Apr 132011
 

So yesterday April 12th was International Day for Street Children and I bet you didn’t notice! I have to say that I didn’t and sadly I rather think that the title ‘International Day for Street Children’ isn’t going to help it catch on in the public imagination or indeed be remembered – it isn’t like ‘President’s Day,”Thanksgiving’ or the dreaded ‘Tax Day’ is it?

What made me sadder was the small amount of publicity about the ‘event’ and that it seemed to focus just on two cities full of street children because there are so many all over the world.

The cities mentioned were no surprise to this Cat because he has visited both while writing his next book a ‘Travelogue’ they might surprise you though – well one anyway.

The first city featured in the ‘International Day for Street Children’ launch – this is the first International Day for Street Children actually – was the filthy slum called Delhi.

No surprises there of course Delhi is a dreadful place, the super rich Indians and the caste system conspire against most of the citizens of Delhi and indeed India in general; add to that the fact that the Indian government is one of the most corrupt in the world and you have the perfect place to have poverty and everything that is so err…’Indian.’

Street Kid Delhi

Of course you are going to get street children and there is no point embarrassing Indians and speaking out loud about it because they not only have the ex-empire to blame instead of themselves they also have been net beneficiaries of enormous amounts of charity cash to help them sort out problems like street children and they haven’t managed yet.

What was surprising was to see photographs, in the launch pack, of street children in Glasgow Scotland, part of Great Britain a country, which is supposed to be one of the most developed and prosperous countries on the planet who ‘graciously’ gives aid to China and India and other countries and is spending over 100 million pounds sterling on a royal wedding.

What a silly little pompous country Great Britain is if it is more concerned about keeping up appearances than attending to the needs of its children!

Street Kid Glasgow

Now correct me if I am wrong but if the bride in the royal wedding just bought just one wedding dress instead of the three, yes three wedding dresses that she is supposed to have bought and gave the rest of the money to Glasgow’s street kids then they could probably have a few hot meals and if the dreadful royal family paid for the wedding instead of the british public then the 100 million or so which is being spent could do so much good.

What is wrong with Great Britain and its royal family if they don’t understand that? Maybe they don’t know that the once ‘great’ Britain has more poverty than Russia according to the CIA fact book!

Lastly and I had to smile inwardly here, the organisers of the International Day for Street Children presented an expensively produced video of the kids in Delhi where as the poor kids in Glasgow only merited a slideshow!



About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Apr 082011
 

As you know I am a great lover of Prawns and indeed probably one of the world’s greatest experts on eating the tasty little devils but none of this helps me when I have to deal with my translator John Woodcock even though I have heard a lot of people call him a Prawn, mainly behind his back I have to say because he can be an ugly brute!

Oddly enough my translator John Woodcock has a wonderful and very good looking and talented daughter who is an actress and almost as famous as me Jo Woodcock is also very kind and sent me this picture of herself which she produced when tinkering with Photoshop. I have a feeling that she would rather like to play Disney’s The Little Mermaid.

As my cuddly readers are all so nice and often not only comment on just how wonderful my book “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” is but have also have indeed demonstrated how much they like it by buying thousands of them I thought I would share the picture with them so here it is!

Jo in a Reef

There’s only one thing wrong with this picture to my way of thinking and that is the total, utter and complete lack of Prawns and that is a shame, Prawns are nice crunchy little fellows who have the ability to brighten even the dreariest day.

Still there are three Clown Fish in it and they seem rather nice, personally I haven’t had the opportunity to eat Clown Fish so if any of my readers have beaten me to it and tucked in to Clown Fish do please let me know what they’re like.

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Apr 042011
 

If you read my blog the other day and have been worrying about Kitty the ex-library Cat I have some more news and I can happily say that the news is good.

There is a happy ending to the sad tale of Kitty the ex-library Cat and if you are sitting comfortably I will begin.

After the Musser Public library decided that Kitty didn’t have a future with the library service Kitty’s prospects looked grim. Like any other stray she was destined for a shelter, a place where all too many Cats end up through no fault of their own in fact, there is usually a human holding a smoking gun in the background somewhere I hasten to mention.

But happily The Cat can tell you that Kitty’s fate was not the same as 70 million or so feral or stray Cats that live rough in the US (according to the ASPCA www.aspca.org www.aspca.org) a nice kind lady was reading the ‘Muscatine Journal’ a local newspaper that carried the story and she has offered Kitty and her fleas a home.

For the moment Kitty is at her new home hiding under the sofa, probably trying to work out where everything went wrong, but she has a new family who will love her and hopefully feed her Prawns regularly if not hourly and it won’t be long until she is leaping from one piece of furniture to another and mounting expeditions to climb the front room curtains.

Kitty No Longer the Library Cat

Everyone here at Cat World and I know my lovely cuddly readers wish this poor Cat well and hope that she manages to stay flea free…sorry had to stop there for a scratch.

