Dec 152011
 

Space Shuttle Program

I don’t know if any of my wonderfully cuddly readers remember my post Nasa Face in Space Update which I published on my wonderful blog in March 4th this year? I am sure they do a lot of people remember blogs from the Cat who writes blogs.

If you remember, that’s great; if not just click the link above and catch up with the rest of us and then do feel free to read on because I have something wonderful to tell you and it will probably be more impressive if you are ‘up to speed’ as they say to the more challenged among us who have a tendency to fall behind.

So now that we are all ‘on the same page,’ which is course yet another euphemism used when talking to the ‘slower ones’ among us now that we can’t use words like ‘remedial,’ ‘monks,”thick’ and so on and so forth, I have something wonderful to tell you!

Yesterday I received my certificate from Nasa which certifies that I took a journey on the second to last Space Shuttle the STS-134 as it’s known among us Catsmonaut’s. Oddly enough the certificate reads that “the face of The Cat has flown in space aboard the Space Shuttle Endeavour on mission STS-134 from May 16 – June 1, 2011.”

Shuttle STS134 The Cat

Yes that is what I thought it’s an odd way of saying I was there with the guys but you know Americans they do have their own way of tangling with the English language forever wanting it to be more um… ‘American’ bless them.

Yesterday I signed Space Shuttle Program tribute wall because I just wanted to tell NASA how wonderful they are and if you would like to honour the amazing people who helped to design, build and fly the Space Shuttle, not to mention those who emptied the toilets, then you too can sign the wall and pay tribute to the Space Shuttle Program here Space Shuttle Program Tribute Wall.

I honestly recommend that you do this. NASA do an amazing job and I have always wanted to thank them, for not only letting me fly into space on a safe Space Shuttle, but also for the wonderful work they do, thanks NASA and I know that will mean a lot to all of you over there in the US.


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Oct 032011
 

I thought that my dear cuddly readers might like a sneak peek at my latest blockbuster of a masterpiece – The Cat’s Travelogue which was published on Friday and is apparently selling like cakes straight from the oven already on Amazon.com, paper version here The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition, so here is a short synopsis just for you.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

They say that terrible things happen to Cats in far off lands, they eat them in some uncivilised countries and I can now tell you that everything you hear is true, from what I have seen, the world is a bit of a mess and a nasty one at that and I know that’s true because I have recently seen a lot of it from some very unusual places.

Of course like most of the international incidents and indeed domestic emergencies I have caused in my travels I was oblivious to the dire situations I found myself in, but then I am only a Cat and what do I know?

This Travelogue is not a complete list of the places I visited because some have already paid me to “keep my big f’ing mouth shut” as most of their public relations bods put it, or they will have implemented banning orders preventing me from mentioning what awful dumps they really were!

In fact this book could be the first one in history that actually gets smaller over time and that’s because other countries I’ve visited may come up with what could only be described as a “very tempting” offer to have their chapters removed!

There what do you think of it so far? Racy, exciting, controversial, funny, brilliant, another masterpiece, written by a genius I bet you think all of those things and so much more judging by the reports of sales so far.

If you want to start reading my wonderful book immediately and it is a great read you can of course do that in ebook form from either Amazon.com The Cat’s Travelogue ebook or my own www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com which has been specially redesigned by my team of Web Design Kittens to incorporate my latest book The Cat’s Travelogue.

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Aug 222011
 

Now please don’t accuse me of being dramatic or worse paranoid but when you see a sign in England that says ‘Cat’s Eyes Removed’ on the road and it’s been placed opposite a building belonging to The Blue Cross (a UK Veterinary Charity) then you have to wonder what might be going on?

Cat s Eyes Removed
As a member of an elite and highly regarded species I have to ask the question, why would a Veterinary Charity be advertising for Cat’s Eyes? And what are they going to do with them, and gulp so much worse, did they get any?

