Jun 262012
 

As followers of my blog may remember this weekend I followed in the footsteps of the Red Army and progressed through Poland, into the old GDR (East Germany sans Erich Honnecker obviously) and then on to Berlin.

Unlike the Red Army, after the war, I returned home, but I have come back with some great pictures.

Here is one of Görlitz, a medieval town that lies on the banks of the river Lusatian Neisse. Today they say that Görlitz is opposite the Polish town of Zgorzelec but actually they were the same town until 1945 but that doesn’t detract from its beauty.

Gorlitz

The town is so picturesque that several movies have been shot there, ‘The Reader,’ ‘Inglourious Basterds’ and ‘Around the World in 80 Days’ to name the only three I know, mind you I can dazzle you a little and show I was listening to the chap who was telling me all of this and now mention that Quentin Tarantino shot the movie-in-a-movie ‘Stolz der Nation (Pride of the Nation)’ for ‘Inglourious Basterds.’ Unfortunately for Görlitz the location of the story is Sicily!

The folks who made ‘Around the World in 80 Days’ used Görlitz as a location and shot the ‘Paris’ footage there, if you see what I mean.

So now onto the sign which I thought was rather jolly! It’s in German, a language that likes to bolt words together like oh I don’t know um… ‘Schwangerschaftverhütungsmittel’ which means contraceptive or even better ‘Unkameradschaftlichkeit’ which is a form (as if there are different types!!!) of unsporting-like behaviour!

Don t miss this in Germany

Yes you read it correctly and no I am not going illuminate here, I think it’s sufficient to say that the Germans have a ‘place’ for people who are old and a little unsavoury – must be all that sauerkraut I imagine!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Sep 232011
 
VIDEO_DESCRIPTION



Click on the picture above or the link here to be whisked into the centre of the drama. Kitten Rescue

My latest amazing video on my wickedly wonderful website shows the dramatic rescue undertake by a team of five rescue workers and hundreds of concerned humans worked continuously for two days to rescue a frightened 7 week old Kitten who had become trapped under the floor of a supermarket in Gothenburg.

After being rescued the Kitten wasn’t able to comment on how or why it chose to hide under the floor of a supermarket, but then you have to remember that:

a) Cats like to explore.
b) Cats don’t have to confide in humans.
3) Not all Cats are geniuses.

You can read more about the dramatic rescue and see the amazing video – which is not in real time and so only lasts a few minutes and not 2 days (thank goodness) here Kitten Rescue. It’s a lot like the movie 127 hours starring James Franco but happily in this rescue no one lost a Paw.

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Aug 162011
 

Hello to all of my cuddly readers. Today I have to fulfill a special request from my odd job man and occasional translator. The special request is to open up My Amazingly Readable Blog and www.wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com for him to let you all know about a film that his daughter is in.

As Jo Woodcock is not only much better looking (not difficult I hear you say if you have seen the dreadful aforementioned Mr. Woodcock) she has more talent in her left paw – opps sorry foot – than Mr. W could ever pretend to possess or even after a herculean effort – muster.

Jo at Night

So because Jo Woodcock is going to be almost as famous as me your friendly neighbourhood genius and wonderfully talented Cat, I would like to present her latest movie (err… sorry… movie poster) the movie is called ‘Powder.’

Powder is a UK production and so will be out in the UK first on August 26th 2011 as you quaint humans call it. Actually its nice that a movie is premiering in the UK first for a change although it does mean that you nice folks over in the land where you spell ‘colour’ this way – ‘color’ will have to wait for the release or better still buy it as soon as you can on www.Amazon.com, thereby avoiding listening to people in the cinema eating popcorn, slurping Slurpees, and generally being annoying humans.

Actually I have had a really brilliant idea – the only question is why am I surprised?

If you haven’t ordered recently a copy of my wonderful book ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ you could order another copy at the same time when you visit www.Amazon.com. You can get a copy of my book here of course Amazon.com but then you probably know that by now don’t you.

Powder

If you’re interested you can read just a little bit more (and I mean that) here Powder the Movie or if you prefer to not to use links here – http://www.sodapictures.com/cinema/177. As a bit of an occasional gossip I can give you a choice snippet of information that you won’t find anywhere and that is that the ‘hunk’ on the poster is Jo’s co-star and in real life – boyfriend. He is the very talented Liam Boyle though of course I’ll leave you humans to decide upon his ‘hunkiness’ you all look the same to Cats and that isn’t helped by the fact that you all tend to be one colour or another and not piebald, skewbald, black and white, tortoise shell and other glorious Cat colours.

If you want to see more of Jo Woodcock and discover what other productions she has acted in, then the natural place to drop by would be jowoodcock.com and again if you don’t like links just type this into the old ‘puter http://jowoodcock.com.

So being a wonderful Cat and general ‘feline humanitarian’ if that isn’t too much for you to get your head around I have done my good turn for the day and made a crazed old translator very happy and rightly too he is a proud father, happily he is a proud father of someone who he can be proud of.

Mmh should I invent a new word for what I have done? Why not – I am a ‘felineitarian’ oh dear that doesn’t sound right does it? Unless of course we all practice saying ‘felineitarian’ every day for a month and then decided whether ‘felineitarian’ is a good enough word to qualify for an entry into the wonderful and ever trustworthy dictionary that is Collins Dictionary.

