon UK.

There I am such a nice Cat not only letting you cheat in my competition but most importantly enabling you to have instant access to my wonderful ebook ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ in advance of everybody, yes that is the sort of Cat I am and just how much I love my cuddly readers and Cat fans.

Of course it might go without saying, but I am going to say it anyway, you can instantly get a copy of my latest book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ from my www-wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or at the my store on my www – wickedly wonderful website.

There! Does this clever Cat think of everything or what? All you have to do today is to click on a few links, use your or someone else’s credit card and you are away and one of the very first to buy what people have described as the “travelogue to end all travelogues.”

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Sep 292011
 

The really great news is that my long awaited soontobemillionselling book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ is going to be available very soon any and everywhere and that means you can buy a book either in paper or ebook form in the very near future.

Speaking of my long awaited soontobemillionselling book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue,’ a wonder of a little book written by a Cat, one of the places I visited was Vietnam though because of signs such as the one below and other divine bureaucratic blunders the chapter on Vietnam was ‘sponsored’ by the Socialist Republic of Vietnam and then removed by me from the printed edition. Did you know that the Socialist Republic of Vietnam’s motto is “Independence – Freedom – Happiness” – if you ever did!

It’s my fervent hope that you enjoy my latest book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ more than the menu item below and that you tell all of your friends to buy at least one copy and make this clever Cat very happy.

One thought that went through my furry head when I was sitting outside the restaurant in the heat and pollution of Ho Chi Minh City reading the menu below was this “what was the ‘Lime'” if you see what I mean, “do the Vietnamese serve a Citrus fruit with their Fried Horse Crap or is the ‘Lime’ on the menu the white powdery stuff that they add to cement, gardens and the graves of adulterers in days gone by?” Sadly to this day I don’t know because I didn’t order this menu item – what do you think I am stupid?

Don’t forget that like ‘Getting Out Excerpts from A Cat’s Diary’ ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ will make a wonderful Christmas present.

Horse Crap  A Delicacy In Ho Chi Minh City

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Sep 282011
 

There are very few words to either explain or describe this photograph from a Paris suburb and frankly even this genius of a Cat who writes books and who writes blogs doesn’t have any of them! But all the same I thought you my dear cuddly readers would giggle at the ridiculousness of our french cousins.

Personal Hairdressing In France

I believe that ‘french cousins’ are the cousins in a family that no one talks about you know the ‘special’ ones for whom everything is a challenge.

Big news, my wonderful masterpiece of second book (electronic and paper) ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ will be in book stores, on Amazon.com waiting for you to buy it in your thousands this coming week I believe. I will let you have more information as soon as I can but stand by with your pocketbooks open.

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Aug 152011
 

The Chinese XXXXX XXX XXXXXXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX. XXXX XXXXX XXXX
X XXXXXX, XXXXX XX XXXXXX XXX XXXXX XXX XX. XXXX XXXX, XXX XXX XX
XXX XXXXXX X XXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXX. XXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXX XX XXX XXXXXX
XXX XXXXXX XXXX. XXXXXXXXXXX XXXX XXX XXXXXXXX XX XXX XXX XXXXXXXX
XXXXXX.

XX XXXXXX XX XXXXX X XXX photograph I saw in China, XXXXXX XX XXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXX XXXXXX
XX X XXXXXX XXXX XXX.

X XXXX XX XXX XXXXXXXX XXXXX idiots XXXXX XX XXXXXXXX XX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.

X XX XXXX XXX XXXXXXX XX X XXXX XXXXX XX XXX XXX XXXXXX XXXX XXXXX XX
XXX X XX XXXX XXXXXXX XXX X XXX happily they can’t read English or indeed translate Chinese into English of course, just look at this picture taken in XX XXXXXX XXX X XX XX. Or do they simply use Google Translate? X XXX XXX, XXXXX X XXX!

CENSORED BY THE PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF CHINA

Throwing Caution China

Well dear reader as you can see China has agreed to sponsor my latest book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ and in accepting their sponsorship I have agreed to allow them to review all of my blog posts and delete the chapters dedicated to my travels in China from my wonderful book.

My sponsorship arrangements do extend to other countries and tends to work like this. I sent a copy of the relevant chapters to countries which I thought might be interested in ‘sponsoring’ me and in exchange for a large ‘consideration’ I will exclude their country from my unputdownable thriller of a book.

Unfortunately this practice has been describe by some of the more outraged countries as “blackmail” but to my way of thinking blackmail is a dirty word and I prefer sponsorship.

My sponsorship deals have had a significant impact on my book though and mean that the book is growing and shrinking more than an Accordian playing the Star Wars theme, it also means that if the countries in question stop providing their generous sponsorship my wonderful forthcoming book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ may well be one of very few books to actually get bigger with each imprint as my sponsors have been warned!

Having said that the word ‘sponsorship’ is nicer than ‘blackmail’ I have to say that the Bush administration truly knifed the word ‘sponsorship’ in the ribs at the rear didn’t it, when they started to describe countries as sponsors of terrorism. Odd really that you never saw a car bomber or indeed his car emblazoned with the logos of their sponsor countries!

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