May 212012
 

If you have read my masterpieces of feline literature ‘Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary‘ and ‘The Cat’s Travelogue‘ you may well be familiar with my lawyer Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” who has represented me as a lawyer, agent, advisor, familiar, confidante, spokesperson, PR expert, investment consultant and personal councillor for a number of years whether I have wanted him to or not and in the process taken what ‘others’ describe as a substantial portion of my income including royalties, gifts, personal expenses for appearances in person or as Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” says is a very small percentage of the whole “operation” bearing in mind what he does for me.

So when I saw the sign below it honestly started me thinking. Are the ‘others’ right or are they as Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” says acting in a “sour grape-wise manner because they didn’t get in on the found floor!”

No one trusts lawyers

So here is a snap shot of my recent thoughts and maybe you can decide for me because I am in two minds which is confusing to say the least!

I’m torn these days, I know I owe Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” a lot because he tells me I do and then goes on to say that if I hadn’t used his personal management company and its dozens of “affiliates,” all of whom charge by the hour, I don’t think I would be sitting here writing this blog because I wouldn’t be the famous and fabulously successful author that I am, but people who I have met along the way seem to disagree and I am starting to believe them!

For example I would never ever have thought that as part of my “disbursements,” Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd’s” word not mine, I had to purchase a “runabout” for him from Ferrari of America so that he could drive over to my place for brunch. And then when I moved to England do exactly the same thing.

But I trust Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd.” He has, like Bernie Madoff before him, done such a lot for me, and as he never fails to tell me there is one difference between Bernie and Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” and that’s true with Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” I get to keep most of my hard earned cash and as Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” tells me unlike poor Stevie Spielberg Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” was able to get most of my money back from Bernie Madoff before “everything started to turn into the shape of a Pear.” And of course for that I am grateful to Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” for that, I understand that Steven Spielberg had to really cut back and sell one of his super yachts and is only left with five of his homes, poor lamb. Still if he made better movies he might just be able to buy a new super yacht but then that is merely my personal opinion.

The reason why I am still not sure if Mr. Todd A. Leibowitz “call me Todd” is to be fully trusted is that so many lawyers, like bankers, politicians and a large number of stockbrokers, investment advisors, and financiers have proved to be, at best cold hearted individuals who are only looking to line their pockets, and at worst are now, after years of being trusted confidantes, being convicted of a catalogue of very serious crimes and going down for ‘stretches’ that are substantially longer than their life expectancy and I am sure that there are more to follow.

Worse still if you are like me just a little paranoid and prone to delusion (I think I might be that unless I am being delusional about it of course) you may be casually reading the UK newspapers and start to form the opinion that there is an awful lot of collusion and conversation between the UK’s ruling party, the Police and some Newspapers with of course a liberal peppering of ‘professionals’ lawyers, accountants, financiers etc., involved all of which is very worrying.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Nov 222011
 

Oldham s Sign Erection Crew Visit Leeds

The lads and possibly lasses (in this politically correct world we live in) of the Oldham road sign erection crew have struck again, but this time you have to go to Leeds to see this marvellous example of the sort of careful workmanship and workwomanship (in this politically correct world we live in).

Their work is a fine example of the type of British craftsmanship and craftswomanship (of course) that David Cameron and all of the other deluded British politicians believe is going to make the UK a world power once again, to say nothing of ensuring that everyone has nice shiny shoes and all the trains not only run on time but are clean! Isn’t it great to ‘believe?’

If you don’t remember the fine example of Oldham’s road sign erection crew’s work from my previous blog here is an example as published by the Cat who writes Blogs i.e. me just before my birthday on November 14th.

If You want Craftsmanship don t go to Oldham

Of course if you missed my birthday you will be pleased to hear that I have no problem with presents, cards and cash arriving late, in fact I have said on any number of occasions that I am just like a politician in this respect – open to ‘presents’ at any time during the year!

Of course if you don’t remember when Oldham’s sign erection crew last struck just click here, aren’t they clever?

Don’t forget that the holidays are upon us, Thanksgiving in just a day or so away and Christmas as usual is lurking around the corner which means that you may well be stumped for what to get the children, the Dog, the family and all of the others that you have to buy presents for, my advice is don’t panic just go to either my www-wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or indeed good old Amazon.com and order dozens of copies of my books. May I helpfully suggest that for people you really like you give both of my books to and for people you aren’t so keen on just the one!

