Jan 012014
 

Who are the extra people and where do they come from Philippines

Well talk about a confusing tariff, ok I understand the rates, but why is this hotel offering such things as an “extra bed with person” and then rather worryingly an “extra person.”

I don’t know about you but my first question would be, “who are the extra people and where do they come from?”

The second question straight after that would be, “why do I need an extra person in my hotel room?” And I have a feeling I would have more than a hint of suspicion in my voice there.

Then after some thought probably I would ask, “if I go for the extra person should I spend the extra hundred dollars and go for the extra person and bed?”

I am very confused and it is New Year’s Day, which is not a great way to start the New Year, is it?


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Dec 202011
 

As the title correctly says for a lot of us it is time nearly to slide into some shiny Gore-Tex, sharpen our elbows and practice being rude to anyone who gets in our way as preparation for attacking the nearest ski slope! Or it would be if you are going skiing anywhere that caters for the British and German riff raft tourist.

The areas blighted by these ignorant ski slope bullies include most of France, Austria and Italy and unfortunately a lot of the slopes on the west coast of the US.

If you want a nice quiet ski without being knocked over by some idiot who believes that they can ski in-between breaking a leg then the best place to go is, in my case, ‘local.’

There is of course is yet another reason to go ‘local’ this year and that reason is that a lot of the ‘popular’ (and for ‘popular’ just substitute ‘cheap’ ski resorts where the skiing riff raff assemble to knock each other over on the slopes by day and drink each other under the table by night) don’t actually have any snow – something to do apparently with global warming.

Still never mind about the riff raff happily they won’t be skiing where I am going skiing this year or indeed where we took a little Winter hol at the begging of this year, as you can see from the picture below we went to Switzerland at the beginning of the year.

I have to say that Switzerland is a spooky place. While we were up in the Swiss Mountains we decided to take a tour of the many and various Cheese and Watch factories instead of skiing it is amazing what you will do when you get bored isn’t it?

Anyway we hopped on the Snow-Express which is the name for a little coach tour can you imagine our surprise at the name of the tour company? Well happily though of you who are hard of understanding and imagining don’t have to imagine actually or indeed to imagine too hard because it’s on the back of the bright red coach below.

Swiss www

I have to say that after the unusual experience of our little wwwank-tour we felt rather glad to be back on the ski lifts the next day as you can imagine.

I have to say I love ski lifts, probably more than skiing, well you try skiing with four skis strapped to your feet! Skiing is hard enough to do when you just have the two! Although I don’t like the concept of snowboarding I’ve had a go a couple of times now and think that it’s really a way of getting down a snow covered mountain that was probably designed more for Cats to use than for humans. I took to it like a Duck to water.

So this year when I go skiing I won’t be getting someone to lug all of my skis to the slopes I will just get them to carry my snowboard instead.

Skilift

Although nothing to do with any of the above really, I mentioned that I was going off skiing in the New Year to Špindlerův Mlýn in the Krkonoše Mountains which is one of the highest and the most popular mountain ranges in Bohemia and indeed the Czech Republic’s best known ski areas and a nice group of Czech fans of The Cat who writes blogs made some Cat Cup Cakes just for me, aren’t they nice – the cup cakes and the fans!

Cat Cup Cakes


About the Author – The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Nov 232011
 

Xmas HollyIt’s odd Christmas seems to have started very early this year even before Thanksgiving and that surely is a record!

Still I can’t complain because my wonderful supportive and amazingly cuddly readers both old and new are buying my books in their thousands and apart from saying “please don’t stop,” I would like to thank them so very much for helping to keep a genius of a Cat warm this Christmas and indeed some way into the New Year.

Xmas HollyOf course I would stress that you, dear cuddly readers shouldn’t stop buying my books and that if you can you should buy even more because I have a little plan that I would like to share with you.

I plan to buy a Yacht! Well all sorts of successful people have Yachts and indeed a lot of people who are no longer very successful like poor old Stevie Spielberg who must be tearing his hair out wondering how to get a movie hit.

Here is a bit of advice for Steve – if you want a movie hit don’t what ever you do chose a story that is old and tired and written by a Belgian, oops sorry too late – isn’t the Tintin movie a bit of a Dog?

So what was I saying, oh yes I want to buy a Yacht, nothing too fancy just somewhere to entertain guests and special cuddly readers, sail the world and be very very comfortable – you do think I am worth it don’t you? Oops sorry for the l’Oréal moment!

Xmas Holly

Oh I nearly forgot with all of the Xmas excitement here is a silly picture from somewhere where being daft is being normal – the human world -and in particular Kenya.

Ladies and Gentlemen and all cuddly readers I give you a ‘Kenyan Suggestion Box!’ Isn’t it just the best suggestion box in the world and definitely deals appropriately with all of the idiot suggestions that you get in boxes of this sort.

