Dec 082011
 

I was talking to Hugh Grant the other day and we both agreed that being a celebrity can be hard, if it isn’t the Murdoch run newspapers trying to tap your phone, open you mail and go through your empties it’s the wonderful general public, bless them all, who can get a little carried away and storm your book signings just wanting to stroke you, and I have to say that happens to me a lot although I was surprised to hear that it happened to Huge (my pet name for Hugh).

Sometimes this Cat who writes blogs thinks that as a celebrity in constant demand by an adoring public you just have to get away, go into hiding or use camouflage, Hugh was of the same opinion but tends to think that you can hide from the public in a car parked round the back of a busy well lit street, still it takes all sorts to make the world dizzy doesn’t it?

Between you and me I have been using camouflage for a while now to avoid the glare of the public and the peeping Toms of the press and believe that camouflage is a very wonderful thing.

Just today I was leafing through a copy of my newspaper and spotted a whole section of pictures dedicated to animals and insects who are really rather good at camouflaging themselves.

I have to say that article was an altogether more interesting than another which reported that Madonna, (with an emphasis on the ‘Mad’ she is obviously going through some sort of mid-life experience), said that the duchess of Cambridge (if you don’t know who she is here’s a tip, she’s the anorexic looking newest royal, who depending upon the newspaper you read is expecting one or several babies, if that is true where is the bulge then – in a surrogate?) is “lovely girl with great sense of style.” Sorry Madonna I think it’s time to hang up your sling backs darling cos baby doll you have lost it!

Instead of offering you a picture of the tired but blousy Madonna or the Mousey but skinny duchess of Cambridge I thought I would let my wonderful readers have a gawp at some amazing camouflage pictures I was so impressed with. Not all of them are animals or insects as you will see and for one sadly no amount of camouflage will help her appearance.

So without further ado or character assassination I give you my little tribute to camouflage and the beasts that use it.

To start with how about the Leaf-tailed Gecko, aka the Satanic Leaf-tailed Gecko who blends in wonderfully with a rustle of old brown dried leaves this one lives in the Andasibe-Mantadia National Park in Madagascar?

Leaf Tailed Gecko

Or what about a Bat-faced Toad who has taken a tip form the Satanic Leaf-tailed Gecko above and is hiding amongst a crust of dead leaves in the Amacayacu National Park in Colombia?

Leaf Toad

Then there is the oddly named White Crab Spider sitting on a flower near you, if you happen to live in the south of England or Wales.

White Crab Spider

Humans can create excellent camouflage if they have the patience and artistic ability, but sadly unlike the animals above when they move the illusion is shattered. Let’s hope that this lady stays still because I think she has forgotten to get dressed this morning!

Nude

Lastly, and that is where every one of all of the dozens of English queens, dukes, duchesses, princesses and princes of benefit dependency – the English royal family – would come if they weren’t so privileged, we have the amazing camouflage of the duchess of somewhere that was invented especially to accommodate her.

As you can see she blends in rather well with the soldiers, some might say that she looks the most ‘rugged’ of them all!

Do you like me wonder what she is pointing at around that soldier’s crutch? She seems to be very interested in ‘something’ down ‘there’ don’t you think?

If you want to see more of these overrated royal individuals they can be found posing in army, navy and air force uniforms on state occasions (which makes you wonder if the English state isn’t a military one?).

Oddly enough the royals are almost always dressed up in very high ranking positions in their chosen armed force I wonder just how they earned this exulted ranks? Beats me!

If you want to get a good look at the English royal family the best place to spot them is on holiday somewhere very warm while the British newspapers sing their praises and extoll their virtues at home telling the English people just how hard the royals are working!

Duchess

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Jan 212010
 
Southern Ocean Storm.jpg

I saw a headline today on a news website which read “Early mammals floated to Madagascar!” I ask you how cruel is that? Why would anyone want to float early mammals or indeed any mammals to Madagascar it is a long way isn’t it?

“Ok!” I thought to myself, “so Madagascar is a nice place but don’t they have plenty of mammals of their own?” And not only that isn’t it a little cruel to float any mammal anywhere, with or without their consent!

And there is so much more that is wrong about this headline, not only is there the consent issue, floating over to Madagascar from Africa means that the poor little animals have such a long way to float, are little mammals that bouyant?

And not only that what if they drifted just a little off course, where would they end up? The Southern Ocean is the answer and that is a terrible place for several reasons, the seas are so rough and cold there but worst of all there isn’t any land for thousands of miles in any direction and the only people fool enough to cross the Southern Ocean are lone yachtsmen or yachtswomen and can you imagine what it would like to be stranded with one of them? It would be simply awful!

First they probably haven’t had an intelligent conversation with anyone since they left England twenty thousand miles ago, oh yes of course they would have visited Australia but in my experience you can’t get an intelligent conversation there so they would just talk constantly!

Then worst of all the lone yachtsman or yachtswoman would be very, very annoyed and that is because they are supposed to do their intrepid stuff alone, the clue of course is in the title “lone yachts etc,” so they probably would make any floating mammal who hopped on board very unwelcome indeed.

Which all goes to show that floating early mammals to Madagascar is a thoroughly bad idea, just because the poor devils are early to rise in the morning well that is what this good looking Cat thinks.

On a different subject have you been to my website recently the techie bods there have been working like little slaves bless them and have found a way to put this blog on my site, so if you want a double treat go to my site the cat’s diary one here – www.thecatsdiary.com I hope you enjoy it as much as I always do!

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