Apr 042011
 

If you read my blog the other day and have been worrying about Kitty the ex-library Cat I have some more news and I can happily say that the news is good.

There is a happy ending to the sad tale of Kitty the ex-library Cat and if you are sitting comfortably I will begin.

After the Musser Public library decided that Kitty didn’t have a future with the library service Kitty’s prospects looked grim. Like any other stray she was destined for a shelter, a place where all too many Cats end up through no fault of their own in fact, there is usually a human holding a smoking gun in the background somewhere I hasten to mention.

But happily The Cat can tell you that Kitty’s fate was not the same as 70 million or so feral or stray Cats that live rough in the US (according to the ASPCA www.aspca.org www.aspca.org) a nice kind lady was reading the ‘Muscatine Journal’ a local newspaper that carried the story and she has offered Kitty and her fleas a home.

For the moment Kitty is at her new home hiding under the sofa, probably trying to work out where everything went wrong, but she has a new family who will love her and hopefully feed her Prawns regularly if not hourly and it won’t be long until she is leaping from one piece of furniture to another and mounting expeditions to climb the front room curtains.

Kitty No Longer the Library Cat

Everyone here at Cat World and I know my lovely cuddly readers wish this poor Cat well and hope that she manages to stay flea free…sorry had to stop there for a scratch.

…Then another scratch. You can tell summer is coming can’t you!

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 182011
 

Cat: “You’re not only a very good looking Parrot, I am sure that you’re very clever as well.”

Parrot: “Thanks, I think I am clever and not only a pretty boy!”

Cat: That’s what I thought and now this is your opportunity to prove that to the world.”

Parrot: That would be nice! Thanks!”

Cat: “My pleasure, ok, so all you have to do is to get just a little closer to the window and then show me just how clever you are by reaching up to the window catch and undoing it with your beak.”

Parrot: “Sounds like a plan!”

Cat and Parrot


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 122011
 

You have to try my latest game it’s a Helicopter Game that I have just added to the games page on my www.wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com, the lads and I have been playing it nonstop for a day now.

Dave the Cat holds the record here for having travelled to the Moon which is 238,857 miles – ok he’s a bit of a big head, but if it is any consolation his right paw is definitely falling off – no I know I shouldn’t laugh!

Helicopter Game

This is a great game that’s easy to play – well I found it easy and so did Dave the Cat obviously, you just left click to go up and let go to go down.

I hope you enjoy it and do try to beat Dave the Cat’s record by oh say travelling to the Moon and back tee hee and don’t forget you just left click to go up and let go to go down let me know how you do won’t you so that I can rub Dave The Cat’s nose in it – no sorry I mean so that I can let Dave the Cat know how good you are… simply click here Helicopter Game and you will be sitting in your helicopter ready to play with your joystick – now why does that sound odd!


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 082011
 

Well I think that this is good news for Toads – it appears that they are the only vehicle owners allowed to park in this car park who aren’t customers.

Good News for Toads

But then it is such a good idea to have a few ground rules isn’t it – you wouldn’t want drivers in your car park who do this sort of thing, whatever it is – would you?

Not Nice


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 022011
 

Ok so Russia is fabled for its high level of Vodka consumption but very sober air traffic controllers in the cold east of Russia recently claimed that they were ‘buzzed’ by a UFO travelling at 6000 mph – yes ‘6000 mph.’

And (it gets worse) when they spoke to the pilot she replied “with a female sounding alien voice in a language that was unintelligible but sounded Cat-like,” said one air traffic controller who probably needed at least a double Vodka or five to calm his nerves.

The Cat has decided to call out latest extra terrestrial visitors ‘Catliens’ and hopes that they are just a little more interesting and indeed ‘real’ than ET, who made one great movie but was never heard of ever again! Makes you wonder what Steven Spielberg did with the poor little guy doesn’t it?

The speed of the craft is almost as exceptional as the language of the pilot – what a shame I wasn’t there to translate, maybe I will be called into act as a consultant now that would be a nice little earner wouldn’t it – because it was travelling so fast. If you earthlings look here on Wikipedia you’ll see that the fastest manmade aircraft, the rather terrifying looking, Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird #61-7958 set the fastest time every by a man made jet on 28th July 1976 of 2,193.2 mph while being flown by Capt. Eldon W. Joersz and Maj. George T. Morgan.

Lockheed SR 71 Blackbird

The UFO was assigned a numerical code on the Russian radar of 00000 because the air traffic control system could not identify the aircraft and it can be seen clearly in the picture below flying straight towards the capital of the region Yakutsk. On the picture below I have circled the ‘object’ in red so that you can see it easily!