Here are a few useful links to save you time and cut out the hours of concentrated thought that you would normally devote to choosing the right present for everyone.


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Oct 192011
 

The Chinese have been described as really not very nice, they eat Dogs and Cats and recently 18 of them in Foshan city, Guandong province nonchalantly walked passed a small child who had been the victim of a hit and run, first by a van and then a car.

Just the other day two year old little Yue Yue was left writhing in agony in the middle of the road as her countrymen and women stepped around her as if she was merely street litter.

I was going to say they stepped around her as if she was Dogs poo but the stray Dogs in Foshan city are few and far between because they get rounded up for din dins, indeed there have been reports over the last two years that Guandong province diners are running out of their main dinner ingredients because they have eaten all the Dogs and Cats in the area.

So what does a nation that has so little regard for little girls think of women, well as the title says check out the soup!

A Soup Too Far

If you think that the Occupy Wall Street campaigners around the world have a point just imagine what it’s like in China where there are a few very rich and billions of poor who don’t even warrant the attention of passers by if they, like two year old Yue Yue, stray away from their the pavement for a couple of minutes unnoticed by their her mother.

The injustice and inequality that is so common in China is disgusting and has to end – please think about Yue Yue and the attitude of the Chinese to life the next time you want to buy something and if the item is made in China please, please think again about buying it I know I will.

And just before I get off my soap box and have a lie down don’t tell me that we the consumers and voters can’t do anything about China’s inhumanity, it was because of us that China was turned from a mainly agricultural backwater into a manufacturing powerhouse, in 20 or so years, because we wanted so many shiny things.

Well now the people in the towns and cities where we live could do with the jobs and that means they can’t afford their homes let alone the shiny things because they are out of work, so if you buy locally the brand names will get the message and they will bring the factories back to your country.

And you never know we might just be able to send a message to China, goodness knows our politicians won’t they are too busy groveling to them.

May 162011
 

You know the area around Romney and Hythe in Kent, England has a lot of exciting things to see if you are thinking of a family holiday in the UK because the government have taken all of your money and you can’t afford to go somewhere really nice like err… Spain or where the bankers and the politicians who created your newly found poverty go… the Caribbean.

Still Romney and Hythe has some interesting sights, scenes and sounds for all the family.

First of all there is the Royal Military Canal a long flat waterway built for use during the Napoleonic Wars once captured by the french it would have proved invaluable for transporting men and supplies and creating a much wider bridgehead very rapidly. The canal lies flat in some of the prettiest countryside the flat lands of Romney Marsh so it is best seen from bridges.

Romney Marsh Military Canal

The Romney, Hythe and Dymchurch Light Railway which is the world’s smallest public railway is a child’s dream and starts near Hythe town centre and runs fourteen miles across the Romney Marsh to the shingle headland of Dungeness.

Romney Hythe Railway

Dungeness is home to two interesting landmarks the first is a near derelict lighthouse where unsupervised children can climb out onto a ledge hundreds of feet above the ground and lean over a rickety Victorian railing.

From so far up they can see the coast of France a few miles away, the beautiful Romney Marshes on their left and the enormous Dungeness Nuclear Power Station to their right.

Dungeness Power Station and Lighthouse

The nuclear power station is also of interest to the casual visitor not only because of its location on the coastline but also because it bears a striking resemblance to the Fukushima Daiichi Power Station in Japan. In fact they share the same nuclear reactors though of course currently the Dungeness ones are not in meltdown.

Four miles way lies the hamlet of Port Lympne which has nearby the internationally renowned Port Lympne Wild Animal Park.

If after one or two days holidaying in this area and you do get bored why don’t you pass the time by looking at some of the signs around, like this one and try and work out why the obviously needs to be stated so dramatically?

Romney and Hythe Council s Little Understatement

Oh by the way don’t whatever you do go into the sea at Dungeness or along most of the coastline, the beach drops away dramatically underfoot and so in some places if you take three or four strides into the sea the next one will mean you are completely and utterly out of your depth. To make matters worse usually the sea is rough which means if you are not a confident swimmer you will be in trouble.

Some say that the Kent coastline is polluted and with radioactivity from the Nuclear Power station and the local Water Company’s rather inefficient treatment of wastewater, which at times of great ‘demand’ means that raw sewerage is pumped into the sea so it might be an idea to avoid the coast completely.

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Dec 162010
 

It is worth mentioning, because it’s a compliment that a lot of people give me when they write to me, that readers can never guess what they are going to be delighted by and read next on my blog and I suppose that is why it is so amazingly successful.

