Dec 232013
 

I read today that hundreds if not thousands of facebook ‘followers,’ (I still find it hard to call them ‘friends’) have been posting complaints on the UK retailer of food and fashion, Marks and Spencer facebook page because bosses’ there have decided to let Muslim staff refuse to serve pork and alcohol to British and other pork eating and occasional boozing customers!

Now there is even a Facebook page called “Boycott Marks and Spencers” where the group’s facebook page founder and one time loyal customer Matt Syson accused Marks and Spencers of creating “division and hatred within our communities”.

Matt Daily Telegraph 19 9 2013

Happy Christmas to all of my friends in (almost) mono-cultural Britain!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Oct 032012
 

Facebook

Hello to all my dear cuddly readers, yes you are right the picture does look familiar! Not only are you well acquainted with the marvellous pictures of yours truly but you might know the struggling website I am gracing them with.

Yes that’s right I have decided to help poor little Marky Zuckerberg and add my support to his, oh what do they call those awful things, oh yes “social network.”

I prefer to think of them as captive advertising sites where you have no choice but to ‘like’ Nike, personally I can’t think of anything much worse than doing that, well oh ‘liking’ Mitt Romney just might be pushing the boundaries of taste!

facebook no I said facebook – sorry Apple currently likes facebook and so although the silly sods there called their site, err sorry social network facebook Apple keeps autocorrecting the word, unlike I have to add – google, android, samsung (even though they gave Apple shed loads of cash recently, or indeed microsoft, Apple’s spell checker just thinks that microsoft is just a misspelt word and underlines it in red, mind you I think I detect a thaw in the relationship there, type in Microsoft with an uppercase ‘M’ and Apple with leave you to your own devices and say nothing.

All of which means I have moved away from the point, ho hum, which is! I am ‘on’ facebook and apart from gathering nice cuddly friends it is something of a let down. I didn’t expect dancing girls and fireworks when I joined of course, but after filling in all of the information like religion – “catolick” though I can’t understand why I can’t use a capital C when typing the name of my religion on facebook I am sure that Zuckerberg Inc allow Jews and Muslims to capitalise the names of their religions.

Maybe us catolicks just aren’t radical enough and I should ‘suggest,’ no that isn’t a radical enough word, maybe I should ‘demand’ that us catolicks get the same rights as all of the other religions of the world, or we’ll, mmmh need a big threat quick, oh yes or we’ll eat all the Prawns in the world.

And don’t even get me started on my political views or my language skills, why can’t I enter ‘Cat’ I speak it? Since when has Democat not been a political party? I am a fully paid up member so why can’t I proudly announce to the world that I am one, why does Facebook (oh autocorrector you beat me) not let me enter my deeply held political beliefs?

Still I did manage to put up some nice pictures of my pals, Burt the Black & White Cat is there, Randolph the Mountaineering Cat is there (well his last known picture is) and loads of other wonderful friends all I need now is your pictures on my page so that we can start doing what you do on a social network and that is to sell you things by the bucketful!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Jun 022011
 

Now this might to some of you seem to be a very rude sign, but as there are Muslims, Christians and Jews who worship a god there are some who worship other things that are equally as ‘holy’ and ‘sacred’ to them.

Of course I am thinking of sun worshippers, Druids, Mr and Mrs. Ugg the odd shaggy people who thought that Stonehenge was a religious site and so on.

Here is a picture of a park (below) that is used by other alternative worshippers to celebrate their beliefs and achieve rapture or bliss or whatever holy people expect to get when they worship.

I wonder what dick worshippers do and how the ‘bliss’ or ‘rapture’ comes upon them?

Now I am wondering why that last paragraph sounds so rude at the end, it wasn’t meant to be like that and this Cat hopes that he hasn’t offended any religious people and their practices with it.

Oh Good Old Dick

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Feb 022010
 
Idiot falling off horse.jpg

I was so sorry to hear from advert filled BBCnews.co.uk website that yesterday or the day before the ‘lovely’ Prince Harry was in a potentially serious accident.

Happily, unlike his colleagues, ‘Henry Charles Albert David Windsor, born 15 September 1984’ as he would appear on any charge sheet, a serving officer in the British Army wasn’t being shot at at the time in Afghanistan where most of his colleagues are in cover waiting for the next idiot with a bomb, prince Harry was in Barbados.

It is such a shame that the British royal family have to fit in so much work around their hobbies and this terrible accident is proof that the lack of time they have to practice their past times is beginning to cause and possibly dangerous accidents.

Fortunately Prince Harry was uninjured in the fall when he landed it is believed on his head, doctors said that the royal family are blessed with remarkably thick skulls due to the constant and avid interbreeding of the pedigree over many years and that Prince Harry will be able to continue enjoying himself soon when the Grouse and Deer shooting season opens.

People close to the prince said that he will be taking more leave from the British Army so that he can recover from this ‘uninjury.’ The average soldier gets five and a bit weeks paid holiday per annum which means that for around 47 weeks of the year they can be shot at, bombed etc., in places such as Afghanistan.

On the other hand Prince Harry, who has taken full advantage of the fun side of what the Army has to offer has learned to ski, fly helicopters and scuba dive and hasn’t been on a full tour of active duty at all during his career in the Army, although it was rumoured that prince Harry was stationed in Afghanistan for 11 weeks.

These rumours are probably at best unreliable because the ‘prince’ would have been a high value target and as such would be a danger to all of the people who served in the army with him.

However the rumours of his ‘selfless service’ to his country do make great PR and the royal PR machine used them to great effect when they they have to cover Harry’s little faux pas, such as his love of dressing up in Nazi army uniforms, calling Muslims “ragheads” and generally demonstrating what a coarse and uneducated mob, the royal family really are!

The Nazi Prince.jpg

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