Radar Image of UFO

The air traffic controller told a passing Aeroflot pilot “I kept hearing some female voice, as if a woman was saying mioaw-mioaw all the time.” Unfortunately as you will hear on the video, which I have
posted on my www.wickedly wonderful website’s new video page my new Video page the air traffic controller’s contact with the Aeroflot pilot was disrupted by interference from the UFO as though it was jamming it – ‘da dah da’ sorry that is not a lot of russian ‘yes’s’ it is obviously a musical accompaniment to a significant fact!

Last night there was no comment from airport officials on the Catlien UFO contact, the video or indeed anything but then we were talking to Russians, which is odd because although the video has only recently come to light it was made some time ago (and surely they would have had time to get their story straight wouldn’t they?) because you can’t see any snow outside the control tower windows and currently Yakutsk is covered in the stuff with an air temperature of minus 30C and that is how it will be for eight months of the year.

Of course some experts, and frankly some people who are totally the opposite, claim that it is widely known that UFOs have made contact and landed on Earth but details have never been made public, is this the first time we, the more general public have made ‘contact?’ Actually that would be nice because ‘Contact’ was a great movie and little what’s her name who starred in it hasn’t really worked since, no let me correct that she hasn’t done anything as good since ‘Contact!’

Oh by the way I thought that I would mention that when I do chat to the other super intelligent Catlike beings I will put in a good word for most humans, but of course a Cat has to live (preferably in luxury) and if anyone feels like chipping in with the expenses then now, I strongly recommend, is ‘the’ time because you’ll go to the top of my list.

If you want to know the things I like you could do some research by reading my book Getting Out – Excerpts Cat’s Diary and you can get it here Amazon.com or you could read my www.wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com and of course it should go without saying that you must make sure that you get my next book which should be in the shops very soon it’s a brilliantly written ‘Travelogue.’

One thing I can assure you earthlings of is that, as yet, I haven’t travelled away from our planet, that is the planet that will belong to Catkind very soon of course it used to be called Earth though as yet we Cats haven’t actually agreed on a new name for our planet.

I can assure you it definitely won’t be called ‘Planet Fish’ as Dave the Cat suggested. He is more annoying than usual after eventually grasping the fact that the new overlords of the earth will be err… us and now keeps making buzzing noises and has stuck a wire coat hanger and two knitting needles into the top of his woolly hat and keeps repeating “I am an alien give me your fish earthling!” Then he throws his wonderful toy Space Rocket, which he got here from my friends at Mad Cat Toys, into the air and whistles like a Pig – or is it more like a Banker – I can never tell the difference.

If you want to do the same as Dave the Cat or just own one of these wonderful toy Space Rockets then do please click the little link that rather convenient says “Mad Cat Toys” on my blog and you will be whizzed there to choose your Space Rocket and more and I’ll get a very small ‘consideration’ for sending you there which is nice isn’t it?

Or if you can’t see the nice little logo of a Mad Cat then click here blog.thecatsdiary.com and you will be taken to my blog’s main page and “hey presto!” As magicians say when they are annoying Rabbits – you will see it!

If you want to see the whole Catlien experience do click here and watch the video on my www.wickedly wonderful website my new Video page where you can actually see that the UFO is travelling at a much faster speed than any of the aircraft nearby.

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Feb 262011
 

You can now see some short movies with Oscar winning potential on my www.wickedly wonderful website my new Video page you can use the pretty blue link or click the video screen capture to watch it in all of its wonderfulness.

The Cat's Video Library

One marvellous movie stars my very good friend Jimmy the Black Cat and the other exquisite movie, which I would say has Oscar winning potential written all over it – or would have if my web boffins had let me have ‘my’ own way – shows my screen double Lupin (odd name, I know but he is German Cat) gate-crashing a German TV weather forecast. Some may call this ‘adding value’ to German TV of course!

As usual do let me know what you think of my blog and also this time if you think that my movie direction has Oscar winning potential, because I would like to add that qualification that to ‘movie star quality’ on my CV. I hope that I will be on more screens soon, but I have already said too much!

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Jan 272011
 

Signs and indeed labels are very important they impart crucial information that help you and I lead a normal life – well that’s the idea!

Sometimes things go wrong and you get ‘slippery pedestrians.’

Slippery.png

Or very strange plants!

Slow Plant.png

And then if you are unlucky enough to be in an Arab country you can enjoy a good dose of what the locals enjoy… oh sorry I can’t bring myself to type ‘Salticrax’ do you blame me?

Salticrack.png

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Jan 172011
 

Mad Cat Toys

Recently I was approached by those ever so nice and slightly deranged people at Mad Cat Toys who asked me if I would consider doing them a very, very big favour and be an ambassador for their range of eccentric and must have toys.

Well I have to say that I liked that idea, first because the name of the company is Mad Cat Toys.