This Cat loves to entertain and put a smile on his wonderfully cuddly readers faces and I hope that I always do, in fact judging by the very large number of books being sold around the world, especially at Amazon.com, I imagine that my readers are regularly entertained and recommend my blog, my book and my website to all of their friends.

I know how much everybody enjoyed my blog a while ago about London Bridge and so I thought I would post a picture that the ever charming daughter of my translator sent me recently.

My translator’s daughter is called Jo Woodcock and she is one of those famous humans who acts and if you type in ‘Jo Woodcock actress’ in say www.google.com or www.bing.com you’ll be able to see this picture of her and many more.

Jo Woodcock.jpg

For your information this picture (above)comes from the BBC www.bbc.co.uk and is a still from the series ‘Land Girls’ which is on your screens in the UK soon and on BBC America around Christmas too I believe.

Anyway enough of humans here is the picture.

London Bridge.jpg

When you look at the picture does it strike you that the guy on the left looks as though his batteries have run out and he has just come to a stop people in the street do that a lot don’t they tee hee! I suppose he has stopped on his way to a job he hates and is thinking “maybe I could call in sick? I just really don’t want to spend another eight hours bored stiff when I could be a… professional wreck diver in the Caribbean!”

The woman behind him is obviously humming to herself and, “think we’ll have Shepherd’s Pie tonight mmh lovely that might make Nigel take more notice of me and it is a cheap, filling and tasty meal – oh I am glad I’m not a vegetarian!”

This Cat loves Shepherd’s Pie by the way, especially when it is cooked with beef and not lamb, actually did you know that when ‘Shepherd’s Pie’ is cooked with beef it is known as ‘Cottage Pie’ and when ‘Cottage Pie’ is covered in Cheese (preferably a very orange Cheese like Double Gloucester) it’s called ‘Cumberland Pie’ I love English cooking it’s so inventive without being pretentious like some cuisines I could mention but you all know by now I mean ‘french’ don’t you!

It’s possible that some of my lovely cuddly readers are deprived – and don’t you have to be careful when you type that word? And not adding a rogue ‘a’ instead of the ‘i!’ – and that they might not have enjoyed the delightful taste of Shepherd’s Pie, Cottage Pie or indeed Cumberland Pie you poor things and so to put that right here are some pictures of what they look like and a recipe – yes that is right I am the Cat that keeps on giving! But then it is the season for that and also to be jolly apparently.

Shepherds Pie.jpg

Just think what a change a simple (and it is simple) dish of Shepherd’s Pie or any of its other incarnations will be over the holiday season, when you are stuffed to the brim with rich food and if you have any leftover meat and you don’t know what to do with it you are in for a real treat.

THE RECIPE

Boil and mash 2lbs (1kg) of big, floury potatoes, adding a thick slice of butter and some cream as you mash.

Soften 2 large onions, peeled and chopped, in a little butter. If the fancy takes you you can add a few diced carrots and celery now. Some people also add Baked Beans or peas – basically if you like ‘it’ throw ‘it’ in – within reason of course Prawns don’t work in Shepherd’s Pie – but they really do in the other ‘Pie’ variation on the mashed potato topped theme ‘Ocean Pie’ which is all fish, delightful cod, delicious haddock, wonderful smoked salmon more fish than you can imagine and I once imagined a swimming pool filled to the brim with Prawns – sorry I have to stop for a minute and regain my composure.

Where was I – oh yes – Onions!

When the onions are golden, add about a 1.5 pounds (600g) of minced lamb and cook it until is thoroughly browned.

At this point you can add salt (if you want to), pepper, thyme, a bit of marjoram, some sage and some ground rosemary and dribble one or two drops of Worcestershire Sauce over the mixture.

Next add about two thirds of a pint (350ml) of stock and allow the mixture simmer gently for 30 minutes or so.

When the meat is soft put the lamb mixture into a shallow baking dish and add the topping of mashed potato, dot it with a little butter and bake for about 35 – 40 minutes in a hot oven. You will know that it is cooked when the surface of the mashed potato is crisp.

This recipe will serves 4 adults or one peckish Cat.

Note

Don’t worry about weighing anything or indeed the weight of the ingredients at all this recipe can cope with twice as much meat or half as much, especially if you have a near empty larger/purse and a few vegetables to replace the meat.

