Dec 242013
 

Are you stuck for a last minute present? Well look no further your trusty furry feline pal has the answer for boys and girls of all ages!

Going down big in parts of Germany

That’s right with this wonderful mirror you can do you make-up, shave, trim a moustache, or if you are so inclined invade Poland as a start to a fun packed few years.

I understand it’s going down big in parts of Germany.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams


Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75

Sep 092013
 

I recently went to the old non-democratic part of germany which had in the old days the unusual name of the ‘German Democratic Republic’ and as I ‘love’ germany so much I stayed in Poland which is next door and in the old days would have been a easy swim across the river Nysa (in Polish) or Neisse (in german) except for the border guards shooting at you from probably both sides!

As I was trolling around Poland trying to stay away from germany for as long as possible I happened upon this interesting little snippet on a menu.

The Poles can keep this dish

I like Polish food, I promise, it’s wholesome, natural, and delicious and happily unlike the promised offering on this menu.

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store at last, yes it’s my wonderful first book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ so what are you waiting for you lovely Apple users?

Feb 062012
 

Cat in the Snow

Well it has finally happened, Central Europe, and other odd bits attached to this particular bit of the Continent have frozen solid as the temperatures touch paw freezingly awful parts of the thermometer usually unexplored by us middle earth dwellers and more common in chilly bits of the world like Siberia, Alaska and of course the two all-white bits at the top and bottom of any Atlas.

It’s cold here in Prague, currently it’s minus 17C which is about just over 1 degree in Fahrenheit and frankly though it was colder over night -26C (which is minus 15 degrees F) Prague is on the warm side compared to parts of Bulgaria, Serbia, Poland and the Ukraine which and covered in blankets of frozen snow producing daytime temperatures of -30C the ‘C’ in this case meaning ‘cold.’

But as this picture from Kiev (below) shows, where it was -30C, life goes on as it does around most of Europe.

Kiev Tram 30
Indeed as I sit on the windowsill above a radiator which is full on I can see that the roads here are clear, bundles of people in furry coats are bustling here and there and in the distance there is a Tram rattling on its rails while overhead in the ice white sky there are a couple of vapour trails made by aeroplanes using full throttle to take off from the nearby airport.

You could say therefore that the Czech republic like any other civilised modern country is coping well and still – as the ever awful Mrs Thatcher used to say “open for business.” Imagine my surprise then at the headlines of the newspapers from that most modern and go-ahead country of all Great Britain, ‘Just 3 inches of snow halts half of all flights at Heathrow’ and ‘Roads will be like ice rinks for a week, drivers warned.’

UK Snow

What is it with the Brits? The barometer follows the thermometer down and the whole of Britain comes to a halt and that is in spite of having what I read was “records amounts of salt” (used to clear roads in the UK and also to flavour Chips and well everything edible).

Judging by the reports about the roads and the all other forms of transport I imagine the “records amounts of salt” are still safely locked up nice and warm in depots around the country and have been since early December, in fact just like the Queen who begins her Jubilee Year today, she and other members of the royals who have been ensconced in Sandringham a luxury palace in Norfolk on holiday since the middle of December which is rather nice!

Snow in the UK

Of course you get the feeling that the royals would rather be somewhere tropical but in times of hardship in the UK and nervousness about whether or not someone will give them the latest handout that they want – a new royal yacht – they are keeping their heads down in what is probably one of the best and most exclusive spa resorts in the world, though between you and me I bet the decoration is just plain awful, the royals after all have terrible taste and if you ever troll around a royal palace when open to the public you can see that for yourself.

So instead of spending 60 or so million pounds of a shiny new royal yacht for the monarch maybe the people of Great Britain should spend the money wisely, on some nice shiny gritting trucks and polished snow ploughs and if the royals want to they can drive them when they are not on holiday it might actually give them something to do and let’s face it it will be cheaper to the teach them how to drive a truck than it will be to teach them to drive a helicopter which is what they usually want to have a go on!

And looking to the long term when the royals are taken out of service because of budgetary cuts when the country decides it can no longer afford to keep a kennelful they will have a trade that suits their lifestyles, after all it only snows for a few weeks of the year in the UK and so the job of snow shifter would be perfect for them all wouldn’t it?


About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Dec 012011
 

In spite of protests across the world and in the Ukraine to date, over 20,000 stray Dogs and Cats have been slaughtered Kiev in a misguided and cruel bid to tidy up the streets for a Football Competition the Euro 2012.

After a public outcry earlier this month the Kiev government said it was to stop shooting or poisoning strays animals the authorities claim that stray animals were to be rounded up and taken to animal shelters instead.

Protest

However Judith Pein, of the German branch of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), claimed the slaughter was still happening and that “these killings are directly related to Ukraine hosting Euro 2012.” She also commented that, “stray killing is a profitable business.”

Just looking at the conflicting statements from the government of Ukraine you can see just what a bunch of heartless liars they are!

Ukraine Government Press Releases

November 4th 2011 Kiev

Ukraine to build shelters for stray dogs…

Ukraine will build shelters for stray dogs in big cities ahead of the Euro 2012 football championship, the government has announced.

Alsatian Puppy

November 18th 2011 Kiev

Environment Minister Mykola Zlochevsky calls for end to stray animals’ killing…

Mykola Zlochevsky Environment Minister has called for an end to stray animals’ killing ahead of the Euro 2012 Soccer Championship

To Date the Killing Goes On

From the Docs4Dogs European Network website Docs4Dogs.org

“Tidy streets” for the European Football Championship 2012 in the Ukraine: Stray Dogs and Cats are burnt alive.