If you know the answer to the questions above and would like to get them off your chest do drop me a line here at the www.blog.thecatsdiary.com we won’t judge you, too much, and all of us here at my blog and my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com are a hell of a lot less righteous and less pompous than the people at Wikileaks.

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Dec 152010
 

Mourning Ribbon LHS.png

Today I am saying goodbye to Randolph the Mountaineering Cat who unfortunately yesterday met a mountain that he wasn’t able to climb successfully.

You know I met Randolph the Mountaineering Cat on his travels while I was doing research for my next book ‘The Travelogue,’ unfortunately the chapter with Randolph the Mountaineering Cat in it was ‘bought’ by the country where we met and so it won’t be in my next blockbusting book.

Actually I am finding that a lot of governments, mayors and anyone connect with countries, cities or towns which feature in my soon to be published Travelogue are ‘buying out’ chapters related to their countries, cities or towns so that they don’t have to suffer the embarrassment of being ‘exposed’ in what is the most honest travel book every written by a Cat!

Goodbye Randolph the Mountaineering Cat.jpg

This purchasing of chapters means that the book is constantly getting smaller and in turn means that I in the interests of value for money have to keep traveling to new countries, of course the extra work is annoying but let’s face it the ‘hush money’ or as some call them ‘bribes’ come in very handy – just ask any african politician or sporting body committee member!

What I can say without breaking the confidentiality agreements I have pawed is that I first bumped into Randolph the Mountaineering Cat on the way to Nepal as he was enduring a stop over at a shabby and rather smelly airport in a rapidly developing country that will one day take America’s place as the leader of the world… sorry I have to stop there for two reasons the first is mentioned above and the second is that I am laughing so much I just can’t type.

After that, our paths seemed to cross as we went from country to country Randolph the Mountaineering Cat was off to climb yet another mountain and I was… well I actually can’t tell you too much about what I was doing or you won’t buy the next book and that would be a little like shooting myself in the Paw with a keyboard! Mmh ‘shooting myself in the paw with a keyboard’ doesn’t sound right does it? But I think you know what I mean.

You know in the short time that we had together Randolph the Mountaineering Cat and I got on rather well and shared a curry together and later the same toilet. It was then while we were both in a lot of pain that something he said stuck in my mind as the dysentery did its worst “chaps and Cats that suffer together form a bond that nothing can break!” I knew exactly what he meant and I also knew that I would possibly sometimes miss-quote Randolph the Mountaineering Cat but I would never forget him or what he said.

Sadly yesterday that bond was broken but not but me. I heard that Randolph the Mountaineering Cat was swinging one pawedly from snowy boulder to snowy boulder in a scree 6,000ft above Base Camp 3 when something went wrong and he slipped.

You know, we got on so well that I had even arranged for him to have ‘exploratory’ talks with my translator John Woodcock in the hope that with Randolph the Mountaineering Cat’s amazing adventures and our very own Mr. Woodcock’s feeble talent together they could produce a bestseller similar to my work a masterpiece of feline literary genius – ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ available here Amazon.com if you are one of the few people on planet earth who haven’t bought it yet and of course my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com where you can buy my book, read my blog and get so much more including loads of free online games both festive and not so festive.

It’s a shame and a great loss that as with Randolph the Mountaineering Cat that book is lost forever.

So in conclusion I would just like to say that Randolph the Mountaineering Cat was a fine Cat and a good friend and I know that it is not only me who will miss him because the world is a poorer place without him and his adventurous kind!

Mourning Ribbon RHS.png

Oh take all of what I said about Randolph the Mountaineering Cat back, he has just called me, he’s in town and we’re going out for Prawns on Friday. I asked him about the photograph and he said that it was the first in a series of ‘shots’ taken for a magazine of him clawing his way to the summit of Katmandu.

Apparently the photoshoot was supposed to be ‘dramatic,’ I didn’t have the heart to tell him how ‘dramatic’ the story that was that I was given about the first picture in the series! I don’t know you can never trust the media these days. Still I am looking forward to catching up with Randolph the Mountaineering Cat almost as much as I am looking forward to the Prawns.

