Mar 082011
 

Well I think that this is good news for Toads – it appears that they are the only vehicle owners allowed to park in this car park who aren’t customers.

Good News for Toads

But then it is such a good idea to have a few ground rules isn’t it – you wouldn’t want drivers in your car park who do this sort of thing, whatever it is – would you?

Not Nice


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mar 022011
 

Ok so Russia is fabled for its high level of Vodka consumption but very sober air traffic controllers in the cold east of Russia recently claimed that they were ‘buzzed’ by a UFO travelling at 6000 mph – yes ‘6000 mph.’

And (it gets worse) when they spoke to the pilot she replied “with a female sounding alien voice in a language that was unintelligible but sounded Cat-like,” said one air traffic controller who probably needed at least a double Vodka or five to calm his nerves.

The Cat has decided to call out latest extra terrestrial visitors ‘Catliens’ and hopes that they are just a little more interesting and indeed ‘real’ than ET, who made one great movie but was never heard of ever again! Makes you wonder what Steven Spielberg did with the poor little guy doesn’t it?

The speed of the craft is almost as exceptional as the language of the pilot – what a shame I wasn’t there to translate, maybe I will be called into act as a consultant now that would be a nice little earner wouldn’t it – because it was travelling so fast. If you earthlings look here on Wikipedia you’ll see that the fastest manmade aircraft, the rather terrifying looking, Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird #61-7958 set the fastest time every by a man made jet on 28th July 1976 of 2,193.2 mph while being flown by Capt. Eldon W. Joersz and Maj. George T. Morgan.

Lockheed SR 71 Blackbird

The UFO was assigned a numerical code on the Russian radar of 00000 because the air traffic control system could not identify the aircraft and it can be seen clearly in the picture below flying straight towards the capital of the region Yakutsk. On the picture below I have circled the ‘object’ in red so that you can see it easily!

Radar Image of UFO

The air traffic controller told a passing Aeroflot pilot “I kept hearing some female voice, as if a woman was saying mioaw-mioaw all the time.” Unfortunately as you will hear on the video, which I have
posted on my www.wickedly wonderful website’s new video page my new Video page the air traffic controller’s contact with the Aeroflot pilot was disrupted by interference from the UFO as though it was jamming it – ‘da dah da’ sorry that is not a lot of russian ‘yes’s’ it is obviously a musical accompaniment to a significant fact!

Last night there was no comment from airport officials on the Catlien UFO contact, the video or indeed anything but then we were talking to Russians, which is odd because although the video has only recently come to light it was made some time ago (and surely they would have had time to get their story straight wouldn’t they?) because you can’t see any snow outside the control tower windows and currently Yakutsk is covered in the stuff with an air temperature of minus 30C and that is how it will be for eight months of the year.

Of course some experts, and frankly some people who are totally the opposite, claim that it is widely known that UFOs have made contact and landed on Earth but details have never been made public, is this the first time we, the more general public have made ‘contact?’ Actually that would be nice because ‘Contact’ was a great movie and little what’s her name who starred in it hasn’t really worked since, no let me correct that she hasn’t done anything as good since ‘Contact!’

Oh by the way I thought that I would mention that when I do chat to the other super intelligent Catlike beings I will put in a good word for most humans, but of course a Cat has to live (preferably in luxury) and if anyone feels like chipping in with the expenses then now, I strongly recommend, is ‘the’ time because you’ll go to the top of my list.

If you want to know the things I like you could do some research by reading my book Getting Out – Excerpts Cat’s Diary and you can get it here Amazon.com or you could read my www.wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com and of course it should go without saying that you must make sure that you get my next book which should be in the shops very soon it’s a brilliantly written ‘Travelogue.’

One thing I can assure you earthlings of is that, as yet, I haven’t travelled away from our planet, that is the planet that will belong to Catkind very soon of course it used to be called Earth though as yet we Cats haven’t actually agreed on a new name for our planet.

I can assure you it definitely won’t be called ‘Planet Fish’ as Dave the Cat suggested. He is more annoying than usual after eventually grasping the fact that the new overlords of the earth will be err… us and now keeps making buzzing noises and has stuck a wire coat hanger and two knitting needles into the top of his woolly hat and keeps repeating “I am an alien give me your fish earthling!” Then he throws his wonderful toy Space Rocket, which he got here from my friends at Mad Cat Toys, into the air and whistles like a Pig – or is it more like a Banker – I can never tell the difference.

If you want to do the same as Dave the Cat or just own one of these wonderful toy Space Rockets then do please click the little link that rather convenient says “Mad Cat Toys” on my blog and you will be whizzed there to choose your Space Rocket and more and I’ll get a very small ‘consideration’ for sending you there which is nice isn’t it?