Some tips

Here are a few tips to make sure that the Shepherd’s Pie is not just good but divine, make sure that the onions are nicely browned, use cream, butter and milk when you mash the potatoes for a very creamy result and if you fancy a bit of extra spice add pepper to the mash.

If your meat mixture is a little runny either take out some of the stock and make a wonderfully tasty gravy with it or use a sheet of tin foil to catch any drips that don’t bubble over the mashed potato and form a wonderful crunchy crust.

Of course the mashed potato crust should be crisp on top and you can achieve this easily by either pull a fork across its surface to create “furrows” or pile it up into clouds with a spoon.

Truly flexible

As I said above you can use beef instead of lamb and turn the recipe into Cottage Pie. In addition you can add a layer of grated cheese and made a Cumberland Pie (below in a picture I have just borrowed – personally I would add even more Cheese, then a little more Cheese on top of that! But then like most Cats I like Cheese).

Cumberland Pie.jpg

This is a great way to enjoy a hearty meal in these cold snowy days and better still it is one of the ways to help stretch your budget, after the bankers have ruined the world’s economy and the politicians and other idiots have turned a financial disaster into a monetary Tsunami, and to eat heartily but cheaply is not only a bonus to some it is a way of life.

Gosh I didn’t expect to be giving recipes and cooking tips when I started this blog all those ages ago, but then I suppose this is why my blog is so popular I cover all sorts of subjects.

Actually just there is a little example of a pet project I have – why can’t we create a word that combines the two words all and sorts into ‘alsorts’ but I better not get started on that subject!

As usual do let me know if any or all of the above was helpful/interesting – I would hate to think that I was talking to myself and my thousands of fans had just suddenly disappeared!

Author’s background information

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in history, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

The Cat & Kindle.png

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Oct 152010
 

You know sometimes we think in stereotypes, we think it even if we don’t say that – The Palestinians are warlike and don’t want peace, we shouldn’t trust Israelis when they are negotiating at the peace talks, and worst of all we say that all North Koreans want to do is to use their A-Bombs, I know we do that and I admit I am one of the worst for doing so probably and in doing so I hope that I don’t lead too many of my dear fans astray.

It is for that reason that I have added this lovely innocent picture of children in North Korean dancing, they are like all children all over the world, innocent, kind and not one of them is wielding an A-Bomb or indeed hiding one behind their backs.

Not All Nth Koreans wield ABombs.jpg

If only politicians, guerrillas and all of the other people who can ruin our lives at the stroke of a pen or the pulling of a trigger would look at this picture and the hundreds of billions of little ones all over the world they might draw a breath and try things a different way for a change – wouldn’t that be nice?

It only takes one picture, one gesture, one smile to start that sort of thing going I am pretty sure of that although of course Cats don’t smile because it makes us look sinister for some unknown reason.

But then again maybe it won’t because humans are not all that nice. I remember my translator saying that he had his laptop open and it uses a picture of his niece and nephew (who are Korean-looking) as a desktop picture and as a Czech woman who worked in the Human Resources Department of a large English speaking call centre here in Prague she asked “what have you got those on your desktop for!” Prejudice and hatred crop up when you least expect it don’t they?

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May 032010
 
Euro to Use.jpg

It struck me the other day that the Euro crisis (and the Banking crisis before) which is set to completely ruin everyone in Europe and probably bring the rest of the world down as well as one of the largest markets for stuff wakes up and finds that it is out on the street and can’t afford to buy anything, should have a sort of defining phrase.

Catch phrases and sound bites are all the rage after all and it seems a shame that the defining moment at the end of capitalism shouldn’t have a little catch phrase of its own.

So I decided to put the one of the finest minds of the 21st century on the case – what do you mean who? Me of course and I think I have nailed it in one, though of course I do invited my fans and readers to comment with their very own ‘corkers.’

Well here it is I think that politicians and bankers who have bankrupted us can be summed up in one simple phrase pinched (and of course adulterated) by The Cat from Winston Churchill no less:

“So much is owed by so few to so many.”

Tell you what I think I would invest in my the giveaway while any of us still have any cash and if you need to take your mind off the next crisis invest – or is that a bad word these days? – in my wonderful book which you can get hereAmazon.com as if you need reminding! And please don’t be selfish do ensure that your friends and loved ones and in some cases your spouses have a copy of my excellent book as well, it really is an antidote to misery and happily it doesn’t cost a lot.

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