Oct 072011
 

Recently I had the misfortune to go to Budapest while researching my forthcoming book The Cat’s Travelogue and I found it to be a tatty place, the buildings are much the same as all other parts of the ex Austro-Hungrarian Empire the plaster covering them is dropping at an alarming rate into the streets.

Worst of all the people are not only tatty (they can’t help that can they?) they are the most miserable bunch of scuffers I have every had the misfortune to be scuffed at.

You can read more about Budapest in my new book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ because unlike China, India, Taiwan, Saudi Arabia and a whole host of other depressing and repressing countries Hungary couldn’t afford the ‘sponsorship’ required to keep their entry out of my very revealing travelogue – tee hee.

So with that in mind the sign on a Budapestian Restaurant car park was more than a little confusing as you can see!

A very Moral Sign From Hungary

Don’t forget to get a copy of my latest unputdownable book and chase those financial blues away as you lose yourself in my world.



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Sep 142011
 

Recently I saw this sign in Texas and was appalled.

A New Human Pastime

So I’m guessing that this new human pastime is going to overtake Paintball as the latest craze to get rid of pent up aggression. It seems a shame to me that no one thinks about the kid first though, I can’t imagine kids want to be dented in any way! Not only that judging by the portrait it looks as though everyone wants to pick on the fat kid as usual!

“Shame on you humans,” is all I can think of saying because for once I am ever so close to speechless. Happily I’m not completely speechless but when you think about it for me criticising humans is rather counter productive when one is trying to sell them one’s book, which you can get here Amazon.com and of course here on my www – Wickedly Wonderful Website www.thecatsdiary.com isn’t it?

So with the above in mind I think I will do what a lot of people have asked me to do over the years and shut the ‘f’ up. Personally I am still trying to work out what the ‘f’ in the last sentence stands for? To be honest it has always puzzled me. If any nice blog reader would be kind enough to tell me what the ‘f’ means in ‘shut the ‘f’ up’ I would be delighted to hear from them.

Maybe it’s a term of speech which I could use more often in my writing and indeed everyday life.

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Jun 142011
 

Dead Rats Old
I thought I would share a couple of photographs which I took when I was in Paris the other day.

Etablissements Julien Aurouze, Paris is an odd little shop as you can see from the display in the window they sell Rat traps and all sorts of other things that snap and dispatch the furry kind such as gulp yours truly.

As you can see from their window display of far too many dead Rats the stuff they sell does seem to work all too well.

Mind you for those of you who are like me and have a delicate constitution to match their stomach I can tell you happily that the rats in the window are preserved Rats and have been on display since 1925.

It’s a bit worrying that they look so fresh until you realise that Madam Tussaud was born in the neighbourhood and look what she has done to major and minor celebrities.

Some say that the shop was featured in the Disney movie Ratatoullie maybe one of my clever readers could say whether that is true or not because of course I don’t watch movies about Rats or Dogs for that matter so I don’t know if that is the truth.

Dead Rats Colour

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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May 242011
 

My dear lovely cuddly readers I am afraid that I have to insist that you watch the ‘Ultimate Dog Tease video which I have just put up on my www – wickedly wonderful website.

To make it really very easy for you I have added a link that will whisk you to the correct page here Ultimate Dog Tease.

This video is not only one of the funniest videos I have seen it makes even the hardest hearted Cat feel sorry for at least one dog in the world.

Dog Tease

Who’d have thought that one day I would say “poor Doggie?”


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle

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Apr 152011
 

Signs sometimes don’t mean what they say but they can be a lot of fun all the same!

Be brave Butt It Will Hurt



About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 132011
 

So yesterday April 12th was International Day for Street Children and I bet you didn’t notice! I have to say that I didn’t and sadly I rather think that the title ‘International Day for Street Children’ isn’t going to help it catch on in the public imagination or indeed be remembered – it isn’t like ‘President’s Day,”Thanksgiving’ or the dreaded ‘Tax Day’ is it?

What made me sadder was the small amount of publicity about the ‘event’ and that it seemed to focus just on two cities full of street children because there are so many all over the world.

The cities mentioned were no surprise to this Cat because he has visited both while writing his next book a ‘Travelogue’ they might surprise you though – well one anyway.

The first city featured in the ‘International Day for Street Children’ launch – this is the first International Day for Street Children actually – was the filthy slum called Delhi.

No surprises there of course Delhi is a dreadful place, the super rich Indians and the caste system conspire against most of the citizens of Delhi and indeed India in general; add to that the fact that the Indian government is one of the most corrupt in the world and you have the perfect place to have poverty and everything that is so err…’Indian.’

Street Kid Delhi

Of course you are going to get street children and there is no point embarrassing Indians and speaking out loud about it because they not only have the ex-empire to blame instead of themselves they also have been net beneficiaries of enormous amounts of charity cash to help them sort out problems like street children and they haven’t managed yet.

What was surprising was to see photographs, in the launch pack, of street children in Glasgow Scotland, part of Great Britain a country, which is supposed to be one of the most developed and prosperous countries on the planet who ‘graciously’ gives aid to China and India and other countries and is spending over 100 million pounds sterling on a royal wedding.

What a silly little pompous country Great Britain is if it is more concerned about keeping up appearances than attending to the needs of its children!

Street Kid Glasgow

Now correct me if I am wrong but if the bride in the royal wedding just bought just one wedding dress instead of the three, yes three wedding dresses that she is supposed to have bought and gave the rest of the money to Glasgow’s street kids then they could probably have a few hot meals and if the dreadful royal family paid for the wedding instead of the british public then the 100 million or so which is being spent could do so much good.

What is wrong with Great Britain and its royal family if they don’t understand that? Maybe they don’t know that the once ‘great’ Britain has more poverty than Russia according to the CIA fact book!

Lastly and I had to smile inwardly here, the organisers of the International Day for Street Children presented an expensively produced video of the kids in Delhi where as the poor kids in Glasgow only merited a slideshow!



About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 072011
 

This nice little sign was above the front seat of a train I was travelling on in Thailand while researching my latest blockbuster of a book, which is due out soon, in fact I’ll be able to tell you when as soon as my agent and publisher sober up, they’ve been celebrating ever since they read it – apparently I am going to be as big as J. K. Rowling but they didn’t specify which bit of J. K. Rowling I was going to be as big as if you see what I mean!

Save Monks Legs

I think it is quite nice that you can save a Monk’s legs don’t you? Although I thought that Monks were supposed to be able to endure long periods of discomfort like err… standing and stuff, but I suppose I have watched too many Shaolin type movies, or maybe the Monks in Thailand are just not very strong.

There was one other thing that struck me about the sign – how many Monks are you supposed to offer the seat to? I asked around and no one seemed to know, but then as I was speaking English and they were speaking Thai which believe it or not doubles as a cuisine I don’t think they understood me.

You know Thai must be a very complicated language if you can use it as a cuisine too – just a thought!

Actually I have to say that the record of my trip through Thailand and indeed one or two other countries won’t be recorded in my forthcoming and soon to be blockbusting Travelogue because the ‘authorities’ there read the chapter devoted to Thailand and very graciously supplied an awful lot of cash to ‘persuade’ me to not include the chapter in my Travelogue.

Of course this clever cat isn’t dumb and Thailand together with the other countries are obligated to keep up the exorbitant (their choice of words not mine) monthly charges or I will publish a second and more complete edition of this explosive (in every way) book.

Its not really a Travelogue Too Far but it is “wicked” as my agent who seems to act as though she is 12 most of the time said.

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