You Know Where You Can Put Your Suggestions  Keyna

Xmas HollyLastly if you haven’t got the copies of my books that you intend to give as cherished Christmas presents this year there is still plenty of time if you shop at www.amazon.com or indeed www.amazon.co.uk. Just to help you there are some more specific links below, but before those I would like to draw your attention to a book written and illustrated by my translator John Woodcock.

His book is called Trams of Prague Kindle edition and it has been enjoying a bit of success recently. Obviously the tome is not selling as well as Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary or indeed my latest and greatest (to date) book The Cat’s Travelogue but it’s nice to see that the old boy has got what it takes to ‘make it’ on his own without my help, don’t you think?

If he sells a lot of copies of his book Trams of Prague I think I’ll buy him a rowing boat so he can visit me on my Yacht! You dear cuddly readers can help and buy his book here Trams of Prague Kindle edition. I thought I would show you a picture of the cover he is really rather good at illustrating and that’s handy because Trams of Prague is what they call in the trade – heavily illustrated.

Trams of Prague Kindle edition

Xmas Holly

If you need to save time and get whizzed straight to www.amazon.com to buy one or better still multiple copies of my books I have, being a kind and generous Cat, made it so very simple that even a human can do it. Just click one or all of the links below.

Xmas Holly

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Paperback edition of The Cat’s Travelogue at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of The Cat’s Travelogue at Amazon.com

Xmas Holly

Of course I could go on and add more specific links to the www.amazon.co.uk pages of my books but this blog page is getting a little cluttered with links don’t you think? And worse you might thing that I was just after your money, and I promise that simply isn’t true! As I said above I want a Yacht!

Xmas Holly

Finally (honestly), do you get the impression from this blog that I rather like Christmas time and in particular Holly? Well if you do you would be right I really do because it is a great time to buy my books, so what are you waiting for?

Jan 012011
 

I thought that I would start the year with a sobering thought, it’s healthy to occasionally face up to reality and of course to realise that you humans are not the super race you seem to believe you are!

I don’t suppose that many of you super human humans know that the human brain has been shrinking for the last 20,000 years and the really bad news is that this decrease in the size of humans brains follows two million years of steady growth in the size of the human cranium.

Shcool.jpg

And don’t think for a moment because you are a man or a woman or you come from somewhere that seems to breed bright very intelligent people you can escape this problem because the incredible shrinking of human brains is happening all over the world, to both sexes and every race.

Fortunately I can confidently predict that you humans have a lot of time left to be the super race that you so enjoy being but you all are obviously going to have to be careful of a another race that already gives you taller animals a run for you money – The Cat and of course this Cat in particular!

The good news is that some scientists believe that humans will never become as daft as – oh say a German Shepherd Dog.

Daft Dog.jpg

Indeed some scientists have recently said that the human brain may have stopped shrinking and started to get bigger, which is all very well and good for your children’s children’s children but doesn’t say much for the humans kicking around at the moment, which I believe is err one up for Cats again.

There are some exceptions to the rule that Cats are very intelligent and as an example I give you – Dave The Cat, founding and only member of the ‘Bobble-Less Hat Club’ sporting his latest bobble less hat, bless him!

Dave the Cat 2.png

If you didn’t read yesterday’s blog because you had accidentally locked yourself out of your house, unfortunately trapped your head in some railings or had to call out the Fire Department to help rescue a Cat from a tree you probably missed my wish that all my readers have a wonderful New Year so here it is again.

Happy New Year!

PS

First I would like to say that this is the third or fourth ‘PS’ in a row in my blogs recently I think, and that is in my opinion three or four ‘PS’s’ too many but here is an important PS anyway!

The ‘Bobble-Less Hat Club,’ founded by someone who calls himself a friend of mine, is looking for new members and if you are interested in joining then do drop me a line at my usual and of course unique email address thecat@thecatsdiary.com or you can do the same through the contact form on my wickedly wonderful website – www.thecatsdiary.com.

Actually I wanted to say that the ‘Bobble-Less Hat Club’ was ‘desperately’ looking for new members but the founding member, chair Cat and general Dog’s body (a term he still hasn’t quite grasped) asked me to delete the word ‘desperately’ because he thought that it sounded as though the club was having problems recruiting new members!

The founding member, chair Cat and general Dog’s body qualified this statement by saying that he hadn’t had any trouble at all joining this excellent club when he joined!

Sometimes I worry about Dave the Cat and then other times I don’t, those are the times when I decide that he is really happy being Dave the Cat and we should be pleased for him too!

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Dec 312010
 

Fireworks 2.jpg

Actually before I start this very brief blog which will probably thank the people who have helped me to become an even bigger star this year and hopefully will propel me to even greater heights next year I would like to qualify the title of this blog.

I do sincerely wish a Happy New Year to all of those who have helped me and to all of those who have starred as characters in my book, my blog and my website and most especially to my loyal and really very cuddly readers who have bought my book but I am damned if I am going to wish a Happy New year to those who haven’t bought my book which can be purchased here Amazon.com quickly if you want to be included in this New Year’s wish.