…Then another scratch. You can tell summer is coming can’t you!

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 312011
 

It was a great idea, to have a Cat in a library, the staff loved it, the kids loved it, the PR people reveled in it and I hear tell that ‘Kitty the Library Cat’ didn’t mind being a library cat at all. In fact after a hard day sleeping, being petted and performing the occasional death defying leap from one bookcase to another Kitty believed that she had made her contribution to society.

All of that sadly has come to an abrupt end. After just a few months as the official library Cat at the Musser Public library in Muscatine, Iowa ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ has been told that her services are no longer needed.

At first ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ was heartbroken and when she tearfully enquired why she was being let go she became very embarrassed when she heard that she was getting her pink slip because of an ‘infestation.’

‘Kitty the ex-library Cat,’ like all Cats, occasionally plays host to a few hundred free loaders, humans call them fleas. And just because ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ had one or two fleas the library decided enough was enough.

Personally this Cat would like to bet that ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ was flea free before she went to work at the library, after all it winter was just ending when she signed on and we all know that fleas don’t live on Cats in the winter they hop off don’t they.

One of the places that fleas like to hop off to in the winter if they can is public place that has good heating. It’s like when Grandma and Grandpa go down to Palm Desert for the winter. Now correct me if I am wrong but aren’t libraries rather toasty in the winter?

I think that ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’ should chat to a lawyer in my opinion she has a case for compensation here. Does anyone know a good bar or barrack room where we can find a lawyer for Kitty; if you do please let me know.

Kitty No Longer the Library Cat

One of ‘Kitty the ex-library Cat’s’ favourite books, I am happy to say, is my book the very wonderful and extremely funny work of genius that represents the pinnacle of feline literature. (Until my next is published book of course).

You can see for yourself if Kitty has great taste in feline literature by getting my amazing book “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” at your local bookstore, or indeed here at my www – wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or here at good old Amazon.com Amazon.com.

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Mar 182011
 

Cat: “You’re not only a very good looking Parrot, I am sure that you’re very clever as well.”

Parrot: “Thanks, I think I am clever and not only a pretty boy!”

Cat: That’s what I thought and now this is your opportunity to prove that to the world.”

Parrot: That would be nice! Thanks!”

Cat: “My pleasure, ok, so all you have to do is to get just a little closer to the window and then show me just how clever you are by reaching up to the window catch and undoing it with your beak.”

Parrot: “Sounds like a plan!”

Cat and Parrot


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 162011
 

You probably won’t find my book store and that is a shame, but as the name of the shop suggests it is not the ‘right’ sort of book store.

Poor Wong

Poor Wong – he doesn’t have a great name does he?

The good news is that you can get my wonderful book here Amazon.com and as a matter of fact here as well www.thecatsdiary.com at my store on my www.wickedly wonderful website!

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Mar 122011
 

You have to try my latest game it’s a Helicopter Game that I have just added to the games page on my www.wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com, the lads and I have been playing it nonstop for a day now.

Dave the Cat holds the record here for having travelled to the Moon which is 238,857 miles – ok he’s a bit of a big head, but if it is any consolation his right paw is definitely falling off – no I know I shouldn’t laugh!

Helicopter Game

This is a great game that’s easy to play – well I found it easy and so did Dave the Cat obviously, you just left click to go up and let go to go down.

I hope you enjoy it and do try to beat Dave the Cat’s record by oh say travelling to the Moon and back tee hee and don’t forget you just left click to go up and let go to go down let me know how you do won’t you so that I can rub Dave The Cat’s nose in it – no sorry I mean so that I can let Dave the Cat know how good you are… simply click here Helicopter Game and you will be sitting in your helicopter ready to play with your joystick – now why does that sound odd!


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 082011
 

Well I think that this is good news for Toads – it appears that they are the only vehicle owners allowed to park in this car park who aren’t customers.

Good News for Toads

But then it is such a good idea to have a few ground rules isn’t it – you wouldn’t want drivers in your car park who do this sort of thing, whatever it is – would you?

Not Nice


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 022011
 

Ok so Russia is fabled for its high level of Vodka consumption but very sober air traffic controllers in the cold east of Russia recently claimed that they were ‘buzzed’ by a UFO travelling at 6000 mph – yes ‘6000 mph.’

And (it gets worse) when they spoke to the pilot she replied “with a female sounding alien voice in a language that was unintelligible but sounded Cat-like,” said one air traffic controller who probably needed at least a double Vodka or five to calm his nerves.

The Cat has decided to call out latest extra terrestrial visitors ‘Catliens’ and hopes that they are just a little more interesting and indeed ‘real’ than ET, who made one great movie but was never heard of ever again! Makes you wonder what Steven Spielberg did with the poor little guy doesn’t it?