Obviously ‘felineitarian’ could easily make it into the Webster’s Dictionary or the ever dreadful ‘Encarta’ but then both of those dictionaries are crammed full of misspelt words that no respectable dictionary would ever consider including.

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Jun 142011
 

Dead Rats Old
I thought I would share a couple of photographs which I took when I was in Paris the other day.

Etablissements Julien Aurouze, Paris is an odd little shop as you can see from the display in the window they sell Rat traps and all sorts of other things that snap and dispatch the furry kind such as gulp yours truly.

As you can see from their window display of far too many dead Rats the stuff they sell does seem to work all too well.

Mind you for those of you who are like me and have a delicate constitution to match their stomach I can tell you happily that the rats in the window are preserved Rats and have been on display since 1925.

It’s a bit worrying that they look so fresh until you realise that Madam Tussaud was born in the neighbourhood and look what she has done to major and minor celebrities.

Some say that the shop was featured in the Disney movie Ratatoullie maybe one of my clever readers could say whether that is true or not because of course I don’t watch movies about Rats or Dogs for that matter so I don’t know if that is the truth.

Dead Rats Colour

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dec 032010
 

Bigger Koyla with Water on Nose.png

In answer to all of the rumours flying around the web, like litter around the Pyramids in Egypt, about the forthcoming movie of my bestselling book and work of genius ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” all I can say at this moment is “yes!”

Unfortunately the ‘yes’ that I am affirming is a ‘yes’ that I continue to want to make the movie of my wonderfully entertaining which has made good people laugh from Peru to Peterborough via Pittsburgh, though sadly not the People’s Republic of China because I dared to expose their Cat and Dog eating habits.

So, how far have I managed to get with the movie moguls? Well further than you would think for a Cat who is busy writing another blockbuster book although along the way I have not made many friends but then who does if you tell the truth all the time especially to movie moguls?

At the end of the day after various trips to the land of Holly and Wood I would say that probably next year we are going to have a major announcement! It would seem that the main sticking point at the moment is the question “does the Cat have legs?”

I have pointed downwards every time they asked the question but I think they want to know if there are going to be more hilarious books from this champion of feline literature and the answer is yes!

As I have said before to the movie people just let me get on with the new book/books now and they can work on the first movie I blame Harry Potter everyone wants a series of movies now but let’s face it if Anne Frank can have a movie made of her diary then they have to go for mine now, it’s much funnier and you have to ask yourself “what has she done since?” Don’t you?

You can get my book and make your own decision on whether it should be a movie or not here Amazon.com don’t forget you can always get a copy of my perfect book from my www.thecatsdiary.com where ever you buy it it will make a wonderful Christmas present and so why not treat yourself and all of your family friends, the butcher, baker and anyone else deserving especially Firemen who are wonderful.

By the way if you want to get into the Christmas spirit and have the snow falling across your webpage while you read my wonderful blogs in December then you’ll have to go to http://blog.thecatsdiary.com this year because unfortunately there is a bug in the WordPress blog thingy and it messes up the entire page, still never mind my boffins have boffed the same thing for you on the blog page of my www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com.

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Nov 262010
 

The Cat & Kung Fu Panda.jpg

Ok paws up I have to admit that the picture I have here has been ‘doctored’ and I wasn’t in this year’s parade – your shocked mmh maybe I should have kept my mouth shut but you know Cats cant lie – worst luck we would be so much better at big business and politics if we could.

I have to also admit that the picture wasn’t ‘doctored’ very well – but what can you expect if you outsource things like this to India? – Not a lot is the answer! Just look at the standard of Disney and Dreamworks animation these days!

Still honesty aside for a moment one day I will really be in a Macy’s Parade, I promise, and it will be soon after my movie based on my worldbeatingunputdownable book – I have added world beating bit to my usual word describing my book because someone has stolen my word ‘unputdownable’ shame they didn’t search for a life rather than wonderful new words to steal – sorry where was I?

Oh yes my new movie – well what can I say? I am closing in on a deal which happily is based on the sales of my wonderful book of course; it almost goes without saying is available here Amazon.com and here on my ‘www’ “wickedly wonderful website” –  www.thecatsdiary.com happily at the moment no one has stolen my term for my website – but I suppose it is only a matter of time!

Unfortunately it is not like I am that little rat Mickey Mouse who just announces that he wants to make another comeback and gets a movie deal immediately. I have had to fight tooth and claw to even get into the movie mogul’s offices – well eventually I did it through a synagogue and a Steven Spielberg disguise, of course, but that is another story! I don’t want to get all Sarah Palin on you here!

So the movie of the book will come one day and you know how determined I am to be up there in lights, to say nothing of floating above your heads in a Macy’s Parade on Thanksgiving – there is just one thing that I am a little worried about and that is after the parade – yes I saw Mickey ‘nudging’ a Smurf in a way that should only be demonstrated on dolls but that is not what I meant about being worried about what happens after the parade! I have learned to keep my back against the wall dealing with all of those movie types.

What I am worried about is that in order to take part in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade you have to be able to float so they fill you up with Helium – fair enough! But and it is a great big one, ‘but’ what happens when they let the gas out? Do you make a series of loud inappropriate noises or is it just one long one? If anyone knows or has indeed had large amounts of gas in the past please can you let a worried Cat know exactly what happens – many thanks.

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,