Or if you can’t see the nice little logo of a Mad Cat then click here blog.thecatsdiary.com and you will be taken to my blog’s main page and “hey presto!” As magicians say when they are annoying Rabbits – you will see it!

If you want to see the whole Catlien experience do click here and watch the video on my www.wickedly wonderful website my new Video page where you can actually see that the UFO is travelling at a much faster speed than any of the aircraft nearby.

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Feb 262011
 

You can now see some short movies with Oscar winning potential on my www.wickedly wonderful website my new Video page you can use the pretty blue link or click the video screen capture to watch it in all of its wonderfulness.

The Cat's Video Library

One marvellous movie stars my very good friend Jimmy the Black Cat and the other exquisite movie, which I would say has Oscar winning potential written all over it – or would have if my web boffins had let me have ‘my’ own way – shows my screen double Lupin (odd name, I know but he is German Cat) gate-crashing a German TV weather forecast. Some may call this ‘adding value’ to German TV of course!

As usual do let me know what you think of my blog and also this time if you think that my movie direction has Oscar winning potential, because I would like to add that qualification that to ‘movie star quality’ on my CV. I hope that I will be on more screens soon, but I have already said too much!

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Jan 272011
 

Signs and indeed labels are very important they impart crucial information that help you and I lead a normal life – well that’s the idea!

Sometimes things go wrong and you get ‘slippery pedestrians.’

Slippery.png

Or very strange plants!

Slow Plant.png

And then if you are unlucky enough to be in an Arab country you can enjoy a good dose of what the locals enjoy… oh sorry I can’t bring myself to type ‘Salticrax’ do you blame me?

Salticrack.png

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Jan 172011
 

Mad Cat Toys

Recently I was approached by those ever so nice and slightly deranged people at Mad Cat Toys who asked me if I would consider doing them a very, very big favour and be an ambassador for their range of eccentric and must have toys.

Well I have to say that I liked that idea, first because the name of the company is Mad Cat Toys.

Secondly because they do have some really wonderful toys on their website that I think my wonderfully cuddly readers might just like some if not all of these must have toys, to say nothing of my dotty readers who I know will empty their bank accounts buying most of the ‘stuff’ that Mad Cat Toys have to offer and in turn send most, if not all of it to me, which I will of course treasure always especially if it is one of these rather grand robots.

Mad cat Robot.png

And of course third or what is known here as ‘lastly’ I liked the idea for the simple yet useful reason that they are prepared to pay me a small fortune in hard currency if my dear beloved and cuddly readers buy any of their amazing toys after using a link from my website – yes that is your que to click here Mad Cat Toys and start melting either your plastic or someone else’s!

So if you want to order a toy or toys for your favourite person, Cat, Dog or best of all ME just click here Mad Cat Toys.

Do let me know what you get if you decide to not get me one of the really cool toys, I promise I won’t sulk because I am sure that some nicer reader will send me some of Mad Cat Toys toys, and of course do let me know what you think of them, if you get a Robot we could have races couldn’t we!

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Jan 132011
 

Ok I have bowed to pressure from my translator John Woodcock and agreed to tell all of my wonderful cuddly readers about his daughter Jo Woodcock. Jo is on TV a lot next week in the UK and America in the second season of a drama called ‘Land Girls.’

‘Land Girls’ is about young women in the second world war who weren’t allowed to fight but ‘did there bit’ as bravely as any other person in the war by replacing men on the land and then having what appears to have been a jolly good time at the end of a hard and long working day.

If you are interested to discover more just click here it will take you to the BBC website dedicated to the second series of ‘Land Girls’ BBC Land Girls Season 2 or if you are over ‘there’ currently loving the french check out this site for PBS KPBS Land Girls Season 2.

Normally I would ask “what is it with the Americans and the french?” here but I know that not all Americans think that the nation that help cause the two biggest wars ever and then surrendered all too quickly and waited for the English and then the Americans who were fashionably late in both wars to get rid of the hun, but as this is about my translator’s lovely daughter I don’t think I will!

And now for the pictures they are both of Jo the first one is of her on her own and that will help you identify her in the second – I hope!

Jo Woodcock.jpg

Jo and the Land Girls.jpg

Ok so that is enough about the translator’s business here to balance things is a bit about the most wonderful Cat in the world. Err that would be me!

Oh while I think of it – January is a slow month in the retail sector and so if you would like to help out your local bookstore or indeed Amazon.com do buy my book because you won’t only be helping them out you will be ensuring that I have one or two little home comforts and that surely will make you feel all warm inside won’t it?

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle.png

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Jan 042011
 

Just a quick sign today because i am off to the middle of Europe, have fun!

They do say that you see ‘signs’ that foretell the future in the oddest of places but who would have thought that you would see this one at a junction in Washington D.C.

No Left Turn.jpg

I’ll leave my wonderful cuddly readers to offer an interpretation! This clever Cat can’t wait to hear what they make of this oddest of signs.