The speed of the craft is almost as exceptional as the language of the pilot – what a shame I wasn’t there to translate, maybe I will be called into act as a consultant now that would be a nice little earner wouldn’t it – because it was travelling so fast. If you earthlings look here on Wikipedia you’ll see that the fastest manmade aircraft, the rather terrifying looking, Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird #61-7958 set the fastest time every by a man made jet on 28th July 1976 of 2,193.2 mph while being flown by Capt. Eldon W. Joersz and Maj. George T. Morgan.

Lockheed SR 71 Blackbird

The UFO was assigned a numerical code on the Russian radar of 00000 because the air traffic control system could not identify the aircraft and it can be seen clearly in the picture below flying straight towards the capital of the region Yakutsk. On the picture below I have circled the ‘object’ in red so that you can see it easily!

Radar Image of UFO

The air traffic controller told a passing Aeroflot pilot “I kept hearing some female voice, as if a woman was saying mioaw-mioaw all the time.” Unfortunately as you will hear on the video, which I have
posted on my www.wickedly wonderful website’s new video page my new Video page the air traffic controller’s contact with the Aeroflot pilot was disrupted by interference from the UFO as though it was jamming it – ‘da dah da’ sorry that is not a lot of russian ‘yes’s’ it is obviously a musical accompaniment to a significant fact!

Last night there was no comment from airport officials on the Catlien UFO contact, the video or indeed anything but then we were talking to Russians, which is odd because although the video has only recently come to light it was made some time ago (and surely they would have had time to get their story straight wouldn’t they?) because you can’t see any snow outside the control tower windows and currently Yakutsk is covered in the stuff with an air temperature of minus 30C and that is how it will be for eight months of the year.

Of course some experts, and frankly some people who are totally the opposite, claim that it is widely known that UFOs have made contact and landed on Earth but details have never been made public, is this the first time we, the more general public have made ‘contact?’ Actually that would be nice because ‘Contact’ was a great movie and little what’s her name who starred in it hasn’t really worked since, no let me correct that she hasn’t done anything as good since ‘Contact!’

Oh by the way I thought that I would mention that when I do chat to the other super intelligent Catlike beings I will put in a good word for most humans, but of course a Cat has to live (preferably in luxury) and if anyone feels like chipping in with the expenses then now, I strongly recommend, is ‘the’ time because you’ll go to the top of my list.

If you want to know the things I like you could do some research by reading my book Getting Out – Excerpts Cat’s Diary and you can get it here Amazon.com or you could read my www.wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com and of course it should go without saying that you must make sure that you get my next book which should be in the shops very soon it’s a brilliantly written ‘Travelogue.’

One thing I can assure you earthlings of is that, as yet, I haven’t travelled away from our planet, that is the planet that will belong to Catkind very soon of course it used to be called Earth though as yet we Cats haven’t actually agreed on a new name for our planet.

I can assure you it definitely won’t be called ‘Planet Fish’ as Dave the Cat suggested. He is more annoying than usual after eventually grasping the fact that the new overlords of the earth will be err… us and now keeps making buzzing noises and has stuck a wire coat hanger and two knitting needles into the top of his woolly hat and keeps repeating “I am an alien give me your fish earthling!” Then he throws his wonderful toy Space Rocket, which he got here from my friends at Mad Cat Toys, into the air and whistles like a Pig – or is it more like a Banker – I can never tell the difference.

If you want to do the same as Dave the Cat or just own one of these wonderful toy Space Rockets then do please click the little link that rather convenient says “Mad Cat Toys” on my blog and you will be whizzed there to choose your Space Rocket and more and I’ll get a very small ‘consideration’ for sending you there which is nice isn’t it?

Or if you can’t see the nice little logo of a Mad Cat then click here blog.thecatsdiary.com and you will be taken to my blog’s main page and “hey presto!” As magicians say when they are annoying Rabbits – you will see it!

If you want to see the whole Catlien experience do click here and watch the video on my www.wickedly wonderful website my new Video page where you can actually see that the UFO is travelling at a much faster speed than any of the aircraft nearby.

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Feb 262011
 

You can now see some short movies with Oscar winning potential on my www.wickedly wonderful website my new Video page you can use the pretty blue link or click the video screen capture to watch it in all of its wonderfulness.

The Cat's Video Library

One marvellous movie stars my very good friend Jimmy the Black Cat and the other exquisite movie, which I would say has Oscar winning potential written all over it – or would have if my web boffins had let me have ‘my’ own way – shows my screen double Lupin (odd name, I know but he is German Cat) gate-crashing a German TV weather forecast. Some may call this ‘adding value’ to German TV of course!

As usual do let me know what you think of my blog and also this time if you think that my movie direction has Oscar winning potential, because I would like to add that qualification that to ‘movie star quality’ on my CV. I hope that I will be on more screens soon, but I have already said too much!

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