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Dec 142010
 

Not only are french Christmas carols odd they are of course rip off of English ones, for example the good old ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ or ‘Partridge in a Pear Tree’ becomes ‘La foi de la loi’ or ‘The faith of the law!’But the french have tried to disguise the fact that they have stolen the English Christmas Carol by adding a bizarreness to it and that achieve this by adding words about their favourite past time – eating.

12 Days of Christmas.jpg

So instead of a ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ we have ‘La foi de la loi’ or ‘The faith of the law’ which you will have cleverly noticed has noting to do with food – ah these frenchies are clever and there isn’t a Partridge or a Pear tree in sight.

Partridge.jpg

They sing this little song at Christmas in the west of France and as befits a song about food disguised as a song about the law, the french insists that the song is sung “avec solennite,” (with solemnity) this Cat thinks that that is probably not easy when you look at the words to the 11th verse!

So how do we know that the french stole the song when it has been so heavily disguised – well the tune is a dead give away and I suppose you are going to have to take this honest Cat’s word for that but I can also add that the sequence of the song is the same as in English because although the french do so much that is different from the normal world they haven’t yet managed to count differently to the rest of the world much to their annoyance.

So without further ado let’s strike up the band and sing ‘La foi de la loi,”avec solennite’ of course!

12 day of Christmas.jpg

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a good stuffing without bones (it doesn’t quite have the ring of a ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’/’Partridge in a Pear Tree’ does it?)

Now just add the rest below!

Two breasts of veal,

Three joints of beef,

Four pigs’ trotters,

Five legs of mutton,

Six partridges with cabbage,

Seven spitted rabbits,

Eight plates of salad,

Nine dishes for a chapter of canons,

Ten full casks,

Eleven beautiful full-breasted maidens (would the french know what to do with these?)

Twelve musketeers with their swords

I don’t know about you, but it just doesn’t do it for me! I miss the Lords a Leaping and the Five Gold Rings but then maybe i am old fashioned, still if you are very good and need a laugh let me know and I will tell you all about the very weird Scottish version of this great English Carol ‘strange’ is a word that doesn’t come close to describing it – yes the french and the scots have a lot in common.

Great News

Amazon.com have done what they described as an “emergency restock” so that then now have enough copies my best selling book, they like me are surprised and delighted by just how many people have shown the good taste to buy not only a copy of my masterpiece of a book for themselves but also to buy four or five spare copies to give to treasured friends and relations.

So don’t miss out on having my wonderful book delivered well before the noel day order it now.Yes drop everything – what did you think I meant!

Get your copy or better still copies here Amazon.com and of course you can always get a copy of my perfect book from my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com where you can also enjoy a lot of other stuff free online games, jokes, and so much more.

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Aug 032010
 
book-cover.jpg

Someone once described the photograph of me on the cover of my wonderful best selling masterpiece “Getting Out – Excerpts From A Cat’s Diary” which you can get here Amazon.com as a work of art and I sincerely believe that they were speaking the truth.

I found this picture of an astonishingly good looking, well read and cultured clever Cat, for a moment I thought it was me! But then I realised that the artist Charles Wysocki had probably just seen a photograph of me and wanted to use me as the perfect model.

Cat Tales Charles Wysocki's.jpg

Looking through the book on the bookshelf I have to say I thoroughly recommend the volume on the lower shelf ‘The Sardine,’ when I read this magical book I found it to be not only insightful but also a tender loving story with a very happy and satisfying ending.

While we are talking about the books in the picture and not me does anyone know where I can get a copy of ‘Delicious Field Mice I have Known’ and who wrote it? As yet I haven’t read it but now that I know of it, it is top of my reading list.

One last thought about my book with the wonderful cover, if you don’t own and treasure a copy already just click over to Amazon.com and you can get one, actually if you do own and treasure a copy of my wonderful book why not treat yourself to a second or third copy I say?

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