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Dec 312010
 

Fireworks 2.jpg

Actually before I start this very brief blog which will probably thank the people who have helped me to become an even bigger star this year and hopefully will propel me to even greater heights next year I would like to qualify the title of this blog.

I do sincerely wish a Happy New Year to all of those who have helped me and to all of those who have starred as characters in my book, my blog and my website and most especially to my loyal and really very cuddly readers who have bought my book but I am damned if I am going to wish a Happy New year to those who haven’t bought my book which can be purchased here Amazon.com quickly if you want to be included in this New Year’s wish.

So happy New Year to Lena, Tina, Tanya, Dave the Cat, Burt the Black and White Cat, Ginger, Topsy, Fluffy and George, I hope where ever you all you enjoy the celebrations and those with fur are far away from the noise, lights and bangs that humans seem to like so much at this time of year.

Fireworks 1.jpg

Now I don’t do this very often but it seems right to sign this blog.

Purrs,

The Cat

PS

‘Purrs’ in Cat language is like ‘regards,’ ‘sincerely’ and the like in human and does not mean as some people think that my name is ‘Purrs’ as in ‘Purrs the Cat.’

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Dec 292010
 

Just look what this dumb Dog did!

Rebel an eight month old German Shepherd Dog was heading for trouble when he decided to check out an interesting looking hole in the wall.

As you can see from the first picture ‘clever’ Rebel somehow managed to squeeze his head into a really small hole in the wall of his garden in Los Angeles, California, and then the curious bone headed bow-wow got his head well and truly stuck.

Dumb Dog.jpg

Unfortunately Rebel’s owner was out and it was only when a friend of the owner heard Rebel whining, whimpering and generally expressing a wish not to have his head sticking out of the wall that he found the pitiful pup, in what could be described as “a bit of a tight spot” he took pity on him and called the authorities.

County Animal Services officers arrived and decided the Dog was not in serious danger and obviously thought that the dim Doggie was making a song and a dance out of his predicament so they decided that if Rebel could get his head into the hole then he could jolly well get his head out of the same hole – with a bit of help of course.

Obviously the County Animal Services officers’ main concern was not to hurt Rebel, with officers on either side of the wall, they tucked in the silly pup’s ears and gently pulled him back and forth for about 30 minutes before they managed to free him.

Happily no one, either canine or human was hurt and as you can see from the next picture Rebel seems to have rather enjoyed the experience, proving that Dogs are really very dumb!

Happy Ending.jpg

Well I don’t know about ‘a rebel without a cause,’ this Cat would say the this was ‘a Rebel without a clue.’

Sadly I have a lot of experience with German Shepherd Dogs and I would caution anyone who believes that German Shepherd Dogs are ‘intelligent’ they really aren’t and the ones that appear to be are pretending I promise, as you will know if you have read any of my blogs, my book or indeed my www – wickedly wonderful website my German Shepherd Dog ‘Ben’ is how can I put this in the most flattering way possible err – ‘challenged.’

If you didn’t get my book for Christmas don’t worry there are plenty here Amazon.com or if you want you can order one from my website here www.thecatsdiary.com.

I hope that eventually everyone will have a copy of my book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and not only because that will make me ‘J-K-Rowling-Rich’ but also because unlike Harry Potter my books will make you laugh and therefore the world a brighter place.

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Dec 272010
 

As the New Year approaches and I complete my list of people who have made my life a little brighter and of course vice versa I seem to have slipped into reflective mode and while there I have been thinking just how wonderful it is to be a Cat and of course in particular how wonderful it is to be ‘this Cat.’

All of which led me to the title of this little blog, in fact to tell the truth I could have come up with a list of 100’s of great things about being a Cat which involve things such as not being a Dog.

But I know just how short the average human attention span is (I only have to look at the average length of a visit to my www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com; and so a list of 10 great things about being a Cat seems about right and better still for those humans still reading I’m going to publish the ’10 Great things about being a Cat’ or indeed ’10 best things about being a Cat’ depending upon how you look at it, occasionally and here as logic dictates is the first great thing about being a Cat.

1. Cats don’t have fingerprints like humans.

Fingerprint.pngAt first if you are keen on the human philosophy of ‘identity’ and ‘self’ and indeed ‘self importance’ then the lack of fingerprints seems not to be an advantage, but if like most Cats you like to go to places that are how can I put this “off limits” then not having fingerprints is a distinct advantage.

Imagine being able to rife an ex-partners apartment and not leaving an incriminating mark! Imagine being able to permanently ‘borrow’ shiny, useful, expensive objects and quickly call them your own. No wonder humans are often envious of Cats.

The benefits go on and on but I think I should stop there and let your imagination take over – I don’t want my nice cuddly readers to think that this Cat is err, how can I put it – ‘has criminal tendencies’ do I!

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