So happy New Year to Lena, Tina, Tanya, Dave the Cat, Burt the Black and White Cat, Ginger, Topsy, Fluffy and George, I hope where ever you all you enjoy the celebrations and those with fur are far away from the noise, lights and bangs that humans seem to like so much at this time of year.

Fireworks 1.jpg

Now I don’t do this very often but it seems right to sign this blog.

Purrs,

The Cat

PS

‘Purrs’ in Cat language is like ‘regards,’ ‘sincerely’ and the like in human and does not mean as some people think that my name is ‘Purrs’ as in ‘Purrs the Cat.’

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Dec 272010
 

As the New Year approaches and I complete my list of people who have made my life a little brighter and of course vice versa I seem to have slipped into reflective mode and while there I have been thinking just how wonderful it is to be a Cat and of course in particular how wonderful it is to be ‘this Cat.’

All of which led me to the title of this little blog, in fact to tell the truth I could have come up with a list of 100’s of great things about being a Cat which involve things such as not being a Dog.

But I know just how short the average human attention span is (I only have to look at the average length of a visit to my www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com; and so a list of 10 great things about being a Cat seems about right and better still for those humans still reading I’m going to publish the ’10 Great things about being a Cat’ or indeed ’10 best things about being a Cat’ depending upon how you look at it, occasionally and here as logic dictates is the first great thing about being a Cat.

1. Cats don’t have fingerprints like humans.

Fingerprint.pngAt first if you are keen on the human philosophy of ‘identity’ and ‘self’ and indeed ‘self importance’ then the lack of fingerprints seems not to be an advantage, but if like most Cats you like to go to places that are how can I put this “off limits” then not having fingerprints is a distinct advantage.

Imagine being able to rife an ex-partners apartment and not leaving an incriminating mark! Imagine being able to permanently ‘borrow’ shiny, useful, expensive objects and quickly call them your own. No wonder humans are often envious of Cats.

The benefits go on and on but I think I should stop there and let your imagination take over – I don’t want my nice cuddly readers to think that this Cat is err, how can I put it – ‘has criminal tendencies’ do I!

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Jan 042010
 
porridge.jpg

Did you know that it is Porridge time? I personally am making several gallons at the moment which I did planned to make a coat out of for myself and stay worm because I was told that Porridge kept you warm. But apparently that is not the way to stay warm using Porridge.

You eat it! Apparently! So I have cooked up a batch, it takes several days in the microwave but happily it doesn’t leave a dirty saucepan afterwards.

I cooked and cooked the stuff because i wanted to get to a very cream consistency and had to wait for the starch in the Oats to burst, when this happens Porridge takes on a whole new taste which is very creamy and will compliment the pints of cream that it will be mixed with.

The reason for the big batch is that you can keep Porridge in the fridge for several days and as it is a pain in the “ahem!” to make it is a great idea to make loads.

Did you know that if you suffer from eczema you can help it by putting a couple of handfuls of Porridge in a muslin bag and hang it under the stream of hot water that you run when you have a bath. The water is cloudy and something in it and the Porridge helps to cure eczema.

I have no idea whether bathing in Porridge makes you good to eat though, if you are grown ups you will have to try that one at home.

Happy New One!

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Jan 012010
 
white_big.jpg

So it is only 01 01 2010 that isn’t very impressive is it? Just wait until it is 20 10 2010 now that will be interesting, but frankly I don’t know why!

If you would like to know I have recovered from the noise of the fireworks that you humans let off last night and am now ready for breakfast, I presume it will be something special. Smoked Haddock would be nice and please let’s have it dyed if possible, dyed Smoked Haddock is more authentic don’t you think, if you are eating “yellow fish” then it should be “yellow” shouldn’t it?

Have a good 2010!

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Dec 272009
 
Mince Pie.jpg

Hello all of you lovely humans, I trust your Christmas was good, mine was but I tell you what if I see another Mince pie I think I shall spontaneously vomit and explode, aren’t they nice?

Of course they are, especially if you have made them at home, well when I said made them at home – I don’t mean by my own fair paw, does that go without saying? But I did watch some clowns make them, and then leave them to cool on the kitchen work surface, need I say more burp!

It is apparently the best thing to do, make your own Mince pies that is, “so much better than the ones from the shops because they are too sweet” I overheard, I also overheard the inhuman cries when the humans here discovered that their, now cool, Mince pies had been eaten.

Yes I think I broke some sort of record and managed to eat all of the Mince pies in the kitchen, I have to say I really don’t fancy any more for a long while, hang on what’s this?

I have to go, I have to go I have just heard someone ask “Turkey sandwiches anyone?”

Oh before I go, happy middle bit of no mans’ land between the Christmas celebrations and the New Year!

A Turkey Sandwich.jpg

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