Tag Archives: London

Someone Should Wash Their Lorry

I did quite a bit of travelling while I was researching my unputdownable latest masterpiece of feline literature ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ and sometimes the road was dark and dangerous, you know the type of road I mean one where the gravel from it falls off when your tyres come close to edge and then tumbles down a cliff face for hundreds of feet into oblivion.

But not all roads are like those ones in Britain, where there are misnamed pot holes (they really should be called ravines), no a lot of the roads I travelled on were wonderful, neat, nicely made and great to drive on, although that could be because the countries that have those roads either don’t have the traffic because most of the population can’t afford to drive like India or they reduce the number of drivers on the road by predijuice by not allowing women to drive as they do in the most backward of countries like Saudi Arabia.

Just interrupting myself for a moment, and my dear faithful readers know I do that a lot and to be honest probably expect it of me, I have found that women drivers are much better than their male counterparts, I was once driven from a racetrack in the middle of Kent (Brands Hatch) to London by an English lady F1 racing driver called Divina Galicia and it was wonderful, she drove the car in a way that I don’t think many could, it was exciting, fun and well within most of the laws of the land.

Still this blog isn’t about drivers, male or female, it’s about a lorry that I saw on the roads in Britain, a country that was once really nice and is now as filthy as this lorry’s bottom. As the tile says someone really should wash their lorry – before the truth comes out!

If you look as closely at this picture as I have you’ll no doubt see that in order to write in the filth covering the lorry’s rear whoever wrote the little jokette had to clean some of the scank off amazing!

Still they do say that individuals are to be treasured and you would have to be an individual to drive a lorry like this and get a nickname like ‘Rapid Ray.’

Someone Should Wash Their Lorry

Just in case you would like to buy my latest masterpiece of feline literature or if, god forbid, you are one of the uncool few who haven’t bought my previous work of genius here are some links that will whizz you off at a click to those nice humans at www.amazon.com who can send you a copy in return for either your own money or if you can arrange it someone else’s, I have always found that using someone else’s cash is to be preferred.


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Advertising Russian Style

Although Russia and in particular Moscow is a tamer, more civilized place when compared to twenty years ago it’s a wild and dangerous place compared to America or England which have their moments of course.

But in either America or England you won’t find any personal physical threats in advertising, especially food advertising. The dreadful ‘love story’ coffee commercials on both side of the Atlantic come to mind here.

No one in New York or London is going to grab you by the collar and tell you to explore the taste of America or England – that as you can see from the shop window advert below is not the case in Moscow.

Explore The Taste Of Russia  Or Else She ll Get You

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London’s Olympic Rehearsal?

Did you all see the cover of Private Eye showing London’s Olympic Rehearsal? They’ve been doing what the Onion News does for 50 years!

If not here it is and I think it could be hilarious if it wasn’t true. Sadly London is a polluted, over crowded, dirty and dangerous place which is almost as dangerous as well any other major capital city in the world and the London Olympics will just make things worse.

Londons Olympic Rehearsal

Mind you London can look nice especially when it is empty.

London Bridge

But then it is only empty when it is cold and people walk to work because the roads are choked with broken snow ploughs and burning gritting lorries. If you are American and reading this you may not know that a snow plough is a ‘snow plow’ and gritting lorries whether alight or not are gritting trucks hope that helps.

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The 350 Year Old Diary

One of the most famous diaries in the world after mine is by a chap, who to me seems a bit pompous, called Samuel Pepys and this year it is exactly 350 years since it was started.

The diary in question is Samuel Pepys’ and was started on January 1st 1660 and carried on for nine years which is a bit of a long time, but it is as interesting as it is heavy and has some priceless extracts some include watching the Great Fire of London in 1666, living through the Black Death a year or two before and some about his private life.

Samuel Pepys2.jpg

The private moments in Pepys diary pain a rather unpleasant picture of the workings of London’s sewer system which was frankly non-existent.

Pepys moved into a new house and tells his readers what happened soon afterwards.

“Going down into my cellar I put my foot into a great heap of turds [from his neighbour’s toilet]… which doth trouble me.”

Pepys was not usually a man to call a “turd” a ‘turd’ because he was patronised heavily by king Charles II being appointed to the Navy office and rose through the ranks to become a very influencial and powerful member of the upper class, not bad for a tailor’s son from Fleet Street.

One of the best bits of his diary proves that he is a real Englishman when he describes trying for the first time a drink newly arrived in England – Tea – and says that he enjoyed his “cupp” very much.

If you haven’t dipped into Samuel Pepys’ diary I can hardly say that this Cat blames you it’s so big, but it is nice to think that diaries are so universally appreciated and that my diary will one day be 350 years old as well, I am sure that there will be a party to celebrate – I wonder what presents I will get?

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No Bodies In The Bin Today

Happily there weren’t any bodies in the bins today (see yesterday’s post for more gruesome details) just lots of sun shining out over Prague. Looking out of the window today you could actually see silvery traces of spider’s webs trailing down to the Spruce trees (the original Christmas trees).

Spruce trees are interesting because before hops was used to add flavour to beer they used to use the young shoots of the Spruce tree and it gives a very aromatic flavour apparently – there don’t say you don’t learn anything while reading this Cat’s blog, not that beer is of particular interest to this or other Cats I have to say which just goes to show hoe ‘giving’ I am just like Bono – the climate clown.

Speaking of Bono and climate clowns, I have to say sadly that when I looked out of the window today I did see a bluish grey haze which I imagine is pollution, not a good sign.

But in the defence of the cloud of pollution it was a sort of lyrical hazy blue pollution cloud and not the same as the one that sweats over London, is a sort of sulphurous yellow and is intent on giving children asthma and cutting up to nine years off the life span of the residents.

Did you see that the UK is going to be fined for the over pollution of their bit of planet, the problem is Bus and Taxi exhaust – well they got rid of the cars in London.

Don’t you agree that it is a shame that no one fines India and China as well because they can teach the world a thing or two about pollution, if nothing else.

Ganges pollution.jpg

Above is a picture of the pollution (on a good day – there are no floating dead cows/humans) at India’s most sacred river, the Ganges, goodness knows what the not so sacred rivers look like or are full of!

Well this didn’t turn out to be a very funny blog which is a shame I like to make my readers smile a little even if they don’t laugh out loud, which by the way is never a good thing to do in public especially if you are alone because people around you will think that you are a little mad.

Tomorrow I plan to add a blog that will make you laugh and so I will not look out of the window before I write it I promise and hopefully then I won’t be tempted to get on to the subject of pollution.

So tomorrow I think we should talk about fish, yes what fun, we haven’t talked about fish for a long time have we?

By the way does anyone know what U2’s ‘Bono the Climate Clown’s’ real name is? I bet it is Jeff but spelt Geoff don’t you? Do let me know if you know what his real name is and indeed if you like U2, not that I care of course I just like to hear from my readers.

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