Secondly because they do have some really wonderful toys on their website that I think my wonderfully cuddly readers might just like some if not all of these must have toys, to say nothing of my dotty readers who I know will empty their bank accounts buying most of the ‘stuff’ that Mad Cat Toys have to offer and in turn send most, if not all of it to me, which I will of course treasure always especially if it is one of these rather grand robots.

Mad cat Robot.png

And of course third or what is known here as ‘lastly’ I liked the idea for the simple yet useful reason that they are prepared to pay me a small fortune in hard currency if my dear beloved and cuddly readers buy any of their amazing toys after using a link from my website – yes that is your que to click here Mad Cat Toys and start melting either your plastic or someone else’s!

So if you want to order a toy or toys for your favourite person, Cat, Dog or best of all ME just click here Mad Cat Toys.

Do let me know what you get if you decide to not get me one of the really cool toys, I promise I won’t sulk because I am sure that some nicer reader will send me some of Mad Cat Toys toys, and of course do let me know what you think of them, if you get a Robot we could have races couldn’t we!

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Jan 142011
 

The Cat would like to say a big hello to everyone who was lucky enough to get a nice shiny e-reader for Christmas and extend that very big hello to everyone who got an Apple iPad too.

Just out of interest how many iPad owners are on their second one after their first dreadfully assembled thing broke? Ok! And now how many are on their third iPad? Proving that the bloody Chinese can’t ‘make’ anything properly! Lastly who, like me, are on their fourth iPad proving that Monkeys could make better iPads than the Chinese and that not only do I have a lot of patience but so do the people at the Apple Centre. Of course this is the worst type of indictment against having anything what so ever made in China – we have to stop this nonsense demand that your goods are made locally for good ness sake it will be more economic and eco-friendly in the long run.

What is wrong with having things made in Ohio or Barnsley or indeed Prague? Nothing! These days as wages start to go through the roof in China and the cost to the environment of shipping what tends to be ‘broken’ merchandise out of China makes buying things made badly in China a non-starter.

Sorry I interrupted myself there for a moment, my regular readers are used to that and know that I will always veer or occasionally lurch back to the point which is. Hello to all you good people who got an e-reader or iPad for Christmas.

The Cat on iPad.png

It’s just a thought but if you are looking for something wonderful to read on your new e-reader, Kindle or iPad don’t look any further than my wonderful best selling book you can get in all of the usual formats that will enable you to read it on any e-reader, here’s a tip for ipad users – personally I would download the e-pub version of my masterpiece from my website here at my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com for the simple reason that I will earn more than if you buy it through Apple who have to pay so much for dumping badly made Chinese iPads.

If it is a Kindle edition of my peerless book you are looking for then just simply click here Amazon.com or indeed ‘on’ this wonderful picture of me on the cover of my marvellous unputdownable book.

The Cat & Kindle.png

Oh one last thing! After you have read my wonderful book please let me know here or at the Amazon site here Amazon.com what you think of it I love hearing from new and old fans.

If you have an odd e-reader, that is err… how can I put this a little odd – no that isn’t right what I mean is a cheap Chinese knock off of any of the main branded e-readers or iPads let me know if in the unlikely event that my marvellous ebook doesn’t work on your new machine and I will ensure, as soon as I am able, that you have one of my ebooks in the format that best suits your machine in fact I’ll have my boffins on the case as soon as I can.

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Jan 132011
 

Ok I have bowed to pressure from my translator John Woodcock and agreed to tell all of my wonderful cuddly readers about his daughter Jo Woodcock. Jo is on TV a lot next week in the UK and America in the second season of a drama called ‘Land Girls.’

‘Land Girls’ is about young women in the second world war who weren’t allowed to fight but ‘did there bit’ as bravely as any other person in the war by replacing men on the land and then having what appears to have been a jolly good time at the end of a hard and long working day.

If you are interested to discover more just click here it will take you to the BBC website dedicated to the second series of ‘Land Girls’ BBC Land Girls Season 2 or if you are over ‘there’ currently loving the french check out this site for PBS KPBS Land Girls Season 2.

Normally I would ask “what is it with the Americans and the french?” here but I know that not all Americans think that the nation that help cause the two biggest wars ever and then surrendered all too quickly and waited for the English and then the Americans who were fashionably late in both wars to get rid of the hun, but as this is about my translator’s lovely daughter I don’t think I will!

And now for the pictures they are both of Jo the first one is of her on her own and that will help you identify her in the second – I hope!

Jo Woodcock.jpg

Jo and the Land Girls.jpg

Ok so that is enough about the translator’s business here to balance things is a bit about the most wonderful Cat in the world. Err that would be me!

Oh while I think of it – January is a slow month in the retail sector and so if you would like to help out your local bookstore or indeed Amazon.com do buy my book because you won’t only be helping them out you will be ensuring that I have one or two little home comforts and that surely will make you feel all warm inside won’t it?

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle.png

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