Ukraine in the year 2011: In the last few months there have been mobile crematoria driving around in the streets of Kiev and other districts. The driver and his crews’ duty is to kill stray Dogs and Cats. Occasionally, the animals are burnt alive in these mobile crematoria, where they perish with inexpressible pain.

The background of this cruel “cleanup policy” is the European Football Championship 2012 in the Ukraine: The masses of expected foreign visitors shall not be confronted with stray animals. That is the reason why defenseless animals are beaten to death, poisoned, or burnt alive in these mobile crematoria.

The Union of European Football Associations [UEFA] also strongly criticises the public authorities in the Ukraine for these actions, and has offered them a financial support for castrations of stray cats and dogs to enable animal rights activists to solve the problem of stray animals in a responsible and humane way. Until now, the public authorities of the Ukraine have only shown negative reactions towards the protests of animal rights activists: They are putting animal rights activists under pressure by asking them to stop the international protests.

Docs4Dogs

Do sign the petition but please don’t feel obligated to donate to Docs4Dogs (I have ‘cleaned’ their donate button off the picture above). I have to stress that the Cat who writes blogs is not endorsing the work of Docs4Dogs.org in anyway whatsoever just the fact that they, like me, care about the welfare of animals (especially Cats in my case) the only difference is that I don’t ask for donations, I might of course occasional suggest you buy a book, and even use a bit of emotional blackmail, but a Cat has got to live and keep a roof over his head these days because it’s a bad time to be a stray.

Personally I don’t like the in your face attitude of most multinational charities who seem these days to believe that they have some sort of divine right to the hard earned cash in your pocket! Oh yes a lot of them say that they stand for change and then you discover that they have financial agreements and contracts with all sorts of unsavoury entities including but not exclusive of governments.

Finally if you are a football supporter I hope you will ask yourself if you really should be watching the European Football Championship 2012 in the Ukraine when you consider the suffering of in excess of 20,000 animals.

Some of the matches are being played in Poland and there are no Animal Holocausts being carried out in Warsaw or other Polish cities, so if want to watch a European Football Championship 2012 match do please go to one in Poland you may well find that the people there are much nicer than Ukrainains!

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May 182010
 

“Has the Cat got your tongue?” Is like all of those humans expressions about Cats it casts Cats in the role of villain and quite frankly not at all nice.

Why is it that Cats have such a bad reputation when it comes to old sayings or expressions? It is something I have puzzled about when sitting very comfortably and warmly on various human laps and knees recently as apparently the flood water in Central Europe gets deeper and Poland, Hungary and the Czech republic start to drown, but back to that later.

Honestly I have no idea why Cats have such a bad reputation and would be interested to hear from any reader why they think it is the case! Apart, of course, from the reader who asked me why I hadn’t written a blog for a few days and they, in turn, hadn’t had anything funny to read.

Well I replied to them that they really ought to read my book of course book which anyone can easily get here at Amazon.com as if you all need reminding tee hee, and I also let them into a bit of a secret and that is that everyone will soon be able to read my wonderful book on a Sony eReader because those nice people at Sony and this wonderful Cat are going to start ‘bundling’ my amazing ebook with their cute eReader so that you can all buy them as a set if you see what I mean – do contact me for details.

Still the note from my fan did make me think about the phrase “Has the Cat got your tongue?” though, and I thought that I would share those thoughts with you below.

1. What would a Cat do with your tongue or indeed anyone else’s tongue – make a tongue necklace? I hardly
think so!
2. Where would we keep all of the tongues we collect? We don’t have pockets you know, or if we do I have never found mine!
3. Old sayings are as mental as the people who use them.
3. Couldn’t really think of a third point.
3. I think I am a little confused with the numbering system here and anyway I am getting bored with this
list.
4. Dropped off for a while until I was woken up by someone standing up and me falling on my feet (of course).
5. Why do humans stand up unexpectedly when a warm Cat is comfortably asleep on their lap?
6. I may have lost my train of thought and veered off the subject I was thinking about!
7. What was the subject?
8. What am I doing here.
9. Does existentialism have any relevance to the modern feline.
10 My head hurts!

It is so unlikely that a Cat and this cat in particular would want to steal a human tongue that I had to commission an artist to show a Cat stealing a tongue.

Cat Stealing Tongue.png

Artist’s impression of Cat lulling human to sleep before stealing tongue.

One last thing before I go off to find a lap and have a well deserved sleep. The weather here has been pretty terrible recently ‘but’ and it is a very big but just as the idea that Cat’s collect tongues is a myth so is the ‘fact’ reported by the BBC News that the Czech republic, Poland and Hungary are flooded – they aren’t I promise you, so please stop if you were reaching for the inflatable life raft catalogue and wondering if they deliver to Prague. Prague and the surrounding countryside is as dry as a bone, or it was a couple of days ago when I flew over it on my way back from Moscow – the Russian bless them are buying my book now.

Not only that currently I am looking out over Prague from the largest film studios in Europe on a hill above Prague where I can see for miles or kilometres as they say here and I can’t see a drop of water that isn’t in the place it should be ie., the Vltava river which flows, usually in an orderly fashion, through Prague and then down to Slovakia where it is given a new name and eventually ends up in the sea somewhere.

Floods.png

Artist’s impression of BBC news imaginary flood water.

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